Chapter 22
"Ye daenae have to ride out there."
Theodore glanced toward the carriage window where Madison had poked her head out. The wind tugged at the loose strands of her hair, and even from here, he caught the scent of wildflowers and sage that always seemed to cling to her.
"Ye'll find more than enough room in here," she continued. "I'm sure with as much ridin' as ye've done today, yer backside could use a reprieve."
"I'm fine," Theodore said, keeping his gaze fixed ahead on the shoreline.
Fine was a lie. His muscles ached from hours in the saddle, but that pain was preferable to the alternative—being trapped in that small carriage with her. Close enough to touch. Close enough to smell her skin. Close enough to forget every reason he was sending her away.
"Ye said that an hour ago, and ye still look stiff as a board," Madison pointed out.
Theodore's jaw tightened. She had no idea what she was asking. No idea that her innocent invitation was torture. The carriage wasn't large—they'd be pressed close together, their legs nearly touching. He'd feel every sway of the wheels, every bump in the road that might send her leaning into him.
He couldn't trust himself in there.
His gaze drifted to the horizon where gray clouds gathered over the sea, heavy with rain. Mist crawled along the shore, obscuring the path ahead. Fitting, he thought. Everything about this moment felt obscured—his reasons for sending her away growing hazier with every mile.
The council wanted him married. Madison had somehow carved a place for herself at his side despite their disapproval. But what was she to him? A temporary arrangement? A woman he'd rescued? Or something far more dangerous that he couldn't name?
He only knew that when she was near, something in his chest eased. And when she left—
Theodore pushed the thought away.
"I prefer the open air," he said finally, his tone clipped.
Madison studied him for a long moment, her dark eyes too knowing. Then she pulled back inside the carriage without another word.
Theodore released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.
“Ye said that an hour ago, and still I’ve watched ye shift yerself over and over. Just stop and come into the carriage.”
He dared not look at her. The moment he did, Theodore knew he wouldn’t be able to contain himself.
He wanted to wrap her up in his arms and swear she’d never leave him again.
But that would only make him the monster his mother made him out to be.
He ground his teeth and tried to force down the bile that rose at the thought of his mother.
A crack like boulders crashing against each other rang out, startling the horses.
Theodore’s body tightened and instantly took control of his horse before it could take off.
He was at the front of the carriage, reaching for the reins that had slip in a flash.
The last thing he needed or wanted was to see Madison injured before he delivered her back to her family.
“Ye all right?” he asked the driver of the carriage. As much as he wanted to keep his tone even, anger spilled out.
“Aye, me laird, I daenae ken what happened,” the driver said as Boyd came rushing back to them.
“What’s happened?” Boyd demanded and drew his blade as his eyes scanned the horizon for the danger.
“We’ve broken the axle,” the driver groaned as he ran his fingers through his head. Theodore’s gaze shot to Boyd before it fell directly on Madison. “It’ll take a good hour to fix.”
“We need that done sooner,” Theodore implored as a chill ran down his spine. His gaze shifted back to the gray horizon and the clouds darkened. “I daenae want to be out and about when that hits.”
“Aye, me laird,” the driver said as he moved to the back of the carriage and pulled down a small trunk. “I’ll get right to it.”
“Seems we are fortunate to have time to spare,” Madison said as she stepped out of the carriage. Theodore’s chest tightened at the sight of her. She was grace and elegance all rolled into a feisty brunette he had ever met.
“Or, we go on horseback,” Theodore said. The words were like stones in his chest. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to let her ride with him. He wanted the extra time. But he also understood that after those moments were up, he’d have to let her go yet again.
“I think I’d rather walk,” she said and started for the shoreline. Frustration flooded him as he slipped from his saddle and forced the reins into Boyd’s hand.
“See the carriage is fixed promptly,” Theodore stated before turning on his heel and following Madison to the water’s edge.
Theodore watched Madison’s skirts brush the sand as she walked.
Even if he had the skills to paint and the patience to catch the moment forever, he couldn’t do the scene justice.
The gray billowing clouds were intimidating, but the way she moved, it was as if even the weather would bend to her will.
“I have to admit,” she started as she glanced back over her shoulder.
“I dinnae think I’d be returnin’ home so soon.
Ye certainly held up yer end of our agreement.
But I’ve been troubled with what’s to happen to ye after ye return without a bride.
Won’t the council pull yer lands and title from ye? ”
Theodore pursed his lips into a tight line and shrugged. “The papers were clear. I was to have a bride by me birthday. The date came and went.”
