30. Chapter 30
Chapter 30
Finn
I jerked awake to find Tessa thrashing in my arms.
After she fell asleep on the patio, I held her in my arms as we laid there for what felt like hours. I watched her sleep while I thought about everything that happened.
After our conversation turned to why I no longer drank, it didn’t take long for me to spiral into the pits of self-loathing where I spent the greater portion of the last five years. After I contemplated the parallels between her ex and I, it felt like the floor dropped out from beneath me. But right when my mind began to picture how empty my life would be when she inevitably left, Tessa managed to catch me mid-spiral, pulling me back from the brink and forcing me to see her truth.
God, the passion that lit inside her when she declared I was nothing like her ex was unlike anything I’d seen from her. It was incredible. I understood the privilege of seeing that side of her, and I would not take it for granted. I knew she had a lot of healing to do before she allowed that part of her to come out more often, but I was determined to do whatever necessary to ensure it happened.
When she said I made her feel safe for the first time since her parents died, something inside my chest fused back together. The feeling was closely followed by the urge to burn down the world and hurt everyone who had a hand in making her feel otherwise, starting with her ex. While the abuse she endured at his hands was inexcusable, the fact he failed to give her pleasure wasn’t far behind.
I knew her ex was a piece of shit, so it really shouldn’t surprise me he didn’t go down on her. When she admitted she had never done that, I had to wrap a chain around my inner caveman when he demanded I claim this woman for my own. The idea I would be the first and only man to bring her pleasure in that way made me want to bang on my chest like an animal.
When she reached for my zipper, it took every drop of strength I possessed not to give in and ravish the woman the way I yearned to. By some miracle, I held myself back, focusing solely on giving her the pleasure she deserved.
Eventually, the temperature dropped low enough that I was unable to justify keeping us outside. I wrapped Tessa in the blanket before carrying her inside to her room. Settling her beneath the sheets, I began to pull away when she reached for me. Her eyes remained closed, still deep in slumber.
I knew I should walk away. I knew it would be the smart thing to do. While I managed to hold myself back when she asked for more, my restraint where she was concerned was dwindling to dangerous levels. I knew the right thing to do would be to sleep in my own bed, but when it came to Tessa, reason went out the window.
As I shucked my jeans to the floor and slipped beneath the covers, I told myself I would lay with her for a short while before forcing myself to sleep in my own room. But when she snuggled against me, her body pressing tightly to mine, I felt myself drifting further and further into the ether, until the lure of sleep pulled me under.
Tessa jerked in my arms again, banishing everything from my mind except soothing her suffering. I reached over and turned on the lamp beside her bed. Cupping her face, I leaned down and brushed my lips against hers, softly whispering her name. Tessa’s body stilled at my touch, the tension in her face going slack before gracing me with her gorgeous brown eyes. Moisture pooled at the base of her lashes, and I watched shame wash over her when she realized I witnessed her nightmare.
I pulled her close, nuzzling my nose against her neck, murmuring against her soft skin that she was safe and always would be. The tension throughout her body gradually released, and I leaned back to look at her. Strands of hair clung to the moisture still present on her face. Pushing the hair back, I settled my hand on the back of her head, lighting scratching her scalp with my nails.
She opened her mouth to speak. Somehow knowing what she was about to say and refusing to allow her to think that way for another second, I spoke first.
“Don’t you dare apologize.”
Her eyes widened slightly, her mouth snapping shut before she rolled her lips between her teeth. A heavy sigh escaped her before she allowed herself to sink into my embrace.
Several minutes passed, but I could tell from her breathing she wasn’t asleep.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Tessa looked up at me, and the anguish swimming in her eyes gnawed at the shattered pieces of my soul.
“It’s nothing new,” she admitted. “I’ve been reliving the day before I left L.A. in my sleep almost every night since it happened.”
My hold on her tightened when I thought about the things that piece of shit must have done to infiltrate her dreams so consistently.
Several more minutes passed, and her breathing began to even out. Just as I began to suspect she fell back asleep, she spoke.
“I started volunteering at a homeless shelter a couple years ago. The day before I left, I lost track of time. When I got to the dry cleaners to pick up his suites, they were closed.” Tessa’s arm wrapped around my torso, her fingers pressing into my back. “Later that night, he came home smelling like whiskey and perfume. It was nothing new, and I hate how weak it makes me that I knew he was cheating but didn’t leave him. At that point, I no longer cared if he was faithful,” she confessed.
