Chapter 25
TWENTY-FIVE
Never had Marianne been so grateful for a quiet evening in the restaurant. She could focus on cooking good food and remembering what had happened in the last twenty-four hours.
To be fair, she’d accepted Joey’s invitation with a need to scratch the itch that was her attraction to them. What had she been looking for? Confirmation she could still desire and be desired?
What she’d got was a night of intensity she’d never dreamed of. Yes, she enjoyed the sexual side of relationships, and a new partner always brought novelty and excitement, but this had been so much more than that. It was like a connection at the deepest level.
That was not what she needed at this moment in time. She needed stability and a clear head, to make the best decision about her future, and Denny’s.
She left the team to close up and took the short ride back in Joey’s truck. Joey felt suddenly close at the sight of their coat slung over the passenger seat, and the other reminders of them in the cab. The vehicle was old enough to have a CD player and she switched it on, interested to hear Joey’s musical tastes. George Michael’s Faith blared, and she smiled, imagining Joey dancing to the tune. She brought herself back to the present as she pulled up outside the cottage.
Aisling met her at the door. “Hi, Marianne. He’s fast asleep.”
“Okay, thanks.” She passed her a few notes and looked around. “How are you getting back?”
“Oh, I’ve a lift, now.” She waved as a small car pulled up the lane. “See you tomorrow.”
She ran up the driveway to the car before Marianne could ask any further questions, and the car was soon reversing down the lane at speed.
“Goodnight, Aisling.” She wondered if she should mention it to Tierney, but figured Aisling’s behavior outside of looking after Deniz was none of her business. She didn’t want to antagonize her star babysitter.
She looked in on Denny, who was indeed sound asleep, and prepared for bed before trying Amira’s number once again. There was still no reply.
It had been two months now since Amira had spoken with Denny. Marianne still sat and went through his photo book with him on the nights she put him to bed, and other times when she remembered to pull it out. They’d look through all the family members, and she hoped Denny would start repeating the names. Each time they reached the pages that showed the three of them together, she would point to Amira and say “Mummy,” but Denny would just run his finger over the page and move on. What if this fucked up family situation scarred him for life?
When she was ready for bed, she slipped into Denny’s room and scooted in behind him. She wouldn’t get a good night’s sleep with his little feet bashing into her, but she needed to be close to him, as all her doubts and worries crashed in on her.
Denny stirred in his sleep and rolled over to snuggle into her chest. She held him tight. Whatever happened, she needed to be sure she did what was best for Denny.
“Amira, finally. Where have you been?” She almost spat the words down the phone, but she couldn’t hold back her frustration. Whatever else was going on with Amira, how could she ignore her child for so long? Marianne could barely be away from Denny for a couple of nights without feeling lost.
“I’m okay, thanks for asking.” Amira’s voice lacked energy. “My mother sent me to that rehab place again. She said she spoke to you.”
“Only because I called. You have a child, Amira. You can’t just disappear from his life no matter what you think of me.”
“Will you give me a break? I was a mess, and my mum saw that and did something about it. That’s what the people who love you are meant to do.”
“ You were a mess? How do you think it’s been for me, trying to juggle being a single parent, and pick up the remnants of my life?”
“I’m not interested in your self-obsessed drama, Marianne. That’s what got me here in the first place.”
Marianne dug her fingers into her leg until it hurt. Then she squeezed some more. If she really wanted Amira to continue to be a part of Denny’s life, she would have to separate a co-parenting relationship from all her anger and resentment and disappointment at the demise of their marriage.
She let out a long breath. “So, what are we going to do now? Will you come and visit Denny? He must be so confused about what’s happened.”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to travel at the moment. Can you bring him here to Dublin? He could stay a couple of nights here for his birthday, and you could visit your mum. Have you seen her this summer?”
She didn’t bother to reply.
“You’ll have to face her sooner or later.”
“Thank you for your newfound concern for my relationship with my mother.” Marianne stopped herself. “Fine, I’ll try and book off two consecutive days, but you’ll need to fit into my schedule. It’s peak season, we’ve just won an award, and we’re fully booked every day. It’s going to take all my negotiating skills to get away.”
“You don’t have any negotiating skills, Marianne. You just bulldoze your way to what you want.”
“Do you want to do this or not?” Her patience was wearing thin, Denny’s best interests or not.
Silence filled the line for a few seconds.
“Let me know if you can get over for Denny’s birthday, and I’ll fix it with my mum.”
“Surely she’s keen to see her grandson, too?”
“Uh, yeah. Of course.”
“Right. I’ll be in touch when I’ve arranged something.” She hung up without a proper goodbye. She hoped she could build a civil relationship with Amira, but for now things were too painful, too raw.
She wasn’t working until later in the evening, but she’d rather speak to Kasia in person, and it was a good reason to take Denny down to the beach. She got him strapped into his little buggy and took the walk to the hotel with long strides.
As she walked past Aoife Walsh’s stone-fronted house she had a thought and pushed Denny up the driveway.
Seán, yawning, answered the door.
“Ah, sorry, Seán, I hope I didn’t disturb you. I was wondering if the girls and Ruane fancied a walk down to the harbor.”
Seán rubbed his face and smiled. “The girls are at a birthday party on the mainland, but Ruane didn’t want to go, and now he’s hyper because he thinks he’s missing out. I’d love a nap this afternoon before I start work, but he’s being all of the high maintenance.”
As if sensing he was being discussed, Ruane appeared from behind Seán’s legs. “Hello, Mawianne, hello, Denny.”
