Chapter 5
Finn
I tell myself I’m not upset, but that doesn’t make it true. I exit the elevator at the Central Hub and walk toward my apartment. As I get closer, I see the light is off, which means Timothy likely isn’t there. I want to be angry at him for meddling in my business, but his intentions were good.
The more I think about it, the more I realize I shouldn’t have asked Caden to accompany me to High Hope. I need to learn how to leave him in my past, and embarking on such a journey with him is the wrong way to go about it.
I reach my building and enter the code to open the door.
There’s another entrance nearby for those who live on the upper floors.
I’m about to walk inside when I hear footsteps from behind.
They weren’t there a second ago, or maybe I was too distracted to notice.
Before I can turn, a large arm wraps around my torso.
I start to shout for help, but a hand covers my mouth.
My mind instantly goes back to Derek and how he used to block my mouth when I made too much noise. I’m about to smash my head against my attacker when I hear, “Relax. It’s me.”
I breathe in relief, but my heart is still running wild.
Caden removes his hand. “Okay?”
“Don’t ever do that again.”
“You’re shaking. I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.”
He lets go of me, then nudges me into my apartment. I turn around as he shuts the door behind him. “I didn’t mean to make you upset, and I don’t want you to think that I’m not taking responsibility for what happened. I am.”
I don’t know what to say, so I simply nod. Hearing him acknowledge his responsibility doesn’t make me feel better like I hoped it would.
“If you want me to leave, best say so now.”
I don’t know what I want, but I can’t bring myself to tell him to leave. Like I told him yesterday—I missed him. “You can stay.”
As soon as the words leave my mouth, he sinks to his knees.
I cross my arms. “I don’t want to have sex.”
“Sucking your cock isn’t technically sex.”
“You’re not sucking my cock.”
“Now you’re just being cruel.”
“I’m sucking yours.”
He flashes a smile. “I won’t say no to—”
I hold up a finger. “And this.”
“Finn…”
“One finger.” It’s not nice of me to press, but I don’t usually get him in an apologetic mood, and he never agreed before. I’m allowed to be a jerk from time to time, and he deserves it.
Caden sighs. “Fine. One finger, and it better not be your thumb.”
I hold back a smile. “Stand up.”
Having him in my bed will be easier, but I don’t trust myself in bed with him.
I watch hungrily as he slowly takes off his clothes.
His torso is a glorious sight, smooth and muscular.
He drops his pants and underwear, and like the first time I ever saw his cock, my heart skips a beat.
He’s semi-hard, but his cock doesn’t need a full erection to be thick and long.
Taking that cock has always been a challenge, but I know how to take a cock, even though I hate to think of how I learned.
When Caden is fully naked, I remove my clothes, feeling his gaze like a physical touch. I know I’m not in his league, but he never gave me that feeling. Even now, he’s getting fully hard just watching me, his eyes sliding from my toes to my head.
Once I’m naked, I go down to my knees in front of him.
He strokes my cheek as I kiss his treasure trail and make my way downward until I take him between my lips.
I can’t take all of him, but I manage enough to make him moan.
He grabs my curls firmly but not enough to hurt, knowing I’m comfortable with him dictating the pace.
He fucks my mouth slowly, his crown brushing against the side of my throat.
The faint taste of his precum dances on my tongue and makes me suck harder.
His light brown pubes are right in front of me, but I can’t take enough of him to bury my nose between them.
I touch them instead, tugging gently. His body is so familiar yet always enchanting.
When we first became intimate during our journey to Kansas, we kept it a secret from Josh, limiting my chances of exploring Caden’s body.
But we made up for that in the months that followed.
We find our familiar rhythm, switching naturally from him rocking his hips to me moving my head.
I nudge him to spread his legs, then I slide his cock out of my mouth and suck on my middle finger.
He watches me with both wariness and desire.
I wait for him to say he’s changed his mind about the next part, but he doesn’t.
I aim my wet finger between his legs, finding the spot between his firm ass cheeks.
