Kendall
I WAS BARELY able to yank my jeans up to cover my ass and clamber back onto the couch before Benji unlocked my door and pushed it open.
Trying my best to configure my expression into one of someone who was incredibly upset, and not like I’d just received a ridiculously enthusiastic blowjob from the hottest guy on the planet, I let out a pitiful little groan.
“Sorry,” I said quietly. “I was getting up to let you in.”
“No worries,” he assured me, and the look on both their faces was one of obvious concern. “We brought your dishes back,” he added as he lugged the stack of my pans over to the kitchen and carefully set them in the sink.
“Thanks.”
“Are you alright?”
“I’m kind of shaken up,” I answered, quickly scooting over to the end of the couch when Josie started making her way forward to sit with me. I hadn’t exactly had a chance to inspect it to see if Rhys had left a wet spot there, and I wanted to make sure that area was covered. Just in case.
I couldn’t believe Rhys fucking Kensington had actually blown his load in his pants just from having my cock in his mouth.
It was beyond anything I could have reasonably hoped for, even in my perviest fantasies about him.
And I couldn’t even really bask in it because we were, as always, being interrupted.
I was just glad his boxers were thick and his shorts were black, so there probably wouldn’t be a visible wet spot there when he came out.
It wasn’t just about the sex, though I’d wanted to reward him and worship him with my tongue, showing him how much I loved it when he couldn’t control himself and that he never needed to be embarrassed about it.
It was also because we’d only just kind of made up from the stupid argument we’d had.
We’d apologized to each other, but there was more I needed to say.
I was sure there was more he needed to say, too.
Not that I could be annoyed with Benji and Josie, I knew they were just worried about me.
But was it so much to ask that I could have an hour alone with the guy I’d been in love with since freaking middle school?
Who knew hooking up with your best friend’s brother behind his back would be so complicated and difficult?
“Sorry, Keke,” she said as she plopped down next to me, rubbing a hand in soothing circles over my back. “We didn’t even see what was going on until it was too late.”
“Hey, do you know when Rhys left?” Benji piped up, taking a seat in the armchair across from us. “We didn’t see him on our way over.”
“He’s still here,” I admitted, hoping I looked sheepish and not totally guilty. “I was just really upset and I didn’t want to be alone, so I asked him to stay. He’s in the bathroom,” I tacked on, when Benji looked confused.
Sort of the truth. Mostly.
“Oh, alright,” he said, and even after analyzing his expression as subtly as I could, he didn’t seem to suspect anything. Dropping his voice lower, like he didn’t want Rhys to hear him from the bathroom, he went on. “Did it actually help, him hanging around?”
I didn’t need to decode the meaning of his words.
I knew they loved each other, and things were probably better now that we were all adults, but I hadn’t forgotten how frustrated he would get with Rhys back when we were kids.
While I’d been swooning over him with hearts in my eyes, Benji had been scoffing and complaining about all the shallow, judgmental jocks he’d chosen to hang out with.
I had a feeling Benji couldn’t imagine someone like Rhys providing me with any kind of meaningful emotional support or comfort.
“Yeah,” I said honestly. “I think because of… things not working out with his wife, he kind of understands where I’m coming from about the issues with my parents. He’s been great.”
I hoped I wasn’t giving myself away, but if either of them noticed, they didn’t comment on it.
When Rhys hesitantly creaked open my bathroom door and joined us a handful of minutes later, the two of them had already recounted the story of what had happened between my dad and Mr. Kensington, and how their argument had escalated to a point where my parents had been asked to leave.
How incredibly fucking embarrassing. I’d always cringed in shame at my dad’s temperament, how he’d get in public shouting matches with other people in town.
I’d expected people to think I was trash too, since half my genetics had come from him, but truthfully everyone just seemed to feel sorry for me.
“Well, are you feeling better now?” Josie asked gently, after we’d spent a little longer talking about it. “I’m sure you probably want us to head out so you can get some rest.”
It was true, I desperately needed sleep.
And now that anxiety and guilt about Rhys wasn’t eating me alive, I’d actually be able to get some.
I wasn’t exactly looking forward to being by myself, just me and my thoughts, but I knew they had lives they had to get back to.
And it wasn’t like I could tell them to just leave Rhys here for a slumber party.
Like that wouldn’t have looked suspicious.
“Yeah, I’ll be okay. I’ll text you tomorrow,” I promised, standing up to hug her, and then Benji, before leading them toward the door as we said our goodbyes.
Rhys eyed me cautiously as he followed, and I knew exactly what he was thinking. He didn’t want to leave me either. Why did everyone and everything in our lives seem determined to wrench us apart?
