Chapter 23 Chaos
Chaos
I can’t remember if I’ve ever kissed a woman. Maybe when I was so high and fucked out of my mind that I wasn’t thinking straight. But I’ve never done it on purpose. Never wanted that kind of intimacy.
Fucking is fucking. It’s fun. It’s fine.
But my lips land on Willa’s, and the man I am ends.
She tastes like tears.
Like salt and regret.
She exhales, and it lightens her touch.
Lifting her hips, I wrap her legs around me and carry her into my bedroom.
I’m not fucking her anywhere but between my sheets right now. In my bed. Willa lets me do whatever I want with her. She draws out every kink I have. But right now, all I want to do is be as close to her as possible. I want to make her feel good.
All this time, I had no idea the weight she was carrying around.
Trying to protect my family’s legacy, trying to keep her family together.
She was buried in guilt over her mother because her father made her think it was her fault when it wasn’t.
It was an accident, and she’s been beating herself up for years, unable to see it.
Now that I know why she pushed me away, I’m going to make her father regret standing between us. I’ll make him pay for everything he put her through.
But right now, there’s only one thing I can think about.
Willa loves me.
Me.
The fuckup.
The troublemaker.
I’ve never given a shit about love. The only person I let myself admit I cared about died, and after that, my stepdad made sure I knew I wasn’t worth giving a shit about.
Even watching my brothers fall head over heels for their old ladies this past year, I never got it.
Not until those words left Willa’s lips.
It didn’t matter if she’d made some bad decisions.
It didn’t matter if I’d done the same. Years of mistakes faded into nothing.
We were done hiding. The truth was out, and our walls were down.
I sink a knee onto the bed as she sprawls out across it. She’s wearing nothing more than one of my T-shirts, and it’s riding up her legs. Her slick pussy is on display when I spread her knees wider. There’s never been a more beautiful sight.
Willa’s dark hair fans across the sheets. Her eyes are still a little red from crying, but they’re bright. Hesitation puts a leash on her smile like she’s nervous.
Or maybe she’s surprised.
There’s still so much I’m learning about her.
Willa draws her hand to her mouth, brushing her fingertips over her lower lip. “You kissed me.”
“You kissed me back,” I remind her, lowering to kiss her again.
One isn’t enough.
There’s never getting enough of her. Her tongue slips into my mouth, and I steal it. Suck on it. She squirms beneath me, grinding against my leg. She’s as desperate as I am.
I kiss down her jaw. Her neck. Peeling the T-shirt over her head, I kiss down her perfect breasts, dragging my tongue in a slow circle around her nipple. My palm skates down her stomach; my fingers graze her pussy. I toy with the slit, and she immediately starts to wiggle.
“You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, Willa Elliott. Absolutely perfect.”
She moans as I sink a finger into her. “Are we playing nice tonight, Dean?”
“We aren’t playing anything but you and me tonight.” I sink a second finger into her cunt. “Fuck, I missed you. Your smile. Your laugh. Your soul. I’ve never needed anything like I need you in my life.”
Even if she breaks me all over again.
Her fingers dig into my hair when I meet her gaze.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
I want to believe her. After she bared her soul, I probably should. But there’s still this fear that lives inside me when I find peace in her eyes. I’m terrified to trust it.
But I don’t tell her that. I lower my mouth to her dripping cunt and lick until her back arches. She’s so pretty when she’s a writhing mess for me. I could spend every night between her legs, and I’d never get enough of her.
Willa’s fingers dig into my hair, holding me where she needs me, grinding my face against her perfect pussy. Her thighs press against my ears, muffling her moans. A sound greater than any song.
I circle her clit until she’s singing for me.
Until her heels dig into my back, and she’s shaking.
A scream rips through the room, and I shove my tongue into her to taste what I’m doing to her.
She has me grinding my cock on the bed; I’m so desperate for her tight cunt to be wrapped around my cock as tightly as she’s squeezing my tongue.
Unhooking her legs, I pull back and jump off the bed, stripping to nothing.
There’s something about the way she watches me as I discard every piece of clothing. She doesn’t just look at me; she sees me. Every mark, every scar, every muscle.
When I kneel between her legs again, she pulls me to her. Her nails dig into the back of my neck, desperate for a kiss.
My lips land on hers, and it’s almost better than my cock sinking inside her completely bare. There’s nothing between us.
No secrets.
No lies.
Just a painful fucking truth that tore us apart for too many years.
I’ve never felt free in life, no matter how many ways I chased it. When I escaped my family, I found myself here. And although my loyalty has been with my club, the burden of my patch was another weight on my shoulders.
After I walked out of prison, I looked up at the sky and thought maybe that was what freedom felt like. The bars were gone. The air was clean.
But here, in this bed with Willa, I find something else.
She sets me free in a way I never allow myself. She tears me down to my barest form. She sees the messed-up kid who got into trouble to escape what was raging around in his head. She sees a boy who laid his heart on the line for her. She sees all my vulnerability, and she isn’t scared of it.
I’ve been careful over the years to keep myself closed off. To bury my feelings—my mistakes. I hid my pain in blood, booze, and strippers. I pretended the part of me Willa knew years ago no longer existed.
But her tongue tangles with mine, and there’s no denying that side of me has always been there, living inside me, waiting for her.
