Chapter 31 – Sophie
31
SOPHIE
C laire and Derek left early this morning. After Liam left me, I went and woke up Claire. We stayed up late talking about everything and I think that’s the reason I feel okay this morning.
I decide to walk to my appointment with Dr. Stevens. I think the fresh air will be good for me. I’m reflecting on the past eight weeks here in Cape May, and I am beginning to question if staying here is the best thing for me. I came here broken-hearted, and in some ways I still am. But I’ve taken the time I needed to just be. To just exist. And then I had to go and fall for someone else in a rapid amount of time. Liam’s rejection last night hurt me so much, but I think I’m all out of tears.
This morning I am numb. Instead of feeling down, I am going to use his rejection as redirection. I want Liam. I really, really do. But I also deserve to show up for myself and set a healthy boundary. Liam doesn’t know what he wants, obviously, and that’s okay. I just have to do the best I can with what I know right now. I want to continue watching Lucy until I figure out where I am going and what I am doing. I know not all days will be good days, but I can find little pockets of joy in each day. Lucy is a pocket of joy for me. Maybe I came to Cape May to find that.
As I’m walking, my phone rings. It’s Claire, even though I just said goodbye to her an hour ago. “Can’t get enough of me?” I joke when I pick up the phone, instead of saying hello.
Claire laughs. “You know that’s the truth, babe. But no. I have a reason for calling.” She pauses for dramatic effect.
“Go on,” I encourage. “Make it quick, I am almost to my appointment.”
“Do you remember my intern Trevor that I had last year?” she asks, excitedly.
“I do, yeah.” I stop to take a sip of water and glance at my watch. Maybe if I am a few minutes late, I won’t run into Liam since his appointments have consistently been before mine.
“Well…” she drawls slowly. “He is opening his own practice in September! At home…in Scranton. He’s looking for a few other therapists to work out of there with him. I told him you’d be perfect!” She is practically screeching in excitement. “And it’s not until September so you can take your time moving home, finding a place, but then you can just slip right back into your old life.”
I am so speechless I have to stop walking. “Wow. You told him about me?” Sometimes Claire gets ideas in her head and tries to run with them before she’s thought all of it through.
“Of course I did! He said he would forward me over the info but would want to meet with you sometime in July or August. That works out nicely for you since you’re summering!” Claire is giggling, she is so elated.
I don’t know what to say. On the one hand, I appreciate her thinking of me. She is trying to show me that I have other options besides this place. Maybe Cape May really isn’t the right place for me.
“That’s great,” I say, trying to sound optimistic. “Forward me the info. I promise to consider it.” I mean that, especially given the events that have transpired with Liam. I may need a change…again. “I’m at my appointment now so I’ve got to go. But I appreciate you thinking of me, and tell Derek to drive carefully.”
“I will,” Claire says exuberantly. Then her voice turns softer. “Please, Sophie. Really consider it. I miss you so much.”
I let out an exasperated breath. “I will. I promise.”
I hang up and glance around at my surroundings, making sure Liam isn’t anywhere to be seen. Feeling secure, I open the door to Dr. Stevens’ office and almost get knocked over as Liam is coming out.
“Oh,” is all I can manage to get out of my mouth.
“Sophie,” he says hoarsely. There it is again, that way he says my name, like there are no other names in the world. “I was hoping to run into you.”
I feel myself go cold. “Oh really, why is that, Liam?” I ask, folding my arms across my chest. I have sunglasses on or else he would see the frustration in my eyes.
“Yes, really,” he says. He takes a step closer and reaches for my hand, but I am quicker. I put it in my back pocket. “Because…” His expression turns pained as he drops his hand. “Soph, listen. Can we find time to sit and talk? I want to explain everything to you.”
I sigh. “Liam. Your moods change with the tides. I don’t know what there is to talk about at this point.” I frown, looking down at my feet.
Liam gets a pleading look on his face. “There’s so much to talk about, Sophie. Please say you’ll hear me out.”
I almost cave but then I remember talking to Claire last night about boundaries and I decide to respect my own. “Liam, we’re friends who have kissed a couple of times. Let’s just leave it at that, okay?” I know I’m being stubborn but this time, I need to keep my guard up. I don’t give him time to reply. “I’m going to be late.”
Liam steps aside for me to enter, his shoulders slumped, and his lips pressed together. He can’t hide his crestfallen expression.
