Change of Heart

Chapter 21

21

So there’s a chance that had I not screwed things up so royally at my first go round as a wedding planner, I might have actually done well in that career path.

At the very least, I’m kicking ass at this whole fundraising business.

I do a final walk-through, my eyes scrupulously examining every detail before dashing back to my cottage to change for the evening. Luckily, I don’t have to worry about hair and makeup as the moment I stepped out of the shower after my bakery shift, I was ready to go, my normal makeup made more dramatic by dark liner, thick lashes, and a bright red lip.

Throwing open my closet, I realize in the moment I should have thought to plan out my outfit, but it turns out I didn’t need to worry. The perfect little black dress is hanging right in the center of the closet, a pair of strappy heels resting on the carpet below. Diamond drop earrings and a dainty necklace sit atop the dresser just waiting for me. Dare I say, I may have gotten used to this on-demand stylist deal.

I change quickly, wanting to be back at the event site before any of the guests arrive. That doesn’t stop me from lingering on the front porch for longer than it should take to close and lock my door. But there’s no hint of Ben.

I stride down Main Street, smiling as the large clear tent set up in the middle of the green comes into view. The evening air holds a chill, but the tent is perfectly warm. The ceiling of the tent has been strung with tiny lights, and the combination of the lights and the clear view of the night sky above is absolutely magical.

The tables are set with simple china and lush floral centerpieces, the dance floor is gleaming, and the band is tuning up, everyone having donated their time and services to make sure the bakery survives.

“Everything looks absolutely amazing, Cam. I can’t believe this.” Emma’s eyes are wide as she takes in the room.

“It turned out okay, yeah?”

She loops her arm through mine. “This is better than okay. It’s incredible. How can I ever thank you for everything you’ve done for me and the bakery?”

“I’m happy to do it.” I pull back a little, under the guise of checking out her dress, but mostly so we don’t have to continue down the emotional route of this conversation. I don’t know if this mascara is waterproof or not. “You look absolutely breathtaking, by the way.”

She does a little shimmy, the swingy skirt of her bright red dress dancing around her legs. The crimson pops against her brown skin and the neckline is daringly low for Heart Springs. Ethan doesn’t stand a chance tonight. “Thank you. You look gorgeous as usual.”

“Thank you.” I let her pull me into a hug because it’s just too hard to resist Emma’s hugs. “I hope it’s enough to save the bakery.”

“It will be. I can feel it.”

A server from the catering team approaches us, her steps timid. Which is a little dramatic as I’ve barely raised my voice at the staff. “The first guests are arriving. Did you want someone from our team to check them in?”

I shake my head and take the clipboard she hands me. “I’ll do it. I want to have face time with everyone. You should come with me, Em. Remind the people why we’re here.”

She slides her arm through mine again, and we make our way to the entrance where a small crowd has already gathered.

Emma and I greet the guests and let them know their table numbers. Emma shines, her bright smile never dropping as she makes conversation with every person who enters the tent.

What’s more surprising is that I do too. Pretty much everyone I greet has something nice to say about the event, and how happy they are to be there. Many of them offer me smiles and ask how I’m doing. No one threatens to push me into a giant vat of water, so things are much improved since our last community event.

It’s almost time to get started, but some key players are still missing. Namely Ben and Noah. My stomach turns a little at the thought of Noah not showing up. I suppose he would be well within his rights, given the purpose of the event, but he told me he would be here, and who else is going to bid on me if he doesn’t show?

Right before I can spiral into full-on panic mode, a pair of strong arms encircles me from behind.

“Sorry I’m late.”

I pivot, the motion mostly not on purpose dislodging Noah’s arms from my waist. “No problem, I’m just happy you’re here.” I make a show of checking his name off the list and searching for his table number, even though we’re obviously seated together. He looks good, of course, the cut of his suit tailored and sharp, the blue of his tie an exact match to his eyes.

As I turn to lead him to his seat, my eyes catch on a couple entering the tent. My brain absolutely freezes, my feet along with it.

Ben’s steps stutter as his eyes lock on mine, but luckily for his date, he doesn’t lose his full range of motion.

I think Noah is trying to get my attention, but I can’t be sure because I’m only capable of focusing on one thing right here in this present moment. And it isn’t him.

It’s him .

Ben wears a dark gray suit, clean and classic and simple in a beautiful way. He’s paired it with a navy blue shirt, open at the neck without a tie. His thick hair, so often unruly, has been tamed in a way that makes me want to run my fingers through it and muss it up again.

