Chapter 29
29
There’s a suspicious lack of sunshine when I open my eyes.
The room is dark, the sheets are crisp, and when I swing my legs over the side of the bed, there are no fuzzy slippers waiting for me.
My hand drifts up, searching for the long curly locks I’ve grown accustomed to. Instead I find the blunt edge of my sharp bob.
That’s when the realization sinks in.
I’m home.
I grasp for the switch on my bedside lamp. Once the room is illuminated, the truth of it all smacks me in the face. I’m back in my own room, the walls a soft eggshell, the only hint of color in the space coming from the abstract art over my bed, a single crimson slash on a black canvas in a gold frame.
Gone are the cozy flannel pajamas, my body instead in a black silk nightgown trimmed with lace.
At least Ben will like my sleepwear , I think to myself.
Ben.
My Ben.
Thank god I didn’t forget about Ben.
I check the other side of the bed, as if I could have somehow missed seeing him next to me.
I still remember him, but he isn’t here.
Is he back in his own apartment? Does he still remember me?
If he does, is he grateful for this clean break? The fact that he won’t have to let me down easy because I have no clue how to get in contact with him?
No. I’m not going to let myself think like that. What Ben and I had was real, and I will find him. Sure, Manhattan’s population is huge, but the island is only thirteen miles long. If I have to knock on every door, I will.
A piercing ring erupts from the nightstand, and I practically jump out of my skin.
My cell phone sits on the white marble tabletop, blaring at me to pick it up. It’s loud and obnoxious and jarring.
To think there was a moment in time when I missed having it in my hand.
I swipe to accept the call. “Hello?”
“Where are you?” It may have been months since I’ve heard her voice, but there’s no mistaking my grandmother’s tone.
“I just woke up.”
“Just woke up? Jesus, Campbell, it’s almost ten o’clock. We have the meeting with Coleman and Sons in half an hour. Get your ass here, now.”
“Right, will do.” I hop out of bed, my almost Pavlovian response to her commands kicking in. “I’m so sorry I’ve been gone for so long, I’m sure you’ve been wondering where I was.”
“I saw you yesterday. Right before you left the office.”
“Yesterday?”
“Yes, you had a date with that doctor. How did it go? He’d make a perfectly respectable partner, he’s handsome enough. You aren’t getting any younger, Campbell, and I want to make sure the future of the firm is secured.”
“Wait.” It takes a minute for my brain to put the pieces together. “My date with Ben was last night? The meeting with Coleman and Sons is today?”
“Good god, Campbell, are you drunk? Do you seriously not know what day it is?”
“I have to go.”
“Be here in fifteen minutes,” she commands, her directive echoing in my ear as I close out of the call.
But I have no intention of making my way to the office.
I’m home. No real time seems to have passed. But I remember Ben. I remember Heart Springs. I remember everything.
I race to my closet, throwing open the door, and expecting the perfect outfit to be there waiting for me. But this is my regular old closet, so I have to rifle through the racks of suits to find normal clothes.
Ben doesn’t care what I look like anyway, I tell myself as I grab the first pair of jeans I find. A quick look in the mirror reminds me I no longer wake up with my hair and makeup done, which really is a shame, but I don’t care enough to spend time putting myself together. I need to see Ben, and if he made it back home, if this whole thing was real, if he woke up and remembered everything we went through together in Heart Springs, then there’s only one place he’ll be.
Stepping out of my building onto the busy streets of Manhattan should feel like a screech of a wake-up call. And it is, but after a few deep breaths of city air, I realize how good it feels to be home.
I raise my arm to hail a cab, but one look down the traffic-filled street lets me know it would take an hour to get the few blocks I need to travel. So, I put my arm down and start walking, ignoring the cabbie who’d been about to pull over for me as he yells “Bitch!” out the window.
I let the familiar sights and sounds of the city wash over me as I break into a light jog. No one makes eye contact with me, let alone smiles or returns my hellos. I don’t let the rebuffs dampen my spirits; I know if I collapsed on the street right now, there would be a swarm of New Yorkers stopping to help me. Sometimes kind is more important than nice.
I slow my pace as I approach my stop, nerves suddenly swarming in my stomach. There’s a good chance I’m going to walk through the door and not find what I’m looking for.
