Chapter 20
What am I doin’?
Theodore studied Madison as she slumbered soundly next to him. Her breathing came slow and steady like the beating of the waves on the shore. His chest tightened at the sight of her. She was by far the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on, and she was there, with him.
I cannae be wantin’ ye. Daenae ye ken that this will only lead to heartache and tears?
He carefully brushed aside a loose strand of her hair.
How smooth and silky it was between his fingers.
He pulled in a long deep breath, but it did nothing to calm the jitters raging within him.
If there was one thing he was certain of, this moment of happiness was fleeting.
It would vanish like the morning star at the glory of the sun.
As much as he wanted to stay there on the shore, letting the world pass them by without a care in the world, he couldn’t.
He glanced to the gray stone walls of the castle and let out a heavy sigh.
There was no way he could keep her. She belonged with her family and deserved to be happy with someone who could give her the world.
“Laird…” she mumbled as Theodore shifted. She moved to the sand. Carefully, he stood and plucked her up as if she were Aphrodite just come out of the sea. His heart ached as he carried her close. Warmth radiated off her and seeped into his skin. She smelled of wildflowers and the sea.
“Hush now,” he cooed as he carried her back to the castle.
A smile tugged at the corner of his lips.
She was heavier now. Gone was the lass who was mere skin and bones.
She’d been able to add something to her tiny frame, some bit of muscle.
Still, she could use more. Various treats popped into his mind as he mulled over the idea of showering her with tarts and pastries first thing in the morning.
The idea of having her wake to sweet and not sour made his heart swell.
“Daenae stop,” she whimpered and threw her arm over his shoulder. Theodore arched his eyebrow and glanced at her a moment, fearful she might have woken up. Yet, her eyes remained closed and a peace lingered like dew. “I cannae let ye.”
Theodore’s chest tightened. His nerves jumped as if he’d been shocked by lightning.
Stealing a glimpse at the beauty in his arms, Theodore could feel the calcified wall around his heart crumble to dust. He pursed his lips into a tight line wanting to rebuild that wall, but it was her taste lingering on his tongue that wouldn’t let him forget the pleasure he had with her.
“Hush,” he whispered despite wanting her to continue. Whatever details she would let slip, he’d savor them like a tasty morsel for the dark hours he’d be spending alone in his study.
The sound of the side door barely stirred her as he pulled it open.
She shifted. It didn’t matter how she moved, she was nothing but a doll in his arms. Madison wasn’t as bony as she had been when she first came to his shores.
The dim light of the torches kissed the tips of her hair that had shifted like a veil, covering her features from him.
“Oh my,” a servant gasped coming around the corner.
The second she spotted Theodore, she turned and made a beeline for Madison’s room.
It was the fact he didn’t have to say a word to his clan and they’d pick up on his need always amazed him.
Theodore nodded to the servant out of appreciation for her help as he entered the room.
“Tend the fire,” Theodore said over his shoulder as he laid Madison on the soft fur lined bed. The servant scurried to her duty and with a shift of the coal and a new log, the room was toasty warm in no time.
“Shall I— ” the servant started only to be silenced by Theodore’s side glare. She bowed and scattered from the room with a smirk tickling her lips.
“Mmm,” Madison groaned as she stretched from her fetal position. Theodore stepped back to the shadows of the room and watched.
“Look at ye, ye poor fool.” Theodore’s body tensed at the sound of his mother’s voice rising like a condemnation from the depths of his being threatening to steal his joy.
He flexed his jaw as his gaze remained steadfast on Madison.
“Ye cannae love her. Ye’re nae capable of such an honorable act. Ye’re just like yer father. A fool.”
Theodore’s hands balled into tight fists as his mother’s voice taunted him.
Every word she spoke was poison, yet no matter how much he wanted to silence her, he hadn’t figured out a way.
She was with him, taunting and tormenting him.
Only death would grant him a reprieve from his mother’s obsessive haunting.
