Chapter 16
JETT
THE NEXT MORNING
Race-day nerves mean I’m awake an hour before my alarm is set to go off.
Okay, nerves aren’t the only factor at play.
They’re hardly a factor at all. I had a hard time falling asleep last night and now I’m wide awake, lying in bed and staring at the sunrise.
And all because of Ethan. One cocky, arrogant frat boy and one incredibly hot encounter, and look at me.
All I could do last night was replay our kiss. The mutual hand jobs were awesome too, but it was the kiss that totally wrecked me. I didn’t expect it to feel like that, to blow every other kiss I’ve had out of the water.
Looking back, Renner was more interested in his own pleasure than mine.
I didn’t always enjoy having sex with him, and I couldn’t understand why.
I told myself things would get better, but they didn’t, or that it was all my fault, but it wasn’t.
The longer I was with my ex, the more uncomfortable I felt.
Which is why I didn’t let him fuck me. Ethan’s right.
My body told me something was up, but I refused to listen.
I’m sure as hell listening now.
Only, I can’t believe that my gut is steering me toward Ethan.
He’s persistent, and I’m hooked, giving in every damn time.
I should call it off, cut him off, but I don’t.
I want to see if what happened with him on that trail was a fluke or the real deal.
And maybe I also want to see if Renner was right about me.
Am I a lousy lay? Or maybe I was with a lousy person.
My phone pings with a reminder. It’s time to put my hormones on the back burner and get myself ready for the race.
I finally force my body to move and head for the bathroom. After taking care of business, I shower and shave. My stomach rumbles, so I down a protein shake and shove my headphones on. Music always gets me in the right mental head space for a competition.
Once I’m dressed, I head for the lake in hopes that I’ll get there before everyone else. The walk is quiet, with most students still in bed at this hour, which suits me fine. The air is surprisingly warm today too, like a second burst of summer, and there’s hardly a cloud in sight.
When I arrive at Lake Kinnear there’s a hazy magic to the stillness of the water. It centers me like nothing else. The only thing that comes close is being back home and riding my horse, Whiskey. Early-morning trail rides are therapeutic too.
Stepping out on the dock, I pull my headphones off and shove my sunglasses in my pocket. I soak in the silence, watching as the sky gets brighter and the birds louder as the minutes tick by.
“Hey, you.”
I turn to find Archie standing near the boatshed.
“Morning,” I call out.
“You’re early.”
“I needed nature therapy.”
“Everything okay?”
I nod and make my way back up the dock to join him.
“Got a lot on my mind.”
“Is this about Ethan?”
I pause for a moment and then keep walking.
“Why would you think that?”
“Come on, Jett, it’s me. Hudson and I know you, and we know there’s something between you and him. Jesus, you’d have to be pretty dense not to see the chemistry you guys have.”
“That’s all it is,” I insist. “A bit of college fun.”
“Then why is it on your mind?”
I swallow hard. I’m not sure if I should even talk about this.
“Wrong choice of words.”
“I don’t think so.” Archie shakes his head. “It’s okay if you like him. He’s one of the good ones.”
“He’s a player, Arch, and you know I’m not talking about hockey.”
“But he’s honest about it. He’s not a liar like Renner.”
“I know that, but I—” I pause. “It’s still a bad idea.”
Archie removes his sunglasses.
“That’s why you and Ethan were late to lunch yesterday.”
“Yes. But you can’t tell anyone.”
“I wouldn’t. But I don’t think I have to. Like I said, you two aren’t fooling anyone. At least, not anyone in our circle.”
“But he’s never, I mean, you know—”
“Been with a guy?”
I nod.
“I swore I’d never do that to myself.”
“You’re worried he’s using you and he’ll end up cheating like Renner? Is that it?”
“No. Ethan wouldn’t cheat. He’s too open for that. And he’s not using me. I’m in this as much as he is.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“I’m not sure it’s just about sex,” I admit. “I say it is, and I hope it is, but I don’t know.”
“Look, not everyone is an asshole like Renner, and not every relationship needs to be one. Sometimes it’s good to let go and enjoy the ride.
If you want Ethan and he wants you, and you’re both up front about it, go for it.
Don’t overanalyze. And so what if it turns out to be more than sex?
Take a chance. Maybe Ethan will feel the same way? ”
“Doubtful. Highly doubtful. He’s adamant that he doesn’t date.”
“To use a corny but appropriate pun, I think you’re both rowing in unfamiliar waters.”
Fuck, is that the truth, or what?
