7. Holden
7
HOLDEN
I met Bram Vogel at my first job out of college.
The shitty firm I convinced to give me a shot, crammed me in a tiny, windowless office, shared with a tired young father. We bonded quickly, united in our passion for architecture and frustration with our employer. The idea of Ellinger & Vogel came early on, and the two of us spent five years saving, planning, and working toward the goal of starting our own firm.
For a young adult with my background, owning my own business felt like a far-fetched dream, but Bram made me believe. Then, even when we made it happen, it still took time to wrap my head around it.
Today, as I stand on the cracked asphalt of the abandoned parking lot behind E&V, I’m struck by that surreal sense of wonder all over again.
To some, it might not be much to look at. Weeds are poking up around our feet, and a rusted chain-link fence surrounds the whole area. A long-abandoned car is parked nearby, wheels flat, and the rusted body covered in graffiti.
It won’t look like this for long, though. If everything goes to plan, this time next year, construction crews will be standing where we are now, doubling the size of the dream I once thought was too big for someone like me.
“It’s one hell of an expansion,” Bram muses, kicking at a bit of stone as he surveys the land around us, a file folder containing the closing paperwork for our new undertaking clutched in his hand.
“We’re ready for it,” I assure him, my chest full to bursting with pride.
My partner sighs, his expression a little apologetic as he turns to look at me directly. “I might not be as involved this time around. If that’s an issue, we can push this off a few years.”
I blink in surprise. “Why?”
He smiles slightly. “Soph wants babies. I’d like to be present for her, and for them.”
I probably should have seen this coming. The way Bram looks at his girlfriend doesn’t exactly speak to theirs being a casual or temporary relationship. Months ago, when I was making it a point to flirt with Sophie for the enjoyment of raising Bram’s blood pressure, I’d known it was something more, and I sure as hell know it now after witnessing their relationship bloom over donuts in the break room. Once upon a time, I couldn’t relate. Now…
“Good for you.” I force myself to smile. “Don’t worry about the expansion. I can pick up the slack.”
“You’re sure?” he asks, tapping the folder against his leg, eyeing me warily. “It’s a big ask.”
He’s right, it is, but it also means a hell of a lot that he’d trust me with it. I’ll just need to learn how to dismiss the hot ball of guilt that drops into my gut at the memory of what happened yesterday and why my old friend’s confidence might be misplaced.
It’s been a long time since I had anyone care about my emotional well-being, and even longer since I was honest with someone about it. Being the fun, easygoing friend, here for a good time and gone when shit gets real… that’s the role I’ve been relegated to in all my interpersonal relationships for far longer than I realized, and it’s no one’s fault but my own.
Until yesterday, when Leni was worried about my fucking feelings, and I was so taken off guard by how good that felt, I lost whatever grip I had on my self-control.
Her skirt shoved up around her waist, the creamy skin of her ass marked by my hand, and the wet spot on that narrow strip of white material covering her pussy…
I clear my throat, struggling to dismiss the memory. “It’s not a problem. You’d do the same for me.” Not that he’ll ever need to, considering the measures I took to ensure children were off the table. Bram knows well enough my feelings about having a family, but he nods anyway, looking grateful as the two of us start back toward the chain-link gate.
Considering what happened yesterday in my office, I was grateful to have a meeting with our attorneys first thing this morning. Anything to postpone coming face-to-face with Leni seemed ideal to me after a night spent tossing and turning, torn between feeling ecstatic and guilty.
Now that I’ve crossed that line, how the fuck am I supposed to go back to my lackluster attempts to get her out of my life?
Previously, I thought she wasn’t interested. Now, I’m confident that isn’t the case, but also sure that I’m in this a lot deeper than she is. What Leni must see as a fun, carefree fling with a man well known for enjoying that sort of thing, I see as something else entirely. It’s pointless to lie to myself or to pretend any other woman has gotten under my skin the way she has.
Somehow, I’ve found myself every bit as pathetically besotted as Bram, but there’s a key difference in our situations.
Sophie felt the same way.
Leni doesn’t.
I can tell Bram has noticed I’m quieter than usual, but I still don’t attempt to fill the silence as we walk, side by side, through the alley bordering E&V and around the corner to the front doors. It’s only when we’re preparing to part ways at the top of the stairs in the familiar, marble lobby that Bram finally speaks.
“Holden.” I pause, looking over at him, and my stomach twists with guilt as he stares back at me, grave-faced and serious. “Thank you. Really, I’m grateful. It means a lot to me, and I know it will to Sophie as well.”
I’m a piece of shit.
Arranging my expression into something close to an obliging, understanding smile, I nod. “Don’t mention it.” And, before Bram can thank me for something else I don’t deserve, I turn toward my wing of the building.
Leni is standing behind her desk when I enter the office, brow furrowed and lips pursed in annoyance as she works to untangle a multicolored ball of power cords. I’m thankful that today, she’s forgone the pencil skirt, but the structured gray dress isn’t any less affecting.
Her sparkly cane, which I’ve noticed she’s been leaving at home more often now, is nowhere to be seen.
I don’t bother trying to look anywhere else as I move further into the room, and my pulse thuds unevenly as Leni looks up, her eyes meeting mine from twenty yards away.
Something like triumph rises in my chest at the pretty pink flush that floods her cheeks and the way her lips curve into a shy, secret smile, just for me.
There isn’t a hint of darkness in her eyes as I approach, keeping my hands shoved deep in the pockets of my suit jacket. “Good morning, Lenora.”
“Good morning, Mr. Ellinger.”
Though I want to stop, I force my feet to keep moving through my office door and around the back of my desk. There’s shit I need to do, calls I need to make, meetings to attend. Keeping business moving as usual is more important than ever as we prepare for the expansion.
