Chapter 18 #2
“Anyway, the chances of it being me were so astronomically low that we didn’t even consider it was a possibility. But Fallon’s doctor said that it was more likely to be that than, you know, a fucked-up result from the lab.”
There was silence again, then the sound of Adele getting up from his chair. He plopped on the floor next to Gage’s head and took the Gatorade bottle from him, setting it aside. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“I’m probably going to have a therapy session because if I start talking now, I’m going to be here for the rest of your shift.
” He tried for a smile, but it felt like a grimace.
“But before you ask, I’m not…I don’t know how I feel.
I don’t want this baby to have any part of Charlie in them.
But also, I will love them no matter what, so why should I care?
” He felt something hot in his throat, and he turned to look at his dad.
The feeling in his chest was stronger now. “Why do I care?”
“What do you mean?”
There were words pounding against the back of his throat, desperate to be released. He’d been afraid to acknowledge them, and he was even more terrified to say them aloud. But he knew he had to say something.
“I was adopted.”
“I’m aware,” Adele said dryly.
Gage glanced over at him and rolled his eyes.
“I mean…I don’t know why I want this baby to be mine so much.
And it’s not just about Charlie. It’s…I don’t know.
I feel ridiculous because I know it’s possible to love a child who isn’t part of you just like one who is.
I don’t think you would have loved a biological kid more than me. ”
“Not a fucking chance,” Adele said fiercely. “Not a chance in hell. But it makes sense.”
Gage frowned. “How?”
“I talked to people when you were young. When you were struggling. There’s a gap that I can’t fill that exists because you’re not with your bio family. It doesn’t make my love for you less important, but there’s something to be said about being able to see a part of you in the people who love you.”
“Do you feel that way about me?” Gage asked, his voice small.
Adele shook his head. “I look at my brother and see myself. I can look back at pictures of your grandparents or aunts I never speak to. Cousins.” Adele sighed. “It’s all there. You didn’t get that growing up. So it makes sense you might want it just a little bit more than normal in this case.”
That was it. Fuck, that was exactly it. His eyes got hot, and he covered them with the crook of his elbow. “Nothing will change if the test was just faulty, but God, Dad. It’s going to hurt a little if it comes back and Mango isn’t mine.”
He heard Adele shift, and then his dad’s head landed on his shoulder. “It’s probably going to hurt a lot. So it’s a good idea to prepare yourself. But it’s also okay to hope.”
“It’s fucking terrifying,” Gage murmured. “Like, I am shit scared. I don’t know what to do with these feelings.”
“Feel them. You’ve tried to run from stuff before, and it made it worse. So feel them, work on them. Lean on the people who care. Let your boyfriend love you and support you.”
It was easier said than done, but running made things so much harder. He took a deep breath. “We need to start getting baby stuff put together. Fallon’s been avoiding it, and I don’t want to push him. But it’s happening really, really soon.”
“Why don’t I get with Frankie. We can have a furniture-building party.”
Gage snorted and dropped his arm. “We don’t even have furniture.”
Adele smirked at him. “If it’s okay with Fallon, give me and the guys a single weekend. We’ll fix that.”
Gage laughed and rolled over to throw his arms around his dad’s neck. “Thanks.”
“You don’t have to thank me, kid. You know I’m here anytime.”
Trudging into the apartment, Gage almost cried when he saw his favorite Greek takeout on the coffee table and the love of his life in a little blanket nest on the floor in front of the couch.
It looked a lot like the nests Lucas made whenever one of them was feeling shitty, and he had a feeling Fallon got tips from Gage’s best friend.
“Hey,” Gage said, dropping his bag, kicking off his shoes, and immediately collapsing next to his boyfriend.
Fallon leaned in for a kiss. “I figured you were going to need some comfort food.”
It had been a rough shift. Three fires and two car accidents involving fatalities. On top of spilling his guts to his dad, he was wrung out in ways that made him want to crawl into a cave and live there forever.
But this helped.
More than he wanted to admit.
“So,” he said through a mouthful of pita and hummus, “I have something to run by you.”
Fallon looked wary. “Okay.”
“I know your plate is full with decisions, but my dad, uh…well. He’s kind of aware that we haven’t done much prep for Mango. We don’t have clothes or furniture or…you know…”
“Anything,” Fallon whispered. He looked devastated. “I know I dropped the ball. I know I’ve been avoiding all this big stuff, and we’re so close, and—”
“Hey, no.” Gage tossed the pita down and cupped Fallon’s face. “No. We’ve both been kind of in it. There’s no ball. Nothing was dropped. But my dad did suggest that maybe he and the guys get together with your brothers and put some stuff together for us.”
Fallon bit his lip, his eyes darting around the room, looking anywhere but at Gage. “We haven’t bought anything.”
“Yeah. That’s kind of what they want to do.”
Fallon’s cheeks pinked. “Is that…I don’t know what’s normal. I mean, most women have a baby shower, but I don’t know what guys do when they have babies.” His voice sounded a little tight. “Shouldn’t we be, you know, providing.”
Gage snorted. “I don’t know what’s normal because my family has never been normal. I think we let them go nuts with baby things. You know they’ve been dying to.”
Fallon pulled back and shook his head, laughing. “Yeah. My brother’s been not so subtly hinting around about wanting to get us stuff.”
Gage shrugged and went back to attacking his food. “I say we let them. I mean, they’re only going to get to do this once…” He hesitated, then added, “Right?”
Fallon let out a puff of air. “Yeah. I officially decided today. One and done. This was—well, it was fine. It was less scary than I thought. But I don’t want to go through it again.
