Chapter 28
28
The next morning, I stride down Main Street with a purpose. It’s technically Christmas Day, but I have a feeling the one person I really need will be right where she always is.
Mimi sits at our usual table at the café, one mug in her hands, another waiting for me in front of my chair.
“Do you really not have any other guests in town whose torture you oversee?” I slide into the seat across from her and immediately reach for my mug.
She chuckles. “You are more than enough for me, Cam.”
“I take it you know why I’m here?”
“I think I can take a guess.”
“Good, so then let’s cut to the chase. I’ve done everything asked of me. I’m a part of this community, I found a career that helps people and that I’m truly passionate about. And I’m in love with Ben.” I can’t utter that last sentence without smiling, but I quickly wipe the smile from my face so Mimi knows I mean business. “I want to go home, Mimi.”
“What changed your mind?”
“What do you mean?”
“If I’m not mistaken, you were seriously thinking about making a life for yourself here in Heart Springs. So what changed your mind?”
I don’t even bother asking how she knows because of course she knows. For a minute I think about lying, or brushing her off, but instead I decide to try just being honest. “Ben needs to see his family. As happy as we are here, I know he’ll never truly be happy without them in his life.”
“So this is about Ben, then?” She watches me over the rim of her mug.
“Yes.” I take a deep breath. “But I think it’s also about me. I can’t hide from my own family forever, even if it would be easier. I have some things I need to say to them. So will you please help me figure out what I’m doing wrong so we can go home?”
Mimi flashes me a knowing smile. “Do you remember the exact words I said to you on your first day here?”
I roll my eyes. “You said a lot of words, Meem, and to be totally honest, I probably wasn’t listening to at least half of them.”
“You heard these ones. When I told you your third task.”
I can’t roll my eyes again or they might get stuck, so instead I open them very wide to help convey my annoyance. “You mean how you told me I needed to find a partner and fall in love, and I’ve absolutely done that?”
“I didn’t tell you you needed to find a partner and fall in love.”
I chug the rest of my coffee so that my mouth stays busy for a minute and can’t scream at her. Slamming my empty mug down on the table, I do my best to stay calm. “If you didn’t tell me I needed to fall in love, then what did you tell me?”
“I told you you needed to experience true love, Campbell.”
“Oh my god, what is the difference, Meem? Fall in love, experience true love, those are literally the exact same thing.”
She shrugs. “Are they?”
I shove my chair back. “Here I am trying to be nice and selfless, and you are giving me nothing. Thank you, as usual, for being zero help.”
“Just think about it, Cam.” She sips calmly from her mug. “And if I don’t see you again, it’s been a real pleasure getting to know you. Mostly.” She winks at me.
I glare at her, stomping out of the café and heading right for the one place that will make me feel better.
The bakery is warm and welcoming and smells like heaven, and by some miracle of miracles, the front door is unlocked but no customers wait inside. Instead, Emma sits at a table, a croissant and a peppermint mocha waiting for me.
I slip into the seat across from her and start to get a really weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. “Did you talk to Mimi?”
Her lips purse, and I watch her lie to me. “No, not today.”
Whatever. I’m not going to let it stop me from enjoying the deliciousness in front of me. I chomp into the croissant. “I need to move back to New York.” I don’t wait until I’ve fully chewed and swallowed, so the declaration comes out muffled.
Emma ignores my terrible manners. “You have the tools to go home whenever you want, Cam.”
“Oh my god, you totally did talk to Mimi!”
“I might have,” she admits with a sheepish grin.
“Rude.” I take a sip of the warm chocolatey coffee to make myself feel better.
“Look, Cam, if you really want to leave Heart Springs and move back to the city, you can. No one is keeping you here but you.”
I cross my arms on the table and let my head fall on top of them, wishing I could be fully honest with her. “If only it were that simple. Everyone knows that I really, truly love Ben, right? Like no one thinks I’m faking or anything?”
She pats my hair in the soothing way most mothers would. “I know you’re not faking it. You love Ben, and he loves you.”
“Then why isn’t that enough?” I raise my head to level her with my pleading gaze.
