Chapter 21 – Sophie
21
SOPHIE
L iam is not rebound material. I have to remind myself as we walk into Sunset Smoothie. We’re in line behind a few other people, standing quietly and reading the menu. Liam clears his throat. He does this a lot around me before he speaks. I wonder if it’s a nervous tick. “What are you going to get?” he asks me.
I smack my lips together. “I think…a Pink Pitaya,” I say, licking my lips. “What about you?”
“A Kowabunga,” he says laughing. “I used to love the Ninja Turtles.”
I laugh too. “So did my brother Simon. Sometimes he would let me play with him.”
Liam smiles and looks up. “Oh, it’s our turn.” He puts his hand on my lower back and guides me forward. My skin sizzles. The butterflies in my stomach from his touch are putting me in a dangerous headspace. I remind myself once again that anything more than a friendship with Liam is to be avoided. He doesn’t seem bothered, nor does he remove his hand while he orders.
The teenager behind the counter takes our order and then takes note of my yoga mat. “Did you guys try that couple’s yoga class down the block? My boyfriend and I have been wanting to try it.”
“Oh…we’re not a couple,” I say hesitantly. “I mean…it was just a regular hot yoga class.”
I glance at Liam who promptly removes his hand from my back.
The cashier nods. “Too bad, you guys would make a cute couple. Let me get those started for you.” She turns and walks away from us. I’m so stunned by her remark that Liam whips out his credit card and pays before I can stop him.
“Liam, I didn’t want you to pay! Let me Venmo you,” I tell him firmly.
He laughs, tucking his card back in his minimalist wallet. “Not a chance, Soph. I wanted to.”
I feel my cheeks heat up when he calls me Soph, and it's not leftover from the yoga class.
The cashier brings our smoothies over to the pick-up counter and tells us to have a good night. We take them and some napkins and start walking toward our homes. Liam falls in step beside me, his knuckles keep grazing mine and it sends a chill up my spine. I glance at him while I sip.
“So…” We both say at the same time and then we laugh, glancing at each other. There is something here. I think to myself. I can’t deny it. I can see it in the way he looks at me. “You first,” I tell him, gesturing with my free hand.
“I was just going to ask what made you move here. But if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine too.” He takes a long sip.
“Oh…well, I guess you might’ve figured by now that I am getting a divorce,” I tell him, leaving out any sort of context.
Liam plays dumb. “I didn’t figure that.”
When I give him a knowing look he shrugs.
“Okay, I did see his picture come up when your phone rang. And the photos in your box. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snoop.” We come to a street corner and Liam darts over to the trash can to throw out his empty cup.
“Geez, you drank that fast!” I exclaim. “Didn’t you get a brain freeze?”
Liam smirks and gives me a shrug. He’s quiet, maybe waiting for me to continue.
I contemplate how much I want to share. I haven’t been able to talk much about James without crying, and I really don’t want to cry in front of Liam. That would be embarrassing. “My husband had an affair.”
“Jesus, Sophie. I’m sorry,” Liam laments. “I didn’t mean to bring up a painful subject. I’m such an ass. I just thought we were getting to know each other.” He looks at me with such sincerity that I almost blurt out everything at once.
“It’s okay. Anyway, I never really thought I’d be divorced, truthfully, but he got her pregnant.” I exhale loudly and take another sip of my smoothie. “So here I am.”
“Christ,” Liam mutters. “You’ve been through it, huh?” He drapes an arm around my shoulder. The moment of affection catches me off guard but surprisingly, isn’t unwanted. “I’m sorry I was such an asshole to you.”
I shake my head. “Don’t worry about it,” I remember all that Liam has been through too and my heart swells. “We all have our shit, remember?” I give him a weak smile, trying to make light of the situation. “I came here to move on. And that’s what I’m going to do.” He peers down at me, a half-smile playing on his lips, and tugs me closer into the crook of his arm. I let my arm find his waist and curl into him. We finish the walk like that, neither of us wanting to pull away. I know something is happening here, but I can’t bring myself to call attention to it.
Before we know it, we’re in front of our two houses. He lets his arm fall from my shoulder, and I immediately wish he would put it back. I wish I could tug him close and feel his rock-hard abs against my soft middle while I wrap my arms around his back and tug on his T-shirt. I won’t do that. But I am surprised at the longing I feel for someone I have so recently met. I think he feels it too.
“Well, here we are,” he sighs. He turns and looks at me in earnest. “Want to walk to yoga together on Sunday?” He looks so hopeful that I don’t bother to disguise my own eagerness. I think I’m starting to like him .
I grin at him. “I’d like that.”
He nods and smiles. “Okay. Yeah. That’s great.” He steps aside and makes for his own staircase. “I better let Ellie get home. Goodnight, Sophie.” He turns and waves as he walks away. I stand there watching him until he’s inside.
