Fourteen
Holden
One of the things I’ve always struggled with is impulse control, and what happened yesterday afternoon in Phoenix’s bedroom is the perfect example.
Theo’s insight on the way down to Florida has severely messed with my head; uncontrollably and without end.
The newfound knowledge and unanswered questions have festered, creating intrusive thoughts that keep ramming against the front of my skull like an enraged bull until they’ve become something I just have to act on, consequences be damned.
But lemme just say, the consequences of this? Well, no doubt they’ll be fucking huge. I’m just not sure how huge yet.
“Ready to get going?”
The question breaks through my silent musings, and I glance up from where I’m laying across one of the pool loungers to find Kason looking down at me, shirtless and in board shorts sitting low on his hips.
It’s a sight that should make me all kinds of hot and bothered, and yet…nothing.
“I’ve been ready for an hour,” I tell him as I rise from the lounger. “What’s taking you guys so long?”
“Theo was arguing on the phone with his mom, and Luca was video chatting with his girlfriend to show her the house and the view of the gulf. Noah got annoyed with them taking so long, so he went to take a nap until we were ready to go,” he says, naming off a few of the guys.
“I think Phoenix was packing the cooler for the beach. Not sure about the others.”
“Better late than never, I guess,” I mutter as we head over to the carport, where Phoenix is adding ice to the cooler and avoiding looking at me.
Fantastic.
It takes another ten minutes for the eight of us to gather our shit together—towels, chairs, cooler, the works—and as I stare at the pile we’re supposed to take down to the beach, I realize we might be worse than a group of girls packing for a weekend trip.
Especially when we’re only going a few hundred yards from the house and could easily come back up for anything we need.
Luca and Harrison grab the cooler and head for the beach, leaving the smaller stuff for the other six of us to split. However, it’s only when I notice the boogie board tucked under Noah’s arm that I realize what I’m missing.
“I’ll meet you guys down there. Just gotta grab something.” I tell them before circling back to the pool to fish Francesco the Flamingo Floatie out of the water.
I grab the giant inflatable and haul it over my head before starting toward the beach again when I hear a voice call out from behind me.
“You’re actually bringing that thing with you?”
I glance over my shoulder to find Phoenix staring at me like I’ve lost my goddamn mind. Then again, I am holding a giant inflatable flamingo over my head—the float acting like a kite or an umbrella in the gulf breeze.
“Why wouldn’t I?” I ask slowly. “The entire point of a floatie is to use it to float.”
He opens his mouth to respond, but then closes it and shakes his head instead. But there’s no way in hell I’m letting him off the hook. If he wants to pass judgment or be a dick, he can say it to my face.
Lord knows he’s already keeping enough secrets.
“Don’t even think about just walking away. Not without saying what you gotta say.”
“You’re just such a…man-child.” His teeth are bared as something between a grimace and a sneer lift his lips. “I can’t fucking stand you.”
A deadly smirk curls the corners of my mouth. “Believe me, Nixy, you’ve made sure the feeling’s mutual.”
“Then why come?” He takes a step closer to me, gaze lit on fire with fury. “Why spend ten whole days down here, all the while knowing you’d be under the same roof as me?”
“Because I knew it’d piss you off,” I say with a shrug.
A huff leaves his lips as he shakes his head. “Fucking unbelievable.”
I can’t help the smile curling my lips. “You already know just how unbelievable I am, don’t you, Nixy?”
Hatred flares in his eyes, although I don’t miss the hint of lust in them too. “It was a mistake.”
Do you say the same thing about our night together as well? Or do you not remember, just like me?
The questions are on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t bring myself to ask them. Because if there’s a chance he doesn’t remember it either…well, shit. That knowledge might only add fuel to the fire between us, and I already don’t know how much more I can take.
“Just how many mistakes are we gonna make together?” I take another step toward him.
Close enough for my chest to brush his if we inhale at the same time.
“I can squeeze you in between rounds with Kason. All you have to do is ask. Or maybe you’d be interested in joining us.
The Eiffel Tower happens to be one of my favorite positions. ”
“You’re disgusting.”
“And you’re into it,” I counter with a cant of my head.
“Hardly.”
I lick my lips—not missing the way his eyes track the movement—before leaning forward to whisper in his ear. “Then why haven’t you pushed me away yet?”
As if suddenly realizing just how close we are, Phoenix clears his throat and takes a step away from me. Probably a good thing, because the electricity flickering between us when we’re that close…it’s too much. Too powerful.
He must be reading my mind, as he puts more and more distance between us, now heading down to where the rest of the guys are setting up near the water’s edge. But he does stop and stare back at me to give some parting words.
“If you lose that flamingo and my sister finds out, I won’t stop her from killing you.”
Turns out, I don’t need Francesco after all.
The moment we make it down to the beach, we spot a sand volleyball net set up a little ways down from the condo. It takes some convincing on Luca and Kason’s part, but eventually, everyone agrees to a nice, friendly game.
Or, at least, I hope it’s friendly.
We break off into two teams on either side of the net; Luca, Noah, Wyatt, and Harrison on one side.
