Chapter 8 #2
I sigh, hating what I’m hearing. “Unity is still your home.”
“Is it?”
He’s right to question that. He was exiled as a traitor and was only allowed back after River’s “death” and the destruction of Las Vegas. Even though he’ll be welcomed back, it’s hard for me to picture River living in the Hive.
“There’s something else,” Josh says quietly.
“Go on.”
I feel him struggling to find the words, and I’m shaken when I hear him sobbing. I kiss his shoulder, giving him time to compose himself.
“I sometimes look at him, and I think… my River’s dead. I saw him die. I broke his skull, so how can he be real? Everything about him is still so River, but I can’t act like nothing happened. I feel like I should mourn someone who’s right there. I’m… I’m lucky but I’m cursed. Does that make sense?”
I hug him tighter. “Damn right it does. Hell, I would’ve been surprised if it didn’t affect you. But like you said, it is him now. And remember how bad you felt when you thought he was dead—you were quite shitty.”
“Shut up.”
“Do you love him?”
“Of course I do.”
“Then let things work themselves out.”
He snuggles back against me. “I would’ve been so pissed off if you didn’t come on this mission.”
“And miss showering with you? Nah.” I feel more at home with him right now than I do in Unity without him.
“Are you and Finn back together?”
I never told him officially that we had broken up, but Finn must have told River at some point. “We’re not together.”
“You two seemed fine at dinner.”
“We like spending time together, in and out of bed.”
He chuckles. “Did you let him fuck you yet?”
“You know me better than that.” I clear my throat. “Just two fingers.”
“No!”
“Shh.”
He bursts out laughing, and I don’t mind since I love his laughter.
He calms down and asks, “How scary was Hector?”
I ponder before I answer. “The scary part was that he wasn’t that scary. He seemed like any other Raider I was about to kill, until he wasn’t. It makes me wonder how many others like him are out there.”
“Thanks for giving me something sweet to dream about.”
I kiss the back of his head. “The fuck you’re worried about? I’ll protect you.” I regret saying that immediately. I made a vow to protect him a long time ago, and I failed when I let him fall down a hill and get captured by Raiders. He survived, but not because of me.
I fall asleep feeling troubled, wondering if I can keep my vow to him this time.
*
Their dark silhouettes shift through the fog, circling me like they’re hunting.
The air is frosty, and the ground is damp beneath my bare feet.
My heart beats faster the closer they get, sweat soaking into my dirty uniform.
A voice in my head tells me this is just a dream, but it feels too real.
I’m looking for something to pick up and use as a weapon, but I only find dead leaves.
The creatures in the fog hiss and click as if they’re about to attack. God, I hate their smell.
“What the fuck do you want?” My voice echoes like I’m in a tunnel, but I can see parts of the dark sky above me.
The hissing and clicking continue, some sounding right behind me, but I can’t turn around fast enough to see them. “Show yourself!”
The silhouettes stop at once, leaving me to wonder if I should have kept my mouth shut.
I once again try to convince myself that this is just a vivid nightmare, but I can feel every drop of sweat sliding down my face.
I was here before, right when I returned to Unity, and it didn’t feel like a dream back then either.
I hold my breath as the first one emerges from the fog. It has the same large lizard head I saw after my squad was butchered. A six-foot-tall creature with a somewhat humanoid body that is covered in green scales. Those sharp claws can tear through my flesh like paper.
Four others step out of the fog, their yellowish eyes focusing on me. I should turn around and escape, but I feel them all around me.
“Stay the fuck back!” But my words are hollow since I have nothing to use as a weapon.
The lizard men hiss in unison, and it sounds like they’re calling my name. I listen closely until I hear it again. Caden.
I don’t have time to wrap my head around what the hell is happening, because the lizard men are almost upon me, their sharp claws raised. I can’t keep standing like a fool and wait for them to butcher me.
This isn’t how I die.
I raise my fists and lunge.
*
“Caden, stop!”
I catch myself right when I’m about to hit again, but who am I hitting?
No.
Josh sits in the bed next to me, holding his face and breathing heavily.
“Shit, I—”
The door bursts open. River stands at the doorway, murder in his eyes.
“I’m fine!” Josh yells and lowers his hands. He’s bleeding from a cut on his lip, and I can already tell I gave him a black eye.
“Why did you hit him?” River asks and enters the room with Finn and Timothy at his heels. Based on the faint light outside, it must be around five in the morning.
“He had a bad dream,” Josh says, dripping blood onto the blanket we’re sharing. “It wasn’t on purpose.”
“Fuck, I’m sorry.” I rub my face, trembling with the realization of what I’ve done.
“Come to the other room so I can stop the bleeding,” River says, not meeting my eyes.
“Joshy—”
“It’s fine.” He squeezes my hand. “You hit like a little girl.”
I wish that was true. He’s going to look worse in a couple of hours. He leaves with River and Timothy, and I’m left with Finn, who’s looking at me with a scowl. “What?” I ask.
“Since when do you have nightmares?”
I run my hand through my damp hair. “Since after Hector’s attack. I’m… I’m in a foggy forest with those lizards coming after me.”
“So it’s the same nightmare every time?”
“It only happened twice, but yes.” I lean back against the headboard. “Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like I’m concerned?”
“Like I’m crazy.”
“Oh, get over yourself. You’re not crazier than any of us.”
I manage a smile although I still feel like shit. “Best for us not to sleep together until I get this shit under control.”
He shakes his head. “I’ll just tie you down before we go to sleep. It will make it easier to finger you.”
He exits the room before I can think of a reply.
I try to slow down my racing heart and rationalize what happened.
I’m clearly more affected by my encounter with Hector than I thought, but I’ve lived through plenty of horrible shit during my years as a Defender, and nothing has ever made me react this way.
Something isn’t right.
I can feel it.