Chapter 67 Everett
SIXTY-SEVEN
EVERETT
Ifinish applying my lipstick in the bathroom before I pull my dress on. Exiting the room, I make my way downstairs. My feet slow when I catch sight of the grand foyer. Kashton stands by the front doors with Sin.
Coming to a stop, my chest begins to ache watching my husband hold a baby. Kashton softly sways from foot to foot with the little guy passed out in his arms after his feeding.
Kashton smiles down at the baby before looking up at Easton. Their lips are moving, but I can’t hear what they’re saying over the blood rushing in my ears.
All I can think of is that I took the option of being a father away from him. He’ll never know that feeling—that kind of love—as long as he’s with me.
I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but I’ve never hated myself more than I do now.
I hate my father for the life he had planned for me. Fuck him for the choices he made me make.
Ellington gets my attention by walking up to them. “Thank you,” she tells Kashton, holding out her arms for her baby.
“Anytime,” Kashton assures her.
And that pain intensifies. All his friends are having children. How long will he wait before he decides he wants one? How long will the Lords wait before they force him to have one with whoever they choose? A Spade brother can’t just decide to not have children. It doesn’t work that way.
Look at Charlotte. She was given fertility drugs without her knowledge to get pregnant.
That’s why she’s having triplets. And Ashtyn.
She’s having twins. Possibly by her husband and her rapist. The Lords don’t care what they have to do to get their way.
They will kill or walk over anyone to get what they want.
“It was good to see you, Eve.”
I blink when Elli speaks to me. “You too.” I look away when I catch Kashton staring at me. Did he see me watching him? Does he know what I was thinking? Of course he does. I wear my emotions all over my face, and he’s always watching. He pays attention to my every move.
“We should do lunch soon,” Elli offers with a smile.
Nodding, I agree, “Just let me know when.” It’s weird to go from nothing to a family and friends. It’s overwhelming and yet confusing. I also don’t want to put others in danger because I’ve come around to the idea of not being alone all the time.
That’s just being selfish.
Kashton gets the door for them, and they say their goodbyes. I finish making my way down the stairs when he turns to face me.
“Eve—”
“I’m ready to go,” I interrupt him, knowing what he’s thinking and not in the mood to discuss it. I want a bottle to drown myself in.
KASHTON
We enter Carnage and see Jessie there to greet us. “Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Pierce. Is there anything I can do for you?”
“I would like a bottle of whiskey,” Eve answers.
Jessie looks at me for permission, and I give a soft nod, not wanting her to see. She’s irritated with herself right now, and I’m enabling her.
“Of course. I can bring it to your room—”
“No need. I’ll come with you,” she interrupts him.
I place my hands in my pockets and watch my wife walk away with Jessie to grab some liquor. Maybe I’m allowing it for my own selfish reasons. I want her to open up to me, and the only way she’s going to do that is with alcohol.
Eve drinks often, so she’s got a pretty good tolerance, but a bottle? She’s got to have a point where she’ll answer questions that I have. Show her vulnerable side. I’m going to test her just to see how many drinks that will take.
I make my way down to the basement to find Haidyn. “Where is everyone?” I ask.
“Saint went to bed and Hooke went out.”
“To Blackout?”
He shrugs. “Not sure. He didn’t offer and I didn’t ask.”
“Anything new on Hailey?”
Haidyn takes a hit from his cigarette. “Nope.”
“What about the woman? What did Devin do with the body?”
He just stares at me before he takes another hit. I step closer to him, narrowing my eyes. “What did you do, Haidyn?”
“Don’t worry about it.” He gives me his back.
I reach out and grab his arm, and he spins back around to face me. “Tell me,” I grind out. “Saint called and told me she died. He made it sound like she succumbed to her injuries. Is that what happened?”
“Yeah. That’s what happened.”
We’ve been at Carnage for an hour when I walk through the bedroom to find her in the bathroom, submerged in the tub, bubbles chin high, and a bottle of whiskey three-quarters gone.
