8. Chapter 8
Chapter 8
Finn
T he harsh desert sun beat down on us as I lifted the canteen to my lips. I drank greedily, sighing when yet another drop of sweat slid between my shoulder blades before soaking into the fabric that had been plastered to my skin for the last several hours.
Everyone thinks they understand the definition of the word ‘hot’, but they haven’t experienced the true meaning of it until they’ve spent twelve hours on foot patrol with the equivalent of a small child strapped to their bodies in equipment and weapons.
I never gave much thought to the afterlife, which was odd considering I spent every Sunday morning in a pew until I joined the Navy. However, my most recent deployment made me realize I might need to reevaluate the way I lived my life, given I was most definitely not built to withstand the temperatures of hell.
My squad made its way into one of our regular villages. When command initially told the team that the sole focus of this deployment would be to befriend the locals and improve community relations, we were pissed. The government spent years and millions of dollars training us to be the most lethal warriors on the planet, and now they wanted us to spend our days making nice with the country we had been at war with for over a decade?
I’d like to say I was a better man, that I was the leader my team needed in order to show them our purpose here mattered, but that would make me a liar. I was just as irritated as the rest of the guys. But the feeling began to dissipate during our third week on patrol.
We entered the little village, only to be met with distrustful stares while the community herded their women inside. I was ready to tell the team to keep walking when a small boy darted into the makeshift road, chasing a soccer ball. The ball rolled toward me, stopping against my boot. The child skidded to a stop, his wide brown eyes scrutinizing my attire and the rifle strapped to my body. For several long moments we studied one another. I scanned his threadbare clothing, noting several spots that were patched with care, before realizing he wore no shoes. While the road was not paved, I couldn’t imagine the ground was anything less than scorching.
I shifted slowly, gently kicking the ball back to him. The boy stopped it with his foot and stared at it as though it was the first time he’d seen it. Eventually, he raised his face to mine and grinned so wide I could see both of his front teeth were missing.
My team moved on after that interaction, but while I laid in my cot that night, I began to rethink my stance on our mission. We spent so much time focused on the terrorists that we’d forgotten the locals were victims as well, only they had no means of escape.
I tossed and turned as I sought a way to bridge the divide. The next morning, I approached our commander about an idea I had.
“You sure this is a good idea?” he asked, his overgrown eyebrows meeting in the middle while he studied me. “This could have serious repercussions if the wrong people find out.”
“I’m sure, Sir. I think this will go a long way toward garnering some goodwill. We’ve been attempting to improve relations for weeks with no success. Hopefully this will help move the needle.”
The skin around his eyes wrinkled as he studied me. “Alright. If you’re sure. I can’t promise anything, but I’ll see what I can do.”
Over the next several weeks, we continued to make our rounds of the local villages without making further progress. I began to worry it was a lost cause until one day when a large box was delivered.
Grinning, I opened the box to find the items I requested.
The next day, we made our rounds, the anticipation building in my chest as we came to the village the little boy was from. Upon seeing our arrival, the child ran towards us with his soccer ball.
I pulled a box from the back of the Humvee, carried it to him, and knelt down, folding back the lid and tissue paper that covered the new pair of sneakers. The boy stared at the shoes while I demonstrated how the Velcro straps worked. He stared wide-eyed at the sneakers before cautiously reaching out to touch them. When I handed the box to him, he squealed and dropped to the cracked earth to put them on. I held up my hand to stop his progress. Reaching into the box, I pulled out a pair of socks and handed them to him. The boy grabbed the socks, hastily pulling them on before putting on his new shoes and standing back up.
For the next hour, our squad members took turns kicking the ball around. The child’s laugh was infectious, and I left that day feeling like maybe our mission hadn’t been in vain.
Several weeks passed, and while little changed with the way the adults treated us, I was optimistic our small gesture toward their children would help us win them over.
The blistering sun drenched us in sweat as we entered the village a little over a month after that day. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end. I scanned the community that was the highlight of our daily patrols, searching for anything to explain my reaction. It was normal for everyone to disappear inside upon our arrival, but something felt off. My instincts never lead me astray and saved my life more times than I cared to count. Scanning the area again and failing to locate any articulable threat, I turned toward my squad. “Keep your heads on a swivel. Something doesn’t feel right.” They nodded, continuing to look for threats while our usual playmate ran toward us.
His grin was massive, his little body practically vibrating with excitement when he kicked the ball toward me, proudly wearing his new shoes.
My leg pulled back to kick the ball at the same time my entire body was thrown forward. A wave of heat that would make the Devil himself sweat crashed into my body, and a deafening explosion cracked through the air. Debris and chunks of dirt rained down from the sky, pelting me while I struggled to turn over.
