Chapter 24
TWENTY-FOUR
Joey squatted on their haunches as they scrubbed away at the fish burned onto the grill and cursed themself for being so careless. They’d let their own desire for Marianne influence them both, and now it had gotten out of control. Last night had been everything they’d ever dreamed of. They knew they’d never come close to anything like it again. But they wanted that feeling to stay forever, and people like Marianne didn’t do forever with people like Joey.
A gentle touch on their shoulder made them jump out of their thoughts and lose balance, and they fell sideways onto the damp grass.
“Oh, I’m so sorry.” Marianne hauled them up and flung her arms around their neck. “What were you thinking about?” She winked.
“I was thinking I’ve ruined my grill and wasted two perfectly edible fish.” Even to their own ears that sounded miserable and begrudging.
Marianne’s smile disappeared. “Ah. I was hoping for sexier thoughts than that.” Joey noticed she’d come outside wearing nothing more than her underwear and Joey’s favorite shirt. They looked around, then realized they didn’t care if anyone saw.
“Aoife said I could leave Denny at the sleepover as long as I want. We could go back to bed for an hour?” Marianne raised an eyebrow and her smile was seductive.
“I need to get out on the boat.” They did their best to sound matter of fact. “And are you not starving? I’ll make us some breakfast first.”
Marianne dropped her arms and her wounded expression nearly broke Joey’s heart. What were they doing pushing her away? The damage was already done. All they would achieve now would be to hurt Marianne, and that was the last thing they wanted.
They tipped her chin. “I’m sorry. The pots can wait. Go back to bed, and I’ll be in shortly.” They kissed her forehead.
“Are you sure?” Marianne frowned.
“Very sure. Just the thought of you in my bed is making me want to skip breakfast, but I’ll bring coffee.” They grinned and Marianne’s smile returned.
She turned on her heels. “Don’t be long.”
Joey quickly washed the burned fish off their hands, brewed a fresh pot of coffee, and retrieved the pastries they’d bought at the bakery yesterday. They tried one. A little dry, but they doubted Marianne would notice. Neither of them had eaten for nearly eighteen hours.
Marianne was tapping away on her phone when they returned, but she dropped it immediately and beamed at the laden tray in their hands.
“It’s all I could drum up in a few minutes. I have eggs if you want something more substantial later.”
“I like that there’ll be a later.” Marianne’s smile was sweet.
Joey laid the tray carefully on the bed and scooted in next to her. They ran a thumb down her beautiful cheekbone and around her jaw, hoping their rough skin didn’t hurt her. “I’m sorry about earlier. I panicked and thought maybe when you woke, you’d want to get away.”
Marianne shifted the tray and scooted closer. She took Joey’s hand from her cheek and kissed each knuckle slowly. “I love your hands.” She looked up. “Why would I? Want to get away, I mean.”
Joey couldn’t remember why now. It was hard to focus on anything other than Mari’s warm lips running over their skin. “I…uh…thought you might have decided last night was a bad idea.”
Warm lips continued journeying around to the palm of their hand and up to their wrist. “Last night was amazing.” Her breath tickled against Joey’s pulse point.
Joey pulled back gently before they got carried away. They picked up a croissant, pulled off the end, and held it out. “Eat.”
Marianne leaned in and nibbled the piece. That wasn’t helping at all. They moved the tray between them as a barrier.
Marianne giggled. “I really can’t keep my hands off you. Who’d’ve guessed I still had it in me? I like what you do to me, Joey O’Hara.” She bit into a croissant with gusto.
“You’re young, why would you not have it in you? What are you, thirty-two?”
“Thirty-four.” Marianne’s response was muffled by pastry. She swallowed. “The spark between me and Amira went out years ago. Perhaps we let it. I became too obsessed with work.”
“Amira must’ve been mad. You deserve to be treasured and adored.” They regretted it as soon as it came out. Immediately, they shoved a pastry in their mouth to stop them saying anything else stupid.
The flush in Marianne’s cheeks and her wide smile suggested their comment hadn’t gone down as badly as they’d feared. “Thank you. You’re very sweet.”
Joey decided to keep quiet while they continued to eat. They washed the food down with coffee, and Marianne turned and crossed her legs on the bed while Joey put the tray aside.
“While we digest our breakfast, tell me something about you I don’t know.”
Joey’s mind went blank as it always did when they were put on the spot. Think of something! “I like to dance when no one’s watching.”