I sit on the edge, and she glances up at me before looking down at the bubbles. She avoided the conversation I wanted to have with her at Bill and Janice’s. In all honesty, that wasn’t the place to have it. But now she’s naked and has nowhere to go. “I’m sorry,” I tell her.
Her pretty green eyes find mine and she frowns. “For what?”
“For tonight. I…I wasn’t thinking.” Elli had to use the restroom and asked me to hold Brexton. I didn’t think about it until I saw Eve on the stairs. Sin’s hands were full with their daughter, and Janice wasn’t around.
My wife reaches over, grabs the bottle, and starts to gulp what’s left of it down.
I yank it from her hand, and her eyes narrow on mine. She sits up, her chest now out of the water and bubbles. “I’m not heartless, Kashton. I’m not going to keep you from your friends’ children.” Then her eyes go to the bottle.
I move it out of her reach before speaking. “I never said you were.” I frown at her harsh tone. “I just—”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” she interrupts me, just like earlier.
“I think we should.”
“No.” She stands and the water sloshes around.
Getting out, she grabs a towel, but I wrap my fingers around her upper arm, pulling her to a stop. Water and bubbles run down her body to pool at her feet. “We’ll figure something out.”
She yanks her arm from my hold and stumbles back before righting herself. She’s had more to drink than I thought. “What the fuck does that mean? Figure what out?”
“Adoption.” I step into her, not wanting her to fall and hurt herself.
This floor is slippery when wet. “We’ll have kids, Eve.
” I saw the look on her face, and I know how much regret she has.
Bringing a kid into the Lords is doable.
Plus, they won’t be blood related, so the Lords won’t force them to be initiated.
“We’ll give them the childhood that we wish we had. ”
“No.” Eve shakes her head. “We’re not adopting. You want kids, have them with someone else.”
I know what she’s doing. She wants to start a fight. Wants to push me away. It’s her way of coping with the choices she was forced to make.
“You’re my wife,” I grind out. “I’m not going to be fucking anyone else, let alone have a child with another woman.”
She snorts as if that’s unbelievable. “Give it time.” Turning, she gives me her bubble-covered back and starts to exit the bathroom, but I grab her messy bun and yank her back before spinning her around and pinning her to the door with my hand around her neck. “Kash—”
“Drop the attitude, angel,” I growl.
She huffs, and I can smell the liquor on her breath.
Loosening my hand, I run my fingers down her chest, smearing the bubbles across her smooth skin. “I know you’re upset.” I soften my voice, and her eyes harden. “But I’m not going to cheat on you. I love you.”
Eve slams her hands into my chest. I take a few steps back to give her some space. “I don’t know why,” she grinds out.
“Why what? Why I love you?” I frown.
“No one loves a whore.”
“You’re not a whore.” This is what years of grooming does to someone. I have no problem constantly reminding her that she has worth. I will devote my life to it.
“I begged you to fuck me that night on the Isabella, Kash. You said it that night yourself…I was about to be raped but threw myself at you instead.” She drops her eyes to her bare feet. “That’s what a whore does.”
“You were confused,” I argue.
She shakes her head. “I knew what I wanted.” Her eyes glance up at me. “But that was then, and this is now.”
“Exactly—”
“This is forever,” she whispers, staring at her ring. “I don’t want you to resent me in five, ten, fifteen years.” Her watery eyes plead with mine. “I won’t be able to live with you not loving me.”
“I’m always going to love you, Eve. Until the day I die.”
She licks her lips and glances away. “I don’t deserve your love.” Her watery eyes glance aimlessly around the bathroom. “I don’t deserve any of it.”
“You deserve the world, Eve, and I’m going to give it to you. Anything you want, it’s yours.” I don’t care what it costs me—money or my life. I’ll gladly pay it.
“Our fathers…”
“Are dead,” I interrupt her. “They can’t hurt you anymore.
” Taking her face in my hands, I force her eyes on mine.
“You know that, right? That I’d never hurt you, Eve.
Not like they did.” I’m human. So I can only imagine that I’ll hurt her along the way somehow, but what our fathers did to her?