It isn’t until he clears his throat and gestures to the woman standing next to him that I regain any sort of motor function. I almost lose it all again when my eyes drift to the woman, Lindsay obviously. She’s gorgeous, of course. Wearing a soft pink dress with a sweetheart neckline, her dark brown curls sweeping over her pale shoulders. She offers me a blinding smile and I wonder if she’s as perfect as she looks, if she and Ben are as well suited in reality as they look together in this moment.

“You must be Lindsay.” I direct my words to her, not sure I have the ability to look Ben in the eye and make sounds come out of my mouth. I check off their names on my list and gesture toward Noah, waiting patiently by my side, though he is watching me with a questioning glint in his eyes. “Ben and I need to go get ready for the auction, but maybe the two of you could find your seats. We’re all at the same table.”

Noah’s jaw tightens ever so slightly, but he flashes Lindsay a wide grin and offers her his arm. “You two have fun up there.”

Without a second glance, our dates head toward the front of the room, chatting amiably along the way.

I finally allow myself to meet Ben’s eyes. “Hi.”

“Hi.” He rocks forward on his toes a bit before shoving his hands in his pockets and leaning back.

“For a second I thought you might not be coming.”

“And miss the opportunity to show you up out there? Not a chance.”

A grin tugs on my lips and his face splits in an answering smile.

“You look beautiful, sweetheart.” His voice is so low, I have to lean in to hear him. God, he smells good.

“You clean up pretty okay yourself.”

The sound of a throat clearing pulls me from my Ben-induced haze once again. Emma’s eyes flit between the two of us, something knowing and worried lurking in the depths of them. “It’s time to start the auction.”

I pull back from Ben, straightening my dress, though not a stitch is out of place. “Great! Let’s go!” My voice is overly cheerful, but they both blessedly ignore it and follow me toward the stage.

Our group of auctionees is waiting off to the side, and after a quick run-through, I accept the mic from the emcee and climb up on the stage.

“Hello everyone,” I begin, giving the crowd a couple of seconds to finish their conversations. “Thank you so much for coming out tonight to our Save the Bakery fundraiser.” I hold for applause and am granted a rousing chorus of cheers. “I know it means so much to Emma to see you all here supporting her tonight. Now, I promise we have a fun night of dinner and dancing ahead of us, but before we can cut loose, it’s time to raise some money!” This round of cheers is louder than the first and I make a mental note to tip the bartenders extra as they clearly have done their jobs well. “And what better way to kick off this auction than with the woman of the hour herself: please give it up for Emma!”

This time the yells and hollers are so loud, I have to force myself not to cover my ears.

Emma climbs to the stage with a look on her face that can only be described as pure and unadulterated terror. She steps toward me and turns to face the audience, her hands clasped in front of her.

“Smile,” I whisper fiercely in her ear.

She obliges, but it’s definitely not the winning grin she usually sports.

“All right, everyone. Let’s start this off with a bang. Who’s willing to give a hundred dollars for a date with this gorgeous woman? If you ask nicely, she’ll probably bring some baked goods!”

Several hands shoot into the air, and we’re off. It doesn’t take long for Emma’s numbers to climb. I’m so busy keeping track of the bids that I don’t notice the disappointed look in her eyes until we’re down to our final two bidders, two men I don’t recognize, neither of whom are Ethan.

I reach for her hand, squeezing gently as I announce, “Going once, going twice—” I spot Ethan standing in the back of the room, his hands shoved in his pockets, his face pinched. I flash back to our conversation about his lack of funding and how it made him feel like he doesn’t deserve Emma. And I make a decision. “What’s that I see in the back of the room? Another hand? You’d like to bid a thousand dollars, tall guy with the brown hair?”

Emma’s eyes widen and she moves to grab the mic, but I’m too quick for her.

“Sold to that guy in the back!”

Ethan looks confused for a minute, but he finally catches on and a grin spreads across his face. He politely pushes his way through the crowd, offering Emma his hand and helping her off the stage. She throws me a confused but gleeful look over her shoulder and I flash her a thumbs-up in return. Yeah, I’ll have to throw in the cash myself, but what difference does it make when the money isn’t real? The happiness on Emma’s face is real, and that’s worth every penny.

The rest of the dates aren’t quite as exciting, but we continue to make a ton of money and maybe even a love connection or two.

Finally, we’re down to our last two biddees—me and Ben. I’m about to call Ben up to the stage when Emma takes the mic from my hand and nudges me off to the side. “I’ll take it from here,” she whispers to me with a wink.

I don’t like the look of that wink.

“Before we get to our final two daters of the evening, I wanted to take a minute to tell all of you how thankful I am for all of your love and support.” Emma’s barely begun her impromptu speech and tears are already gathering in her eyes. “The last several weeks have been tough, but the care you all have shown me, throughout that time, but especially tonight, has truly made me feel like there’s nothing I can’t do.”

