Chapter 22
22
I melt into the kiss, fall into it, sink into it, only for it to end a second later.
Ben keeps his hands on my cheeks, wiping away the remains of my tears with his thumbs. “I didn’t mean for you to leave. I just needed a second to tell Linsday it isn’t going to work out between us.”
My hands find the lapels of his coat, hanging on like he’s a life jacket and I’ve just been thrown overboard. “Just to clarify, the us it isn’t going to work out between would be you and Lindsay, right?”
A small smile tugs on his lips. “Yes, sweetheart.”
I tilt my head up, searching for another kiss. He doesn’t make me beg for it, his lips brushing against mine with the softest of flutters. And it’s perfect and zingy and I want more. I rise up on my toes, circling my arms around his neck as I deepen the kiss. His arms cinch around my waist, pulling us so close together, his heartbeat thrums through my chest.
We kiss for what feels like hours before we part, chests heaving, needing to catch our breath.
Ben presses his forehead to mine. “Maybe we should slow down for a minute.”
I groan, sliding my hands down to his chest. It’s firm underneath my palms, and I want to feel it without the layers of fabric separating us. “Or, alternative plan, we should keep going at this rate and see where the night takes us.”
He leans down, planting a gentle kiss on the curve of my neck that makes me shiver. “Trust me, that is most definitely what I want to do.”
“So then what’s the problem?”
He puts a small sliver of space between us, but it’s too much space. “I feel like we’re in uncharted territory here. We don’t really know what’s going to happen tomorrow. What might happen if we were to…you know.”
“Consummate the relationship?”
His eyes flutter closed for a second, like I just whispered a litany of dirty words in his ear instead of describing sex in the most absolutely bland way possible. “God, Cam, I don’t know what the answer is here. All we’ve been trying to do since we got here is get back home.”
“And now I’ve gone and broken all the rules.” I infuse my tone with a teasing lilt, trying desperately to lighten the mood, though his words leave a shadow of doubt hovering over me. “Maybe you’re right. It’s probably a good idea to take things slowly, see how some stuff plays out.”
His thumb returns to my cheek, tracing the line of my jaw. “Sometimes you are very wise, Ms. Andrews.”
I scoff. “Excuse me? Sometimes? How about all the time, thank you very much.” I gesture to the couch. “Now, how about we sit down and pretend to watch a movie and make out a little more?”
He chuckles, leaning down to kiss me on the cheek. “Sounds perfect. Let me just run next door to change first.”
I turn my head, capturing his lips with mine. “Don’t take too long.”
Five minutes later we’re curled up on the sofa, which I swear has widened to somehow magically fit us both comfortably. We can’t be in too much trouble with the Heart Springs gods if the furniture is morphing to accommodate us.
I flip on the TV to its one channel, ready to burrow down and not watch whatever sappy movie is playing today, but Ben seems to have other ideas.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, or the next day, or in the long term, sweetheart, but if tonight is all we get, then I want you to know that it’s been you for me from the beginning.” He smooths back a lock of my hair, tucking it behind my ear in a move no one has ever really tried in real life before.
“That is so not true, and we both know it.” I slip my hand under his navy blue hoodie. “You couldn’t stand me when we first met.”
He shrugs with a grin. “You were a pain in the butt, but somehow I knew you were destined to be my pain in the butt.”
I roll my eyes and wrap the string of his sweatshirt around my finger. “I don’t think you would be saying that if we never got stuck here. If our only interaction was our one terrible date.”
“Believe it or not, I’ve had worse.”
“Of course I believe it. Dating is awful.”
He adjusts his position, turning on his side so we’re facing each other on the sofa. “So maybe it’s a good thing we ended up here. If not, I might never have seen you again.”
The thought of that makes me unbearably sad. “I never thought I would be grateful for Heart Springs.”
“Me either.”
“What do you think Mimi is going to do?” I tug a little on the string of his hoodie, needing another reaffirming press of Ben’s lips to mine. “Is she going to kill us for breaking the rules? Is she going to sentence us both to a lifetime of Heart Springs purgatory?”
“Probably.” He kisses me again, deeper this time. “But it’ll be worth it.”
