Chapter 54 Everett
FIFTY-FOUR
EVERETT
“Wake up, Eve.”
My face is slapped, and I jolt awake. “Hmm?” I mumble into the gag.
Kashton bends down and picks up a bloody razor blade and holds it in front of my heavy eyes. “Hold still. It would be a shame to cut this pretty face.” He chuckles. “It was the only rule I had for the Lords.”
I stiffen when he grabs the top piece of the tape and slowly starts to run the razor blade down it, cutting it away. He rips the last piece off and removes the gag.
My head hangs forward, and I spit and cough, trying to get the nasty sour taste out of my mouth.
“So pretty.” He places his hands on either side of my face and forces my head back so I have to look up at him.
“Fuck you.” I spit in his face. He takes his right hand and slaps me hard while his left hand holds it in place. I taste blood, and I spit that on him too. “Fucking kill me, you bastard,” I shout, fisting my hands behind my back.
He shakes his head, making a tsking sound. “I watched the tape of you here, Eve. How much you enjoyed it. The cum that dripped from your overused cunt. I know it’s been a while, but I think I can get you back to that doll who begged to be played with.”
His thumb runs over my lips, and he leans down, pressing his mouth to mine. I sink my teeth into his lip, biting until I taste his blood this time. We’ll both bleed.
Kashton pulls back with a growl and slaps me across the face once more.
I want to cry, but the force has the rope pulling tight on my neck, and it takes my breath away.
“I’m doing this for us.” He huffs. “Ungrateful bitch.”
I give a manic laugh, sucking in a breath that burns my lungs, staring up at the ceiling. My vision is cloudy, and my head is pounding. How long have I been here? What do I have to do to pass? Just survive? I’m not sure that’s possible.
“I’ll prove to you that you enjoyed it.” I lower my head to watch him grab a syringe out of his pocket.
My heart shatters because I know what it is. I don’t stand a chance. All Lords play dirty, and he’s no different.
He stabs me in the arm and plunges the drugs into me. Then he steps back and tosses the syringe to the side. “Now let’s hear you count each time you come on their cocks.”
I sit straight up, gasping for air. I blink rapidly, and when my vision comes into focus, I see we’re still in the apartment above Blackout.
Kashton is sound asleep next to me.
Taking in a shaky breath, I run my hands through my tangled hair to push it off my face.
It was a hallucination, Eve, Kash had told me.
Even in my dreams, I can’t escape something that didn’t happen.
It wasn’t real. But I’ve never felt anything more real in my life.
I remember girls having hallucinations at Dollhouse.
They looked like they had been possessed by demons, the way their bodies twisted and turned.
The screams that came out of their mouths.
It was horrific and so painful to watch.
Getting out of bed, I make my way to the bathroom and flip the soft light on.
I go to the his-and-hers sinks and turn on one of the faucets, splashing cold water on my face.
I do it again and then start digging through cabinets for something to help relieve this pounding headache.
Everything fucking aches. Finding some Advil, I pop two in my mouth, cup the water, and take a sip. I’m so thirsty.
Turning it off, some of Kashton’s things catch my eye. He’s got his wallet, a money clip filled with hundreds, and his pocketknife on the counter.
I take a quick look into the bedroom, and he’s still asleep—head on the pillow, facing away from me, arms underneath it, and the covers up to his shoulders. Licking my lips, I pick up the knife and hold the cold metal in my hand. Why didn’t I kill myself in my hallucination?
I could have. There was a rope wrapped around my neck.
I could have lifted my legs at any time and hung myself.
It was a sign, right? Why didn’t I think of it?
Would that have brought me out of my hallucination, or would it have given Kashton a reason to punish me?
Probably would have just been another reason to torture me.
I won’t ever know because none of it existed.
I don’t think anyone is capable of pulling themselves out of a hallucination. I’m pretty sure you have to ride it out. Especially if you’re given drugs to induce it.
“Angel?”
I gasp and drop the pocketknife, startled by the sound of Kashton’s voice. He stands in the bathroom, dressed in nothing but his black boxer briefs. He hasn’t touched me sexually. I passed out in his arms a few hours ago after he picked me up off the bathroom floor.
Why would he want to touch me? I screamed for him to get away from me. I told him I hated him. He probably hates me now. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” He steps in, and I take a matching step back. Bending down, he picks up the knife and puts it in a drawer. “What are you doing awake?” he asks through a yawn.