Aw fuck. Now tears are also gathering in my eyes.

Emma turns toward me and I know instinctively there’s no hope for my mascara. “And Cam. To say that none of this would have been possible without you is the understatement of the century. When I needed help, you were there for me, without question. You’ve put aside your own personal business”—her eyes flit in the direction of Noah, but don’t linger there—“to make sure my business has a chance to be saved. I can never thank you enough for the sacrifices you have made for me.” She tucks the microphone under her arm and leads the crowd in a round of applause.

And something weird happens in my stomach as I watch this room of people, most of whom have hated me at some point in time, cheer for me like I’m a homegrown hero.

“I hope you’re proud of yourself, sweetheart,” Ben says, his lips an inch from brushing the shell of my ear. He said something similar to me once before, but without the ring of sincerity.

I let myself take in the room at large, and for one single moment, let myself feel proud. Because I did this. Not for me, or to suck up to my grandmother, or to piss off the rest of my family. I did this for Emma. For someone who truly deserves it.

If this is what it feels like to do good, I may have been going about some things all wrong.

But before I have the chance to introspect too far, Emma is calling Ben up to the stage. His hand squeezes mine as he makes his way past me and up the stairs, and there’s that fucking shiver again.

My eyes dart to our table, the one I have yet to sit at. Noah and Lindsay are chatting, but once Ben takes the stage, she has eyes only for him. She does a little fake stretch, like she’s going to need to be in top condition to win this auction. Ben sees her and a smile tugs on his lips.

My empty stomach roils at the sight, and I probably should have eaten something before this moment, but it’s too late now. I tried to cloak this whole thing in competition vibes, like watching Ben rake in the money was going to somehow be fun and silly.

Now I realize what I’m watching is Lindsay staking her claim.

Which is fine, I tell myself. Ben is a good person and maybe my first real friend ever and I want him to be happy because I’m not a total and complete asshole. At least, not anymore. And as much as I want to get out of Heart Springs, as much as we both want to go home, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want a chance to find his person. He deserves that chance.

And yet.

When Emma opens the bids and Lindsay raises her hand, some force greater than my well-honed logic completely takes over my brain.

“A thousand dollars!” I shout from the side of the stage.

The silence lasts only a second, but fuck, is it deafening.

Emma recovers first. “A thousand dollars! Do I hear eleven hundred?”

“Eleven hundred!” Lindsay echoes. Of course she does and she should and I should shut the fuck up right now and let her win.

“Twelve hundred!” I call before Emma can even ask for it.

She shoots me a look, but Emma’s not dumb and higher bids means more money for the bakery, so she keeps going.

Every person in the room is staring at me.

Well, every person but one.

Ben hasn’t looked at me once since the auction for his date started.

Were my attention where it’s supposed to be, I would also notice that Noah is avoiding looking at me, his gaze buried in a glass of whiskey.

Finally the tension becomes too much for me. “Five thousand dollars!”

The room inhales a collective gasp.

Lindsay looks properly defeated, which should not make me as happy as it does.

“Sold!” Emma cries with a triumphant bang of our ceremonial gavel. “And on that note, our dating auction has come to an end!” She passes the microphone back to the emcee before anyone can protest.

“Thank you, Heart Springs, for those amazing bids!” The emcee’s soothing tone booms through the tent. “Let’s get all of our auctionees and our winners out on the floor for a celebratory dance.”

Shit.

I’m frozen here at the side of the stage, my eyes locked on Ben’s. He hasn’t moved from his position on the stage itself. His expression is unreadable, but there’s no mistaking the heat in his gaze.

What the fuck did I just do.

I can’t even make myself look at Lindsay, let alone chance a glance at Noah. He must be furious, and rightfully so.

“Come on, sweetheart, let’s give the people what they want.” Ben’s voice rumbles low in my ear and burrows down under my skin. His hand finds a place on my lower back, and he guides me to the dance floor.

More than one curious pair of eyes finds their way to us, but most people are more interested in their own partners and the attention slowly shifts away.

Ben places a hand on my waist, linking his other hand with mine. For a minute, all we do is sway to the soft swells of the music surrounding us.

Then I allow myself to look at him.

The music and the people and the bright lights and the sheer mortification fade away and I tuck myself closer into Ben’s embrace.

“Why did you do that?” His words are barely a whisper. I have to move in closer to hear them. He adjusts his hold on me, keeping me there, our bodies pressed together in a way that kicks my heartbeat into overdrive.

