Chapter 4
Caden
I’m standing in a dense forest, surrounded by thick fog. Silhouettes shift through the gray, jolting me with every snap of a branch. They’re close, but I can’t see them, nor do I want to. I know who they are. What they are. Their earthy smell slips through the fog, climbing up my nose.
Something pointy travels up my back, and I can tell without looking it’s a tail.
I wake up screaming in my bedroom, the foggy forest lingering in my peripheral vision.
I shake my head until it fades, my heart drumming hard.
Nightmares have never been a problem for me, and I’m not keen on that changing.
The closest I came to facing them was while sleeping next to Finn.
Poor kid can’t get through a few nights without waking up screaming at least once.
I wipe cold sweat from my forehead and look out my window.
It looks like early morning from the way the lighting system is set up.
I push through my grogginess and stretch.
I’ve barely been here a day, yet I already miss the feeling of fresh air in my lungs.
Once you get used to the outside world, you realize how claustrophobic the Hive can be.
After I enlisted, the only thing that kept pulling me back was Josh, but he went and enlisted without telling me a few years later, and we rarely got to return at the same time.
Then came Finn, and for the first time in years, I wanted to return to the Hive. But the distance between the sacrifices each of us was willing to make grew into a chasm. Even now, we’re still standing on both sides, waiting for the other to compromise.
Or maybe he’s done waiting. He could have found someone else during my long stays away from Unity.
Is it okay for me to say that I’ve missed you?
Would he have said that if there were another man in his life? I’m not sure I have the right to ask him.
I take a freezing shower to push away the last traces of sleep, then put on a fresh uniform, but without the armor—if I can’t feel safe in my home, there’s not much point in fighting to protect it.
Although I also felt safe when I was sixteen, right before the Raiders invaded and killed my brother Ruben and hundreds of other innocent civilians.
I may rarely dream, but I remember every single minute of that day like it happened yesterday.
Just as I saw the Defenders approaching and allowed myself to feel relieved, I turned my head to find Ruben’s lifeless eyes staring at me, as if accusing me of letting him die.
I take my spare gun and slide it into my holster.
Later, I’ll need to sign for a new rifle.
I leave my apartment and go to the shopping area, which is already filled with people who either work here or have come to shop before starting their day.
In the Hive, unemployment isn’t a thing.
If you have nothing to do, something will be assigned to you—worry not.
I say hello to most people I see, which is unavoidable when you’re surrounded by the same familiar faces for your entire life.
Riders on bicycles pass by me in their designated lane, even though you can get from one side of the floor to the other in about thirty minutes on foot.
Before I can decide where to grab breakfast, I hear, “Yo, Anderson!”
I turn to see Trey walking toward me, wearing the same black uniform as mine, minus the captain’s rank on his shoulder. His smile fades as he approaches. “Good to see you, man. Sorry about what happened.”
He doesn’t know what happened because the general won’t let the truth out so fast.
“Thank you.”
Trey twitches his lips as if he’s debating what to say. His ginger hair is cut short, and the skin around his nose is dotted with freckles. He used to have more of those back when we were in the orphanage. “Should I salute you or something?”
I roll my eyes. “Have you eaten already?”
“Yeah, but just one breakfast. Take me somewhere fancy, Captain.”
I choose a small place that sells delicious sandwiches as well as the most bitter coffee in the Hive. We order food and drinks, and I pay for both of us.
“Can I ask what happened?” Trey asks quietly.
“An ambush went wrong. Same old shit.”
“Well, but you…” He blushes as he looks away. With his complexion, he can never hide a blush.
What he wants to say is, but you survived.
I can’t explain to him what happened without going into details I’m not at liberty to share. “Should I blow my head off to make people less suspicious?”
Trey shakes his head. “Didn’t mean it like that. Sorry.”
I sigh into my coffee. It’s strong enough to wake the dead and give them a stomachache. “Don’t worry about it. Once the higher-ups give the green light, I’ll share what I can.”