I bite my lip and bow my head, too ashamed to tell him what he did to me while at Dollhouse. I should never have believed he’d be that way. That he would hurt me. He’s been the best thing to happen in my life. The Lords want to ruin it. It’s working.
“Eve, I want you to talk to me. Tell me what I can do to make it better.”
I run a hand through my hair, avoiding eye contact. “I’m fine.” It’s the same lie I always seem to be telling him. If he knew how fucked-up my head was, he’d run the other direction.
“No, you’re not.” He steps into me, and I lean into him.
“It was just a bad dream.” Another lie.
Without another question, he picks me up and carries me back to bed. My mind tells me it’s because he wants me far away from the knife he put in the drawer. My suspicion is confirmed when he pulls the bathroom door closed behind us.
He thinks I’m suicidal.
I cuddle up to his body and he sighs, relaxing into the mattress. We lie in silence for a few seconds when I speak. “Why are we here?”
“It was the closest to Dollhouse,” he answers softly. “I didn’t want you at Carnage, and my house is on the other side of town.”
Why doesn’t he want me to return to Carnage? Is Haidyn mad at me? Probably. “Did I pass?” I try to lighten the mood. I’m embarrassed that I freaked out when I woke up. That I accused him of hurting me in such a way. That I looked as weak as I was for so many years.
Kashton gives a soft chuckle. “You’re perfect.” He kisses my forehead.
“Can we go to my house tomorrow?” I ask through a yawn. Hopefully, I can get some sleep. My body is so tired, but my mind is running.
“No,” he answers, and I hold in a sigh. “Evan is still on the run, and that’s the first place he’s going to go looking for you. But we can go to mine.”
I’ll take that offer.
“Get some rest, angel.”
A part of me wants sex right now. Wants him to throw me onto my stomach, pin my arms behind my back and force my legs open so he can fuck me until I pass out.
It would probably help me sleep better. I’ve avoided it for so long, but now that I know what it can feel like to really be wanted, I crave it more now than I did then, when I was on drugs.
Maybe it’s the reassurance I need. That he still finds me sexually attractive. As fucked up as it sounds, no matter what I went through at Dollhouse, the training never stopped. It was constant. Neither my body nor my mind ever had a break.
I run my hand over his chest, letting my nails softly graze his skin. His muscles flex as I trail a path over his chiseled stomach.
He wraps his hand around my wrist before I can slide it into his boxer briefs. “Eve,” he warns.
“I want you to fuck me,” I admit, wanting him to know my intentions. I’m not going to be the weak woman I was a week ago; the one who was kneeling in the shower, vomiting. It took me years to find myself after Bill saved me from Dollhouse. I won’t allow them to take that much of my life this time.
He sighs. “You need to rest.”
“For how long?” Might as well give me a timeline.
“As long as you need.”
“And who decides that?”
“Me.”
I huff. “What if I say I’m ready now?”
“You can say whatever you want, doesn’t mean I’m going to believe you.”
I get a pain in my chest at his choice of words. I know he meant it sexually, but I feel like he means I can say I’m not suicidal but that doesn’t mean he believes me.
Knowing I’m not going to win, I drop it. The fact is, he doesn’t want me.
Pulling away, I roll over, letting out a huff of annoyance. He pulls my back into his front, snuggling into me, and I immediately soften against him. His body is so warm, and I hate how much I’ve grown accustomed to him.
He kisses my hair. “I don’t want to scare you, Eve.”
I understand where he’s coming from. This is my fault. My mental breakdowns have led him to believe that I’m unstable. I don’t have an argument to change his mind. And I can’t deny that he’s right.
KASHTON
“Open the fucking door,” I bark at Bill while my hand jiggles the doorknob to the room.
I hear the lock click, and I shove it open, barging inside. “Eve?” I rush over to her. “Eve, look at me,” I urge her, running my hands over her face.
She finally stopped screaming a few minutes ago and her body just went slack. Bill said it was over, and I couldn’t get to her fast enough. “Why isn’t she awake?” I snap at him.
“She needs time, Kash,” Bill answers, unbuckling her restraints. “Take her home. Let her rest. The drugs take a lot out of you. Make her drink. A lot. The more fluids she has, the better.”
I pick her up off the table, and she lies limp in my arms. She feels feverishly warm and sweaty, but her breathing has finally evened out. I thought she was going to give herself a heart attack by how worked up she was.