* * *
Ellie doesn’t come back from Liam’s immediately, and I am a little too riled up to talk to her anyway. I’m certain she will be able to see what being in his presence does to me. I am flushed and warm all over. I want to text him, but I think that’s a bad idea. It will start something I shouldn’t be starting. I can still feel his touch across my shoulders and on my lower back. I should have wanted to pull away, but I didn’t, quite the opposite, I all but sank into him.
I shower off as quickly as possible and put on some pajamas. I tiptoe toward my bedroom door but I still hear no movement from Ellie. I can’t see Liam’s house from my window, and it’s probably better that way or I would be peeking over there all the time. I walk out of my room and down the hall to the window I can see him out of. Liam is on his back deck talking to Ellie while the sweet puppy runs in the backyard. He looks animated and Ellie is laughing at something he is saying. I feel something twinge in my chest and I recognize it as envy. I wish I were over there hanging out with them. I trek back to my room for my phone, I absolutely need to put Liam out of my head.
Picking up my phone, I FaceTime Claire. She answers on the third ring, but she isn’t home. She’s out somewhere with Derek and it’s noisy.
“Hi Soph!” she shouts into the phone. She moves the screen away from her face and up to her ear so she can hear me, giving me a direct view down her shirt.
“Hey…where are you?” I can see that they are outside in a crowded area and she’s holding an open beer.
“We’re at a show for Derek’s friend Josh. He’s playing outside tonight. It’s so nice out. What are you doing?” She’s shouting into the phone, still not showing me her face.
I am suddenly feeling lonely and moody, and it’s because I had hoped Claire would be home to talk me off the Liam ledge, but she’s not. She’s out having fun, as she should be. “I just got back from a hot yoga class…with Liam.”
“ What !” Claire shouts. “Hold on. I have to go somewhere quieter.” Then to the people she’s with, “I’ll be right back guys, no one take my seat!”
I wait while Claire walks through the crowded outdoor area then in through the bar and finally outside to the front of the restaurant she is at. “I’m sorry, did you say you went somewhere with Liam?” she clarifies, holding the phone back up to her face.
I groan. “Well, I mean, I didn’t go with him. He was just there, and we ended up doing the class together and then going to get smoothies on the walk home.” I wait for her response. She’s giving me a pointed look and chewing her lip but she doesn’t say anything, so I continue. “He’s not as bad as I thought…but it’s a lot to tell you when you’re out having fun. Maybe we can have a phone date tomorrow morning?”
Claire nods. “Yes. Definitely…we can. But Sophie, be careful. He isn’t the nicest guy, and you are very vulnerable.”
“I know, I know. We made amends though. I didn’t get to tell you that yet. Gosh. I miss you. I know if I were home, I’d be out with you tonight,” I whine, suddenly feeling exponentially sorry for myself.
“You are home now, baby girl.” She says to me with a big smile. “Listen, I have to go. I will call you in the morning.”
I say goodbye and fall back on my bed. Here I am, after a great yoga class and a fun chat with Liam and I am feeling sorry for myself because my best friend has her own life and cannot hold my hand through this moment. Then my mind wanders back to Liam and I wonder if he feels it too, this thing building between us. Surely he has noticed the electric energy we seem to have. I cannot be the only one feeling it. I pick my phone up and text Claire.
Me: What if I want him though?
Claire: Only you know what is right for you, Soph. But you may just be lonely and it’s okay to feel that too.
She didn’t tell me not to.
I take a deep breath in and exhale loudly. This is not what I should be thinking about. I cannot just jump from one relationship to the next. It’s not healthy and it wouldn’t be fair to him. I force myself off the bed and start puttering around my room, unpacking some more boxes while listening closely for Ellie’s return. It’s no use though. Thoughts of Liam and the way I felt in the crook of his arm tonight permeate my brain. I plop back down on the bed, resting my head against the pillow. I close my eyes and allow myself to imagine for just a moment, letting myself fall for Liam. Sure, neither of us have confessed any sort of feelings yet but it could happen. Against my better judgment, I pick up my phone to text him.
Me: I had fun tonight. Thank you for making me smile.
His phone must have been in his hand because his reply comes at rapid speed.
Liam: If I could make you smile every day, I would, Sophie.
Maybe he is feeling something between us after all. His response has goose bumps rising on my arms and a funny feeling develops in my belly. This is flirting, right? I mean, sure, it could just be a nice thing to say and maybe Liam really is a nice guy and I am reading into it too much. I hear Ellie bustling around the kitchen, probably making her evening cup of tea. I start to type back that he can probably make me do other things too but promptly erase it. That would be entirely inappropriate. Instead, I settle on this:
Me: It has been a long time since I’ve done anything like that, and it felt really nice.
I am being forward now, but that’s not stopping me from feeling hopeful that he feels the same way. His text comes through, and I can’t tap on it fast enough.
Liam: For me too…
I know a new relationship so soon is a bad idea. This will probably blow up in my face, but I can’t help myself. I’ve got to curb it. As much as I want to say more, I settle on something simple:
Me: Well, goodnight, Liam.
Liam: Night, Sophie.