Her nails scratch at my neck as I sink back on my heels and grab her ass, pulling her to me and shifting the angle. Her legs hook around my waist as she grabs the headboard, spread out for me. With each thrust, her tits bounce.
“Fuck, you’re pretty.”
A cautious smile crosses her lips. “Really?”
“Yes, really.” I thrust into her again, palming her tits so they shake in my hands as I fuck her. “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid eyes on.”
“I guess you’ve looked at enough to know.”
I freeze, my eyes narrowing. “Is that jealousy, Willa Elliott?”
She bites her lower lip. “No.”
Flipping us around, I lie down on the bed with her on top of me. I grab her face and pull her close so her nipples brush my chest.
“I think that was jealousy.” I lift my hips, and she grinds her pussy on my cock. So fucking wet. “Does that turn you on? Hating me for everything I’ve done?”
“No.” She glares.
“I think it does, princess. You want to know why?” She grinds on my cock again, and I thrust deep, not able to hold back with her.
“It doesn’t matter what I’ve seen or done.
The moment I look at you, I don’t see anything else.
You are the paradise that ends me for all others.
You are the most beautiful person, inside and out. ”
Her fingers grip my shoulders as she starts to ride me.
My girl likes being degraded, but clearly she likes praise as well. Her pussy is so snug and slick. I can barely contain myself.
“You see all the good and bad in me, Willa.” I brush my lips over hers. “I see yours too. And do you know what?”
“What?” Her question is a gasp.
A plea.
A breath.
A hope.
It’s everything I’ve needed to hear my entire life, answering questions only my soul can put answers to.
“I love all of you.” I pepper a soft kiss on her lower lip, and she freezes.
Her eyes wide. “What did you say?”
“I love you,” I admit.
I probably shouldn’t have. She feels so good and looks so pretty that I’m saying shit my defenses aren’t ready for. But when I look in her eyes, I can’t lie.
Never could.
She blinks away the storm in her gaze, and there’s nothing left between us. “You love me?”
“More than my next breath.” I sit, holding her in my arms as she starts to ride me again. “Jealousy looks damn good on you. But you have nothing to be jealous of. You’re it for me.”
My hands drag up her back into her dark hair. Her tits press softly against my chest. I can’t get enough of her. This could be my last moment on Earth, and I’d die happy.
Maybe this is why I’ve been shut down for years. She was the only one who knew the real me, and when I lost her, I lost that as well.
Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who was lost.
God, the things that her father did to her. It doesn’t matter if he never laid a hand on her. He broke my girl. I cup her cheeks in my hands and soak in all that fear. All her guilt and regret.
I’ll take it all in if that’s what she needs to feel lighter.
She’d probably say I’m just carrying the burden of someone else again.
But with her, it doesn’t matter; I’ll take it all.
She’s not my club or my family—she’s my soul outside my body.
My heart pumping blood through my veins.
I’d go to hell and back for this girl. I’d take the full weight of the world.
There is nothing I won’t do to make sure she finally has what she deserves.
“Dean, I can’t hold on any longer.” She bears down on me.
My hands find her hips, leading her to where she needs to go. “You don’t have to. You can let go with me.”
I mean that in so many different ways as she looks into my eyes. She can hand me her body, her soul. I’m better at making a mess than I am at cleaning shit up. I’m chaos. But with Willa, it’s different.
If she needs a center point when all gravity is lost, that’s what I’ll be for her.
If she needs to let loose and not think, then that’s what I’ll give her.
She likes me when I’m fucking her up, and she likes me when I’m holding her in my arms, promising her the world.
Willa collapses against my chest as she comes. Her pussy grips me, and she drags me straight over with her. My cum fills her perfect body, and I realize I never asked her if she’s on birth control. I don’t fucking care.
When she walked back into my life, I knew that was it. Even if she rejected me all over again. My heart begins and ends with her. My life begins and ends with her. Together, we’re going to have the life my brothers thought I never wanted.
She’s breathing hard as she looks up into my eyes. Her puffy mouth parts. Her eyes are hazy.
I brush her hair back, tucking the dark strands behind her ears. Music plays through the clubhouse, shaking the walls, but all I hear is her catching her breath.
“Say it again,” she says, kissing my jaw.
“What?” I smile, and she swats at my chest.
“You know what.”
I flip us around so that I’m lying over her on the bed, settled between her legs. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
We’re quiet for a moment as I take in her face. Her fingers draw a line over my jaw, down the side of my neck. She’s so much stronger than she gives herself credit for. Coming here, ignoring the risks of turning her back on her father. On my brother. The least I can do is be strong as well.
“We’re going home,” I say, finally.
I’ve avoided it since I left Texas, but there’s only one way to end this battle with my family, and that’s to face it head-on. No more running. No more avoiding. I’ve used every excuse I can think of, but time is up. If she can face her demons, then it’s time I face mine.
“Home?” Her eyebrows pinch.
“Texas.”
Willa shakes her head until I grab her chin, forcing her to look at me.
“We’re going home, and I’m going to put an end to this for both of us.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I do.” I press my forehead to hers. “Should have done it a long time ago. I should have fought for you and my grandpa. It’s about time I finally did.”
“Dean—”
“I’m not letting you go this time. Good, bad. We’re in this together.”
“We’re going home,” she whispers, and I nod.
It’s time to return to where all the chaos started.