Chapter 13
Chapter thirteen
Reeve Hardy
Rain — Sleep Token
I slam the basement door hard. The hinges rattle behind me.
The pack of cigarettes crumples in my fist and falls to the floor.
I grab a gun from the wall beside me and hurl it across the room.
My jaw clenches. I throw a hammer into the wall, then a box of ammo right after. Bullets scatter across the floor.
I hate to lie to her.
I fucking hate myself for it.
“Ahhhhhhhh!” I roar.
I cock my hand back, ready to hit the wall, when Winona’s face flashes brightly in my mind.
She’d be disappointed if I hurt something she loves so much that she was willing to travel thousands of miles to find answers.
I stop just inches from the wall, tempted to go through with it, but I can’t allow myself to.
I’m better than this.
She is better than that fucker who tried to hurt her.
She is better than anyone.
I flip over more boxes and the wooden chair in the corner, tearing through everything I can grasp. Everything crashes to the floor, then crumples under my boot as I unleash my fury.
I don’t want anything.
“I just want my wife,” I choke on the words, hitting my back against the wall behind me and sliding to the floor.
I didn’t mean for her to get hurt. I didn’t want to leave her. But everything was sealed when I signed Romina’s contract.
I swallow the sore feeling in my throat. Tears blur my vision and stream down my face, covering my calloused palms as I bury my head in my palms.
I was terrified.
She could have been torn away from me like that, and leaving her would have meant nothing.
I would rather slash my carotid artery myself than lose her.
A distant voice rings in my ear like a fucking chainsaw, forcing me to shut my eyes until it fades. “She can’t be sheltered by us forever. As much as we are too scared to let her out because of our past, we need to release her from her shackles. She’s ready to face the world.”
It doesn’t matter what Romina said; protecting Winona is part of who I am. It’s part of my nature.
That clown. Why did I think they wouldn’t find us here? They always find us, no matter where we go. And I knew he was coming.
I’m not invincible.
I’m lethal, yes.
I’m a powerful weapon crafted by others for their benefit, yes.
Did anyone ask me what I wanted, other than Winona? Never.
She asked.
She sought answers and explanations countless times, eager to learn every detail about me. All I’ve done is disguise my ugliness because if she knew what I am capable of, she’d be ashamed of me. Or so I thought.
She proved me wrong.
Leaving her was the last thing I wanted to do.
If I could turn back time, I would never have left that night.
She will never forgive me. That eternal love she saves in the depths of her soul will vanish once she realizes I’m still alive.
The lies will cut her deeply. My blood will be worth shedding. Hopefully, the truth will set her free.
I chased it for her.
For me.
For our future together.
But maybe there’s no future for us. Maybe everything is just an illusion. Maybe it’s all a dream I made up in my mind because I couldn’t face the truth when it screamed at me so loudly I pretended it was background noise.
I exit the tower, line up a few cans on the crates from the basement, and pull the rifle strap off my shoulders. Cocking it, I aim and start shooting them in a row.
Winona doesn’t know it, but I saw her when we were kids.
Right after she sent me away, Romina visited me in Germany.
She brought a little surprise for me, packed so adorably that I smiled at every single thing she did.
No one had made me smile before her. Winona was twelve at the time.
She witnessed the first murder by the Halloween Killers, and Romina needed to get her out of there for a while.
Like a stalker, I watched, waiting to see her grin reappear and curve around her freckled cheeks.
I walk along the trails, surrounded by towering trees and the lushest grass I’ve ever seen. The air feels pure and calming. Here, worries fade away, and we only focus on training. Everything is well-organized, and I attend classes as scheduled.
I walk toward the line of cabins in the distance.
There’s a kitchen sign on the first one, and lunch is about to be served outside.
Wooden tables and cozy chairs are scattered in the garden, although some prefer eating on the ground.
It’s all about enjoying nature and building a deep connection with it.
They cultivate their own food in the vast fields and work in the stables. Everyone participates. It’s integral to training.
I enjoy working with horses whenever I have the opportunity. They’re peaceful.
For the first time in my life, I am wearing clean clothes and nice shoes. I can shower whenever I want with warm water, not with a hose. Back home, some days we didn’t have water at all; I’m pretty sure Dick was doing it on purpose so he could feel needed—that abusive mother…
I stop in my tracks.