I want to get back on my HRT, and I want to stop trying to hide my body, and I want everyone to stop being awkward with how they talk to me. ”
“Even me?”
Fallon shrugged. “Sometimes. But it’s okay. I’m awkward too.”
Gage sighed and leaned against him as he polished off his chicken skewers, then shoved the container back on the table. He shifted downward, pulling Fallon with him, and curled around him. The weight of his boyfriend was the most comforting thing he’d ever felt.
“I’m happy.”
Fallon glanced over at him, brows lifted. “Yeah?”
“I know I might not seem like it all the time, but that’s not new.
I’ve always kind of struggled to show my emotions like other people do.
I think it’s why Lucas and I are so close.
He gets it. But even my weird-ass family, who doesn’t do anything normal, struggled to understand me. I think my puberty was hell on my dad.”
Fallon picked up his hand and stroked his wrist. “Sounds rough, but I…I kind of get it. I never paid much attention to other people when I was growing up, but I think I turned a lot of Frankie’s hair grey.”
Gage snorted. “He looks good with it, so I think you did him a favor.” He sobered a second later.
“Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, even though I’m still recovering from everything—and sometimes realizing that I’ve been hiding from other, deeper feelings—I’m still happy.
You and Mango are everything I’ve ever wanted. ”
Fallon nodded, closing his eyes as he nestled further into Gage’s arms. “I never thought I could have this. I thought…I don’t know.
I guess I thought if I had this, I’d have to compromise parts of who I was.
Like…like at best, I’d find a partner who was willing to respect my gender in public, while I knew in their heads, I was a woman to them.
Or that I was fulfilling some kind of fetish for a bi-curious straight dude who wanted to be able to fuck a man while not facing the reality of his sexuality. ”
“Fall…”
“No. I know that’s not you. I know it’s not. I feel it.” Fallon lifted his head up. “I know that to you, I’m just…me.”
“My boyfriend,” Gage said.
“Mm.”
“The love of my life.”
Fallon shuddered and rocked his hips into Gage. “Can we have sex? I want you.”
“We need to be careful,” Gage murmured as he tilted Fallon’s head back and grazed teeth along his neck. “I’ve read the books, and we don’t want to get anything started if you want the surgery.”
“Just use your mouth,” Fallon said, squirming harder as Gage slipped a knee between his legs and pushed up. “Fuck. Can you? Please?”
“I want nothing more,” Gage said. He rolled over, easing Fallon onto his back, and with a single tug, had his sweats down around his ankles. He stared down at his lover. His boyfriend. His everything.
He was so fucking gorgeous.
Pushing Fallon’s shirt up toward his chest, he ran his palms from his sternum down to his hips, then gripped him by the knees and pushed them up as far as they could go. It wasn’t far at the moment, but it was enough to expose his swollen dick, and Gage’s mouth began to water.
“Can I finger your ass, baby?”
Fallon groaned and wriggled his hips. “Yeah. Yes. Make me come.”
Gage needed no other invitation than that.
He shuffled down, ignoring the tired ache in his shoulders as he parted his lips and took Fallon’s dick into his mouth.
His boyfriend’s thighs jumped as he began to suck him, tongue laving over the head, swirling around the short length as his fingers began to trace a line over his front hole.
He gathered wetness from it, then dipped his fingers lower and pressed against his ass.
“Please,” Fallon gasped. “I’m close. I’m really close.”
“I’ve got you,” Gage whispered. “Let go, baby. Come on my face.”
Fallon moaned louder, hips fucking against Gage’s face as he sucked him harder, fingers slipping into his ass to the first knuckle. He cried out softly as Gage felt his dick thicken, and then there was a gush of fluid as he came.
Gage lapped it up, swirling his tongue around Fallon’s front hole before moving back to his dick. He pushed his fingers into his ass just a little further. “More?”
Fallon hummed and moved his hips. “One—one more. One more.”
Gage sucked his dick into his mouth again, rolling his lips over the head the way Fallon liked best. It was clear he was sensitive because his thighs immediately began to tremble.
Gage fucked his ass gently with his fingers, leaning in to wet them a bit with his tongue, and with one last suck, Fallon came again on a sharp cry.
Gage’s own cock was straining against his pants, and he laid his head against Fallon’s thigh as he undid the button and zipper and took himself in his hand. There was a slight commotion, and Gage glanced up to see Fallon pushing himself up on his elbows.
“I want to watch you,” Fallon said. “Want to see you make yourself feel good.”
“You make me feel good,” Gage said with a soft grunt as he began to stroke himself. “This is all you, my darling. You turn me on so fucking much.”
Fallon watched with heavy eyes as Gage began to jack himself hard and fast. He was exhausted and horny and feeling better than he had in so long. And being right there next to Fallon’s spill—the scent of him in the air, the taste lingering on his tongue—Gage didn’t last.
He felt the heat of it hit him in the balls, spreading through his hips as he fucked his fist. The edges of his vision went foggy, and then he came. It was a slow roll, like summer thunder, and he spilled on the blankets between them.
Groaning, he rolled his face back against Fallon’s dick and gave it a long, wet, messy kiss before pulling back and going up onto all fours. “We need a shower.”
“Mm. And sleep,” Fallon said.
That had never been more true. Gage dipped down and gave Fallon a kiss, then lifted them both to their feet. “I’ll clean up in the morning.”
Fallon wrapped his arms around Gage, kicking off his sweats, then going up on his toes to kiss him. “I love you. You know that, right?”
Gage held him by the chin and met his gaze. “Yes. I absolutely do.”