“Me laird,” Madison whispered. His name lingered on the space between them. It took every ounce of his being not to crawl under the blankets with her. “Daenae leave me, ye cannae. Nae now, nae ever.”
A promise rang through her tone that resonated deep within him.
He flexed his jaw and started for the bedroom door.
Madison was safe in her bed now. There was no reason for Theodore to continue to linger any longer.
Yet, he craved her. Even just being in the shadows of the room gave him pleasure.
Still, he couldn’t remain there forever.
Even if his mother’s voice faded into the abyss from which it belonged, it would find a way to slither back out and ruin his moment.
Frustrated, Theodore exited the chambers. There was no way sleep would come to him, not now. His body was like a coil or spring, taut and ready to spring. His chest tightened as he turned the corner. He couldn’t go to the silence of his chambers.
The sound of his boots echoed through the corridor as Theodore moved through the emptiness. He moved with purpose and made his way to his study. Sleep wasn’t going to come to him, not tonight. Not when his mind was busily working through the emotions Madison had rekindled and revived.
“There ye are, me laird. I’ve been lookin’ for ye.”
Theodore paused at his study to find Boyd coming down the hallway. His shoulders rolled back as he stood taller. The last thing he wanted was to give the impression he wasn’t available.
“Boyd, the hour is late. I thought ye were on yer way to Inverness.”
“Aye, me laird. But the hour is early, nae late. The dawn is breakin’ and I’ve gathered the men. We’re headed out now. I just wanted to let ye ken I’ll nae be back for a least a week.”
Theodore bobbed his head as he let Boyd’s words settle on his shoulders. “Wait. What town are ye goin’ to?”
“Beauly,” Boyd answered. “Then off to Inverness. I think the scullery maid is comin’ with us to visit family out that way.”
“Saddle me a horse, I’ll come with ye,” Theodore stated.
“Ye really daenae have to. We’ve more than enough people comin’. Besides, do ye nae what to spend the day with Madison?”
Theodore’s lips curled at the corner as he thought of Madison.
A bittersweet feeling pricked at him. As much as he wanted to spend the day with her, he knew she’d be too tired.
No doubt she’d stay in bed enjoying the peace and quiet.
But Theodore wasn’t able to enjoy that peace.
He needed the peace of the openness of the moors and field.
“Aye, I would like that, but I think I need to come with ye and get out of the castle for a bit. The walls feel a bit too close for comfort.”
Boyd stiffened. “I’ll get yer horse ready.”
“I want to be out within the hour,” Theodore stated with authority. Boyd nodded turned on his heels. Glancing over his shoulder, Theodore stole one more glimpse at the empty hallway that lead to Madison’s chambers.
He wanted to run back down that corridor and launch himself into Madison’s bed.
But if he did, he wouldn’t be able to be sedated with just her next to him.
No, he would want to claim her. Theodore’s body tingled at the thought of bedding Madison.
His breath hitched as his heart quickened.
It was then he realized the best choice he could make was getting out of the castle.
Then she wouldn’t be able to torment him.
Nor would he be tempted to break his resolve.
“My laird?” Boyd called to him over the company of travelers, pulling Theodore out of his thoughts.
He’d wondered if perhaps Madison had woken up with a smile on her face.
Or if maybe she had thought last night to be nothing but a dream.
Either way, he wouldn’t know until he returned and even then there was no telling if he would see her right away.
Theodore hoped against hope that maybe she was thinking of him as much as he was thinking of her.
“Laird?” Boyd called again, much to Theodore’s annoyance.
“Aye, what is it?” Theodore grumbled as Boyd maneuvered his horse to ride alongside Theodore’s.
“We’re comin’ up on Rheindown. Did ye want to stop there for a bit? Or keep moving on?” Boyd asked as Theodore noticed the ribbons of smoke rising from the chimneys of the cottages that littered the countryside.
“Is there a reason to stop?”
“Gale’s horse slipped a shoe and he’s needin’ to get that mended before we continue on.”