The thoughts fade away as I look ahead. An orange-haired girl bounces on the ground, twirling until a wide smile spreads across her face. Though her white sneakers are streaked with mud, she remains unfazed, joyfully flinging herself onto the grass and soaking up the sun.
It’s nice today.
A grin pulls at the corners of my mouth, mirroring hers.
I rarely smile.
Sometimes, I smiled at the kids in the circus. They were loved—the evidence was written across their faces. They felt secure and unstoppable. I lived vicariously through them, craving to be loved that way.
As a kid, I often wished I had a sibling because I wanted a best friend. I never attended school; Mom called it homeschooling, but I mostly read books. She didn’t really encourage my intellectual growth, but I was curious enough to learn on my own.
I didn’t want to be the kind of person who opens his mouth and lets everyone hear his lack of education.
I wanted to be somebody.
Dick knew that and used it to get closer to me. He had a library in his tent, and I read all his books.
I constantly immersed myself in books. They were my only friends, even though I was surrounded by kids all the time.
I’m an introvert.
I stayed away from everyone and spent my time in my favorite spot. It didn’t matter anyway. Dick forbade me from walking outside the trailer when people were roaming outside. I could only go out during live shows for a limited time.
I became invisible, just like Dick always said.
I felt like dying, but I didn’t die at their hands; I died in their eyes, and that’s a look I could never forget.
So I can’t ask her, “Hey, do you want to be my friend?”
God, I would sound like a creep, given the timbre of my voice and my intimidating height. Plus, that’s probably not the best way to make friends.
I refocus on the girl from a distance. Her hair spills around her delicate face, creating a perfect contrast. Her eyes are squeezed shut, and her hands are stretched to either side.
That radiant smile still decorates her face.
Inching closer, I settle into a chair, ensuring her safety like a protective bodyguard. No one approaches her, and it will remain that way.
I will keep her safe.
I lean back, absolutely enthralled by her.
I wonder what her life is like. What is her favorite book? Does she even like reading? What does her voice sound like? What makes her smile?
I want to know everything about her.
Her resemblance to the woman who sent me here is uncanny. Maybe she is her daughter. I still don’t know her name. She promised to check on me, but promises slip like water, so I don’t tend to believe them.
The girl jerks upright, shifting her gaze from side to side in search of something until she finally locks her eyes with mine.
Big aquamarine eyes stare at me.
Astonishingly, I can still see them from several feet away.
Her hair shimmers against her fair complexion, while a constellation of light freckles dots her face, accentuating her beauty.
Paralyzed in my seat, I stare dumbfounded.
What should I do?
I had never talked to a girl before because I was ashamed of my appearance. I didn’t want them to think I was a creep. I’m not. But I did kill someone. I’m a killer. I don’t deserve to have a friend, especially someone as innocent as her. So delicate. Precious.
Her eyes remain fixed on mine, unwavering, and a wave of goosebumps spreads across my body.
I’ve never held anyone’s attention that long, except for Dick.
Heat rushes to my face. I can feel it coming and can’t stop it.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
Is this a contest of who blinks first? I’m pretty sure she has won it a hundred times already. Please stop!
My throat is dry, and I can hardly swallow.
My heart ticks like a time bomb.
My lids are hooded, and my head pounds like the beat of a drum.
When Superman was near kryptonite, its poisonous radiation made him weak. It feels very similar to this, but without the poison—just electric shocks that zap me repeatedly.
Is she my weakness?
Am I going to die beneath the weight of her gaze, or from the curiosity that sparks in her eyes?
“Hey, are you real?” she shouts at me, her voice sweet and slightly smoky.
It takes me a moment to get the words out of my mouth and reply, “I’m an enigma.”
“I like mysteries… and urban tales.”
Good to know.
She sounds confident and… intrigued.
I never want to touch other people, to hug them, or feel the warmth of their bodies against mine. Yet, I have the urge to cup her cheek and run my hand down her hair to soothe her—or perhaps myself.
“Winona!” A familiar voice calls out from the cabin’s doorframe. “Come here, sweetie.”
The girl smiles at me unexpectedly, a dimple lightly denting her cheek. She quickly jumps to her feet and runs toward that voice.
Winona.
Pretty.
I’ll remember that.
I shift my gaze to the cabin.
Before she enters, Winona looks over her shoulder at me and waves.