Bianca
The past forty minutes had been insane. Opening my door to find both Chaos and my cousin there shocked me. Hearing what they had to say, especially Mishap, had been worse.
When he mentioned Chaos going off with a bunny named AnnMarie, my stomach dropped to my toes.
I felt nauseated. But the calm way Chaos called Fury and the story his club brother told had made me perk up.
Despite what Mishap said, I found it far-fetched that Chaos would lie to Fury just to have a cover story in case anyone mentioned him hooking up with her.
And what would be the reason to go to so much trouble to get into my pants?
He had plenty of women that he could get into theirs whenever he wanted.
That was what my brain was telling me. My heart was scared.
What if he was lying? Could I handle another man betraying me?
I wasn’t sure. But I knew that I had to talk with Chaos without my cousin in the middle.
I knew Mishap ultimately wanted to protect me.
He knew at least partially how much Byron’s betrayal hurt me.
But the way he spoke to Chaos had bothered me.
I went back to the living area after showing my cousin out. Chaos said nothing until we reached it.
“I’d like you to sit with me on the couch. I know we have stuff to work out. I’d prefer it if we were face-to-face,” he said quietly.
I hesitated for a moment, then nodded. I sat on one end. He sat in the middle. As soon as his butt hit the cushion, Chaos reached out and took my hand. I almost pulled it back, but then I stopped myself. Let’s see what he said and did.
“I’m sorry if what Fury said hurt. I never meant for it to. But he was right. I’d been wrestling with my inability to stop thinking about you. You intrigued me in different ways. Can I be blunt?”
“I prefer if you were,” I told him.
“I was having so many sexual dreams about you that I was jerking off to get relief. But it wasn’t enough.
I knew I needed to do something about it.
I went to the clubhouse that night to force myself to be with someone else.
Then Fury approached, and we got to talking.
I told him where my head was at. He issued the challenge.
I was desperate to know one way or the other, so I searched and chose AnnMarie.
She was the only one I thought might break through whatever held me back. ”
“Why her? What was it she has that the others don’t?” I asked, not sure I wanted to know, but I asked anyway.
“She’s kind, sweet, and she’s there for a good reason. However, when we got to the room, it didn’t matter that she was naked and willing. Nothing excited me. So we got dressed and hung out. We watched TV, but we also talked about you and her dad.”
“Her dad?”
“Yeah, she is his primary caregiver,” he replied, and then Chaos launched into AnnMarie’s story.
When he was through, I felt sorry for her. Imagine needing a place to stay on your off days so badly that you had to sell yourself, basically.
“Oh my God, that’s horrible,” I exclaimed.
“I know. I told her she needs to figure something else out. She’s too good to be a bunny.”
I knew I shouldn’t ask again, but it spilled out before I could stop it.
“Have you had sex with her?”
He groaned. “Bianca, why did you have to ask? I won’t lie.
Yes, twice, right after she came to us. That’s all I’ll say about that.
Ask me anything, but not who I’ve been with or specifics.
All you need to know is they were before I met you.
And they have nothing I want, unlike you.
If they did, I would’ve claimed one of them. Or at least dated them.”
I let what he said sink in. I wasn’t thrilled that he’d screwed her, but he hadn’t tried to evade my question.
And he was a handsome, sexy man. I knew he had plenty of bed partners.
What it came down to was I either believed what he told me and what Fury said, or I didn’t.
And if I didn’t, and Chaos was sincere, I might miss out on something wonderful.
I’d wanted a man to love me and stand by my side no matter what—one who would be faithful and my partner. I wasn’t sure if Chaos would be that guy, but I’d never know unless I gave us a chance.
“Okay, I’m choosing to believe you and Fury. But I’ll say it again: if you cheat or develop feelings for someone else. Or have some kind of feelings for another now, we’re done.”
“Agreed. Now, it’s my turn to ask you something,” he said sternly.
“Go ahead.”
“I have no desire for a woman in my life and bed who has feelings for another man. I don’t want to be a rebound.
Are you over your ex-husband? It’s clear from what Mishap said, the divorce was your ex-husband’s idea, and it hurt you badly.
