3. Renza Mensah
Royal Grove Pavillion
I was still at ‘Lo’Lo’s party, standin’ next to my cousins, and even though I was back in the mix like nothin’ happened, my head was still outside behind that buildin’ with Sha’Nelle.
My body was still comin’ down from everything, but my mind wasn’t lettin’ that shit go for nothin’.
I could still feel that pussy on me, and that shit wasn’t even wearin’ off. It had my mind stuck on her even when I was tryna play my shit cool.
I could still hear how she was cryin’ a nigga name, all broken and breathy, like she ain’t know what to do with herself. I could see her face clear as day, and the way she looked at me right before she gave in, even when she was tryin’ not to.
That’s the part that kept fuckin’ with me, ‘cause ain’t no way you let a nigga do you like that, take you there like that, and then turn around and run off like it ain’t just happen. Like I ain’t just had you right where the fuck I wanted you.
That shit had me tight all over again.
“When we get to the crib, I’m gettin’ on Toni’s ass,” ‘Lo said, his voice low but irritated, and I could tell he meant that shit.
I exhaled through my nose and finally turned my head to look at him.
“So… y’all ain’t know nothin’ about that nigga?” I asked with a straight face.
Both them niggas looked at me at the same time like I was slow for even askin’.
“Bitch, what?” ‘Lo asked, pullin’ his brows together. “If I knew ‘Nelle was with somebody, you think I’ll let you stand here lookin’ crazy like that? You know better than that.”
Pressure shook his head once, his eyes movin’ through the crowd where Sha’Nelle had just came from.
“‘Nelle wild for that. She walked him in here like you wasn’t gon’ be on her ass. But that ain’t her bein’ slow. She knew what the fuck she was doin’.”
“That’s what I’m sayin’,” ‘Lo added with his jaw tight. “She brought that nigga in here like she wanted me to turn this bitch into a crime scene.”
Pressure shook his head like he was still replayin’ the shit in his mind. “Damn… ‘Nelle almost got that nigga stretched out by them balloons playin’ like that.”
My jaw tightened a lil’, but I kept my face straight.
“I don’t know who bruh is, but I’m gon’ find out.”
‘Lo let out a short breath and shook his head again. “Yeah… ‘cause right now that was just some random bitch ass nigga walkin’ in here like he part of the family. I don’t like that.”
Pressure nodded once after that, backin’ it up without sayin’ too much more. His eyes ran over my face, and I saw the moment he caught the shit. He leaned his head to the side a ‘lil’ and raised his brows.
“Nigga… I know you ain’t let ‘Nelle fuck you up like that,” he said.
I sucked my teeth and wiped my thumb across my lip.
“But you see who ran the fuck up outta here though,” I replied, lookin’ at him like that was all that needed to be said.
Him and ‘Lo went quiet for a second, and I could see that shit buildin’ on they faces. They was holdin’ it in, but barely. I looked between both of ‘em already knowin’ what was comin’.
“Fuck y’all,” I muttered.
That was it. Both them niggas broke, laughin’ low and shakin’ they heads.
‘Lo rubbed his jaw, still smilin’. “You sick, bruh,” he said.
“I’m sick?” I shot back, cuttin’ my eyes at him. “Man, she walked a whole nigga in here like he was one of them party clowns or some shit. Like he was booked to be here. I just showed her ass.”
Pressure smirked a lil’, but his tone stayed even. “Yeah… we see.”
I looked back out toward the crowd, my eyes already movin’ again.
“Renza,” my mama voice came from the side, and I turned my head to see her walkin’ up to me.
She stopped right in front of me, lookin’ me over, and I already knew what she was about to say before she even opened her mouth.
“Oh my God, baby! What happened to your face?” she asked, reachin’ up like she was about to touch me.
I stepped back just enough to avoid that and shook my head.
“I’m good, mama,” I told her.
She wasn’t hearin’ that shit though.
“Sweetheart, please get me some peroxide or see if there’s some alcohol wipes around,” she said, turnin’ her head toward somebody else before lookin’ back at me. “Did Reni do this?”
I frowned at that. “No, mama. I’m straight.”
She kept lookin’ at me like she ain’t believe that, her eyes movin’ over my face again like she was tryna piece it together.
“You don’t look ‘straight,’” she replied, her tone firm now.
I stood here and let her talk, not sayin’ nothin’ extra, ‘cause I already knew better than to get slick with her, especially in front of everybody.
“Stand still,” she said, and I did what she said without arguin’, even though I ain’t feel like dealin’ with none of this shit right now.
Somebody came back with what she asked for, and she handled it quick, cleanin’ me up like I was still a kid instead of a grown ass man standin’ here.
“Son, you need to be more careful,” she added, dabbin’ at my face like it was nothin’. “If you’re going to… take people apart, you should at least have the sense to do it when you don’t have somewhere to be.”
“Yes ma’am,” I said, keepin’ it simple.
She looked at me for another second like she wanted to say more, but then she nodded and walked off to go handle whatever else she had goin’ on.
I stayed here for a minute longer, but I already knew I wasn’t about to finish this party out. My head wasn’t here no more.
I looked at ‘Lo and Pressure.