We quit talking then, and I force myself not to worry about what might come tomorrow. The absolute worst that could happen is that I never find my way back home, and really, at this point, the thought doesn’t sound so terrible. I’ve got a job I like, a friend or two, and a man whose lips are currently finding their way down my neck, causing a trail of goose bumps to explode in their wake.
I bring Ben’s lips back to mine, threading my fingers through his soft hair and tugging just gently enough to make him grunt. His tongue teases the seam of my lips and I open for him.
It’s the kind of kiss you feel absolutely everywhere. Heat pools in my belly and I press myself closer into his embrace, needing more contact and more kisses and more Ben. He rolls me flat on my back, his weight sinking down on me like the most perfect blanket. I groan, rolling my hips, searching for more of him. He slides his thigh in between my legs, giving me the smallest measure of relief.
“I want you so badly, sweetheart.” He mutters the words into my skin, his mouth trailing down my neck, nipping at my collarbone. His position shifts and the hard length of him nudges my hip. “I’ve wanted you for so long.”
“I want you too, Ben.” I shamelessly press my aching core to the firm muscle of his thigh. “I need you.”
Our lips come together again, both of us searching for more, for relief.
I break the kiss, letting my hands trail down his chest until my fingers are dancing along the waistband of his gray sweatpants. “I know we just said literally five minutes ago that we should take this slow, but you also said you don’t know what happens tomorrow, so if we only have tonight then maybe…” I’m not going to beg, but I have no problem putting my powers of persuasion to good use if it means getting what I want, and what I want right now is Ben.
A war wages inside the deep brown of his eyes.
He’s on the verge of capitulating, I can see it. Normally this would be the point where I would push just a little bit further, to make sure things go exactly in my direction.
But something stops me. I don’t want Ben to have to give in. I don’t want him to do this if he’s not truly ready.
So I kiss him softly instead. “Let’s wait until we both feel comfortable.”
He nods, relief washing over him. “Yes, I think that’s a good plan.”
I drop my hand an inch lower. “Maybe for tonight, we could do this instead?” My fingers dance to find what I’m looking for. “It’s not actually going all the way.”
“Not going all the way is taking it slowly, if you think about it.” His eyes flutter closed and his hand reaches for mine, guiding me to stroke him with more pressure. He groans, his forehead falling to mine. “Can I touch you, sweetheart?”
“Fuck yes you can.”
He laughs as his lips find mine again. This kiss is deep and dirty, and I whimper with aching for him.
“Where did you learn to kiss like that, Dr. Loving?” I ask when we finally come up for air.
His mouth moves down the column of my neck. “The only person I want to be thinking about right now, Cam, is you.”
A few minutes later, I can’t even remember my own name. Ben tugs the fabric of my shirt aside, his lips tracing the faintest path over the curve of my breasts before his tongue swirls over the peaked bud of my nipple. The contact makes me gasp and I don’t ever want him to stop, yet I need that mouth in other places.
Ben’s fingers dance down the expanse of my stomach, dipping into my waistband. “Is this okay?”
“Fuck, Ben, everything is okay. Please touch me.”
A sheepish smile tugs on his lips as his fingers drift lower.
I grasp both the pants and my underwear and shove them down to my knees. I haven’t been this horny for someone in a long time, and I need some pressure, some relief before I go absolutely mad.
Ben drags a single finger over me, his sheepish smile turning to something that looks a little like awe. “You’re so wet, sweetheart.”
I take his hand in mine, trying to direct him where I need him most. “I want you, Ben. Have I not made that clear up to this point?”
His finger circles my clit as he watches me, finding the perfect spot, the one that makes my breath freeze in my lungs. “It’s nice to hear you say it.”
“I want you, Ben. Please touch me, give me more.” My voice is breathless and borderline pornlike, but I don’t care. He pulls his touch from me, and I glare at him. “That is the opposite of more.”
He chuckles, his hands dragging down my legs to where my pants still rest at my knees. He removes them completely, tossing them to the side and pushing my legs open. “Patience is a virtue.”
“We both know I’m not exactly vir—” The word gets caught in my throat when his tongue slips through my folds, tracing me, opening me. My back bows off the couch, pressing me closer to his mouth.
