29. Wynn
WYNN
R yuji hadn’t spoken to me in days.
He hated me. Every time his gaze fell on my back, I felt the accusation.
Her scars were my fault. Her nightmares were my fault.
He knew it; we all knew it.
At least he was being straightforward about his feelings.
Obi had refused to let me join another assignment until I was “fully healed,” but I knew the truth: he didn’t trust me.
Cas was acting like nothing had happened, but it was only because he didn’t want to upset Leona.
Ciel had been so kind, even when I’d push him away, but it was laced with pity. His injured hand was my fault, too.
We still couldn’t find Orik Vokshi.
How long would they put up with my mistakes? What would it take to erase them?
The questions plagued me.
I had no answers, except that I couldn’t keep sitting here in the penthouse staring at Ciel’s computer screens.
I wasn’t like him or Leona or Obi. I couldn’t look at data sets and connect details. My brain didn’t work that way. I needed to be out there . I needed to be talking to my contacts on the streets, driving all around the city. I needed to be planting cameras or casing a building or something .
So that’s exactly what I was going to do.
I was packing my backpack, getting ready to sneak out of the penthouse, when someone knocked on my door. I dropped the bag onto the ground and kicked it under my bed.
“Come in,” I answered.
The door opened, and Ciel stood in the doorway holding a plate with a heaping sandwich and a side of chips. “You haven’t eaten yet, so I made you some food.”
He set the plate on my dresser and frowned. “What are you wearing?”
I looked down at my black fatigues and boots. “Uh. I was just changing.” I pulled my shirt off and set it on the bed. Ciel’s eyes tracked over my chest. He looked to the dresser, cheeks darkening with pink. It set my heart thumping. I pulled on an old shirt and toed off my boots.
I watched the side of his face as he leaned over and inspected my collection of knick-knacks and trinkets—gifts from the people I’d saved before, passed on to me through Willow.
His hair was particularly fluffy today, curling around his ears.
I wanted to run my hand through it, feel the soft strands beneath my fingers. Feel him beneath me.
I swallowed, trying to banish the thoughts from my head. Awkward silence stretched between us.
“Thanks for the food.”
“I enjoy looking at these,” he said as he picked up a handmade paper swan. “Do you ever see them again? The people you saved?”
I sat down on my bed and rubbed the back of my neck. “No. Some stay at Willow’s haven. Some move on. But I rarely visit. ”
He put the swan back down and picked up a wooden carving of a bunny. “Why not?”
I shrugged. “It…just doesn’t feel like my place. For most of those people, they only saw me surrounded by death. They don’t need to be reminded of that.”
Ciel set the bunny down and turned to look at me. “They wouldn’t send you gifts if they were fearful of you.”
“I—” I clasped my hands together in my lap. “It just wouldn’t be a good idea. They can heal with Willow. I wouldn’t want to disrupt that.”
He came over to sit next to me, close enough that his thigh pressed into the side of mine. “I think it would be good for you to see the results of your efforts, Wynn. You saved those people, and they’re grateful.”
“I do see the results,” I replied.
“You’re not seeing the results, only the pain.”
I kept my gaze locked on the ground so I wouldn’t have to see the earnestness in his icy blue eyes. “I know I made a difference for them. It’s the only thing that keeps me going. It makes me feel like...”
“Like you can wipe away your guilt by helping them, I know.” He sighed before reaching over and grabbing my hand from my lap. His fingers tangled with mine. “I’ve told you this before, but you don’t have to rebalance any kind of cosmic scales. You’re a good man, Wynn. As good as any of us can be.”
I tried to pull my hand away, but he refused to let me go. “I will be. One day.”
I would redeem the death and pain I’d caused.
My mentor showed me it was possible if I just worked hard enough and did the right things.
But that was why I couldn’t just sit here and let my brothers and Leona do all the work.
I had to get out there, even if it meant sneaking out from under Ciel’s watchful eye.
“Why did you walk away from me and Leona?” he asked softly. “In my room the other day? ”
He’d been on his knees before her. Her skin had been flushed, and her chest had heaved, breathless.