Never. I want my wife to have a normal life.
To have freedom as long as she’s safe. I take a step toward her, and she matches it, pushing her back into the door.
“I let them ruin our future.” She sniffs. “I let them take everything from us.”
She couldn’t have fought them and won. “You were just a child, Eve.”
“They didn’t treat me like one,” she admits, and my chest aches for my wife.
Her bottom lip starts to tremble before she nibbles on it.
“First time they raped me I was fourteen. I didn’t even have my first period until I was fifteen.
You would think they’d know how that works…
” She trails off, and I allow her a second to collect her thoughts.
“Saint’s father stayed away from me for the most part.
He rarely paid me any attention.” Her voice is soft, and I have to strain my ears to hear her.
“Adam’s did the same. I think they both knew I wasn’t going to get pregnant.
But my father wouldn’t give up…” She drifts off.
I’m not sure if it’s the conversation or the alcohol. Maybe a mix of both.
She blinks her eyes, her heavy lashes fanning her cheeks. I step closer to her, afraid she’s about to pass out and fall to the floor, but she looks up at me.
“My father raped me in hopes to get me pregnant.” She nods to herself. “But yours…” Her eyes drop to the bottle of whiskey.
What could be worse? I need to know what my father did to my wife when she was a child. What she went through. It’s like watching the videos. A sick part of me needs to know.
She wraps the towel around herself. A sign that she’s going to share something because she wants to cover her body.
Shield it from me. “He would come into my room. Tie my hands behind my back and yank me off the bed.” Her watery eyes meet mine.
“He’d say, ‘Worthless whores get fucked on the floor.’ Then he’d shove my face into the carpet and say, ‘Your cunt may be useless, but at least your ass serves a purpose.’” The first tear runs down her face, and I step into her.
Cupping her cheeks, I lick my lips. “I’m so sorry, Eve.” My words are pointless and hollow. They won’t change her past.
I hate myself for needing to know. What did it change? Nothing. What did it help? Not a Goddamn thing.
“I wish I would have known…I would have protected you.” Does she blame me? Is that why she thinks I’ll hurt her? That I’m playing some long game here where I make her my Lady and then fuck around on her and have children with someone else? I’d never do such a thing.
“You’re not your father, Kash,” she whispers, reading my mind. “You’re the only man I’ve ever willingly slept with. The only man who’s ever treated me like a person. You care about how I feel and make me feel safe.”
I frown at her words. “What about Adam?” Did he take advantage of her? Maybe it was like when I met her on the Isabella. He saved her and she felt obligated to repay him?
She tilts her head to the side. “I know you think we’re friends, but we’re not. I work for him. That’s it. We’re not close and never will be.”
“But you slept with him,” I go on, and her brows pull together.
“Are you saying it wasn’t consensual? That he raped you?
” She’s vulnerable and very easily manipulated.
He could have convinced her she wanted it.
I know my brother, and the thought of him tying her up and fucking her makes me want to slit his fucking throat.
But if he coerced her into it, I’ll throw him in a cell at Carnage and make him pay for the rest of his life.
“No.” She shakes her head. “I’ve never slept with him.”
Why is she lying to me? “Eve, it’s okay. I mean, I hate that you’ve slept with him, but I understand he’s been there for you.”
She steps back and hits the door with a thud. “What makes you think I slept with Adam?”
I reach out to help steady her. She’s gripping the towel tightly, and if she falls, she may not use her hands to catch herself. “He told me. Said it was years ago when you guys were in Las Vegas together.”
She stares at me unblinkingly. I know she’s shut down. I’m not going to get anything else from her, and I’m not going to push.
I don’t want to add to her self-hatred. I hate to see my wife blaming herself for things that she’s done. She probably felt lonely, and he was there for her. Another reason I don’t like their friendship. I’m just a jealous bitch. “Come on, angel. Let’s go to bed.” She’s drunk and needs some rest.
She remains quiet while she allows me to put her in bed. I turn on the TV, and when I kiss her forehead, her eyes are already closed.