Fifteen
Holden
Guilt has been eating at me since the volleyball game a few days ago, and it’s making no sign of dissipating, either. It’s not an emotion I often feel as it is, seeing as guilt is so often paired with regret—and that is something I’ve rarely experienced.
But fuck if I don’t regret letting Kason kiss me in front of Phoenix.
Which is precisely why I’ve been sleeping on the couch in the living room ever since, only to sneak as quietly as possible into the bedroom we’ve been sharing in the early hours of the morning. Reason being, I don’t want it to happen again.
It sounds stupid, and I’m not even saying it out loud. Because I’m here with Kason. He’s the one I’m supposed to be unable to keep my eyes off. The one I should be lusting for and excited to kiss, rather than regretting it or trying to prevent it from happening again.
I do like the guy, don’t get me wrong. I’m just finding out I don’t like him in that way.
If I’m being honest, at some point, my interest in Kason became less about him in general and more about riling Phoenix up.
Getting Phoenix to pay attention to me. Messing with him and crawling under his skin, just like he digs under mine, now more than ever.
It just became about Phoenix.
It became about him well before I ever found out about our elusive one-night-stand back in May.
So while it might not make any sense, the guilt and regret are there nevertheless.
And what might be even more confusing is now…
I actually care about him. About hurting his feelings.
About what he’s thinking. About where he is right now, because he sure isn’t present.
He’s here physically, sitting across the table from me while we’re out at dinner.
Mentally, though? He might as well be eating his crab legs on Mars.
Theo must’ve also noticed, because after we pay our bill and head to the cars, he grabs Phoenix by the shoulder and steers him away from the group.
My nosiness and newfound caring create a desire to follow them, to get some answers even. Yet a part of me knows I’d only make it worse, so instead, I keep my feet firmly planted and lean against the Jeep to watch them from a distance.
“Any idea what’s going on over there?” Luca asks from where he’s sitting on the hood of my Jeep.
“Ten bucks says Theo is telling him to get his head outta his ass and start having fun,” Noah says absently while he texts away on his phone.
Kason’s eyes flick to Noah. “You’ll have to give him a break. This wasn’t exactly the trip he thought we were gonna have.”
“So he’s gonna sulk about it the whole time?”
“Just leave it alone,” I find myself snapping at Noah, who looks to me with surprise. They all do, in fact, and I don’t blame them, seeing as I’ve made it my life’s mission since this trip started to be a thorn in Phoenix’s side. So I can see why they’d wonder what made me suddenly change my tune.
Shit.
Clearing my throat, I reroute as best I can. “If he’s gonna be pissy, let him. We shouldn’t let it ruin the time we have left here for the rest of us.”
There’s a murmuring between the guys before they come to the conclusion that I’m right, though from the look on Kason’s face, he’s torn and worrying about Phoenix still. A boat I also find myself in, as much as I wish differently.
I’m just grateful Theo is the one over with Phoenix, considering he’d be the asshole to see through my shit…and potentially call me out on it too.
The two of them head back toward us after a few minutes, and if possible, Phoenix looks more irritated than he did before. But he does make eye contact with me as they approach, so I guess that’s a plus.
Theo, on the other hand, has a bright smile on his face when he reaches the rest of us at the cars.
“We’re going out tonight,” Theo says, clapping his hands together. “There’s a club called The Wharf down just a little ways. I’m happy to drive so we don’t have to Uber, as long as someone else will man the Jeep.”
Theo’s eyes land right on me, and I return his insinuation with an arched brow and a snicker. “Me? Seriously? You want me to DD?”
“It’s your car.”
“Yeah,” Luca says slowly. “But if we ask Holden to DD, we’ll be stranded ‘til morning.”
I give Luca a winning smile and toss the keys in his direction, which he catches on instinct alone.
“What—”
“Thanks for volunteering.”
With a roll of his eyes, Luca yanks open the driver’s side door as the rest of us pile into the vehicles to head off toward The Wharf.
But a sinking feeling lingers in my gut as we drive the streets of St. Pete’s, and the reason is entirely because, when I glance over my shoulder from the shotgun seat, I realize Phoenix got in the other car.
Guess he’s back to avoiding me .