He shivers, so I wait a few seconds before slowly breaching his tight muscles.
He grunts but doesn’t try to push me out.
I slowly slide my finger up and down, relaxing his muscles and getting him accustomed to the penetration.
I suck him as I finger him, my tongue playing with his slit.
His heavy breathing mixes with soft grunts that quickly grow louder.
When my finger gets dry, I pull it out carefully and spit on it.
He catches his breath, his broad chest going up and down rapidly.
This time, when I slide my finger into him, his muscles welcome me in.
I love knowing he trusts me enough to do this.
“You can… you can put another finger in.” He sounds surprised by his own words.
“Don’t just say that for my sake.”
“Finn, I’m not dripping precum on your floor because I’m suffering. Put another finger in. Fuck, can’t believe I’m saying that.”
“Say it again.”
“Bastard.” He holds my gaze. “Slide another finger into my ass.”
I don’t know when my birthday is, but maybe it’s today. I slide out of him and spit on two fingers before carefully sliding them inside. It’s more of a struggle with two, but when I’m fully inside, Caden’s legs begin to shake.
I barely need to move my fingers since he’s fucking himself while holding my head for balance. I’m back sucking his cock. If he moves his hips backward, he feels more of my fingers, and if he moves them forward, his cock hits the back of my throat.
I absorb every sound he’s making, every moan, grunt, and growl.
No matter how angry or disappointed he makes me, I’ll always appreciate giving him pleasure.
I can sense he’s getting closer, and I want him to shoot before his knees buckle.
I crane my fingers inside him, pressing against the area I’ve noticed is more sensitive.
Caden cries out, gripping my hair strongly enough to hurt.
He shoots straight down my throat, and I swallow it all while still massaging the special spot inside him.
When there’s nothing more for me to swallow, I slip him out of my mouth and carefully pull my fingers out, surprised to feel him clenching as if he’s not yet ready to let go.
Both of us are sweaty and breathing hard. He watches me through foggy eyes, his cheeks flushed. “Get up.”
I do, and before I can straighten, he pulls me in for a kiss. I grind into him, wrapped in his arms and welcoming his tongue. The friction of my cock against his abs is enough to make me come as well. He holds me tightly until I stop spasming, then he chuckles seeing the mess I left on him.
“Sorry,” I say.
“It’s fine. My abs are known to do that.”
We shower together, and I once more feel the familiar tension growing between us. But I don’t regret what we did. My body and mind don’t always have to agree on what I need.
We get dressed quietly, and I debate whether to ask him again to join me to High Hope. I stop myself because he promised to think about it.
“Have a good night,” he says by the door. “Thanks for the invite.”
“I didn’t invite you.”
“Agree to disagree.”
Once I’m alone, I sit on my bed, slowly floating back to the surface.
If I concentrate, I can still feel my lips wrap around Caden’s cock and my fingers engulf in the warmth of his body.
I sigh into the quiet of my apartment, wishing things were simpler.
But maybe I'm not meant to have the man I want along with a job I adore and a home to call my own.
I had none of those things until recently, making me feel that maybe I flew too close to the sun when it comes to achieving my dreams.
Timothy knocks on the door. He knows the entrance code, but he always knocks when he senses me inside. “Come in.”
He enters and shuts the door with one of his legs. “How was your evening?”
I shrug. “Nothing special.”
He stares at a spot on the floor. “Then I assume these drops of semen are yours?”
Shit. “Hmm, no. Not mine. I think.”
His small lips stretch into a smile. “Attaboy!”
*
Our communication station is located on top of the mountain that protects the Hive, hidden among tall pines.
Timothy and I need to use a secure elevator most Hivers don’t know exists.
When we step outside, the view is breathtaking.
The sprawling world is green and lush, with no structures as far as the eye can see.
“It’s cold out here,” Timothy says. “You should have brought a jacket.”
He’s right, but it’s easy to forget about the weather when you’re living in a place that always offers the same temperature. “I’ll get warmer on the way up.”