Dr. Stevens is waiting for me in the waiting area when I walk in. He smiles warmly, like he didn’t just see me for dinner last night. “How are you, Sophie?” He says as we walk back to his office.
“I’m okay. To be honest, I’m feeling a little bit lost.” I plop down on his couch and feel my skin prick at the thought of Liam sitting here just ten minutes prior.
“Lost? How so?” He sits near me today, in an armchair. “Is it about Liam?”
“Oh…Liam told you about us?” I am caught off guard by this. I guess in a town as small as this, not even Doc can stay quiet.
“He might have mentioned you. But if that’s not what you want to talk about today, we can move on.” He sips a cup of water.
“I mean…Liam is certainly part of it. I am trying to find my place here. I know I should be working and figuring out if I want to open a practice—that’s always been a dream of mine. But I don’t know what I’m doing here. If it is falling in love with Liam, then that makes deciding to stay here easier. But Liam is full of mixed signals, and he doesn’t think he deserves to be happy, so I don’t know where that leaves me. I’m sure he has PTSD from the accident but—” I’m rambling, and Dr. Stevens cuts me off.
“You know about the accident?” he asks, surprised.
“I do…but I don’t think Liam knows that I know.” I wince. “I sort of Googled him.”
Dr. Stevens cracks a smile. “Well, I think that’s reasonable. Most people Google their new love interests.” His eyes crinkle with a grin.
“The thing is, this morning Claire told me about someone she knows opening a practice back home in Scranton. He will be looking for other therapists to work out of his office. I could move there and do that, but I guess I was sort of looking for a reason to stay here. Then again, staying here and seeing Liam every day may not be good for me either.” I sigh. “Everything is so messed up.”
Dr. Stevens is quiet for a few moments, seemingly lost in thought. I am biting my cuticles and mulling over possibly moving again when he speaks. “Sophie, how would you feel about working out of my practice, with me?”
“Like…you’re offering me a job?” I ask in disbelief.
“Sort of. I have an extra office back there that I was planning to redo, and it could be yours, if you want it.” He says this so sincerely I almost cry.
“But just last night you were talking about retiring!” I exclaim. Then I feel guilty. I can’t be the reason he doesn’t.
“Yes. And I still will…but you can rent the place from me and take on my clients who don’t require the care of a psychiatrist, and you’ll have the practice you’ve always dreamed of.” He smiles. “You won’t offend me if you say no. But I don’t have any children to take it over and I know you love it here and I want to give you an opportunity to stay.” He pats my hand, and I am so touched.
“If I say no, what will you do with it?” I ask, genuinely curious. Knowing his plans will help me decide what to do.
“Well, I own the building, so I suppose I’d just sell it,” he says, leaning back in his chair and loosely crossing his arms. “I have to fix up the office space to sell it regardless, but if you want it, when you’re ready to start your own practice, you can buy or lease it from me.” He smiles and his eyes are so kind. I trust him.
“Wow, Dr. Stevens, that’s…that’s just so nice.” I wipe a stray tear that has fallen from my eyes.
“You don’t have to give me an answer now… Can you let me know by the Fourth of July?” He asks.
I nod my head vigorously. “Yes. Definitely yes. I promise to think about it.” I stand up and walk over to hug him, taking him by surprise. I came to this appointment feeling so lost, with the fear that I’d have to leave Cape May and start over somewhere new again. I have been worried about my career options for weeks, and I don’t have to anymore. Now I have two possibilities for moving forward and I can’t help but feel hopeful for the future, with or without Liam.
* * *
When I get home, I find Ellie cooking lunch for Lucy. Lucy is happy in the highchair watching a toddler show, and Ellie seems happier than I have ever seen her as she hums along and sashays around the kitchen.
“I’m back!” I call, coming through the front door.
“Oh good! You can have some lunch with me.” She grins over her shoulder as she reaches for some plates. “How are you doing, dear?”
I walk to the fridge and get myself a cold water bottle and then plop into a kitchen chair. “It’s beautiful out there today,” I say, breathlessly.
“And how was your appointment?” Ellie asks, setting a turkey sandwich in front of me.
“Thank you,” I smile, picking it up and taking a bite. “It was good, I think. Dr. Stevens offered me a place to come and work with him.”
“Ah,” Ellie nods as if she already knew. “He told me he was going to do that.” She reaches for my hand. “I want you to know, you can stay here as long as you like.”