Meanwhile, Theo, Kason, and Phoenix are on my side.
It’s a pretty even match-up regarding height—the only one with a true advantage being Luca since he’s nearly six-foot-five—but I have no idea what everyone’s skill level is.
The only one I know that has any experience is Theo, seeing as he plays in a league during the summer back home in Missouri, which is exactly why I picked him for my team. Even if it is just a lighthearted game between friends, we’re all still athletes. And athletes like to win .
My thinking is on point, too, since as soon as the eight of us start getting into the game, it’s quickly becoming apparent that we’re all in it to win.
It’s also becoming quite obvious that sand volleyball is not my sport. Though I think the reason is wholly because I can’t seem to focus on the ball; I’m far too busy looking at Phoenix.
Hard not to when I’ve become painfully aware of the sex appeal he holds.
I’m not blind or stupid; of course, I’ve noticed Phoenix is attractive. I thought as much the second he walked up to Kason and me at the Kappa Sig house the first— second —time we met.
But fuck, I can’t stop myself from noticing now.
Can’t keep my eyes from snagging on his obliques and abs, or the way they draw down into a sinful V rivaling my own.
Entirely helpless to stop watching the sweat droplets as they slowly drip down the path those muscles create before disappearing into the waistband of his trunks.
Lust swirls in my gut as my eyes continue to map over his body greedily, and it’s then I realize the only thing keeping me from mauling him right here in public is the tiny threads holding my self-control together.
The same ones that fray a little more with every second I spend staring at him, right until he turns and catches me red-handed.
He walks over to me, ball in hand, before shoving it straight into my chest.
“Stop it,” he hisses, and I can feel the heat of his stare behind his sunglasses.
“Stop what?”
His words come out through clenched teeth. “Looking at me like you’re thinking about what happened yesterday.”
Fuck.
I quickly avert my gaze and give my best attempt at serving, surprising myself when the ball not only makes it over the net, but in bounds.
Though I can’t say my luck lasts much longer after that, since standing back here gives me a perfect view of Phoenix’s back muscles, which are unfairly toned and perfectly chiseled like some sorta Greek god.
“How can you be this bad at a sport?” Theo asks after I miss my serve, the ball veering off wide to the right.
“Throwing balls and hitting them are two very different things,” I say before taking my place by the net.
If it wasn’t for Theo—who is truly in beast mode—and Phoenix, we’d be losing by a landslide. Thanks in no part to me; I’m ashamed to even call myself an athlete at this rate.
But as the game starts closing in on game point, both sides begin upping the ante; diving for loose balls, spiking harder, doing sneaky little dumps on the other side of the net. It’s an all-out battle—a war of who wants it more—by the time it’s my turn to serve again.
And it’s also game point, with our team in the lead.
“Try not to fuck this one up, Sykes!” Noah calls from the other side of the net as he bounces between his feet.
“Shit talk your own teammates,” Theo says before looking back at me. “But seriously, Hold. Don’t screw the pooch.”
“Be nice,” Kason chides, kicking sand toward Theo. “We all have weaknesses. Volleyball just happens to be Holden’s.”
My eyes lock with Phoenix, waiting for him to make some snarky, smart-ass comment next. Except, rather than joining in with Kason and Theo, all he does is give me the hint of a smile and a tiny nod of…encouragement.
Which, at this point, is as welcome as it is unexpected.
Letting out a deep breath, I toss the ball in the air and pray like hell for solid contact. By the grace of God, I get it, but as the ball sails toward the net, I realize it looks a little low. A little too low.
Shit.
Defeat takes over my body as the ball smacks against the tape that runs along the top of the net, waiting for it to drop to the ground on our side of the net. Yet, to my surprise, the net bends with the movement of the ball before it flips over to their side and falls to the ground.
“We win? We win!” Theo says, jumping up and down as he flips Noah the bird. “That’s for talking shit.”
Kason is just as excited, plowing through the sand until he picks me up like we just won the National Championship.
“Fuck yes, Hold!” he shouts, swinging me around like I’m light as a feather…and he plants his lips directly on mine.
Surprise and panic blend together at the sudden affection before instinct takes over, and I kiss him back. But everything about it feels wrong. The taste of his lips, the sweep of his tongue. None of it feels right because he’s not the person I want to be kissing.
Because he’s not his best friend.
I break away, putting some space between us and rub the back of my neck self-consciously. “It was just a stupid game, Kase,” I tell him before chuckling awkwardly.
A laugh leaves him. “Sorry, got a little excited.”
“Well, you gonna kiss me now?” Theo asks, tossing his arms out to the side. “I was part of the team too.”
“Yeah,” Kason says slowly. “Not happening.”
Kason and Theo start tossing jabs, which leads to Theo tackling Kason to the ground—a feat in itself—all the while making loud, obnoxious kissing noises at him. It’s truly a ridiculous sight to behold, which is why I keep my eyes firmly focused on them.
I don’t have it in me to meet Phoenix’s stare as it burns into me hotter than a thousand suns.
I already know I won’t like what I see written on his face if I do.