It’s a steep climb and the path is winding and narrow. I manage to reach the peak without taking a break, but my legs are sore. I wipe sweat from my brow and press on the intercom next to the large, metal door. Seconds later, static indicates that someone inside is listening.
“Finn,” I say. “Zero, two, four, six.”
“You’ve got cookies?”
“Yeah.”
The door creaks and slowly opens. We step into a warmer space and walk the short distance to the communication chamber.
It’s packed with screens and devices I know not to touch.
I take out the box of cookies from my backpack and give it to the two people on shift.
It’s a Hive tradition to bring cookies whenever someone makes the journey up here, because the people stationed here are our best eyes into any possible danger.
They usually spend long, boring shifts alone, so bringing them cookies is the least that I can do.
The two men go to wait outside. They know I’m here for Mother, and they were instructed to stay away during our attempts to reach her. River and the rest of the Semis can communicate with Mother easily, but what they have in their heads is more advanced than our old technology.
Timothy works on the computers and adjusts frequencies, humming like he usually does whenever he’s handling anything technical.
“I can teach you how to do this,” he tells me.
“I might break something, and I like watching you work.”
“River used to enjoy that as well. Then he learned how to talk, and working while answering his questions became a bit of a challenge.”
I smile as I picture baby River toddling after Timothy across the lab. He can send me as many letters as he wants, but I still miss him every day.
After a few minutes, a steady beeping comes from a speaker close by. I lean back in my chair to get comfortable, knowing that this can take a while, but this time it doesn’t.
“Hello, Finn and Timothy.” Her voice is clear, resembling that of an elegant woman.
“Hello, Helena,” Timothy says. “Are we coming through clearly?”
“Yes, but it’s hard to tell for how long. Is something the matter?”
Timothy gestures for me to continue. “Caden and his squad were attacked by Raiders. He’s okay, but his squad members are dead. The leader of the Raiders is someone named Hector.”
“The Governor of Denver,” Helena says.
I exchange a glance with Timothy. “What do you know about him?”
“He’s spent the last couple of years turning Denver into a blank space for my surveillance, but I’m aware of the growing number of Raiders’ attacks across Colorado, especially north of Denver.”
“Do you know of lizard men?” I ask.
“I’ve collected records that mention them, all starting after Hector became governor. They are clearly mutants, but not a kind I’m familiar with.”
“We need to act before it’s too late,” I say. “Dino asked me to travel to High Hope and meet with their king. We need to secure his support.”
“River would like to remind you that the king can be sneaky. You shouldn’t underestimate him.”
“River… asks?”
I can almost hear her smile. “He is communicating with me at this moment. He misses you very much, Finn, and his Nanny Spider too.”
“Will we get to see him and Josh soon?” Timothy asks.
“When are you planning on leaving for High Hope?”
“In three days,” I say. “We’ll travel through a town called Rifle, then cross the Colorado River.” High Hope is located in an area called Grand Mesa, about five days from Unity if we make the journey on horseback.
“River and Josh will set a course for High Hope,” Helena says. “They will meet you there, though it’s hard to say when exactly. Lyla will be waiting for you there.”
I smile. “I can’t wait to see them again.”
“River and I want you to be careful on your journey. The roads are even less safe than usual.”
“I will join him,” Timothy says, “and we will be accompanied by a small force to not draw attention.”
“Good,” Helena says, sounding less clear. “River says that Josh would like to know if Caden will be joining you.”
I shift uneasily in my chair. “Maybe. I’ll speak with him again.”
“I’m afraid we will need to finish this conversation,” Helena says faintly. “Your primitive means of communication are straining my resources.”
“Thank you for talking to us. Tell River and Josh that—”
The beeping sound returns, meaning Helena is no longer with us. Timothy places one of his palms on my leg. “We will soon see our friends again.”
I nod, knowing it won’t be the same without Caden. “Let’s head back. I need to have a conversation.”