“When I told him I didn’t pick up his clothes, he lost it. Started screaming about how much I owed him and how worthless I was.” She paused, and I gave her a little squeeze to remind her I was here, and she was safe. “He grabbed me by the arms and shook me so hard I felt dizzy. Then he told me how much he loved me.”
Her whole body shuddered at the memory. “That was the moment I realized he was going to kill me if I didn’t leave. I said what I had to in order to appease him, but when I woke up the next day, I started to make a plan.”
She told me about the gala, his fury when she feigned illness and how, once he left, she fled to her friend’s house. She spoke of the gratitude she felt when her friend didn’t hesitate to help her and her determination to put as many miles between them as possible.
The little pieces that still existed of my heart broke while her tears soaked my bare chest. It often felt like she’d been part of my world for years, but only a couple months had passed since I rescued her from the ditch. The trauma she relived every night was still so fresh, and a feeling of pride welled inside me that she was brave enough to talk about it. It took me years to achieve what she was doing after mere weeks.
I knew eventually I would take care of her ex, but doing so required information she hadn’t trusted me enough to share yet – information she might finally be willing to part with.
I pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “How did someone as amazing as you end up with him in the first place?”
“That’s a really complicated answer.”
I stroked the back of her neck. “I’ve got plenty of time, so you can tell me whatever you’re comfortable sharing.”
She peered up at me, and I held her gaze, ensuring she knew I meant it.
“After my parents died, I went into foster care. I turned twelve right before their deaths, and nobody was excited to adopt an adolescent who went through that kind of trauma, so I stayed in the system until I aged out. When I was a senior in high school, my social worker told me about a scholarship program for foster kids. I did alright in school, but nowhere near good enough to get me financial aid on my own. She encouraged me to apply, and a couple months before graduation I found out I was selected.”
“Luckily, my eighteenth birthday wasn’t until after graduation. My social worker got the school to allow me to move into my dorm early, which meant I didn’t have to spend any time on the streets after aging out.”
Dismay ricocheted through me at the way she recounted her teens years like it was no big deal. Not wanting to discourage her from continuing, I kept my mouth shut and absorbed the enormity of what she not only endured but survived.
“I figured out pretty quickly college wasn’t for me. I struggled to keep up with the classes, and when I tried to get help, my professors made me feel stupid for asking questions. I ultimately decided to withdraw from school at the end of my first year. It didn’t seem fair to take a scholarship away from someone who might actually use it.”
Pulling her closer, I wanted to go back in time and fix everything for her. “What did you do when you left college? Where did you live?”
“When I was a junior in high school, I started working a part-time job. It only paid minimum wage, but it allowed me to save enough money to buy a junker when I moved out of the dorms. It was nothing special to look at, but it got me to where I needed to go and after I dropped out, it gave me a place to sleep at night.” Her voice held a slight tremor, betraying the fact the story bothered her more than she was letting on.
Jesus. She slept in her fucking car? While I spent more than my fair share of nights sleeping in conditions that would make a backseat seem luxurious, I hated that she experienced that.
I raised my leg, wrapping it around hers and pulling her closer. “How long did you live in your car?”
Her shoulders shrugged beneath my arms, but I refused to let go. “It wasn’t that bad. I had apartments from time to time, but after the restaurant I waitressed at closed down, I slept in my car for the next few years until…” she paused, and I knew in my gut what she was about to say. “Until I met Daniel.”
Tamping down the urge to demand the asshole’s last name, I focused on what she was saying.
“A few years ago, I was working as a barista. One day this man walked in wearing a suit that cost more than I made in a year. He was charming, well-spoken, and kind. When he asked for my number, I was positive I misheard him. But then he asked again. When I told him we weren’t allowed to date the customers, he just smiled and said he’d see me the next day. Even though I rejected him, he continued to show up every day, asking if I had a change of heart yet.”
“A month or so passed, and he continued to show up and ask me out. I was having a particularly bad day after the building across the street from where I parked caught fire. After barely sleeping the night before, I wasn’t at the top of my game and screwed up a customer’s order. The customer started berating me in front of the entire store, calling me all sorts of awful names. When Daniel walked in mid-rant, I was mortified he was there to witness it.” My hand stroked up and down her back, comforting her while she relived the memory.
“I was about to make an excuse and hide in the bathroom when Daniel stalked over to the customer, grabbed him by the back of his shirt, and marched him outside before throwing him to the ground.” She burrowed her head into the crook of my neck. “Daniel started yelling at the guy, told him that it was ‘unacceptable’ to talk to a woman like that and he was never to return.” A tiny scoff escaped her at the air quotes she added, and I fought the urge to snicker.