I don’t answer right away because I don’t have an answer. “I’m sorry,” I finally say. “I shouldn’t have. I should have let Lindsay win. God knows she deserves you more than I do.”

He shakes his head, dislodging one of his brown curls from his carefully coiffed locks. “Don’t do that. Tell me why.”

I tentatively reach for the stray curl, tucking it back into place. “You know why.”

“Let’s pretend I don’t.” He takes our joined hands and presses them to his chest. His heart is pounding just as fiercely as mine.

“Does it matter why, Ben? If we want to get out of here, if we want to make it back home, we have to follow Mimi’s stupid rules.” I watch his eyes, looking for some hint of hope.

He lowers his head, the two of us no longer dancing so much as we are hugging with a little swagger. “Maybe I’m sick of following the rules, sweetheart.”

My breath catches and my eyes flutter closed as I press my cheek to his. His warmth is everywhere, but it isn’t just the heat of him, it’s the comfort and the safety and the utter peace I find wrapped up in Ben’s arms.

Peace that is shortly destroyed by the emcee once again taking to the mic. “Now how about everyone dances with the person they came with!”

Everyone on the dance floor looks confused, none of the couples separating at the emcee’s command.

Ben and I are the only two forced to separate by this declaration and my cheeks heat at the realization that everyone else either came single and bid or bid on the person they came with.

A strong pair of arms tugs me away from Ben, who doesn’t fully look like he’s willing to let me go until Lindsay steps into his line of sight.

I reluctantly step into Noah’s arms, keeping significantly more distance between the two of us than between me and Ben. I wait for him to say something, to put me out of my misery, but he really has learned how to best torture me given the short amount of time we’ve spent together.

“I don’t know what came over me, Noah.” I can’t seem to make myself apologize because I’m not actually sorry.

Noah puts even more space between us, forcing me to look him in the eye. “This was never actually going to work, was it?”

I shrug, turning away from his piercing gaze as if that will hide the tears beginning to pool in my eyes. “I really did try. I wanted this to work.”

“But it was never going to.”

“It was never going to,” I say softly. I halt our motion, needing to put an end to the farce. “I really am sorry, Noah.”

He shrugs, and I try not to be offended by how easily he takes it. “It is what it is.” He adjusts the cuffs of his suit jacket and strides out of the tent without a backward glance.

I do my best to avoid looking at Ben and Lindsay, but they’re right there in front of me. Ben catches my eye over her shoulder, and I layer a million questions in that look. What are we doing here and Am I the only one feeling this way and Want to get the hell out of here please ?

His eyes are unreadable.

I wait for him to come to me, to gently set Lindsay to the side and take his rightful place in my arms, but the two of them continue to sway while I stand in the middle of the dance floor alone, looking like the complete moron I must be.

I catch his eye and mouth the words Can we talk?

He looks pained, mouths I’m sorry .

Wow. I turn on my heel and make for the exit, keeping my head down so I don’t have to make eye contact with anyone along the way. Technically this is my fundraiser and I should not be abandoning Emma, but I can’t stay here for another minute. Not when I’ve realized what’s been right in front of me this whole time. Not two minutes ago, we were wrapped up in each other’s arms, our heartbeats synced, and now he’s sorry?

Maybe this is what the whole purpose of Heart Springs really is, to show me what it feels like to be treated as disposable, like I have treated so many others. Well, joke’s on Heart Springs because I’ve been disposable my whole life.

I don’t run, and I keep a smile plastered on my face until I’m free and clear from the town square. As far as anyone else is concerned, I could be dashing to the store to pick up more ice.

But the only thing I need right now is to get away.

Thoughts swirl around in my brain like some kind of tornado, and parsing them out, making sense of them while my chest feels like it’s been caved in with a hammer, doesn’t seem likely.

I reach my front door just in time. As soon as it’s safely closed behind me, I dissolve into the kind of tears I don’t remember crying as an adult. The kind of hopeless sobs that come easily when you’re a teenager and you’ve just caught your boyfriend making out with your best friend, the ones you typically don’t have much occasion for as a grown-up.

At least I haven’t had much occasion for these kinds of tears as a grown-up because that would mean I would have to be emotionally invested in something other than my career.

And this right here is as good a reason as any to keep my emotions walled off because look what happens when I start to feel things.

My chest is still heaving, I’m still struggling to catch my breath when there’s a knock on the door. I should have suspected Emma would come look after me, but I’m not about to let her risk her big night for my dumb feelings.

I open the front door, ready to tell her to get back to her party, that I can lay all my problems on her tomorrow.

But Emma doesn’t stand on my front stoop.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” Ben steps through the front door, takes my face in his hands, and kisses me.