Do you have residual feelings for him? Do you need more time to get over him? ”
Chaos’s grip on my hand tightened. I detested talking about Byron, but Chaos had been open about him and other women. He deserved the same honesty from me.
“Cash, let me tell you about Byron. Yes, he ended our marriage.
He came home one day and informed me that he wanted a divorce.
I asked why. It took some pushing, but he eventually confessed that he had been having an affair for the past year.
It was with a woman he worked with. She was higher up in the company and came from money.
He claimed he deserved a woman who could help him and keep up with him because he was going places.
And a nutritionist who works in a gym was beneath him.
“He proceeded then to tell me how much better she was as a woman than me. The things she brought to his life professionally, opportunity-wise, and sexually. He claimed that I was boring and he should’ve never married me.”
A menacing growl rumbled up out of Chaos. His expression was fierce. His grip tightened more, causing me to hiss. Chaos immediately eased his grip.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. That fucker better hope I never meet him. If I do, I’ll make sure he spends time in the hospital. How long were you together?”
“We dated a year before he asked me to marry him. Three months later we got married. We were married for two and a half years before the divorce was final. I was twenty-five when I met him. He was the same age.”
“The cocksucker was only faithful for a year?” he asked in outrage.
“Honestly, looking back, he probably never had been, although he refused to admit it when I asked. You asked if I had any feelings for him. I hate him. He makes me sick, and I’m thankful that we’re no longer married.
Whatever last bit of loving feelings I had for Byron died the minute he told me about his affair.
Our marriage was on rocky ground for that entire year.
I kept trying to figure out what was wrong and to fix it.
I made an effort, but he barely did. He denied that anything was wrong.
He gaslit me all the time. He told me I was paranoid, oversensitive, dramatic, and, his favorite, crazy.
He wore me down, then delivered the final blow.
“But the joke was on him. Byron thought he devastated me and I’d be so beaten down that in the divorce I’d agree to let him have everything.
It didn’t work that way. Assets were fairly divided.
He was so pissed about it. We didn’t own a house, so I gave up my half of the apartment lease.
He kept his car, though he tried to get mine, too.
And he said he should have seventy-five percent of the savings, even though I showed I earned ninety percent of it.
Byron liked to live beyond his means, and I refused to allow it.
I didn’t give him access to my checking or savings account.
He would yell at me, saying I should trust him because he was my husband.
It had always been a bone of contention between us.
“All that to say is that I have no warm or loving emotions when it comes to Byron. You are not a rebound. But I will warn you, Cash. I may have trouble avoiding second-guessing or paranoia. I need you to be patient with me, and when I get that way, check me on it.”
Without a word, Chaos drew me closer until I was nearly sitting on his lap. His arms came around me, then tugged again, bringing me to his lap. I hurriedly straddled him. His hands slid down to rest above my ass. His gaze bored into mine.
“Babe, I’ll prove to you that you don’t have to be paranoid or second-guess my feelings or my intentions. And if I’m doing something you don’t like, I want you to tell me. Not communicating will end us sure as anything. Is there anything else we should discuss?”
“What are we to do about my cousin? He’s being very ugly, Cash. I don’t want it to impact you or the club. And what about him going to the other guys and telling them what he said to us?”
I gnawed on my bottom lip. Chaos reached up and tugged it free of my teeth.
“I’ll tell them our side of things. They’ll listen and be reasonable. There should be no reason they shouldn’t hear me out.”
“But what if they say you and I can’t be together?”
“Babe, they won’t. I don’t want you to worry about that. Now, if there’s nothing more to discuss, other than Mishap, and we’re not doing that, I have one more thing to ask you.”
“What?”
“Can I have that mouth? I’ve wanted to kiss you since the moment I left last night. Walking through your door and not kissing you almost killed me.”
Heat and a thrill rushed through me from my core to my nipples. I put my arms around his neck.
“I would love a kiss. I’ve spent a lot of time reliving our two from last night,” I whispered.
This time his growl was different, and it slipped out a moment before he captured my lips. We were rather frantic as we devoured each other’s mouths. I let myself drown. It felt incredible to feel passionate and desirable.