6. nathan
6
nathan
“Nathan, this is good. Really, really good.”
James, my Executive Assistant manager, smiles down at my screen, peering over my shoulder. Okay, he’s a little closer than necessary but I’m choosing to ignore that. I resist the urge to shift away.
What I did wasn’t anything spectacular, anyways. If only he knew I spent most of my morning answering emails and organizing data like some kind of digital butler.
Being an Administrative Assistant isn’t glamorous, but it’s steady. Secure. And in today’s world, that feels like something I shouldn’t complain about. Still… I can’t shake the gnawing feeling that my life is being swallowed whole by something I don’t even care about. There’s no excitement. No risk. But hey, the money’s decent. I guess.
“Thanks,” I say with a smile that doesn’t quite reach my eyes. I adjust in my chair, subtly leaning away. James’s hand lands on my shoulder in a squeeze that lingers a second too long. I swallow hard, my smile freezing in place.
The tightness in my chest doesn’t ease until he finally walks off, whispering, “Yeah. Good job.”
What the hell was that?
I pull out my phone, needing the distraction. Lunch break’s coming up, and I already know where I’m going—and who I’m hoping to see.
Her story is the first one at the top of my feed. A quick tap and there she is: Sarah. Sitting on a café patio with sunlight dancing across her blonde hair, spooning tiramisu into her mouth like she’s in some indie rom-com. She's so damn cute. And just like that, my mood shifts.
“No, no, no.” Before I can react, Theo, Chief Investment Officer, partner to our boss, and, I guess, my best friend, snatches the phone right out of my hand.
“Dude—” I lunge for it. “I was looking at something!”
“Oh, I know.” He raises an eyebrow. “It’s the same old routine: 1. Stalk Sarah. 2. Call Sarah. 3. See Sarah. 4. Cry. Then repeat.”
I groan, scrubbing a hand over my face. “Just give it back.”
“I’m doing you a favor.” He folds his arms like he’s some moral authority. “You’ve been stuck in this loop with her for four years . Four.”
I hate that he’s right. I hate it even more that I know he’s right.
Anyone with a logical brain would probably think that I’m being crazy for still being hung up on Sarah. I know people think I should hate her. But I don’t. I can’t. Not even after everything.
Prom night was brutal. Her cheating on me with Caleb, my so-called best friend at the time messed with my head. Yeah, that sucked. That betrayal cut deep, especially coming from him. But over the years, I’ve made peace with most of it. After all, it’s not completely her fault. Caleb knew exactly what he was doing. He crossed a line that I never imagined he would. She? She got caught up in... him . The Caleb of it all. It’s what he does. He’s the kind of guy people get lost in. It doesn’t make it okay, but I can’t completely blame her.
Back then, Sarah wasn’t just my girlfriend. She became my best friend. Besides Caleb, she went out of her way to make me feel seen. Wanted. Important. And somehow, even after the breakup, that connection never fully broke. After she profusely apologized for what she did, she visited me in college. She constantly checked in on me to make sure I was okay. We stayed close. Of course, hooking up only made sense. She was my girlfriend after all. I’m happy to say she was my first. And maybe, in a weird way, I kind of assumed she’d be my last.
“It’s none of your business,” I mutter.
Theo shakes his head. “It became my business after you vented to me over at O'Riley’s and almost cried to Drake . That was a low point for both of us.”
“Wow. Noted. Remind me to never vent to you again.”
Note to self: Don’t go drinking with Theo after one too many unanswered texts from Sarah.
He softens. “I’m just saying... you’re worth more than this, man. You deserve someone who sees the value in you. Fully .”
His words sting more than I want to admit. Because someone else said something similar once—someone who claimed to care about me before stabbing me in the back.
Theo reads the change in my face and sighs, handing me back my phone. I check the time. Still got a bit before I have to be back.
“Thanks,” I mumble, already dialing Sarah’s number as I pass him.
He doesn’t try to stop me this time.
***
“Come on, you have to try it.” She giggles as she brings the spoon to my mouth, teasing me with the bite of tiramisu. I roll my eyes but open up.
“It’s delicious,” I admit, mouth full.
“I told you!” She claps, then does a little happy wiggle in her seat. God, she’s infectious. I dip my finger in the whipped cream on the edge of her plate and dab it on her nose. She gasps, then tries to lick it off like a cat, making me laugh out loud.
She’s always been this playful. Light. Easy. Like everything in the world could be good if she just stayed in it a little longer.
That’s when I feel it. She sits back in her chair and sighs a little longer than normal. My eyebrows pinch together as I watch her stare off into the distance.
“Everything okay?” I ask, wiping my fingers and leaning in. The patio is warm, the breeze soft. Perfect day.
She keeps staring off for a second, watching strangers pass by. “Why don’t you date, Nathan?” she asks, out of nowhere.
I blink. “Uh… I don’t know. Never felt the need to, I guess.”
“You’re twenty-two and haven’t gone on a real date. Not once.” She finally looks at me. “That’s not weird to you?”
“Well, that’s not true. I date you ,” I joke, trying to deflect. But her expression doesn’t change. There's something behind her eyes. Regret, maybe. Or pity.
She exhales and leans closer. “You should date. Try things. Meet people. Get your heart broken, break a few.”
“Where is this coming from?” I ask, trying to read her face like it’ll give me the answers.
“I’ve been thinking a lot,” she says, brushing her hair behind her ear. “And I care about you. But I think I’ve been selfish. Keeping you around like this.”
“I don’t mind.” I wink, hoping to break the tension. But she takes my hand across the table, and my stomach sinks.
No. No, not this.
“I think we should end this,” she says, motioning between us. “ Whatever this is.”
I stare at her, stunned into silence. My brain short circuits. Words flee.
“W-what? Why?”
“This isn’t healthy,” she says gently. “Not for you. Not for me. You need more than this. So do I.”
“I can give you more,” I whisper, looking down at our hands. Hers squeezes mine before I look back up into her glassy eyes.
“You deserve better, Nathan. Trust me.”
Trust me? I’ve heard those words before—from someone who ruined everything. And now, even years later, Caleb’s ghost is still stealing things from me.
“I have to go,” I say, pulling my hand back.
“What? Nathan—wait, let’s talk—”
But I’m already standing. The heat rises to my face, a boil of humiliation and clarity all at once. Theo was right.
I was never a real option for her. She’s been stringing me along all this time and… I let her.
“Bye, Sarah,” I say, shaking my head as I walk away. She calls after me, but I don’t stop.
I can't believe I just walked away like that.
A year ago, hell, even a few months ago, I would’ve stayed. I would’ve begged her to give us another shot, to keep whatever this was alive.
But not now. Not after today. Not after two reminders—two flat out signs shoved in my face—that maybe I’ve been letting people linger in my life long after their expiration date.
The truth is, it’s easier than I thought to walk away right now when all that’s been replaying is the memory of him and what he did to warp whatever Sarah and I kind of sort of meant to each other.
He’s always been there. In every moment I’ve spent trying to prove I’m good enough. In every friendship I’ve held too tightly. In every time I’ve told myself this is fine, even when I knew deep down it wasn’t.
He’s the voice in my head that tells me I’ll never be more than second best.
The fucking shadow I never asked for.
Fuck you, Caleb.