“Not to mention, life is dull without risk. It’s always better to jump into the race than sit on the sidelines.”
“I hate it when you’re right,” I grumble.
Archie wraps an arm around my neck playfully. “But I am right?”
“You have a point,” I concede.
“Thank you.”
“And you made it just in time.”
I motion to the crowd of people who are currently headed our way. It’s Lin and the rest of our teammates, followed by the race organizers and the other college crews.
After welcoming introductions are done, everyone springs into motion to get things set up.
By the time we’re ready to go, I spot Ethan and his friends lining up along the edge of the lake to watch. He doesn’t come closer or call out my name. In fact, he doesn’t even wave at me. Which is good, because I don’t need distraction right now.
My crew and I settle into Okto, but when I grab my oar, I notice that the wind’s started to pick up.
I glance around at our competition, and I know we’re going to have to fight hard today.
U Conn’s crew were the national champs last year, and we’ll probably see most of these guys in the Olympics at some point.
Their coxswain, Reese Worthing, looks over at me and offers a friendly smile and a wave.
I nod in response and then turn my attention back to Lin, who’s kneeling by the dock and offering last minute tips.
“Start strong but don’t push too hard on the first quarter. Conserve your energy for the last leg. U Conn and Maine State always pull ahead at the end. You’re going to need to give everything on the last push.”
I take a couple of deep breaths as we get in position and wait for the signal to start.
Iggy pats my shoulder, and I look back and give him and the rest of the crew a thumbs up. “Let’s win this thing.”
“Sit ready,” Felix announces, and I look forward again. “Countdown.”
Kai calls out number one, and then Jackson, and on it goes with every crew member until we’re prepped.
We’re ready to row in five, four, three, two, one…
“Ready all! Row!” the announcer signals.
There’s nothing like the excitement of the first catch: the slice of the blade when it hits the water, setting everything in motion. It’s hard enough for one person to row, but all eight of us at the same time? There’s magic in this too.
The first few rows are critical to define the pace, as we push firm with our legs and our arms, all the while keeping our core strong and steady. Even the slightest tilt of a head or any sudden movement can offset the boat.
“Lengthen!” Felix calls out and instructs us to pick up the pace. “Nice and smooth.”
We push it strong, but like a marathon runner, we’re setting in for a long race, not a sprint.
When we reach the quarter-mark point, a sudden wind gust makes balancing difficult, but thankfully it’s short-lived and it doesn’t throw our entire rhythm off stride.
It’s always tempting to look around to see where the other racers are at, but all that would do is slow us down. Instead, I follow my coxswain’s direction and focus on my job, which is maintaining our pace.
“Work the middle. Work it.”
It feels like we’ve hit the right stride, and with each stroke, I push harder. I grit my teeth and groan. Every part of my body’s on fire, my muscles screaming, but the adrenaline rush makes it all worthwhile.
“Stay with me. Keep working the middle,” Felix repeats. “Work it.”
Halfway mark achieved.
Over the pounding thrum of my heartbeat, I can hear shouts of encouragement from the shoreline. Someone’s calling my name, the school’s name, and I can’t help it, I’m smiling through the pain.
“That’s it, push through! Push through!”
We’re moving at a smooth and steady clip, and I can tell by the excitement in Felix’s voice that we’re close.
“Stay with me,” he encourages. “Take it! Take it!”
The second half of the race is always the most difficult. My body wants to quit, but my brain keeps steering, and eventually I get to a point beyond the pain. The rush is more than exhilarating; it’s an obsession that every athlete knows and craves.
I want to beat our best time.
I want to win this race.
I don’t stop giving it my all and neither do my teammates.
Only a little bit further.
One more stroke, one more, one more…
“Finish strong!” Felix shouts in his mic. “We got it. This is our race!”
I grit my teeth and give it all I can, rocking back and forth, keeping my core strong and my hands steady. Our collective rhythm is so smooth that it feels like we’re floating above the water, not on it.
Hitting this part of the race means it’s time to unleash that final push.
You got this. Don’t stop.
“Breathe!” Felix calls out. “This is ours! We got this. Last two.”
This is it, we’re coming up to the finish.
One stroke, and another, and then…
“Weigh enough,” Felix demands and breaks out in a grin. “We’ve done it!”
The race is over. Holy shit. We won?
“Let it run!” Felix encourages. “It’s ours!”
We take our oars out of the water and relief surges in my veins. I’m panting hard, desperate for air, as sweat pours down my body. I’m going to feel this race today, tomorrow, and maybe the day after that.