I meet her eyes and cover her hand with my own. “Thank you. I told him I need to think about it. I love it here but…Liam.” I sigh. I find it difficult to finish the sentence and the emotion must be written all over my face.
“Oh…yes. I understand. You will figure it out. Things always work out in the end.” She nods and scoots her chair up to the table to eat her sandwich.
“I don’t know,” I say quietly.
“You two looked pretty cozy last night,” she teases. “Maybe there’s hope.”
I laugh and nudge her with my foot. “We looked cozy? I’d say you and Dr. Stevens looked pretty cozy yourselves,” I tease.
Ellie’s expression changes from coy to pure happiness, smiling so broadly her eyes crinkle. “You know what? We are. Robert has been my friend for years and that’s all it’s ever been. But lately, I don’t know. We’re both alone, and I think we’re seeing that it is possible to have two great loves in your life. One in your youth and then maybe if you’re lucky, you find it again.”
“Oh, Ellie! I love this for you,” I say, grabbing her hand and squeezing. “I hope I find love again one day too.”
“You will, Sophie. Who could not love you?” She looks at me with such sincerity that I almost believe her but then doubt creeps back in.
“Well, I could think of a few people,” I say wryly.
“The problem with Liam isn’t that he doesn’t love you. The poor boy doesn’t know how to love himself. He’s an eighteen-year-old kid stuck in a forty-year-old’s body.” Ellie looks wistful. “I’m sure you have figured out by now that Liam has never gotten over losing Cara.”
I blow out a breath. “Well, unfortunately, two broken people probably don’t belong together,” I say, moving to clear my plate and pick up Lucy.
“Or… they could heal each other,” Ellie says.
I don’t know what to say to that, so I change the subject. “I’ve got Lucy for a little bit if you want a break. I thought maybe we could take a walk downtown.”
Ellie shoos me away with a smile. I get Lucy in the stroller and start a slow-paced walk under the shade of the trees across the street. I started this morning not knowing what was next for me, and I am going to end the day with a few different possibilities.
I try to imagine taking Liam out of the equation entirely. Where would I want to be? I still think that Cape May is the place for me. Then again, maybe I should go home. My family is there—Dad, Carol, Simon, Laura, and the twins. I miss them so much. My friends are there too, albeit, I haven’t heard from them much. Maybe they feel stuck in the middle of my divorce. Claire immediately took my side, but I don’t think the others knew what to do. Still, the idea of going home is comforting, even though I run the risk of running into James and Brittany. I would have a new job, one that would challenge me in different ways. Not my own business, but professional development just the same.
It’s a lot to think about. I stop the stroller in front of a children’s boutique, and Lucy and I peer in through the window at a cute dress. The door opens and two older women come out. They notice Lucy right away and start cooing at her. Lucy gives them her famous gummy grin, and I feel proud to be with her.
“She looks just like you,” one of the women tells me. “She’s just so cute.”
They are so genuine, and it takes me by surprise. I should tell them that Lucy isn’t mine, but in my heart, it sure feels like she is. For now, I decide to hold onto this feeling, to let myself savor the moment. Because deep down inside, I know it’s unlikely that anyone will ever say something like that to me again.
I beam with pride. “Thank you!”
The women leave and I think it’s time to head home. Lucy and I walk a couple of blocks over, and I decide to let myself look at our old house on Jackson Street. I pause in front of it. There is a Weekly Rentals sign in the front yard. I ache with loss knowing our family home is nothing more than a rental property now. A heaviness builds in my chest. This town holds so many memories for me. The only silver lining is that other families will come to Cape May and make memories in the same place I did.
I say goodbye to the house and turn up Perry Street toward Ellie’s house. I’m just in time to catch the mail lady with a certified letter. “Are you Sophie Bennett?” she asks me, holding a pile of mail. On top is a yellow manila envelope with my name on it. I see the sender reads The Law Offices of Evans and Moyer .
“I am,” I say, reaching for the pen and scribbling my signature. She thanks me and gets back in her vehicle.
I am paralyzed on the sidewalk with a pile of mail in my arms and Lucy in the stroller when Liam gets out of his truck and interrupts my thoughts. He plucks Lucy from the stroller and then turns his attention to me. “Whatcha got there?” he asks curiously.
I exhale and meet his gaze for the first time today. “I think…it’s my divorce settlement.”