“What?” Madison gasped. “Why dinnae ye say anythin’? Or do anythin’?”
“And what prey tell would ye have me do? Throw a feast of sorts? Or perhaps have a bit of sport? Nay thank ye,” Theodore said sternly as he shook he head. “That’s nae who I am.”
“When was it?” she asked as the heat of her fingertips seared his forearm. He swallowed hard as his eyes bore into hers.
“Yesterday,” he answered plainly. “And by all accounts, ye were still mine last night.”
“I’m…” she started only to stop. Theodore’s chest tightened as his ears burned for her to continue. “I’m surprised to hear that. But I suppose that explains our time together.”
Theodore’s heart ached. How could he dare tell her that last night was monumental to him?
She’d practically given herself to him so freely and even now, he wondered if he dared push how far she’d go for him.
But he wouldn’t do such a thing. Manipulation was his mother’s sport, not his and he wouldn’t dare say or do anything that would compromise her free will.
“I’m pleased to see the sand isnae botherin’ yer leg.
It’s nice to see that I’m returnin’ ye in better shape than what I found ye in,” Theodore said, changing the conversation.
Any more talk of what they did would only make him want her again.
And the thought of having to give her up pained him more than any wound from battle could.
“I wouldnae say that,” she mumbled as a piercing whistle cut through the lull of the waves on the beach. Theodore didn’t want their time to be up, but it was Boyd’s call for them to return. The carriage was mended and she’d be going home.
Theodore moved as if his heels were stuck in the mud.
He reached the carriage and pulled open the door for Madison.
She moved like a phantom crossing his path, silent and mournful.
There were no words that needed to be said to know what she was feeling.
It mirrored the same void that was forming within his heart.
Rain began to fall in large drops until it was nothing but sheets coming down. Theodore closed the door, sealing Madison within the safety and dryness of the carriage.
“Ye daenae want to ride with her?” Boyd asked, confusion riddling his face.
Theodore couldn’t trust his tone. He knew if any word were to escape everyone would hear just how broken he truly was. Shaking his head, he made his way to his horse and mounted it.
“Me Laird, please, come into the carriage,” Madison implored over the pounding rain against the roof of the carriage. With a stern, narrow glare he turned his horse to the road and started onward.
“Ye’ll mind the road this time,” Theodore growled at the driver.
“Aye, me laird,” the driver called to him, but it wasn’t the driver’s voice he wanted to hear.
But what else could he do? This was their last moments and if it continued on, he wouldn’t have the strength to let her go.
No. He had to be cruel, to be silent and stern.
If she hated him, all the better. A clean break was always the best to heal.
The road wound along the cliffs and the sea as the storm raged on. Through the haze of the storm little lights flickered and danced with glee. At last, they had reached the small cottage.
He moved his horse to the side of the road and let the carriage pass him by. His heart ached as he stared at the small stone structure. Although it wasn’t the castle, it was sound and sure enough. A strong and safe place that Madison could go back to.
“Me laird? Is all well?” Boyd asked as he rode to Theodore.
“See the lass home safely inside and give them this,” Theodore said as he plucked the bag of coin from his belt. “Reassure them that if they need anythin’ they can come to us for help despite bein’ so far.”
“And what of the lass? Do ye have any words for her?” Boyd inquired. His question hung over Theodore like a blade ready to take his head. What was he supposed to tell Boyd? It wasn’t like he could pour out his heart, or that he wanted to do such a thing.
“Nay,” Theodore answered as he reached into his sporran and plucked a small silver chain he’d bought for her. “Just give this to her.”
Boyd studied the small chain a moment before drawing his eyes back to Theodore. The words Boyd wanted to say lingered in the silence between them. Theodore glanced at the carriage as it pulled up to the gate of the cottage.
“Go, see she is taken care of,” Theodore said and turned his horse about. He didn’t dare stick around for the warm welcome home. It would only drive him mad later. No, it was best he let her go.
The shrill of a mother’s joyful cry resounded over any sound the storm could make. He could easily picture Madison running into her mother’s open arms as the year of torture and torment faded into obscurity and him along with it.
Theodore shook his head as the rain pelted him relentlessly. He couldn’t watch the scene despite the urge to stop and fester in the pain. What was it like to have such a love, he didn’t know. Madison had been the bright spark in his dark world, and now she was gone.
At least she’s returned whole and alive. That was all that mattered.