But I also know that, if the worst does occur, I would be okay. I have the tools now to break down my walls and let people in. I’ve proven I can make friends and help others. I can become who I want to be.
I hold my breath the tiniest bit when I push the door open. A bell tinkles, something I didn’t even notice when I was here the night before.
I spot him immediately, sitting at the same table where we shared dinner, just a few hours ago. A few hours, and for us, many months ago.
He stands when he sees me, his warm smile spreading across his face. “Hi, sweetheart.”
I fold myself into his arms, leaning into his warmth, letting my nose fill with his woodsy, comforting scent. “Well, hello again, Dr. Loving.”
He separates us, leaving just enough space for him to cup my cheeks in his hands and bring our lips together. The kiss starts soft, and maybe a bit unsure, but once his mouth brushes mine, any doubts are cleared away.
He’s here, my Ben, and this is most definitely real.
“So, I had the strangest dream,” I say when we finally part.
He chuckles. “Must have been something in the water.” He pulls out my chair for me before taking the seat across the table. “I’d love to hear all about it.”
A server approaches our table, ready and impatient to take our orders.
“Is Mimi working this morning?” I exchange a look with Ben, and his smile turns encouraging. “She was our server the last time we were here, and I don’t think we left a proper tip.”
How much cash do I owe the woman who fully changed my life?
“Mimi?” The man’s nose wrinkles. “There’s no one working here named Mimi.”
“Are you sure?” Ben asks. “We weren’t here that long ago.”
“Listen, I’ve been working here since I was fourteen, my aunt owns this place. There’s no one here named Mimi, never has been. Now do you wanna order or not?”
“I’ll have a coffee and a bacon, egg, and cheese.” Ben hands the man his menu, his friendly smile never wavering.
“I’ll also have a BEC, and I’ll take a large honey lavender latte.”
The man takes my menu, rolling his eyes and muttering under his breath about ridiculous coffee orders.
Ben and I both burst out laughing. I slip my hand into his, and he laces our fingers together. We drink our coffees and eat our breakfasts, sharing our favorite memories from our time together in Heart Springs.
When we finish our meal, the server brings us our check. I check the front and back, but there’s no message from Mimi, no directive about loving ourselves or living life to the fullest. Maybe she’s already turned her attentions to some other poor soul. I hope for their sake that they take her advice.
We link hands again as we stroll out of the café and down the street. I know I need to make my way over to the office, not to make the big meeting, not because my grandmother threatened me, but because she and I need to have a real talk. Some things are going to need to change in my life, and my job is the biggest among them.
Because I don’t want to spend my life buried in paperwork, racking up more hours in the office than not. I want to enjoy the time I have, be able to go out for breakfast with my boyfriend, and not feel like I’m letting my whole family down if something job-related doesn’t go exactly right.
I want to help people who really need it, not a bunch of corporations who take more than they could ever possibly give back.
It’s not going to be an easy conversation to have with her, but Grandmother is going to have to understand.
Ben nudges me with his elbow as we stroll down a quiet walkway in Central Park. “What’s going on in that beautiful brain of yours?”
“Just thinking about some career changes I’d like to make.”
“Oh yeah?” He pulls me to a stop. “Is it too early for me to ask for a change?”
My heart thuds in my chest. Nothing he’s said throughout the day today would lead me to believe he doesn’t want our relationship to continue, but I can’t help but jump to the worst-case scenario. “Go ahead.”
He runs a hand through his hair. “I know in the real world we’ve only known each other for like a day, but I know how I feel about you, Cam, and I don’t want to waste any time. What do you think about moving in with me?”
My eyes flutter closed for a second because I must have misheard him.
When he senses my hesitation, he starts talking again. “We don’t have to, obviously, I know it’s early, and if you still need time—”
I cut him off with a kiss. “I would love to live with you, Ben.”
“Yeah?”
I nod. “Yeah.”
“I love you, sweetheart.”
“I love you too.”
We resume our walk, our pace leisurely, our hands linked.
“I hope you know I’m not exactly an easy person to live with.”
Ben barks out a laugh. “You don’t have to tell me that. I think at this point, Campbell Marie, I know you better than you know yourself.”
And he loves me anyway. That part doesn’t need repeating, because I know it, deep in my bones.
“I don’t know, babe, I think right now, I know myself pretty damn well.”