He smiles. “I’d say you’re pretty high up, Captain Anderson.”
He’s right, but I couldn’t care less. At the end of the day, it’s you and your fellow Defenders on the battlefield, and all of you are targets regardless of your rank.
“Eat your food, Private Cole.”
He does, which keeps him quiet for a whole two minutes before he asks, “Any news from Josh and his Semi?”
“I haven’t checked since I returned. He sent me a letter about a month ago.”
“Cool. Where are you heading now?”
“I need to get a new rifle and see about a new squad.”
“Already? I mean… sorry.”
I let it slide and go take the elevator up to the Heights, then to HQ, where a new rifle is already waiting for me. It’s a new model, more advanced than my previous one, but I don’t fall for pretty toys. I’ll need to take out some Raiders with it before I feel it’s truly mine.
I head over to Major Grant, who is my superior officer. Once we get the polite greetings out of the way, he says, “You’re on time off for now. We might have some more questions for you soon.”
“Then I can use the time to assemble a new squad.”
He sighs and looks away, making my blood warm. “Sir?”
“Give it some time, Anderson. I know you’re eager, but a bad reputation… it goes away quickly around here.”
That’s a blunt lie. A bad reputation trickles through the concrete floor and turns into a stain you can’t wash away. I’ve seen it happen to good Defenders throughout the years. I won’t agree to be a captain of no one, and I’ve no interest in an office job or being demoted.
“I’ll be back in a few days,” I say. “If I can’t have a new squad by then, consider it my resignation.”
“Hold on, Anderson. Hey, I’m talking!”
But I’m done talking. I exit his office and leave the building, taking my bad reputation with me.
*
As is tradition, I volunteer at our rehabilitation center for a few hours.
There are twenty Defenders there today, some missing limbs while others are physically fine, but their minds were damaged.
I listen quietly to their stories and help with their exercises.
When they ask about my latest battle, I change the subject, and they get the hint.
I’m exhausted by the time I leave, eager to unwind at The Den with some shitty beer, but Timothy steps in my way. “Hello, Caden.”
I crouch in front of him. “What’s up?”
“A lot is happening, as I’m sure you know. How are you?”
It should feel strange speaking to a synthetic spider with the consciousness of a dead scientist, but I got used to the idea during our long journey back from Kansas. “I’m okay. Waiting for a new squad.”
“Good. Have you seen Finn today?”
I can’t help but feel like I’m being subtly reprimanded. “Not yet.”
“I’m supposed to meet him at Roses, but you should meet him instead.”
I nod and stand up. “On my way.”
“Good. Please be kind to him.”
“I’m always kind to him.”
“No, you’re not.”
*
The fancy restaurant is located in the heart of the park, not far from the memorial statue shaped like a tear to honor those we lost on Skyfall. The names of the victims scroll one after another on a small screen, including the name of my late brother, Ruben.
I stop to watch Finn sitting at a table outside, his head bowed as he’s reading some documents.
He was so proud when he learned how to read, using that old Moomins’ book to practice while we were searching for the Semi-Humans’ lab in Kansas.
I knew that silly book by heart because of him, but I’ve never minded hearing him practice.
He raises his head and glances around until our eyes meet. If this was a few months ago, he would have been smiling at the sight of me, but he’s not.
I enter the restaurant and step into the back garden, which is surrounded by a white fence. There’s a small fountain close by with real fish. “Mind if I sit?”
Finn arranges the documents in a pile and slips them into his bag. “Sure. Timothy should be here soon.”
“I’m the replacement.”
He frowns. “Oh.”
I sit in front of him. “I’ll try to measure up. What are you reading?”
“Reports of Raiders’ attacks from recent months.”
“Found anything relevant?”
“Yes.” He lowers his voice. “One child who survived a raid claimed that his caravan was attacked by giant lizards. Another woman claimed the same thing a month later, and both attacks were north of here, around the border with Wyoming.”