“Thanks for today,” I said, giving him a friendly little wave. He cleared his throat a little, giving me a small nod in return.
“Yeah. Sure. No problem.”
And then they were gone, and I was all alone in my pink, frilly apartment.
The sanctuary I’d curated so carefully, craving the queer joy and colorful vibes I’d never been allowed to explore in my childhood.
I never wanted to live in a place where I’d have to hide any part of myself ever again.
And I’d done it. I’d built a sweet little life with a job I didn’t hate and people around me that loved me and supported me. I was safe and happy.
If my apartment felt lonely for the first time ever since I’d moved in, it was only because the ghost of my time with Rhys was lingering around, taunting me with the intangible concept of what could happen between us if everyone could just leave us the fuck alone.
Sighing deeply as I scrubbed my hands over my face, I internally chided myself for having such a mean, ungrateful thought.
I was lucky that I didn’t have much time alone.
I was lucky to have friends and family who were involved in my life and wanted to check in on me.
It was my own fault that I’d been hypnotically obsessed with the same guy for more than half of my entire life.
And it wasn’t anyone’s fault that he happened to be someone I couldn’t openly be with.
Like anything would ever be so easy for me.
I took a lightning-quick shower, skipping nearly my entire skincare routine in favor of haphazardly slapping some moisturizer on my face, and collapsed into my bed. Stretching out, I gave a light groan of pleasure as my silk sheets caressed my clean skin. I was going to sleep like a rock.
When I checked my phone, I saw Rhys had already messaged me.
Sorry I couldn’t stay. I didn’t mean to come and go. If you know what I mean.
Laughing, I turned my face into my pillow as my heart flip-flopped in my chest.
Not your fault, I assured him. I wish you could have, though. That was probably the best nap of my life.
I was saying it in a joking way, but it might have been true. Waking up pressed into his firm chest, snuggled under his muscular arm, was something I didn’t think I could live my life without experiencing again.
Maybe it was the exhaustion making me delusional, but I suddenly felt like everything would be okay. A complete 180 from the despair and hopelessness I’d felt before Rhys had brought me home and I’d discovered he’d been just as miserable without me as I’d been without him.
Our circumstances were shit, but… He wanted me. He’d regretted hurting my feelings, and he’d gone out of his way to make sure I knew that he was different than the other guys who’d used me as an experiment or for a novelty style of hookup.
And I was good for him. Very good. Better than anyone he’d ever been with. I was sure of it. He was revealing things to me he’d never shown anyone else, because some part of him, even if it was buried in the deepest recesses of his brain, knew that he was safe with me.
Glad I could be a shoulder for you to sleep on, Rhys replied in his next message.
He could be such a goofball, something that most people probably wouldn’t even believe he was capable of, based off his default grumpy expression and tendency to sink into bad moods. But I understood him. I could make him happy. All I had to do was wait for him to figure out what he wanted.
Which would be me. I’d make sure of it.
You were very generous, I told him, stopping myself from adding more when I saw the three dots pop up to indicate he was already typing something.
What about the other part? I didn’t get a chance to ask before.
Staring at the words on the screen, I couldn’t keep from letting out a swoony sigh. It was funny, how straight forward the question was, when I knew if he’d been asking me in real life, having to use his actual voice, he’d be blushing and stuttering. I loved that part of him.
You were amazing. The best I’ve ever had.
I could feel my lack of sleep finally catching up to me, now that my stress levels weren’t through the roof, but I forced my eyelids to stay up.
Come on. I was being serious, Rhys said in his next text.
I was being serious, too, I said.
You don’t have to lie to make me feel good, he informed me. You can tell me the truth.
It was the best I’ve ever had because it was with you, Rhys.
I hesitated, my thumb freezing over the send button as I considered.
But he already knew how I felt. There was no reason for me to hide it or play coy.
I sent it, biting down into my lower lip as I waited for his response. My chest was pounding like a drum.
I’m glad we made up. I missed you so fucking much.
The words exploded in my brain like a flashbulb, the shape of the letters carving into my memory so I’d never forget them.
I missed you too. So much, I said.
My heart had slowed, warm and gooey like it was suspended in thick honey.
I was in love with Rhys Kensington. It was nothing new, but the other feeling intertwined with it was.
Hope. Was it really possible to be that lucky in life?
No one actually ended up with the first guy they’d ever loved.
The only guy I’d ever loved, in my case. Did they?
Get some sleep, Sparkles. You need it.
I need you. That’s what I wanted to say. But I could be patient. I’d waited almost 15 years already. All I had to do was make him understand how good we were together. It couldn’t be that hard.
Goodnight, Rhys.