Thirty-Seven
Reece
“You never came back downstairs last night,” I hear my brother say from behind me as I sip coffee at the kitchen island.
It’s early, the rest of the house still sound asleep, but I’m restless this morning.
I slipped out of my bed after giving a sleeping Stacy an obnoxious amount of soft kisses on her face to come down and have a moment of peace.
My mind is going a million miles a minute, my heart soaring as I reminisce on last night.
Remembering all the sweet sentiments and the confessions of feelings between Stacy and me is making my stomach swirl in the best type of way.
Not to mention, remembering the multiple times I showed her just how much I cared about her last night is making my gut clench in a whole other manner.
I could fill multiple pages of my journal with detailed descriptions of Stacy Dunn. Her sweet, breathy little moans, the way her skin feels underneath mine, the desperate way she gasps my name before she comes.
Last night, we got so consumed with finally expressing our feelings that we never bothered to return to my living room. Instead, we stayed holed up in my bedroom and expressed those feelings over and over and over again.
My cheeks heat up at Evan’s comment as well as the memories and I force myself to snap out of it before I have to adjust myself in my sweatpants. “Yeah, we had a talk and then, uh, got distracted.”
Evan throws me a smirk over his shoulder while he pours his own cup of coffee. “You dirty dog, you.”
“Shut up,” I mutter against my mug but my goofy smile is telling enough. I can’t wipe the damn thing off my face no matter how hard I try. I’m pretty sure I slept with the dopey grin on all night long.
Evan settles into the stool next to me, his own coffee in hand while he sighs. “So. Stacy, huh?” He grins.
I nod. “I think she’s the real deal.”
It’s the first time I’ve gotten to say something true about my relationship with Stacy. The first time my words of affection for her aren’t shrouded in deceit and it feels so good . Knowing she’s actually mine is sending me reeling, a buzz filling my head that isn’t likely to go away any time soon.
Evan’s silent for a minute, tapping on his mug while I sip my coffee. When he speaks, he sounds apprehensive. “We have to figure out how to make our girls get along.”
My hand tightens around the festive Christmas mug I’m holding, the kind Mom leaves out all year long because she can’t be bothered to switch out coffee mugs seasonally.
I grit my teeth and stare out the window above the farmhouse sink, the golden light of a November morning streaming in and making patterns on the tile floors.
I know Stacy hates Tashia, and if her behavior has been any indication, it’s clear that Tashia isn’t a fan of my girl either. Stacy’s irritation for my ex is completely warranted, even if her behavior isn’t.
Tashia on the other hand…
Her very clear distaste for my relationship rubs me the wrong way.
This whole situation rubs me the wrong way but I’ve come to terms with it and, since Stacy has come along, I’ve started to become genuinely okay with it.
But what right does Tashia have to be jealous over me and Stacy?
She chose Evan. She’d choose Evan every time.
So, why the hell does she have to drive an uncomfortable wedge between Stacy and me? A wedge that I fear will take us a while to work out now that we’re not faking it anymore. What’s her end goal?
I clear my throat, peering down at the ripples in my coffee. “Yeah. We do.”
Evan and I sit in a thick, uncomfortable silence.
Much like Stacy and me before last night, there are a lot of things that need to be said between my brother and me.
Things that I’ve muscled down, things that I’m sure he feels guilty about, resentment that I’m trying to let go of so I can hang on to what’s left of our relationship.
Evan speaks again, his gaze locked on the pale butter yellow cabinets of my childhood kitchen. “Tashia’s got a mild temper. I know you know that, because…” He trails off.
“It’s okay. You can say it. We can talk about it, Evan. It’s not a secret that I dated Tashia.”
Evan chuckles and shifts uncomfortably in his stool. “Yeah, I guess it just, uh… feels like something that should be left unsaid sometimes.”
“Nah.” I shake my head. “If anything, we should know better now than to tip toe around shit. ”
I hear Evan swallow as we continue to stare forward. “Right.” He clears his throat. “Anyway. Tashia’s not a vindictive person. She’s always been so gentle. She’s kind.”
“She is,” I agree.
Maybe fucking my brother behind my back wasn’t kind of her but I’m learning to roll with it.
“That’s why…” Evan pauses and I glance over at him. He’s worrying his bottom lip, fiddling with his coffee cup as he stares at the granite counter. “That’s why her attitude towards Stacy is making me a little bit uncomfortable. It’s not like her and it’s really off-putting.”
“What do you mean?”
Evan hesitates, the silence interrupted only by the hum of the refrigerator. “I think she’s jealous,” he eventually says. “And I know that this is a weird situation and she’s trying to navigate her feelings but, uh…” Evan trails off again, taking a long drag of coffee.
“But what?” I probe.
My brother blows out a noisy breath and finally looks over at me. “I guess I’m worried that she’s always going to be a little bit yours.”
Shock zips through my body at his confession. It hits me right in the chest because, even though what Evan did was shitty, I hate the thought of him harboring these insecurities.
“Evan…” I start.
“You’ll always be the one who came first. You’ll always be her biggest what if, you know? And I know that there’s a part of her heart that will always belong to you.”
“I don’t want it,” I promise.
And it’s true.
A few months ago, the idea of Tashia still being even slightly hung up on me would’ve been a little bit exciting. Even if I never acted on those feelings, knowing they were there would’ve been enough for me.
But now all I can think of is Stacy. All I can think of is how part of Tashia’s heart may always be mine, but none of mine is hers anymore.
Stace has it all.
“I know,” Evan goes on. “I can tell you’re happy with Stacy and I know you don’t want Tashia back but… it just sucks sometimes.”
I clap a hand on Evan’s shoulder. “Dude. She’s marrying you. You two are endgame.”
He smirks sadly over at me. “Yeah, but we all thought the same thing about you two.”
“Sure, but I’m not gonna sleep with her behind your back in a hot tub at Christmas.”
Evan and I both freeze at my forward comment before we break out in laughter. True, authentic laughter, the kind that hurts your stomach and leaves you breathless.
This is the first time I’ve been able to joke about how things started with Tashia and Evan. I feel like I can finally have an open conversation with my older brother and, hell, it feels good.
It feels like healing.