I’d seen the slick of her on his mouth and desperately wished I could kiss it from his lips, taste both of them at the same time.
I wanted to hold their pleasures in the palm of my hand, make them both fall to pieces in front of me.
But they both deserved better .
They didn’t deserve a fuck up. I wouldn’t let myself have them until I’d fixed this mess. I needed to prove to them that I wouldn’t fail them.
I stood, pulling my hand from his. “You two were fine. I didn’t need to be involved.”
“I wanted you to be.”
My gaze snapped back to his, heating momentarily, before I inhaled and exhaled. I shuttered the emotion away. “I—there’s too much…”
Ciel stood, stepping closer. “You can talk to me, carino .”
That word again. I didn’t deserve it.
“There’s nothing to say,” I whispered. This was my burden to carry. He and Leona already did far too much for me. I wouldn’t put this on them, too. My gaze caught on the backpack I’d shoved under my bed. “Thanks again for the food. I’m exhausted. I’m going to head to sleep.”
“Okay.” He stepped back, his face forlorn. He shifted from foot to foot, glancing at my bed. “Do you want me to stay?”
I wanted that.
I wanted that so badly.
But I had to do this first.
“No.”
When he left my room, I yanked my backpack out and waited until the house was quiet.
My motorcycle darted through the city.
I first drove to the street corner where Lucchese said he dropped off Vokshi. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary or of any interest, besides the location being seedy. This area was no stranger to crime.
An idea struck me. If Vokshi disappeared in a camera dark spot, what other dark spots were located around the city? What if there were a connection between them?
I’d have to ask Ciel to look into it, but not when I’d snuck out after lying to him.
I drove a few blocks away and started asking questions of some neighborhood drug dealers and sex workers. No one had any information.
The big news was that an underground casino owned by Max Volpe had been bombed tonight. He was out for blood.
Frustrated with the lack of helpful information, I hopped back on my bike and headed outside the city, toward the safe houses Lucchese mentioned in Trenton.
I drove to one and parked my bike down the street.
I flipped off the lights and waited, watching.
With my dark bike, dark clothes, and dark helmet, I was concealed in the shadows of the night, but just in case, I strapped two guns to holsters on my belt.
My brass knuckles waited inside my pocket, the weight heavy and familiar against my thigh.
After almost an hour of waiting, I glanced at the time on my phone. 2:53 a.m.
I had to get back to the penthouse before anyone noticed I was missing.
Just as I was about to turn on my engine, a car rumbled down the perpendicular street. I froze, watching as the old beater turned into the driveway of the safe house. Four men hopped out, walking straight to the front door, where it opened and a man inside greeted them.
My eyes widened .
I pulled out my phone and used the camera to zoom in on the group just as they were crossing the threshold. When the door shut, I snapped a picture—grabbing the profile of a man at the very last second.
It was him.
Orik Vokshi was here.
Where had he come from? How did he get here?
We hadn’t installed cameras here yet; we only knew the addresses because of Lucchese. Had Vokshi been here the whole time?
My hands went to my guns.
I could kill him now. By myself.
A house full of five of them wouldn’t be an issue.
I could go back to the penthouse tonight knowing that I’d redeemed my failure of letting him go at the marina.
But we also needed to understand how the Albanians kept evading us. We needed more information so we could keep going after them. We were planning to torture Vokshi in order to get it.
My eyes narrowed on the house as I watched lights flick on inside, dimly flickering through the closed blinds. They were moving inside.
I pulled my phone from my pocket and dialed Obi. He picked up on the second ring.
“Wynn?”
“Don’t ask how, but I found Orik Vokshi.”
“Where?” I could hear rustling, with Leona’s sleepy voice, in the background.
I specified the safe house address.
“You’ve got eyes on the house?”
“I do.”
“Stay there. Make sure he doesn’t leave. Follow him if he does.”
“Copy. ”
Orik Vokshi would not survive this night. I would make sure of that no matter what happened.
“Do not engage without us, Wynn,” Obi commanded. My fist clenched, unwilling to agree to such an order. I would take him out before I let him get away again, information be damned. “We’re coming.”