Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
GAGE
Staring down at his boyfriend, Gage felt a rush of affection.
Fallon was sleeping a lot more now that he was getting near the end of this whole situation.
He was more uncomfortable, so Gage didn’t take it personally that he’d chosen the couch instead of the bed when he got home from his appointment.
But it was getting close to dinner, so Gage had heated up some of the stir-fry they’d had the night before and had it all laid out on the coffee table. Even if Fallon didn’t eat much, he wanted him to have a little something.
Dropping to his knees, he ran his fingers through Fallon’s hair until his eyes opened. He looked a bit disoriented at first, then smiled as he realized who was hovering over him.
“I slept.”
“Mhm. Tough appointment?”
“No, not really.” Fallon swallowed heavily, then pushed himself up to sit.
It was more of a struggle these days, and Gage wanted to help, but Fallon didn’t love when he jumped in without asking, so he held back.
Rubbing at his face, Fallon yawned loudly, then stared at the food on the table. “Oh. I think I’m hungry.”
“Good.” Gage set his plate on a pillow and nestled it on Fallon’s lap. “Everything go okay today?”
“Yeah. Mango’s growing. I’m almost to full term.”
Gage felt a weird sensation zinging up his spine. It was almost time. And then…well. And then they’d figure it out. Fallon had been sort of avoiding the prep thing, but Gage knew they had to start making a space for the baby.
He just didn’t know how to bring it up.
“The doctor asked me if I wanted a hysterectomy today.”
Gage frowned as he grabbed his plate and shoved a massive bite of chicken into his mouth. “What, like…now?”
“He says I can have an elective C-section and a hysterectomy at the same time if I’m done with biological kids.”
Gage blinked at him. “Oh.”
“Is that—” Fallon went quiet as he chewed, then pushed some of the vegetables around his plate. “Would you be okay if we didn’t do this again?”
Gage let out a tense laugh. “Baby, yes. I’m totally okay if we never do this again. I’m not one of those weirdos who feel compelled to populate half the world with my seed or whatever.”
Fallon pulled a face. “Gross. Don’t call it seed.”
Unable to hide his giggle, Gage covered his face. “Sorry. But you know what I mean. There’s not some biological need for me to have kids. If it’s something you want—”
“I don’t think I do.” Fallon set his plate down, then curled into himself a little in the way that told Gage he needed physical space. As much as he wanted to pull him close, he didn’t. “I wasn’t sure before Mango. And I don’t regret this. I really don’t. But I don’t want to do it again either.”
“Then have the surgery.”
“But are you sure—”
“My darling.” Gage set his plate aside and twisted his body, getting as close as he could without touching his boyfriend.
He leaned his head on the cushion and looked at him for a long moment.
“I’m happy with you. I love you. I love Mango.
And if we reach a point where we want to have more kids, there are other ways. ”
Fallon bowed his head and nodded. “My gut tells me this is it.”
“So listen to it. I’m happy with one. If you wanted a dozen—”
“Oh my God.”
“I mean it,” Gage said, grinning. “It wouldn’t be my preference, but I’d make it work. I’d get six jobs.”
“You’re ridiculous.”
“Ridiculously in love,” Gage said. He saw the moment Fallon’s body language changed, shifting to wanting touch.
He opened his arms and gathered his boyfriend close, holding Fallon’s back against his chest and squeezing his legs around him like an octopus.
“I am in love with you both. This is my family.”
“Then I want to do it.” Fallon leaned his head back, but the tension in his body told Gage there was more. “Um. I talked to the doctor about the paternity thing too.”
“What did he say?”
Fallon licked his lips. “That it’s unlikely to be a false negative.
It can happen, but it’s not…it’s not likely to be a DNA thing.
More like a lab error. He, uh…” Fallon fell silent for so long, Gage thought maybe he wasn’t going to finish his thought.
“He thinks my other sexual partner should also get tested.”
Gage frowned, but then the reality of that statement hit him like a freight train. “Baby. We didn’t—”
“I know,” Fallon said quickly, cutting him off. “I told him that. But he said that’s more likely to be the reason for the results than an incorrect test.”
“Fuck,” Gage whispered.
“I’m sorry.”
Gage held him tighter. “No. No, it’s just…fuck. I learned all about that shit in sex ed, but I didn’t think it would ever…Jesus. Okay. Um…”
Fallon squirmed away from him and twisted to face him. “We don’t have to do any of it.”
“No. I know. I know.” Gage squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them again. “But what if I want to?”