“You are enough,” she says, her eyes softening along with her voice. “Just remember that, okay? You are enough.”
I nod, pushing back another chair from another table. “I’ll let you enjoy your Christmas. See you tomorrow.”
“See you soon.”
The cold air bites at my cheeks as I make my way back down Main Street, toward home.
Well, that was a total bust.
At least I got two cups of coffee out of it.
“Cam! Merry Christmas!”
I turn toward the toy store and catch Anna waving at me from the doorway. “Merry Christmas to you too!”
“I still can’t thank you enough!” she calls.
I wave off her thanks. “It was my pleasure!”
She waves again before ducking back into her store, which can only be open in case some parents majorly screwed up Christmas. Too bad for her that she has to work, but she didn’t look upset at all. She seemed thrilled to be there actually, and it helps warm me up, to think I had some small part in that.
Ben is waiting for me on the porch when I return. The cold is still bitter, but I sink into my favorite chair anyway.
“Rough morning?”
I slipped out of bed before he woke up, wanting to have some good news for him, but I can’t help but feel like this whole thing is a bust. I need to find a way to get Ben home, but I’m no closer than I was last night.
I let my head fall back against the perfect curve of the chair. “I was trying to figure out a way to get us out of here, but no luck, I’m afraid.”
“What changed your mind about going home?”
“I found the picture of your family.” I turn my head in his direction. “You don’t talk about them much.”
“You don’t ask.” There’s no anger or sadness or frustration behind the sentiment, just the simple truth of it. He sighs. “And honestly, after hearing about your family, I didn’t want to rub it in.”
“That you have a perfect family?”
He shrugs and reaches for my hand. “No family is perfect.”
“But you love them. You miss them.”
He squeezes my hand. “I do.”
“Then I’m going to find a way to get us home.”
“Hmmm.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means, I think the answer is right in front of you, sweetheart; you just have to be willing to see it.”
“Did everybody take an extra dose of cryptic pills today? Jesus.” I lace our fingers together, so he knows I’m just being a cranky bitch and I still love him.
He stands and drops a kiss on the top of my head. “I’m going to do some work in the garage, but you know where to find me if you need me.”
He heads inside, leaving me alone to fester in my own thoughts. I play back my conversation with Mimi, but nothing she said was remotely helpful.
Closing my eyes, I let the cold wash over me, hoping it will sharpen my brain function and bring me the clarity I need. Shockingly, it doesn’t work.
I don’t want to disturb Ben with my melancholy, so I head back over to my own house. I curl up in the armchair in front of the tree. My bag still sits prominently front and center, the perfect replica of the one my grandmother gave me when I graduated from law school. She never told me she was proud of me for finishing at the top of my class, but she did tell me she hoped I would prove to be worthy of the family name.
“Seems like even here in Heart Springs I’m not enough,” I mutter.
The words echo in the empty room.
And I bolt upright in my seat.
“Holy shit.”
Maybe the answer really was right in front of my face this whole time.
Mimi was right. She didn’t tell me I needed to fall in love with someone else. She told me I needed to experience true love. She never mentioned the need for another person in this equation. Just love. True love. Not love for someone else. For myself.
The voices of my friends bounce around in my head.
Mimi saying I’m more than enough for her.
Anna telling me she can’t thank me enough.
My dear, sweet Emma telling me I am enough.
And Ben. Ben, the man I fell in love with without even trying.
He has always believed in me, that I am enough.
It was never about him. It was about me.
I push out of my chair and head to the front door. My stomach feels a little woozy, and my lungs compress when the cold air hits them. But I need to get to him. I vault over the fence separating our yards and burst right through the front door without knocking.
I’m light-headed, black dots clouding my vision, but he’s there, right there, to catch me before I collapse.
“I just needed to figure out how to love myself.” I can barely manage to get the words out, my lungs so tight they’re starting to burn.
Ben holds me close, his eyes clouding with tears. “I knew you would figure it out, sweetheart.” He presses his forehead to mine. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too, Ben. And I’ll find you, I’ll remember. I promise.” I just manage to brush my lips over his, right before the blackness overtakes me.