“I’m ‘bout to dip,” I said.
They both nodded, not askin’ no questions, ‘cause they already knew.
By the time I got back to the crib, I went straight to my side and closed myself off from everything else. I walked in my room, tossin’ my keys down, and headed straight for the bathroom.
I finally looked at my face in the mirror, really lookin’ at the scratches this damn woman left, and I ain’t even react the way somebody else probably would’ve.
This shit wasn’t nothin’ to me, so I wasn’t even mad about that part.
If anything, it made me smirk a lil’, ‘cause I knew exactly why she did it.
What had me tight was the fact that she walked in there with a nigga in front of my whole family like that shit was supposed to sit right with me.
That’s what I couldn’t get past, and when I stepped in the shower and let that water hit me, I stood here with my head down, tryna clear my mind, but that shit wasn’t workin’ at all.
Everything kept replayin’ whether I wanted it to or not; from the way ‘Nelle looked at me, to the way she sounded moanin’ my name.
I ran my hands over my face and stayed in the shower longer than I needed to, just lettin’ the water run over me while all that shit sat heavy in my head, before I finally forced myself to get out.
By the time I stepped out, I was in my briefs, still dryin’ off while my head still wasn’t right. I walked in my room and dropped down into the recliner, grabbin’ my weed and rollin’ up without even thinkin’ about it.
Once I sparked it, I took a long pull and leaned my head back, lettin’ the smoke sit in my chest for a second before breathin’ it out slow.
Then I got up, went to the bar, and poured myself somethin’ brown straight, not mixin’ shit with it, but just lettin’ it burn how it was supposed to.
I went back and sat down with the blunt in one hand and my drink in the other, and I just stayed here for a minute, not sayin’ shit and not movin’.
I was really just sittin’ with everything that had been buildin’ up in me all day.
That’s when it really hit me, and all that shit I had been pushin’ down came right back up without me even tryna stop it.
Part of me was pissed off that Sha’Nelle ain’t just wait, and that shit sat wrong with me ‘cause I knew what we had wasn’t no regular shit.
I felt that from the jump, and I thought she did too, so for her to move like that and pop out with another nigga in front of me had me feelin’ some type of way I ain’t even feel like breakin’ down or explainin’.
At the same time, I was sittin’ here tryna tell myself I ain’t need her. I was tryna convince myself I ain’t give a fuck what she did or who she was with, but that shit ain’t even hold forreal ‘cause my mind kept driftin’ right back to her anyway.
It ain’t matter what I told myself or how I tried to flip it, she kept comin’ back up, and that back and forth alone had me irritated as hell sittin’ here with my jaw tight and my thoughts all over the place.
Then I thought about that nigga again…
The fact that he was breathin’ right now ain’t sit right with me at all, and I ain’t even gon’ lie, a part of me wished I would’ve handled that right then and there instead of lettin’ him walk off like he did.
I took another pull of the blunt and leaned forward, rubbin’ my hand over my face.
“Man…” I muttered under my breath.
I reached for my phone, already knowin’ I was about to call ‘Nelle, ‘cause at this point, I ain’t even feel like playin’ it cool no more. Before I could hit her name, my phone started ringin’, and when I saw Reni’s name pop up on the screen, that shit made me pause for a second.
I sat here for a moment, lookin’ at the screen, thinkin’ about everything she been dealin’ with lately. I ain’t talked to her in about a week, and I already knew she had been goin’ through it since all that shit happened.
It wasn’t even about me wantin’ to be with her. That wasn’t what this was.
I had seen her go through somethin’ that wasn’t easy to come back from, and whether we was together or not, that still meant somethin’. So I answered it.
I ain’t say nothin’ right away. I just put the phone to my ear and waited.
She sniffed before speakin’.
“Hey…”
“Wussup?” I asked, keepin’ my voice low.
“How you been?” she asked.
I ran my hand down my face and leaned back.
“I been good,” I said. “Just movin’ around, handlin’ shit.”
I kept it short. A nigga wasn’t necessarily cold, but I ain’t give her too much either.
She went quiet for a second, and I could tell she had more to say, but she ain’t know how to say it.
I ain’t push her though. I just let her take her time.
She started talkin’ after that, and I let her, respondin’ when I needed to, but mostly just listenin’.
When it felt like she ain’t have nothin’ else to get out, I spoke up.
“Take it easy,” I told her. “And if you need somethin’, hit my line.”
She agreed, and after a few more words, we got off the phone. It was really that simple to me.
I sat here for a minute, lookin’ at the screen before tossin’ my phone to the side, not even hittin’ Sha’Nelle’s line.
I finished my drink, relit my blunt, and smoked it all the way down until there was nothin’ left.
By the time I got up and got in bed, my body was tired, but my mind was still runnin’.
I laid here for a minute, starin’ up at the ceilin’ while Sha’Nelle stayed on my mind, and I damn near reached for my phone again, but I stopped myself and let my hand fall back to the bed instead.
I turned over and pulled the cover over me, tryna settle down and let everything from today sit where it was, even though that shit was still movin’ through me.
After a while, my body finally gave in, and I ended up fallin’ asleep with all that shit still on my mind.