Fallon bit his lip. “I feel like I can’t possibly get that lucky. Things in my life don’t usually turn out so well. Not like this.”
Gage took his hands and kissed his palms. “Things have been pretty fucking good up to this point though, right?”
“Ha,” Fallon whispered. “That’s fair, I think.”
“And the universe isn’t always on our side, but sometimes it is. And maybe this is one of those moments.”
Fallon swallowed heavily. “I want to do it. But I’m not sure I’ll be able to take it if the results are the same as the last ones.”
“So let me read them,” Gage said. “We won’t be doing this through the court. It’ll be our choice, so I can read them, and if you want me to keep them to myself until after Mango’s here, I can do that.”
Fallon looked at him. “Can you do that? If Mango isn’t yours…”
Gage laughed and leaned in, wrapping a hand around the back of Fallon’s neck. “Mango is mine. Just like you’re mine. I don’t care what a test says. But if it can give us a leg up in Charlie trying to fuck with you again, I think it’s a risk worth taking.”
“You sure the results won’t matter?”
Gage closed his eyes and leaned in, pressing his nose to Fallon’s temple. “I am so in love with you. And with our baby. I don’t care where they came from, okay? I care that I’m here and you want me in this with you.”
Fallon sniffed. “I hate being emotional.”
“I know. But it’s okay sometimes.” Gage kissed the side of his head. “And this is up to you.”
“No,” Fallon told him. “No. It’s not just up to me. If you’re in it, like you say, then it’s up to us.”
Gage’s chest squeezed tightly, and he closed his eyes. “Okay. Us.”
Fallon turned his head and kissed him deeply. It was all Gage needed to feel like himself again.
The test was simple, though the weight felt heavier. Since it wasn’t going through the courts, the results would come a lot sooner—sooner than Mango’s arrival, so long as nothing happened early.
After the test, he dropped Fallon off at the apartment since he was officially canceling all of his photography sessions until he was ready to get back to work, and Gage was off to the station for a twenty-four-hour shift.
He needed to talk to his dad about everything that was going on, and thankfully, Adele would be there until the evening. He was feeling a little like he was walking on uneven ground as he made his way inside, scanning in, then dropping his shit in his stall before heading up the stairs.
A few people called his name, but he ignored them in favor of knocking on his dad’s office door.
It was cracked open, and Adele was there on the phone, shooting him a finger to wait.
Gage walked over to the minifridge to snag a blue Gatorade, then flopped on the couch and listened to the rise and fall of his dad’s voice.
He didn’t give a shit what he was saying. It was just comforting to be there in his presence. He hoped he never lost that. And he hoped that his kid would get that from him too.
God, it was getting very, very real. And worse now after what Fallon’s doctor had told him. Gage was too afraid to hope. It wasn’t because he needed Mango to be biologically his, but if they could get rid of that one last vestige of Charlie in their lives, he could sleep a little more peacefully.
And he believed that, but he also couldn’t ignore the new weight in his chest telling him that there was more to it. That this felt…bigger than he intended it to be.
His eyes started to drift by the time Adele was done.
“Am I paying you to nap on my couch ten minutes after your shift starts?”
Gage rolled onto his side. “You’re not paying me. Also, I need to tell you something.”
Adele straightened. It was probably obvious from Gage’s tone he wasn’t fucking around. “Everyone’s safe? Healthy? The baby—”
“Mango’s fine. Getting big. Fallon’s talking about labor and birth plans now with his doctor.”
Adele breathed out. “Okay. So what’s up?”
Gage didn’t know how to say this. He knew his dad would love Mango no matter what. That was just him. But he also knew Adele would get his hopes up, and Gage wasn’t sure he could take even a hint of disappointment if it didn’t go their way.
But he was done keeping secrets.
“I just took a DNA test.”
Adele frowned. “Kiddo, you know if you want me to help you find your birth family—”
“For Mango.”
Adele’s jaw snapped shut so hard Gage could hear the click. He cleared his throat, then ran his fingers over his jaw. “Ah. Uh…may I ask why?”
Gage rolled onto his back again and began to fidget with the label on his bottle. “So, the paternity test for Charlie came back like ninety-nine percent not his.”
Adele’s silence was heavy.
“Uh…not to get graphic, but that same night, Fallon and I kind of fooled around. And, ah…I mean. We didn’t, you know, fully smoosh.”
“Oh my God, please tell me that’s not what kids are calling it,” Adele said, his voice kind of weak and thready.
“Dad. Please.”
“Sorry.”