All of those old names don’t mean much to me, but people like Finn like using them. “Any mention of a human fucker with a tail?”
“Nothing.”
I cross my arms. “Well, it’s good to know I didn’t imagine the lizards at least.”
“Nobody thinks you did.”
“Some do, and I’m now officially considered bad luck.”
“You’re not—” A waitress comes to take our orders. I choose the chicken and rice, and Finn takes pasta.
“You’re not bad luck,” he says once we’re alone again, “just annoying and stubborn. Anyway, I have a proposition for you.”
“Calling me annoying and stubborn might not be the smartest way to go about it.”
He leans forward with his elbows on the table. “I need to travel to High Hope.”
I don’t like the sound of that. “That’s far. Why?”
“I need to meet with their king and discuss our alliance. We can’t have him staying on the sidelines with everything that’s going on.”
I digest his words and realize the responsibility on his shoulders.
Barely more than a year ago, this eighteen-year-old kid lied his way into Unity, and it’s hard to imagine he’s now being tasked with such an important assignment.
Or maybe it’s not that hard to imagine, since I saw the fire in him the first time we met.
He demanded we take him with us to Unity, and it felt easier to let him try his luck than to argue.
“The general wants to send a small force with us so we won’t draw too much attention. Timothy will join and help with sensing nearby danger, but we still need a leader.” He shifts in his seat. “Would you come?”
I scratch the back of my head, thinking it over. “I see the logic in taking a small force, but if things heat up, you’re screwed.”
“Even a bigger force can be taken down.”
True.
“Can’t the king send someone here instead?” I ask.
Finn shakes his head, his dark curls slightly longer than usual. One curl dangles over his forehead, almost reaching his eye. “When you deal with High Hope, you do it there. The king has a bad case of the ego, as Dino calls it.”
“I understand, but I’m going to get a new squad soon. Can you wait a couple of weeks for me to find the right people for this mission?”
“I can’t. Dino wants me to leave in the next few days.”
What happened to my squad likely made things more urgent. “If I leave the Hive now, I can forget about getting a new squad. If I’m not here to push…”
“Then get a squad when we’re back.”
I haven’t been without a squad in years. It feels wrong. “Let me think about it, okay?”
“Sure.”
But I can tell he hoped I’d agree on the spot.
It will give us a chance to be away from the Hive together, which hasn’t happened since we got back from Kansas.
Still, I can’t agree to such a long mission without thinking it through and speaking with the general, but a part of me knows he’s not likely to approve.
My relationship with Dino has always been an issue between us, making the general suspicious of me.
I used to be bothered by that, but after the general kept Josh in custody for weeks and demanded he be put on trial, I stopped giving a damn.
We get our food and eat while keeping the conversation light, but I find myself growing uneasy. I don’t like being casual and polite with him, knowing I can’t touch or flirt. It feels like I’m forced to play the role of someone who isn’t into him, and I’m not that good an actor.
“Are you seeing anyone?” The question slips out of my mouth before I can stop it.
He seems taken aback. “No.”
I wait for him to ask me as well, but he doesn’t, maybe because he knows it’s highly unlikely with my lifestyle, or maybe he doesn’t care either way.
“Cool,” I say. “Was just curious.”
He gives me a hard look. “You don’t have the right to ask me that.”
“I don’t?”
“You broke up with me, so—”
“The fuck I did.” I can’t believe he sees things this way.
He takes a measured breath, more controlled than he used to be, but I know that big-mouthed kid is still in there. “I told you how hard it was for me to have you leave all the time, and you chose not to do anything about it, so it was you who broke up with me, asshole.”
Before I can reply, he abruptly stands up and grabs his bag. “I’ll tell them to put the food on my tab.”
“Finn, sit down. We’re talki—”
Off he goes. I watch as he exits the restaurant and hurries away.
Damn him. Damn him for being right.