A hand anchor’s itself on my waist a few hours—and drinks—later, and I glance over my shoulder to see Kason holding another shot for me.
I don’t even have to ask if it’s tequila; it’s the same thing he’s been feeding me all night.
If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he was trying to get me drunk to take advantage of me.
A thought that’s hilarious, considering it holds absolutely no appeal to me anymore.
I pass the empty glass back and suck on the lime, not missing the way his eyes watch my mouth as I do.
He’s been going shot for shot with me since we got here, so the alcohol swimming in his veins is loosening him up a lot more than usual.
I know he can hold his liquor, just not nearly as well as I can, making me place him firmly in the drunk category. Or at least well, well past tipsy.
Still, it’s enough for him to reel me toward the group of grinding bodies when the Bring Me the Horizon remix of “Bad Habits” comes blasting through the club’s speakers.
Meanwhile, I’m out here with only a slight buzz and wishing my attention would stop sneaking back over to Phoenix.
He’s leaning against the bar, still nursing his second beer, and chatting away with Theo. Has been all night without so much as casting me a glance, and it’s driving me crazy.
Then again, the little self-destructive part of me thinks maybe it’s because I haven’t given him anything to look at.
Kason circles around behind me and grabs my hips, pulling me so my back is flush with his front. I take the opportunity to unbutton the red floral print shirt I’m wearing, letting it hang open down the center instead. God knows it’s already hot enough in here to merit taking it off altogether.
The alcohol has loosened my inhibitions some, and I throw my arms over our heads, lacing them behind his neck. It was an instinct more than anything, except the move has Kason gripping my hips even harder. Vice-like, even, and there’s a good chance I might have bruises there tomorrow.
He keeps our bodies pressed so close together, a piece of paper wouldn’t fit between us while we move in time with the music, and it doesn’t take long for it to turn him on.
The ridge of his erection glides against my ass with every grind and press of my hips; the feel would normally cause my own cock to take notice.
Perk up, ready to get in on some action.
It’s all heat and sweat and grinding and tension, and I should be into it.
Only, my eyes are locked on Phoenix. Waiting for him to notice the filthy way his best friend and I are dancing together—though I’m not even sure it can be called that.
Yet he’s still too occupied with Theo on the other side of the room.
“You’re so fucking hot,” Kason shouts in my ear over the blasting bass, and I can hear the slur in his voice.
I know I look good tonight. And truthfully, Kason looks hotter than sin himself in shorts that show off his sculpted ass with a short sleeve button-down I’d usually want to rip open with my bare teeth.
Those dark auburn locks are styled with perfection and his sinfully green eyes—the color I’m a sucker for—are two shiny emeralds when the light hits them.
He’s any gay man’s wet dream.
So why does my attention keep getting snagged by Phoenix across the bar?
Ignore him, the little voice in my head chimes in, and I do my best to listen.
But just when I go to reinforce my resolve, Phoenix’s eyes slide over to me, and I swear I can feel the heat and fire in them from all the way over here. Maybe even see the tick in his jaw before he glances away and responds to whatever Theo just said.
Doesn’t matter though, especially since it’s exactly the reaction I was looking for.
The music shifts into some pop/EDM remix, but Kason makes no signs of wanting to stop.
In fact, one of his hands leaves my hips, slipping up to where my shirt hangs open down the center.
His calloused palm scrapes over my abs before trailing down to the edge of my waistband.
A stray finger dips below it, teasing ever closer to my dick, and still, nothing.
Something’s fucking wrong with me.
I look up again and am greeted with the sight of one devastatingly infuriated Phoenix, who’s positively fuming from where he’s leaning against the bar. The heat of his stare is palpable, burning into my skin like a white-hot brand. Painfully searing but still somehow addicting.
He’s clearly pissed with the scene before him, and he might just burst into flames right here until he’s nothing more than a pile of ash where he once stood; a true embodiment of his namesake.
Bingo.
I shoot him a grin while grinding my hips back into Kason, and it only makes the fury in his eyes more intense. And it’s the hatred, paired with the way his heated gaze drifts down my torso where Kason’s hands are exploring, that stirs my cock to life.
Apparently, I’m more turned-on by Phoenix’s glare from across the bar than I am by Kason’s touch. If that isn’t messed up, I don’t know what is.