“When he came back into the store, the entire place erupted in applause. He made his way to register and when he asked me out, I finally said yes.”
“Over the next few weeks, he took me out to fancy dinners and made me feel like I was the center of his universe. He always asked to walk me to my door, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him I was living out of my car. Instead, I told him I lived in the apartment building next to where I parked every night. Each time he dropped me off, I walked inside the building and pretended to go upstairs until his car was gone before sneaking back out to the parking lot.”
“One night, I forgot my phone in his car. When he came back to drop it off and saw me walking out of the building. He followed and saw me crawl inside the back seat to settle in for the night. Right as I was about to close my eyes, I heard a knock on the window.” Tessa swallowed hard, and I rubbed soothing circles across her back.
“When I saw him standing outside my car, I was horrified. After my parents died, I frequently wished I was in the car with them when it crashed, but in that moment, faced with what my life had become, I’d never been more ashamed.”
I imagined Tessa in her mid-twenties, all alone in the world and barely scraping by. It was no wonder she fell right into his lap. Who wouldn’t after everything she went through?
“Expecting him to turn around and disappear from my life, I rolled down the window to tell him I understood why he wouldn’t want to continue seeing each other, but he shocked the hell out of me when he put me in his car and took me home with him instead. The next day, he brought my car to his place and moved the rest of my things into his apartment.”
“At first, things were great. He showered me with gifts, lavish dates, and affection.” Tessa broke off. “About a month after I moved in with him, I admitted my lack of experience with men. When I told him I was a virgin, he got this weird gleam in his eye. I dismissed it at the time, but in hindsight I wish I’d gotten in my car and never looked back.”
Yeah, I knew exactly what that fucking gleam was. He saw a prime opportunity to prey on her youthful naivete.
Tessa’s voice broke. “He promised he’d be gentle the first time, said it would hurt no matter what, but that he’d take his time. We ate dinner at a fancy restaurant before he drove us to the suite he booked at the Four Seasons. I was so nervous. Despite how amazing he was to me, I wasn’t ready to take that step.” Tessa’s voice cracked as she forced the words past her lips. I cradled her against me, hoping she found some measure of comfort being in my arms. “After everything he did for me, I felt like I owed him, so when he unzipped my dress, I let him.”
Her nails dug into my back, the slight sting of pain when they broke the skin grounding me in that moment. Knowing it wasn’t intentional, I ignored it.
“Looking back, I think he might have tried to be gentle the first time, but he just wasn’t capable of it. He was rough, and I cried the entire time. Afterwards, he kissed me and told me I was the best fuck of his life.” Tessa’s tone took on a hard edge, the bitterness she felt toward her ex and the memory blatant.
On the outside I forced myself to relax, but inside I was seething. My muscles vibrated with the need to destroy this asshole. I was going to relish dismantling his life piece by piece.
“His patience began to wane after that night, and things started to devolve. You’ve already witnessed what I’m like in the kitchen, but I hadn’t quite learned that lesson for myself yet. It was our one-year anniversary, and I wanted to do something special for him. I thought I could make something simple, but I ended up burning the entire meal.”
A sense of foreboding filled me. A sour taste spread throughout my mouth, and I instinctively knew what happened next. Forcing myself to pay attention to what she was saying, I focused on regulating my breathing so I wouldn’t lose it when she told me what I already knew.
“When he got home and found me in the kitchen, our dinner ruined and his kitchen a mess, he completely lost it. He started screaming about how worthless I was and that I really was a whore if the only thing I could provide him was a good fuck whenever he needed it.” Tessa broke off and buried her face in my chest. “I started crying, which seemed to set him off even more. He stormed over to me, balled his fist, and slammed it into my face.”
My jaw ached as I ground my teeth together, praying she didn’t notice my tension.
“As soon as he struck me, his entire demeanor changed. He apologized profusely, said it would never happen again, and told me how much he loved me. The next morning, I woke up to a diamond necklace on my nightstand with a note reiterating how sorry he was.”
Tessa sobbed once the last words left her. I held her close, whispering words of reassurance against her hair, hoping she trusted me enough to believe them. After a while, her sobs calmed, and her face turned up toward mine.
God, even with red, splotchy skin and tears streaming down her face she was stunning. I cradled her face, my thumbs gently brushing away her pain before leaning down and pressing a chaste kiss against her lips.
“Did you ever think about leaving him afterward?” I asked, already knowing she didn’t have the resources for it to be a viable option.
