38. Chapter 38
Chapter 38
Finn
M y phone vibrated in my pocket for the third time when I finally pulled it out. What the hell was so important someone couldn’t leave a voicemail?
A sense of foreboding slithered through me at the sight of Reagan’s name on the screen. When Tessa paid off the repairs for her car, I insisted she get a cell phone. She always claimed she didn’t need one because she was never alone, but now that she was driving again, her argument was invalid. I had to practically beg her to give in, explaining that for the sake of my sanity I needed to know she would be able to call for help if the situation ever necessitated it. I was fully prepared to withhold her orgasms, edging her until she agreed, but she finally relented on her own. Not giving her a chance to change her mind, I promptly drove us into town, put her on my plan, and shoved the newest smart phone into her hands. Ever since then, Reagan called Tessa directly, so why the hell was she calling me now?
I raised the phone to my ear, swiping across the screen. “Reagan, can I call you back? I’m in the middle of something.”
“Finn,” she murmured, the fear and hesitation in her voice causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end. I turned and entered the office I spent the last several hours in and shut the door. “Reagan, what’s wrong?” I demanded. My mind began conjuring worst case scenarios. Was someone in an accident? Was Knox injured responding to a fire? The floor dropped out from beneath me when I momentarily considered the possibility that Daniel found Tessa before quickly brushing the thought away. I was meticulous about keeping her real name off any documentation, and there was no other way to link her to Absolution.
“Finn,” she started again. “I think you need to head home.”
My mind continued to race, searching for a reason why Reagan would be calling to tell me this. Coming up with only one, my gut sank.
“What’s wrong with Tessa?”
Reagan sighed.
“Reagan, tell me what’s going on with Tessa,” I demanded as my adrenaline levels spiked, and I started to panic.
“I just left Sasha’s shop after literally running into Tessa when she flew out the door. She swore she was fine, but I didn’t buy it. I was suspicious when she bolted to her car like her ass was on fire so I went inside.” Reagan paused, and the pressure building inside my skull throbbed. She sighed heavily, clearly reluctant to tell me the rest. “Finn, Jessica and Emily were sitting inside.”
I processed Reagan’s words, and my pulse skyrocketed.
That. Bitch.
Short of getting her formally banned from the bar, I did everything in my power to keep Jessica away from Tessa. That first night, I hung out for the entirety of her shift, only intending to make sure no one got handsy with her or gave her a hard time. But after Jessica’s stunt, and the gleam I noticed in her eye at having humiliated Tessa, I knew she wouldn’t leave her alone. The mortification I saw on Tessa’s face crushed what little heart I had left. Unable to stomach the idea of leaving her there unprotected, I decided to spend every one of Tessa’ shifts at the bar and run interference as needed.
My plan was successful, until now. To the best of my knowledge, Tessa was locked inside my house while I ran into town for a business meeting. What started as a favor to Mr. Anderson to review his current security system turned into three hours of the elderly man making a decision only to change his mind thirty seconds later. By the time I texted Tessa to check in, I was ready to tear my hair out. I let her know my meeting was running longer than anticipated, and she seemed fine. She certainly didn’t mention anything about coming into town.
I internally cursed the fact she paid off her car. On one hand, I was happy for her. She achieved something she set out to do, and I was sure having her own transportation provided a sense of independence and autonomy she was lacking since the crash. On the other hand, my anxiety went through the roof knowing I wasn’t around to protect her everywhere she went. Logically, I knew I still drove her ninety percent of the places she needed to go, but the other ten percent was giving me heartburn.
Reagan continued talking, forcing my mind back to the present. “Once I saw them inside, I knew they had something to do with Tessa being upset. I talked to Sasha who told me some of what was said…” Reagan trailed off. I couldn’t recall a single time in my life when a silence felt more like a guillotine hanging over my head. “Finn, I think she’s going to run.”
An invisible hand wrapped around my heart, its fingers squeezing as my legs grew weak beneath me. “What the hell do you mean, Reagan?”
Her irritated sigh ruffled through the line. “Something’s been off with her since the party. If I’ve noticed, I imagine you’ve seen it, too.”
I mentally replayed the last few weeks. Sure, Tessa was a little quieter than usual, but we were both busy. The workload I slacked off on to spend more time with her finally caught up with me. I was spending more time in my office than usual, but she claimed she wanted time to test out her new camera, so I thought it was a win-win.
Was all of that her pulling away? If so, what the hell caused it? Even though she got her car back, neither of us brought up the subject of her leaving now that it was an option. Hell, I was planning to ask my mother for her engagement ring at family dinner next week.
Raking my fingers through my hair, I tugged on the strands with frustration. I thought we were working towards something, towards a future together.
After working my ass of in therapy to get my demons under control, I was more optimistic about the future than ever. While I still had a long way to go, I’d made leaps and bounds since we started EMDR. Despite the occasional nightmare, I was regularly sleeping through the night, and the guilt that used to be my constant companion only weighed me down from time to time.
I paced the enclosed space while thinking about the last four months with Tessa. When I pictured what my life was like before that fateful snowstorm compared to what it evolved into after Tessa and I got together, the change was obvious.
Tessa was the balm that soothed the ragged edges of my psyche. Her presence calmed my destructive thoughts, and her touch in the middle of the night allowed me to fall back asleep.
The invisible hand inside my chest tightened its grip when I pictured a world where Tessa no longer existed – in my bed or in my town. My breathing grew shallow, the pre-Tessa darkness threatening to return and swallow me whole.
“Reagan,” I choked out. “Why do you think she’s leaving?”
“She didn’t come right out and say it, but it was the way she was acting and the things she wasn’t saying. She…” Reagan paused, and my hand tightened around the phone while I waited for her to explain. Maybe Reagan was mistaken. Maybe she misread the situation and the distress I was currently experiencing was for nothing.
Yeah, and maybe you haven’t been paying attention to the woman you claim to love the way you should have been, asshole, a voice hissed in the back of my mind.
Reagan’s voice pulled me from the destructive turn my thoughts had taken. “She thanked me for being such a good friend to her before adding that she hoped we’d always be friends. Then she hugged me like I was the only thing tethering her to the ground.” Reagan’s voice dropped on the other end of the line. “Finn, it felt like she was saying goodbye.”
I clenched my eyes shut while I processed what Reagan said. Tessa’s life was anything but stable since the death of her parents. When things got difficult, she was used to being treated like a chess piece, first in the foster care system, and then as an adult. She spent the last fifteen years being shown over and over again that no one who really loved her would keep her.
It took every ounce of strength I possessed to hold those three little words back over the last few weeks. The desire to tell her I loved her after figuring it out for myself was incredibly potent, but I reasoned it was too soon and didn’t want to spook her. I spent the last few weeks terrified that letting those three little words slip would send her running. Instead of saying the words, I did everything I could to show her how I felt, but apparently it wasn’t enough.
Alright. If she needed more than what I’d done so far, then she was damn well going to get it. I had yet to meet a challenge I couldn’t overcome, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to start when it came to the love of my life. Grabbing my keys, I began to formulate a plan.
“Thanks for calling, Reagan. I gotta go.” I flung open the office door, ready to haul ass to my truck.
“What are you going to do, Finn?” Reagan asked, the worry in her voice apparent.
“I’m going to get my girl.”