7. Chapter 7
Chapter 7
Tessa
T he following morning, I woke to a note from Finn on the kitchen table informing me he’d be working in his office most of the day. After consuming the plate of homemade French Toast he left for me in the microwave, I made my way back to the living room.
My fingers trailed along the spines of DVDs before I pulled several off the shelf and read their descriptions.
Hmmmm. Outlander. I found his signed copy of the book yesterday and was riveted from the first chapter. I was looking for the DVD player when I felt a familiar presence descend upon the room. Turning to the right, I saw Finn’s large frame leaning against the door frame, a weird combination of curiosity and hesitation written on his face. Apprehension filled me, the instinct to flee from a man overwhelming me before I forced it down, determined not to shrink from someone I knew I was safe with.
Finn nodded toward the plastic case in my hand. “Have you seen it?”
I shook my head slightly as Finn approached, holding out his hand in a silent request for the plastic case. Handing it over, he strode over to his TV, loading the disc before heading toward the couch. Despite the voice in my head that told me not to, my eyes focused on the way his muscles rippled beneath the fabric of his shirt.
I sighed quietly to myself. He really was a spectacular specimen of a man. Too bad he was wasted on someone as broken as me.
He reclined into the sofa and lifted the remote before raising one eyebrow in silent question. Despite having taken control and loading the DVD, he was asking if I wanted to watch it with him.
“Don’t you have to work?” I asked.
His dark eyes studied me for several long moments. “I think I’ve earned a break.”
My teeth gnawed on my lower lip while I debated my options. Ultimately deciding little harm could come from watching a TV show with the man I was trapped with for the foreseeable future, I moved to the other end of the couch, tucking my legs beneath me as I settled back into the soft cushions.
***
My jaw dropped as the credits rolled. Finn’s deep chuckle reached my ears, causing my head to jerk in his direction.
“Are you laughing at me?” I demanded.
A small smirk crept across his mouth and the sparkle in his eyes reassured me he meant no harm.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “But your expression was priceless.”
I huffed as my hackles descended. “Well, how the hell else was I supposed to react?” I exclaimed. “She was going to leave Jamie!”
Finn nodded and continued to watch me but remained silent. Deciding I was nowhere near done ranting about the last episode, I continued. “I mean, honestly, who in their right mind has a man who worships the ground they walk on, treats her like the missing piece in their life, loves her beyond all reason, not to mention one who looks like that , and still decides they’d be better off in their own time?” I said, exasperation filling every syllable.
After finishing my tirade, I deflated against the couch and stared vacantly at the screen. The credits rolled on the television while I considered a possibility that had plagued me since the day before.
My hands twisted themselves inside the hem of my shirt as I found the courage to ask, “Have you ever had a love like that?”
Silence blanketed the room. Deciding perhaps he hadn’t heard me, I turned toward him only to discover him studying me. Eventually, he gave a small shake of his head. “No…no, I’ve never experienced anything like that kind of devotion with a woman.” If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought his voice held an almost wistful sound to it. But surely a man like Finn would have found someone by now if that was what he truly wanted.
With no idea how to respond, and unable to meet his eyes, I stared at my lap. Just when I decided to suggest we watch the next episode, Finn’s gravelly baritone broke the silence. “But I know it exists,” he added, causing my eyes to snap back to his.
God, the way he said it with such surety.
I should have let it drop. I should have asked him to press play and found out whether Jamie and Claire ever made it to Lallybroch. I mostly definitely should not have asked the question threatening to fall from my lips without permission. But unfortunately, doing what I should was never one of my strengths.
“How?” I asked, my desperation to believe a love like that existed in real life easily apparent. My cheeks heated with embarrassment at the deeply personal turn our conversation was taking.
Finn turned toward the large window on the other side of the room where the snow continued to fall in droves. Sensing I may have pushed too far and invaded a part of his life I had no right to, I decided to retreat to my room.
“Because my parents have that kind of love.”
I froze, half-risen from the couch, at his confession.
Dropping back to the cushions, I waited for Finn to continue. His focus never strayed from the window. “My mother was born in the south to a prominent family who owned the most respected law firm in all of Alabama. After completing law school, she spent a summer interning in Absolution with the local attorney.”
“On her last day at the firm, my father stopped by. He’d just retired from the Army and needed to settle his father’s estate.” The left corner of Finn’s lips tilted up into a crooked smile as he recounted the memory with a glazed look in his eyes. “The way my father tells it, he heard my mother laugh from the other side of a door and somehow, he just knew she was going to change his life.”
Finn turned toward me, and our gazes locked. “He was hooked before he even knew what she looked like.”
I swallowed hard, utterly entranced and unable to look away. “Even though she was supposed to be leaving for her new job in New York that weekend, my dad convinced her to go on a date with him.” Finn’s eyes studied my expression. “He spent one night with her and knew that she was it. It didn’t matter that he was supposed to start at the fire academy the following month. He was prepared to pack up and follow my mother to New York.”