She nodded. “Yes. I seriously considered leaving him at that point, but I had nowhere to go. He spent the previous year isolating me from everyone in my life. Despite his insistence he would take care of me, I continued working, even though I started having trouble holding down a job. At that point, I truly felt like he was the only person I had in the world. I convinced myself he must have cared on some level if he was willing to put up with me, so I stayed.”
I nodded, understanding her limited options back then.
“After that first time, he hit me where people wouldn’t see the bruises. I started wearing clothing that covered the marks and got very good at lying to everyone around me. Over the next few years, things got worse. He started drinking more. Around our third anniversary, he started coming home smelling like perfume. I didn’t even care at that point. I was almost grateful because I figured if he was getting it somewhere else, then he would want it less from me.”
What fucking idiot had this woman warming his bed and went looking elsewhere?
“The last year we were together, his anger reached a whole new level. I ended up in the hospital twice because the ribs he broke made it so I couldn’t breathe right.”
In an effort not to think about the endless list of ways I wanted to torture the man who did this to her, I latched onto her last statement. “You said you went to the hospital? Why did no one ever call the police?”
Tessa looked up at me, the look of utter defeat and brokenness shredding me. “They did, but it didn’t matter.”
“What do you mean? Why weren’t the police able to help you?”
“My ex…he’s… powerful .”
My skin prickled at her emphasis. I stroked her back and murmured, “What does that mean, Tessa?”
I watched her expression while she gnawed on her lip. For the second time since I met her, the gesture didn’t inspire the all-consuming lust I now associated with her presence.
Her eyes searched mine before she blew out a breath. “He’s the owner of one of the largest weapons manufacturing corporations in the world.”
I mentally began ticking through the major arms companies, several of which I knew were based out of southern California. “What’s his name?”
Tessa stared at me, her reluctance to tell me the identity of her ex obvious.
Bending my head down and kissing the tip of her nose, I decided to remind her of the promise I made when she agreed to stay. “I can’t help free you from him if I don’t know who he is, sweetheart.”
Resolve settled behind her eyes before she whispered, “Daniel Winston.”
Mother fucker. Daniel Winston was the CEO and owner of Winston Armory. I didn’t know him personally, but he was the biggest competitor to my former teammate’s company. Something niggled the back of my mind. Having heard his name on the news recently, I wracked my brain trying to recall what the reporter said.
Dread sank low in my gut when it came back to me.
I ran my fingers through her hair and peered down at her face. “He’s running for the open spot in the Senate this fall, right?”
Tessa nodded. The puzzle pieces started clicking together in my brain, but Tessa confirmed my suspicions. “He’d been pushing me to set a date for the wedding for the last several months. Claimed it was important the voters see him as a stable family man.” Tessa scoffed at the last statement. “Stable is the last thing my ex is, but I know better than most how well he can fool people,” she added, each word laced with derision.
Pride welled in my chest for the woman he tried to break, because that fucker failed. She was still here, and she was stronger than all of us. Even after recounting her suffering, the fiery side of her I witnessed when she discredited my comparison to her ex was still in there.
“Did you ever set a wedding date?” I asked.
I told myself her answer didn’t matter, because she was lying in my arms and not his, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t relieved when she shook her head.
“I kept coming up with excuses about why we couldn’t set one. Every time I came up with another reason, he left the apartment before returning hours later, drunk and pissed off. I always knew he’d make me regret the lies when he got home, but I knew deep down I would regret legally tying myself to him more.”
It was wholly inappropriate for the conversation, but an image of Tessa in a wedding dress filled my mind. Except in my head, I was at the end of the aisle she was walking down, not the fucker who haunted her nightmares.
Tessa’s voice pulled me from my daydream. “When he first told me about running…” she broke off, inhaling deeply through her nose. “I got physically sick. I knew between the status he held with his company and the power he would wield with a political seat, he’d be untouchable, and I’d never escape.”
Her body trembled with her last confession. She squeezed her eyes shut, twin tears falling in the process.
I bent my head down, brushing a soft kiss against her mouth. “It’s okay, Mo Chridhe . You’re safe now,” I murmured.
She pulled her face back and studied my face. “You called me that earlier. I recognized it from Outlander , but I don’t remember what it means.”
I debated telling her the truth and settled on a version of it. “It means you’re special, Tessa.”
Her eyes softened at my admission. I stared down at the woman who flipped my world upside down in the best ways. No matter how many times life knocked her down, she got back up.
As I studied the woman I would gladly lay down my life for, I made a vow to myself and any deity that might be listening. I was going to give this woman everything the world denied her. Love, happiness, and more orgasms than she knew how to handle. But first, I was going to destroy Daniel Winston, and I knew exactly who could help me make it happen.