Chapter 25
Trill-Land, Jungle Estate
Anigga had a lot on his mind, but I was tryna keep that shit at a minimum while I sat here holdin’ my cards, blunt between my fingers, and a glass of brown on the table beside me.
The smoke hung low in the air, and the whole room smelled like money, weed and cologne.
Pressure, Renza, and Blaqson was wildin’ like usual, talkin’ shit across the table while we ran another round of spades in the game room.
Renza threw his cards down and looked at Pressure with that loud-ass mouth.
“Nigga, you might as well go on shave that beard off and rock a mustache. Get you some dad jeans and some loafers while you at it, ‘cause you officially a family man now,” he laughed. “Two kids, plus you out here adoptin’ Zurie. You ain’t even thirty yet, my boy. ”
Pressure sucked his teeth and pointed at him. “Nigga, shut the hell up. I’m happy as fuck, and I’ll do the shit all over again. Pluto could have ten of my kids if she want to. I’ll take care of every last one, nigga.”
Blaqson laughed, pickin’ up his cards. “You gon’ have this house soundin’ like a daycare, my boy.”
Pressure shrugged, cool as ever. “I’on care. After losin’ Kamir, I told God if He ever blessed me again, I would never take it for granted. Now look at me. Got my family, my peace, and a woman that’s really for me. Y’all niggas need the same thing in ya life.”
I nodded, takin’ a slow sip of my drink. I was proud of my cousin. Everything he said was real, and I felt that shit. But I couldn’t lie… while they laughed and talked, my mind kept driftin’. I was happy for my nigga, but I had my own shit eatin’ at me.
I thought about Toni. That was my baby. My heart.
My headache at times. My peace—all that.
I’d been thinkin’ about her damn near all day.
Every time I closed my eyes, it was her face I saw, but lately, she been dealin’ with too much bullshit.
Ever since that lil’ situation at the Airbnb, when her cousin and his people tried to break in and I had to handle that shit, her phone ain’t stopped ringin’.
Muthafuckas had been callin’ her, blamin’ her, sayin’ she at fault, and I couldn’t stand that shit.
Every time somebody called tryna play with her, I snatched the phone and cuss they bitch ass clean out.
I ain’t care who the fuck it was. Man, woman, cousin, auntie—it didn’t matter.
I told all of ‘em the same thing: suck my dick and stop callin’ my woman with that dumb shit.
She ain’t do nothin’ wrong. They needed to be talkin’ to them niggas that thought it was smart to come to me on bullshit.
When it came to Toni, my patience was zero.
I wasn’t lettin’ nobody make her feel small or guilty.
She been through too much. I knew the shit she went through comin’ up, how them niggas in her family touched her, violated her, and turned her heart cold.
And sometimes I wondered if that was why she ain’t got pregnant yet.
I had been bustin’ in her for months and nothin’.
It want no baby, no scares… nothin’. Just her, tellin’ me she love me and me lovin’ her back harder every day.
Then there was my pops. He couldn’t keep her name out his mouth.
He was always sayin’ she was gon’ ruin me, and sayin’ she’d use me ‘til I had nothin’ left.
He ain’t know her, though. He ain’t know the way she looked at me when she thought I wasn’t payin’ attention.
He ain’t know how she held me when I was pissed off at the world.
He didn’t know how I could be ready to burn the city down, and all she had to do was touch me and I would calm down.
She was my peace, even when we argued about petty shit.
Pressure noticed I went quiet. “Aye, ‘Lo,” he said, leanin’ back in his chair. “Nigga, you good? You look like you somewhere else.”
I took another sip, lettin’ the liquor burn down my throat before I spoke. “Yeah, I’m good, bro. Just thinkin’.”
He stared at me. “Thinkin’ ‘bout what?”
I looked down at my cards, exhaled some smoke, then said it. “I’m ‘bout to ask Toni to marry me.”
Renza damn near dropped his drink. “What?” He started grinnin’. “Nigga, I ain’t even surprised. The way you crazy ‘bout that girl, I been knew it was comin’. You gon’ be a married man by next week.”
Pressure chuckled and hit his blunt. “For real. I was just waitin’ on you to say it.”
I smirked, still focused on my cards. “I’m dead-ass.
I’ll fuck around, and marry her ass tomorrow.
Ain’t no point in waitin’. My pops don’t even fuck with her, so what I look like havin’ some big-ass weddin’ for people who don’t even wish me well?
I just want her, man. I don’t care about all that other shit. ”
Pressure nodded. “Then do you. If she the one you wake up thinkin’ about, the one that calm you down when you pissed, and the one that make you wanna be better, that’s ya woman. Fuck what anybody gotta say.”