Theodore shifted to look behind him. Sure enough several of his company were looking a bit worse for wear. He pursed his lips into a tight line. Although Beauly was only about an hour away, Theodore longed to go back to the castle and be with Madison.
“We’ll stop,” Theodore answered after some time of silence. He hated having to postpone the trip. “I noticed there are a few houses back there that could use some mendin’.”
“Laird, I’m sure there are others that can tend to those families. We daenae have the resources or the time to mend every house we see.”
“Aye, but if we are goin’ to stop, best make the most of it.”
Theodore maneuvered his horse around Boyd and started for the small cottage. His hands craved something to do. Even if it were merely adding more thatch to the roof, it would at least fill his sense of duty.
He scanned the area as he approached the small cottage. A delicate hint of rosemary swirled about the place that settled on his bones. There was something familiar about the place he couldn’t put his finger on.
“Is all well?” Theodore called as he noticed shadows shifting from the corner of his eye. He turned his head about to find a plain looking lass coming out of the garden with her arms full of herbs. Her eyes widened as terror shot across her face.
“PA,” she screamed, dropping the herbs she’d collected. Before Theodore could explain himself, a man stepped out of the cottage, armed with a butcher knife and poised to fight.
“Explain yerself stranger, and be quick before I run ye through with here knife,” the man proclaimed as Theodore’s gaze drifted to the window.
Two people spied from the shadows of the cottage, concealed by the curtain.
“If ye think for one moment I’m goin’ to let ye come here and take what doesnae belong to ye, ye’ve got another thing comin’. ”
“I’ve come in peace. I’m Laird MacLeon and noticed yer roof could use some work. I take it ye have nay sons to help mend it so I thought I’d offer my help,” Theodore explained as the man wielded the knife like a dirk, eager to prick him the moment Theodore crossed a line.
“Laird? Ha. There’s nay laird in these parts in years,” the man exclaimed with detest.
“I never said I was yer laird,” Theodore said as he noticed the young girl spying at him with the same almond shaped eyes Madison had.
His heart stopped. If he didn’t know any better, he would have said the girl was Madison’s kin.
The roof of Theodore’s mouth went dry as he stepped back. “Ye have a daughter…”
“Ye’ll nae have her, is that clear?” the man snapped, thrusting the knife in Theodore’s direction. Theodore side stepped the man’s attack and grabbed him by the wrist, disarming the man in one go. “Ye’ll nae take her. I’ll die rather than see her taken.”
“I’ve nae come to take anyone,” Theodore stated as he slowly released the man. He swallowed hard and stepped back. “But I need them to come out here.”
“Ye two will nae step one toe out of that house,” the man said.
“Tell me then,” Theodore said as he stood taller. “Is yer name Greig?”
The man’s eyes shifted as if he’d spotted someone coming up on them. Theodore heard the crunching of the boots and heard the clearing of the throat. He didn’t have to turn around to know Boyd was standing behind him, ready for whatever came next.
“Who’s askin’?” the man snapped.
A strange tingling started from the top of Theodore’s head and trickled down to his limbs. It felt as if he could step out of his body and never return.
“Ye’ll show some respect,” Boyd snapped as he pulled his dirk from his side.
“Madison,” Theodore answered boldly.
“Madison?” the man gasped. It was as if the name held some sacred power he dared not tap into. “How do ye know that name? What news do ye bring? She’s dead, isnae she? That’s why ye’ve come.”
Theodore glanced over his shoulder to Boyd as an uneasiness settled over Theodore’s heart. The peace he found in Madison shattered as Theodore’s attention drifted back to the man before him.
“Yer daughter lives,” Theodore said with a heavy heart. Somewhere in the depths of his being he heard the cackle of his mother’s laughter.
“Come again?”
The door to the cottage flew open and there was no denying the resemblance. His heart cracked like glass and dust as he scraped the words off his tongue.
“Yer daughter is at Castle MacLeon,” he replied. “Alive and well. And now that I’ve found ye… I shall see she is returned.”