Marianne laughed loudly. “Well, that is interesting, but I was thinking something deeper.” She plumped a pillow behind her. “How about I ask you questions, and you give me one-word answers? But not yes or no.”
Joey frowned, unsure if Marianne was joking.
“Hey.” Marianne grasped their arm. “I’m a TV personality, remember. I need to practice my interview skills.”
A smile twitched at their lips. Marianne was difficult to deny when she was in charm mode. “Okay.”
“Right. Have you always lived on Inishderry?”
“Mostly.”
Marianne raised an eyebrow. “It didn’t take long to find something I didn’t know.”
Joey started to expand, but Marianne put a finger to their lips. “Rules of the interview, remember. One word.”
They grinned and nodded.
“What other place did you live in?”
“Belfast.”
“And was it a long time ago?”
“Y—very.”
“Were you a student?”
Joey nodded, biting their tongue to stop saying more.
Marianne crinkled her nose. “What did you study?”
“Marine.” Joey was happy not to make it too easy for her.
“Biology?”
“Science.”
Marianne clapped her hands at her success. Joey couldn’t stand it any longer. Then rolled across the bed and into Marianne’s lap. “Your interrogation technique is too good. I’ll tell you everything.”
Marianne stroked their hair. “What happened?”
They lay looking up at her, wishing they could stay there forever. “I didn’t get through the first year. I loved the learning, but everything else was too much. The big city, meeting so many new people. I wasn’t the most worldly of eighteen-year-olds.” They doubted Marianne thought they were a very worldly forty-year-old. “Each time I came home it got harder to leave. Until finally, I didn’t.”
“Do you wish you’d stayed? Finished your course?”
“I don’t think I could’ve spent all that time away. I belong here.” They enjoyed the sensation of Marianne’s fingers in their hair. “But sometimes I wonder what my life would look like now if I’d left Inishderry.”
“And how long ago was that? Twenty years?”
“A little more. My dad loved that I was back to run the boat, and he didn’t do as much after that. But he was self-reliant until recently.”
“I hope he appreciates you. I’m not the only one who deserves to be treasured. You’re an amazing person, Joey.”
Marianne kissed them on the nose. “I’m going to leave you to get to your pots. I don’t like keeping you back from your work.”
Joey didn’t want this moment to end, even though a glance at the clock on the wall confirmed it was time to get moving. “You’re right. I’ve got to deliver to the mainland, too.”
“Hey, don’t sound so down. We can do this again soon, okay?”
They nodded and gave Marianne a quick smile before they launched themself off the bed. They opened a drawer. “Clean towels in here. You’ll find everything you need in the bathroom, but shout if not. I’ll be in the kitchen.”
Giving Marianne some space seemed the best thing to do. They made tea and cleaned up and eventually, Marianne showed her face at the door.
“I’m all done. Thank you. For…everything.”
Joey blushed. They wanted to pull her into their arms and tell her they’d just had the best night of their life.
“Last night was good. I feel I know you better now.” What the fuck was that?
Marianne waggled her eyebrows. “You certainly do!”
“You’re welcome here anytime, Mari. For a chat or dinner, or anything you need.” Shit, that was pathetic, too.
Marianne beamed. “I’ll bear that in mind.” She stood on tiptoes for a kiss, and then deepened it. “I’ll be back.”
Her Schwarzenegger impersonation was terrible, but Joey laughed, anyway. “Good to hear. Do you want to take the truck?”
“Oh, please. I promise I’ll get something else sorted.”
“It’s grand. Transporting a car to the island is extortionate and no one ever sells them. Use the truck for now, and we’ll work it out between us.”
“You’re the kindest person I ever met, Joey O’Hara.”
They handed over the keys, which reminded them about Donal and Liam.
“Oh, I nearly forgot. My brothers arrive tomorrow on the afternoon ferry. Can you leave the truck at the hotel with the keys in it? So they can bring their luggage over.”
“Of course.”
When Marianne left, the cottage felt empty and silent, so they got out to Queen Maedbh as quickly as they could. The howl of the wind and the screaming of the gulls helped drown out the voices in their head.
They anchored the boat out away from land and stood staring out at the sea, trying to calm their thoughts. Last night with Marianne had been like all their dreams come true. Combined with their worst nightmare. Why couldn’t they enjoy it for what it was? A beautiful night of lovemaking with a woman who not only accepted, but embraced them for who they were.
But how could they avoid the heartache to come? They knew now when Marianne called, they would always come running. But what about when she wasn’t there to call any more, and the loneliness came creeping back in?