That’s why I fucked with Pressure. He always kept it real.
We kept playin’ cards, laughin’, and drinkin’, but my head wasn’t in the game no more. Renza called me out on it when I cut the wrong card. “Nigga, what the fuck? You tryna lose on purpose?”
I grinned and took another pull from my blunt. “Mind your business, nigga. You ain’t winnin’ either.”
Everybody laughed. The vibe was easy again, but my phone lit up on the table. I looked down and saw my girl’s name.
You okay?
I couldn’t help but smile. I texted back.
Yeah, I’m good, baby.
A minute later, she replied.
I miss you.
I looked at that message for a second, feelin’ that warmth crawl up my chest. I typed back.
I miss you too, baby. You want me to come lay down with you?
She didn’t even wait a full minute before she said, Yes.
That was all I needed.
I dropped my cards, finished my drink, and put my blunt out. “Aye, I’m out,” I said, standin’ up from the table.
Renza laughed. “Man, that girl done tied yo dick into a knot.”
I turned toward him and smirked. “Don’t worry ‘bout my dick, nigga. Worry ‘bout yours.”
Pressure just shook his head, still laughin’. “Go on, nigga. Handle that.”
“Already am,” I said, walkin’ out the room.
The hallway lights was low, and I could already smell her driftin’ from the bedroom down the hall.
She had that effect on me, like every step closer pulled me deeper into whatever spell she had over me.
My heart felt heavy but good, and all I could think about was how I was about to make that woman mine for real.
‘Cause like I be sayin’; when it came to Toni Roc, I wasn’t playin’ no games.
When I hit the room, the glow from the TV was bouncin’ off Toni skin.
She was propped up against the headboard with her legs crossed, her hair wild and soft around her face and a blunt burnin’ slow between her fingers.
She looked up at me and smiled. I stopped in the doorway just watchin’ her, bitin’ my bottom lip while my eyes ran over her body.
She had on a black tank and red lace panties.
Her skin was smooth and brown like chocolate.
I pulled my shirt off and let it drop to the floor, then slid my sweats down and climbed into the bed in just my briefs, my knees sinkin’ into the mattress as I crawled toward her. I kept my eyes on her the whole time. She was watchin’ me too, her lips parted just a lil’ as smoke blew from ‘em.
“Damn, girl,” I murmured, bitin’ my lip as I moved closer.
Her gaze dropped to my chest, then back to my eyes. She leaned back against the headboard and exhaled, smoke curlin’ up between us. “What you lookin’ at?” she asked, her voice soft but teasin’.
“You,” I said, my voice comin’ out low. “Always you, baby.”
I reached for her and she opened her legs without me even askin’.
That’s what I loved about her. She knew me.
I crawled between her thighs and laid my head there, the warmth of her body soakin’ through my skin like peace.
She passed me the blunt and I took it from her fingers, inhalin’ deep before blowin’ the smoke out slow.
Toni leaned forward and pressed her lips to mine. When she pulled back, she smiled and rubbed the side of my face. “I love you, ‘Lo.”
“I love you too, baby,” I told her, my hand slidin’ up her thigh.
She ran her nails down the back of my neck. “You look good without a beard, you know that? Everybody want they man with one, but you… you fine without it.”
I grinned, still staring up at her. “You just now realizin’ that? Thought you been knew what you had.”
She laughed and kissed me again, while I rested my head against her.
For a second, I ain’t say nothin’. I was thinkin’ about a lot of shit at once. Then I looked up at her again. “Toni, you ever think about why you ain’t got pregnant by me?”
Her eyes moved from mine, and she sighed. “I don’t know, ‘Lo. I been thinkin’ about it though.”
I nodded, runnin’ my hand up her thigh. “You think maybe it got somethin’ to do with what happened to you when you was little?”
Her whole body shifted. I could feel it. Her breathin’ changed, her hands stopped movin’, and that’s when I reached up and grabbed the back of her neck. It was just enough for her to know I was right here. I pulled her down and kissed her chin, then her lips.
“It’s okay, baby,” I whispered against her mouth. “Ain’t nothin’ wrong with you. I just know that shit gotta be sittin’ somewhere deep, and I don’t ever want it hurtin’ you no more.”
She blinked a few times like she was fightin’ tears. “I never thought about it like that,” she said, her voice crackin’. “Ain’t nobody ever took me to no doctor or nothin’. My family didn’t even protect me. They just pretended it never happened, and I did too for a while.”
Hearin’ her say that hit me in a place I ain’t even know existed. My jaw clenched and my chest felt hot ‘cause I was ready to whoop some ass. I couldn’t picture somebody touchin’ her like that. Not the woman that I loved more than my own breath.