Denny giggled and reached out to his older friend. Ruane was five, but with two big sisters to do everything for him, he was still quite a baby.
“Boats,” said Denny.
“Denny’s asking you to come down to the harbor with us, Ruane. Would you like that?”
“Yay!” Ruane ran back inside presumably to get dressed, and Seán threw Marianne a grateful look and followed him.
It felt good to be able to do something in return for all the times Aoife helped her out by taking Denny overnight or ferrying him between the childminder and home. She liked Aoife. They were a similar age, but Aoife somehow managed to juggle a demanding business and not just one child, but three. But Aoife had Seán; she wasn’t trying to do everything alone. Marianne had never imagined a future where she’d be parenting alone.
Denny shuffled around in the buggy and turned his little head up toward her. “Denny walk?”
She leaned down to release him and her heart filled with love. Whatever had happened to get her to this point, she wouldn’t change a thing.
“Be good, Ruane, or Marianne won’t ask you again.” Seán crammed a cap onto his red curls and Ruane took Denny’s hand and led him down the road.
“See you later, Seán. Enjoy your break.” She took off at a jog to keep up with the boys’ little legs as they raced down the hill toward the harbor.
The small beach next to the hotel’s dock was the safest place for the kids to play, so she steered them that way. Tierney sat on a wall staring out over the still waters of the harbor, cradling a coffee mug in her hands. She turned at the chattering of the boys, and her face lit up.
“Hey, Ruane, Denny. What are you up to?”
Her cousin ran up for a kiss, and Denny stood shyly by. Marianne wheeled the buggy up close. “I apologize for us destroying your tranquility. Denny wanted to see boats.”
Tierney chuckled. “For a change. Do you want a coffee?” She held up her mug.
“No, thanks, but I could do with a quick word with Kasia if she’s around?”
Tierney nodded. “Go on up. She’s in the office.” She tipped her head. “Is everything all right?”
Marianne smiled as brightly as she could. She knew they worried she would leave. “Yeah, I just need to ask for a few days off. I need to take Denny to see Amira.”
Tierney raised her eyebrows. “Oh. That’s a good thing, right? I’m sure Kasia can schedule cover.” She eased herself off the wall, her now prominent belly making the task more difficult. “I’ll watch the boys. You go and see her.”
Marianne nodded gratefully and ran up the path. Denny was engrossed in whatever he and Ruane had found on the beach. She hoped it wasn’t a dead seagull.
Kasia’s blond head was bowed over a tablet as Marianne knocked gently on the open office door. She looked up with a smile. “Can’t stay away?”
Marianne was grateful she appeared relaxed. “Do you have five minutes?”
“Surprisingly, yes.” Kasia inclined her head toward the empty chair at her desk.
“So, I know it’s peak season, but I need to take Denny to see his mum. It’s his birthday next week, and I want him to have a couple of days with her.”
“But you don’t feel confident to leave him there and return?”
“Exactly. And Amira doesn’t seem all that keen. But I have to try and make it work.”
Kasia pulled the tablet back in front of her and swiped several times. “You’re off Monday and on late Tuesday and Wednesday. If I cover those two shifts, will you be back for evening service Thursday?”
That was more than she’d been expecting. “Yes, of course. Thank you, Kasia.”
Kasia held her gaze. “Family is important, Marianne. Will you visit your mother while you’re there?”
She nodded with more enthusiasm than she felt. “Yes. It’s been too long since she saw her grandson.”
“That’s sorted then. Just make sure Connor knows what he’s doing.”
She stood. “Of course. And if he does extra shifts, I’m happy to cover him when I get back. Thanks again.”
Again, Marianne felt a little sad she’d spent the last few months polishing her team to perfection and soon they’d start to disperse back to schools and colleges, or in Connor’s case, to a season catering for ski chalets in the Swiss Alps. They’d mostly all be back again next season, but Marianne wouldn’t be here to appreciate their skills.
“The whole team is so much more capable since you’ve been around.” Kasia tipped her head as if she’d read Marianne’s thoughts. “They’ve had the best training whether they want to continue with a career in food, or if they use it as a way to get around the world. They all know they’re better for a few months with you. We’d never have dreamed of getting a chef of your caliber.”
Marianne nodded her acknowledgment, but another wave of sadness washed over her that this period of her life was coming to an end. It didn’t matter the size of the restaurant, the buzz from working with a good team was what she loved.
“You’ve got Joey to thank for that. So have I.” She pursed her lips to keep the emotion under control.
“Do you know what you’re going to do after the end of the season?”
“I don’t know. I’m hoping this trip will help me decide.”
She said her goodbyes and trotted back down to the shore with a spring in her step. She just needed to work out a way to get to Dublin. Perhaps Joey might take her and Denny to the train if it coincided with their deliveries. She would speak to them later.
Pushing the buggy back up the hill half listening to Ruane’s chatter about jellyfish, another thought occurred to her. She intended to make good use of her time in the city by having a long meeting with her agent and visiting some of the chefs she was closest to. She needed to get her name back out there. But might it also be an opportunity to introduce Joey to some new, prestigious customers? The thought of the three of them on a road trip together excited her. But the important part, she convinced herself, was the opportunity to help Joey find new customers.
She raced back up the road, Ruane shrieking with laughter as he tried to keep up. Maybe she’d have time to talk to Joey before work. Their brothers were around for a couple of weeks, so there should be no problem leaving their dad. She just needed to convince them it was a good idea.