I can’t spend half the day willing myself not to look at Bram’s daughter.
A soft knock sounds on the frame of my doorway, and I look up sharply, my pulse quickening as I see who it is.
“Hi.” Leni’s tone is cautious. “Could we talk?”
Fuck. “Of course.” I gesture to the chair across the desk from mine, and she pulls the office door closed behind her, moving to the place I indicated with only the slightest limp.
She sits, and I’m painfully aware of the large glass window behind her. When we designed this space, the open concept was intended to encourage openness and communication. If I’d known I would someday have to master a poker face so the entire staff doesn’t realize how bad I have it for Bram’s daughter, I might have reconsidered this approach.
Her next words certainly don’t help my predicament.
“I was wondering if you were still interested in having sex with me.” The way she says it is cautious and polite, as if we’re discussing nothing more remarkable than a possible work project.
“Excuse me?” I choke, my fingers aching with how tightly I’m holding onto the arms of my chair.
Leni’s head cocks slightly to the side, and now there’s a dangerous little smile on her face that takes my goddamn breath away. “Oh, I’m sorry. Did you want to pretend nothing happened here last night?”
“Kind of, yeah,” I admit, still reeling. “I was going to apologize. If I made you uncomfortable?—”
The look this earns me is almost pitying. “I think it’s pretty clear I liked it.”
Blood is rushing to my cock as the impact of her words sinks in. Damn it, I wasn’t prepared for this—for the literal woman of my dreams walking into my office and asking if I’d like to have sex with her. It’s like putting a gourmet meal on the table in front of a starving man and telling him not to eat it.
How could anyone have the willpower to resist?
“It’s probably not a good idea,” I admit weakly, still holding onto the chair for dear life. “And I thought you said you didn’t want… with the history there…”
A slight shrug greets these words, and Leni’s eyes glitter with amusement. “I changed my mind. Between my sister getting engaged to her ex’s dad and Sophie shacking up with our dad, fucking you would be practically tame by comparison.”
“You’re a virgin.”
“Am I?”
Every muscle in my body goes tense. Her fucking someone in the past six months hadn’t occurred to me until now, and for a man so determined not to sleep with her, the possibility that she did makes me furious.
I lean forward, totally unable to keep myself in check in the face of this new information. “Tell me.”
Leni’s smile widens. “There’s only one way to know for sure, isn’t there?”
No question about it, I’m no match for this woman. Lenora Vogel is smarter than me, braver than me, more in control of this situation than I could ever dream of being. There isn’t a question in my mind that she knows exactly what she does to me and how badly I want her.
Apparently tired of watching me attempt to think my way out of the trap I’ve constructed for her to use on me, Leni stands, smoothing out her dress. “Okay, good talk. Let me know what you’d like to do with me, Mr. Ellinger.” There’s a playful, teasing quality to her voice that is even more affecting to me than the words themselves.
It occurs to me that if things were different, this woman would have been my best friend.
I had a hint of it on New Year’s, the briefest glimpse of what could have been, and spent months missing the way it made me feel. Fucking hell, Len. What are you doing to me?
“When would you need an answer?” I joke weakly. Behind Leni, I see two of my staff glance our way as they pass, a flicker of uncertainty appearing in their expressions at whatever I must look like right now. As a wide, delighted smile splits her face, however, I find I don’t particularly care what they think.
Leni reaches behind herself, wrapping her delicate fingers around the door handle and pulling it open. “Oh, three to five business days at most,” she replies mildly. “The problem has become more pressing after our meeting last night.”
For fuck’s sake, now she’s insinuating I made her horny by bending her over my knee and spanking her tight little ass. It doesn’t matter how convinced I am that fucking her would be a terrible idea, if I make it through the day without caving, it will be a miracle.
I swallow, my mouth dry as I remember the sight of my handprints on her creamy skin and the way those thighs inched farther apart, silently begging for more. “How pressing, exactly?” I hear myself ask, my voice like gravel.
Leni shifts her weight from one foot to another, her teeth finding her bottom lip as she gazes at me. “Would you mind if I used your restroom?” she asks after a pause.
“ Uh .” Taken off guard, I nod. It’s not totally unheard of for people I’m in a meeting with to use it, though not frequently enough for it not to catch someone’s eye if they had suspicions.
Without bothering to close the office door, she swans past my desk and slips into my private bathroom, leaving me to stare blankly at my computer. I’ve barely begun my second mental run-through of the chain of events that led us here, when the bathroom door opens again, and Leni moves back into view.
She pauses beside my chair, leaning over to stare at my black computer screen. This close, I can smell the light, apple scent of her shampoo, along with something warmer and uniquely Leni. Inhaling greedily, I sit back in my chair, allowing my sleeve to brush her bare arm.
“Let me know if that answers your question,” she murmurs, her voice a low, seductive purr.
Then, Leni is straightening up and making her way back to her desk, leaving me with a burning in my chest and a dick that’s threatening to tear through my trousers. I watch as she sits down and pushes her chair back under her desk, apparently completely intent on the job she hates.
I swallow, dragging my eyes back to my work, when something catches my eye. It takes me a moment to fully comprehend and accept what I’m looking at.
Resting in my lap, is a pair of neatly folded, powder blue panties. Tiny white flowers dot the material, which is paper-thin and ruffled around the edges, demure and wicked all at once.
Almost without the permission of my brain, my hand drifts from the desk to my lap, balling the material in my fist. It’s still warm from her body and—my cock leaps— slick . My breathing is ragged as I drag my thumb through the arousal that’s soaking the fabric.
Which means she’s bare. Right now.
Apparently unable to contain herself, Leni looks over her shoulder, meeting my gaze through the wall of glass. Her smile is triumphant, but vanishes seconds later, as she watches me lift my thumb to my mouth.