He groans and the vibration of it sends a bolt of heat through me. My hips buck, but he doesn’t stop his total assault of my senses. He licks and teases until my vision is hazy. My fingers lock in his hair, holding him to me, not that he shows any intention of breaking away. He slides first one finger, then another into me and I cry out at the fullness. Then his lips focus in on my clit, sucking until I see stars and I completely shatter beneath him, calling his name over and over as the orgasm rockets through me.
His licks turn gentle and almost soothing as I come down from the highest of highs. He kisses a trail up over my stomach. When he’s within reach, I take his face in my hands, kissing him deep enough to taste myself lingering on his tongue.
“Holy shit,” I say, putting enough space between us so I can look him in the eye. “I might actually need to know who taught you that so I can send them a thank-you present.”
He laughs, kissing me again, lighter this time. He holds his weight off of me, but I tug him down, reveling in the feel of being pressed beneath him. He’s still hard, and I rock against the length of him, far fewer layers separating us now.
“Can I touch you?” It’s a question I don’t know that I’ve explicitly asked before. Anytime I’ve been in this position in the past, it was clear to both parties exactly what was going to be happening. But with Ben, I don’t want to push things. I know there is more at stake here than a one-night hookup, and I can think of nothing worse than him waking up tomorrow and regretting what happened here on this couch.
He hesitates for only a second before he nods. “Please, sweetheart. Have your way with me.”
“I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into.” I flash him a wicked smile, rotating us so he’s lying flat on his back. Normally I rush through this part of the equation, but with Ben, I want to take my time. I want to find the spots that make him shiver, find the best way to bring him pleasure. I want to make him feel as good as he made me feel.
Which might be the most selfless thing I’ve ever thought.
Also, it will be fun to torture him.
I tug on his sweatshirt, yanking the whole thing over his head. I take my time, taking him in. The lean muscles of his stomach are defined, his chest covered with a smattering of dark hair. My fingers trace over the lines of his pecs, down to his abs, hovering over the vee pointing me south.
I pay attention to the rise and fall of his chest, to the goose bumps that pop up after I stroke a particularly sensitive part of him. “You’re kind of beautiful, did you know that?” I pull my eyes from his bare skin and meet his gaze.
The look he’s giving me stops my heart in my chest, just for a second. Huh. I didn’t know hearts could literally skip a beat, but the heat in Ben’s gaze is enough to do it.
He reaches up, twining a lock of my hair around his finger. “You’re the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen, Cam.”
The words do something to me. Not because I haven’t heard them before, but because I know Ben doesn’t just mean what he can see on the outside. And that somehow means more than any compliment I’ve ever received before.
“I was already planning on going down on you, you don’t have to flatter me.” I don’t really want to brush off his words, but instinct overrides my better judgment.
Ben rolls his eyes, tightening his grip on my hair and bringing me down for a kiss.
I don’t tease him as much as he teased me, moving my lips steadily down the plane of his chest and over his stomach, tugging on the waistband of his pants, freeing him.
It was hinted at from behind the fabric, but when Ben’s cock springs free, my suspicions are confirmed. It’s perfect, and I want to take him inside of me like now.
But I exert some self-control, lowering myself instead, swiping my tongue around the head and relishing the low, guttural moan Ben releases. I spend some time exploring him before taking him fully in my mouth. Wrapping my hand around the base of his cock, I squeeze gently as my lips work over him.
“Jesus, sweetheart, that feels so fucking good.” It’s the first time I’ve ever heard him cuss and I love that I drove him to it.
It doesn’t take long before Ben’s hips are bucking, thrusting him deeper into my mouth, his groans echoing around the room and spurring me on.
“I’m going to come, Cam,” he gasps a minute later, giving me space to pull away.
But I don’t, wanting to experience the full breadth of his pleasure. He explodes a second later, and I slacken my grip, placing soft kisses on every part of him I can reach while he regains his breath.
He wraps his hands around my arms, tugging me up and into his embrace, burying his face in my hair. “That was beyond words.”
I nuzzle into him, throwing my leg over his and snuggling as deep into his arms as I can manage. “For me too.”
For a few minutes, there’s nothing but peaceful silence between us. I’ve never been a cuddler, but lying here in Ben’s embrace is nothing short of pure bliss.
Until a pesky thought burrows into my brain. “Ben? Are we going to wake up tomorrow back home in our own beds?” I don’t know why the thought sends a burst of fear through me, but suddenly I can think of nothing worse than waking up tomorrow in my own apartment, Heart Springs lost to us forever.