The smell of gasoline and burning flesh flooded my nostrils as searing pain fired along every nerve ending in my body. A shrill ringing filled my ears, and I blinked several times to clear the fog occupying my brain. The distant sound of screams and gunfire managed to break through. I moved my jaw, trying to relieve the sudden pressure filling my ears. In that moment, I knew this was it. This was how I was going to die.
Clear blue sky filled my vision before my head rolled to the side searching for my teammates. Dread filled my stomach when I spotted our Humvee. Flames engulfed the armored vehicle, the glow of the blaze so bright my eyes slammed shut in denial. I turned away. I had failed as their leader.
Slowly rotating my head to the other side before cracking open my eyes, I spotted a small white sneaker several feet away. It lay on its side, blood spattered across the dusty fabric, its owner nowhere to be found. A tingling sensation swept across my skin as tremors began to wrack my body, one last thought whispering itself in my ear before everything went dark.
It was my fault. They were all dead because of me.
My heart thrashed beneath my ribcage while my eyes flew open and took in the darkness around me. Sweat coated my skin as I peeled myself off my now soaked sheets before swinging my legs over the side of the bed.
Turning on the light, I scrubbed my face with my hands, reveling in the scraping sensation against my stubble. A familiar heaviness filled my chest while I berated myself for the millionth time about the decision that led to the events our last day in theatre.
At the time, I was arrogant enough to think there would be no blowback from our gesture of goodwill. What I hadn’t known was that a family in the village had a relative with ties to the Taliban who stayed with them whenever he was passing through. In the aftermath of the explosion, our military intelligence discovered he was there the day I gave the boy the new shoes. He wasted no time reporting the events back to his superiors. They spent the next several weeks watching us and learning our routines while they planned their attack. In the end, my brothers paid the price for my naivete.
The day of the attack, we lost three of our men in the fire while two more were kidnapped and tortured until another team rescued them. Not a single person escaped uninjured. The patch of burned skin that would forever be a reminder of my failure prickled along my shoulder while I willed the memory away.
A soft thumping noise pulled me out of my head. Turning to the side, Luka’s fluffy tail thudded against the comforter. The dog crawled toward me, digging his nose beneath my hand and demanding attention. I stroked his downy fur, allowing the sensation to soothe me before I stood and walked toward the window.
As I lost myself in the vast landscape of white, I experienced an odd combination of relief and disappointment upon discovering the snow finally stopped. Once the sun rose, I’d get to work clearing the driveway. While I couldn’t control how long it took for the plows to make their way up the mountain, I could at least ensure I’d be able to get Tessa to a doctor once they did. She seemed to be healing alright over the four days we’d been trapped in my house, but I refused to take chances with someone else’s life ever again. While her nausea was gone, and her headache was improving, I knew concern would continue to gnaw at the edges of my psyche until she was thoroughly checked over by a professional.
Over the last few days, I spent more time with Tessa than any other human being since my time in the military. After ignoring my work in favor of keeping her company, we managed to get through the first two seasons of Outlander, pausing only to prepare meals together.
As someone who developed a preference for solitude over the years, I was pleasantly surprised by how easy it was to be around her for long stretches of time.
The first time she graced me with her musical laughter, we were making breakfast. Showing off, I started throwing the eggs in the air before catching them and cracking them into the frying pan. With each additional egg, I added a twist here and there to make it more difficult. I threw the last egg in the air when I miscalculated its trajectory. I looked up to catch it just in time for it to land on my face. Splattered yolk, egg white, and flakes of shell covered me, oozing down my neck and into my shirt. As I mentally berated myself for being an arrogant ass, Tessa’s laugh filled the room.
God, when that sound left her lips, it felt like something caught fire in my chest.
Another image of the way her cheeks flushed during the wedding episode flashed before me. Despite her best efforts to appear unaffected, her breathing turned shallow while her eyes remained glued to the television screen. I did my best to appear as though I wasn’t watching her. The last thing I wanted to do was make her uncomfortable when we were stuck with one another for the foreseeable future, but I found my focus continually drawn back to her. The way every emotion played out across her features. The intense focus she maintained on the screen. The way she reacted to each scene like she was experiencing it herself.
My cock perked up when I thought about the woman who occupied more of my thoughts than I cared to admit since her sudden appearance in my life. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t attracted to her. While I hadn’t been a monk since my return home, I’d become more… selective of my partners than I was before that last mission.
I shook the thoughts of the curvy brunette from my head and reminded myself for the thousandth time since I found her in the ditch that I deserved to be alone for the sins I committed. With that thought firmly in mind, I grabbed my laptop and headed for my office.