Turning toward the fireplace, Finn stared into the flames. “But as it turns out, he didn’t need to. My mother, who is one of the most pragmatic people I’ve ever met, threw all her carefully laid plans out the window in order to stay here and take over the local law office since it meant she could stay with my dad.” His face softened before he murmured, “They’ve been together almost forty years now, and he still looks at her like she’s the center of his universe.”
A tear slid down my face when I tried to remember how my parents were together. I was old enough when they died that I remembered them. I knew we were happy as a family, but did they love each other the way Finn’s parents did?
An overwhelming desire to be held consumed me as the grief that always sat just below the surface nearly pulled me under.
“I don’t remember if my parents had that kind of love,” I confessed. “I remember my parents being affectionate with one another around me, and I know they loved each other. But I don’t know if they had that all-consuming, can’t live without each other, type of love.”
Finn’s fingers drummed along the armrest. The crow’s feet around his eyes creased before he looked at me. “I think they did,” Finn said.
I stared at him, desperate to know why he thought that. “How could you possibly know? You never even met them.”
Finn’s gaze held mine, the intensity behind his stare causing something in my belly to clench. “You’re right,” he conceded. “I can’t know for sure. And I have nothing to base it on, but I have this gut instinct that they did.”
Silence fell between us once more while I uselessly prayed to the universe he was right.
“What do you remember about them?” he asked, softly.
A small smile spread across my face as I remembered my mother’s smile and how often it lit her face. My father’s booming laugh rang through my mind, images of him tickling me on our living room floor flooding my vision.
“They were incredible parents. We didn’t have a lot of money, but they always made sure I had everything I needed.” I stared into the distance while I traveled back to another time. “We moved around a lot when my father was still active duty, but each summer he wasn’t deployed we would disappear to the mountains for two weeks to go camping, just the three of us.”
I could almost smell the scent of pine trees and crisp mountain air when I recalled how much I cherished that time together.
Another memory hit me. “When I was seven-years-old, my dad took me fishing at the lake.” A smile crept across my face as the memory drifted through my mind “I didn’t really care about fishing; I just wanted to spend time with my dad. As he started setting up the rod, he tried to explain to me what a bobber was. He told me I needed to watch closely because if it disappeared under the water that meant I caught a fish.”
“I was so bored, but my dad loved fishing, so I was determined to catch something. I stared at that bobber as though I could will a fish to bite the hook.” For the first time in years, my eyes stung with happy tears instead of ones from sadness or pain.
“When the bobber disappeared, my over-enthusiastic response was to yank the rod backward as opposed to reeling it in. What I didn’t realize was how close my dad was standing on the dock. I hit him in the side of the head with the rod right before the bobber went sailing through the air and cracked him in the forehead.”
“Apparently he tried to block the bobber with his hand, and when he brought it back down, the empty fishhook was lodged deep in his flesh.” The room around me disappeared while I fell deeper into the memory. “As soon as I saw the hook, I started crying. And not just crying, full on sobbing. I was horrified that, not only did I lose the fish, but I hurt my dad.”
“He never got mad, though. He wrapped my tiny body in a bear hug and rocked me while he wiped away my tears.” My eyebrows furrowed as I remembered how safe I felt in his arms. “He held me until I calmed down before carrying me back to camp. After my mom cleaned and bandaged his hand, he came and found me sitting by myself under a tree.”
I never forgot what he told me that day, even if I hadn’t done the greatest job at following through on his advice. “He told me accidents are a part of life. What’s important isn’t what happened, but what you do after.”
“And what did you do?” Finn’s voice was hushed as though he was afraid speaking too loudly would break the spell we’d fallen under.
“The next morning, I dragged him back down to the lake. I was determined to get it right that time.” A massive grin split my face when I remembered the shout of triumph that echoed across the lake when I caught my first fish. “We spent the whole day by the lake, and by the time we headed back to camp, we brought back a dozen fish to fry over the campfire.” A warm feeling unfurled itself in my chest at the look of pride on my father’s face that day.
Finn’s living room slowly came back into focus as I pulled myself from the past, the smile falling from my lips. Slightly embarrassed by the emotional rabbit hole I fell down, I turned to assess Finn’s response, only to find him staring at me, his lips parted while his hand rubbed his chest.
The wind howled outside. Seeming to shake himself from wherever his mind went, Finn blinked before swallowing. “He sounds like an incredible man,” he said, his voice thick and raspy.
“Yeah,” I murmured. “He really was.”
“Tessa, you may never know for sure what kind of love your parents had for each other, but based on the story you just told me, your father loved you more than anything. That’s what you should hold onto.”
A single tear slipped down my cheek at Finn’s words. He was right. One thing I never doubted was my parents’ love for me. Even though they were taken from me long before I was ready, I was grateful for the time I was given with them.
Finn cleared his throat. “I don’t know about you, but I’m starving. How about I throw a pizza in the oven, and we keep watching Outlander?”
Gratitude washed over me at the change in subject. Deciding not to question whether he needed to get back to his work, I nodded. “Sure, Finn. That sounds great.”