“I don’t think so.”
I pull away the slightest bit so I can look him in the eye. “You don’t think so? So there’s a chance?”
A slight frown tugs on his lips. “I mean, I guess there’s a chance, but I wouldn’t count on it. Technically you haven’t experienced true love yet.” A hint of something darts through his brown eyes, and I must be hallucinating because it looks a little like doubt.
That doubt must be because he doesn’t feel it yet. Maybe he won’t feel it ever. It would make sense, Ben is a wholly good person who spends his time helping others. Lust is one thing, but how could he ever fall in love with someone like me?
In fact, maybe now that he’s gotten his rocks off, he’ll disappear from my life completely. And then where will I be? Stuck here in Heart Springs with no boyfriend, no best friend, and no orgasms.
I pull away more.
It’s not like I’m in love with him either. If I fell in love with every man I’d awarded a blow job, well I probably wouldn’t have ended up here. Or maybe I would have. Maybe I was meant to find Ben all along.
It’s a sobering thought, given the turmoil in his eyes, like he’s worried about having to let me down easy.
I practically leap from the sofa, finding my underwear and pants and sliding them back on.
Ben sits up, dragging his own pants up over his thighs, though he doesn’t bother to search for his shirt. “Talk to me, sweetheart.”
“What is there to say?” I perch on the edge of the armchair across from the sofa, wrapping my arms around myself to further ward off any trace of feelings. “You can’t fall in love with me, I’ve known that from the beginning. So it shouldn’t really matter that you don’t want to.”
“Hey.” He pushes off from the couch and crosses to the chair, kneeling in front of me. “Why would you think that?”
“We both know I’m not the right person for you. Mimi sure as hell knows it, or she would have paired us up from the beginning. And you know it too.” I ignore the pleading look in his eyes, but I don’t pull away when he takes my hand in his.
“No one is perfect, Cam. Not even Mimi. This time she got it wrong. You and me, I think it was always meant to turn out this way.” He sounds so sure, so confident, that it takes me a minute to fully process his words.
“Wait. What are you saying, Ben?”
“I don’t want to say it, at least not until we know more about what’s going to happen.” His grip tightens on my fingers. “But it’s there, Cam. I wouldn’t be putting our return home at risk if I wasn’t completely sure. God, I feel like I’ve been holding back from you for so long, trying to let you fall for someone you were supposed to be with.”
It’s a foreign feeling, this open and honest communication. One I don’t know that I’ve ever experienced with anyone in my life, ever.
It makes me want to be open and honest as well, but Ben is right. We don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, how this magical little hell hole might react to us going completely off script.
“I’ve been fighting it too.” I place a hand on his cheek, my thumb stroking along the strong edge of his jaw. “I wouldn’t have thrown away my best chance of getting out of here if I wasn’t sure too.”
Ben rises up on his knees, bringing us level and pressing his lips to mine. The kiss deepens, but he pulls away after a second. “I would very much love for this to continue, but I think it might be best if I head back to my place.”
I pout, though I know he’s right. His kisses reach deep down inside me, stoking flames in both my heart and my pants. If we were to even cross the threshold into my bedroom, I don’t think either of us would be able to resist the natural next step. “What if I wake up in the morning and I’m not here? What if we both wake up at home and have no memory of ever being here?” Somehow, I don’t think it’s physically possible for me to forget Ben, he’s so deeply ingrained on my soul, but nothing about Heart Springs makes sense.
He stands, leaning down to drop a kiss on my forehead. “I’ll find you. Wherever we end up, I promise, I will find you. You, Campbell Andrews, are unforgettable.”
I stand, tucking myself into his arms because I’m not quite ready to let him go yet. “That was the sappiest thing anyone has ever said to me.”
The rumble of his laugh vibrates against my cheek. “Something tells me that’s not an especially high bar.”
“I don’t deal well with sap.”
“Well, you’re going to have to get used to it.”
“You lured me in with all your sarcasm and banter. I feel like I’ve been deceived!” I tug myself out of his embrace, missing the warmth of him instantly.
He leans down and kisses me. “I promise to still be plenty sarcastic, sweetheart.”
This time I pull away from the kiss. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
He nods, sure enough for the both of us. “Tomorrow.”