37. Chapter 37
Chapter 37
Tessa
I parked my car in the lot outside the coffee shop. Not long after my birthday, I managed to save enough money to pay for the repairs. Counting out my tips following a particularly lucrative weekend came with a mix of bittersweet emotions.
For the last four months, I put up with drunk assholes all in the name of reaching this exact moment. But when I tried to bask in the happiness of achieving my goal, I couldn’t help the unease that accompanied it. In the beginning, not having a car was the reason I stayed in Absolution. While things had evolved between Finn and I since then, if I was no longer stranded, where did that leave us? He mentioned staying the day we watched the deer play in the snow, but the topic hadn’t come up since.
I should have spent the three weeks since my birthday reveling in the knowledge I had friends and a community who honestly cared about me. Instead, I spent the last few weeks dwelling on all the things I couldn’t contribute to the people I started to think of as family.
Taking a deep breath, I exited my car and entered the coffee shop, attempting to shake myself free from the nagging thoughts that had plagued me since the party.
“Morning, Tessa,” Sasha said.
“Hi, Sasha. Could I get a large black coffee and one of your specials to go when you have a chance?”
“Sure thing, hun. Comin’ right up,” she said as she got to work on my order. “I already know the special is for you, but who’s the black coffee for?”
“Finn’s doing some work on Mr. Anderson’s security system down at the hardware store, so I thought I’d surprise him with a little afternoon pick me up.”
“Aww, that’s so thoughtful of you, Tessa,” Sasha said, sliding the drinks across the counter to me. “He sure is lucky to have you for a girlfriend.”
I smiled at her while she rang me up. Looking around the small coffee shop that doubled as the town’s ice cream parlor, I was amazed by what Sasha built for herself. Her innovative and esthetically unique drinks drew customers from several towns over, and the magic she worked behind the counter was well-known throughout the tri-county area.
Right before I turned to leave, I decided to pry. “Hey, Sasha? How did you end up opening your store here? Based on your accent, I’m guessing you didn’t grow up here.”
Sasha laughed lightly, but it sounded forced. “That, my friend, is a story that would require an abundance of alcohol, but you are correct. The short version is that I walked away from my immediate family a few years ago after learning about a few…less than savory things they were involved in. I visited Absolution once as a child, and it made an impression, so I packed up, headed north, and haven’t look back since.”
I thanked her for the coffees, mulling over what she said before heading for the door. Like me, Sasha wasn’t from Absolution, but she still managed to carve out a little piece of this town for herself nonetheless.
As I was about to clear the length of the counter, a voice I hadn’t heard in weeks stopped me in my tracks. Jessica and her friend Emily sat near the entrance. In the months since our confrontation at Elysium, she was a persistent presence in town but didn’t cross any boundaries. However, in the last few weeks, she was conspicuously absent. Their voices carried across the shop, allowing me to hear every word.
“Does she seriously think he’ll stay with her long term?” Jessica asked, her voice far louder than necessary.
“Don’t worry, it won’t be long before he gets rid of her. We all know you and Finn are endgame,” Emily reassured.
My gut sank. While I assumed her exaggerated volume was to ensure I heard their conversation, I told myself they were talking about someone else. At least I did until Emily’s last comment.
“I mean, I’m sure he enjoys playing with her huge tits, but eventually he’ll get sick of the way the rest of her jiggles and kick her to the curb,” Jessica added, pretending to ignore my presence.
Tears pricked the back of my eyes, my face heating while embarrassment and humiliation once again suffused every cell in my body. Closing my eyes, I willed myself not to cry until I made it to my car. I blinked several times, staring at the coffees and attempting to force back my rising emotions.
“And honestly, does she really think he’s with her for any reason other than pity?” Jessica’s taunt shredded the remains of my self-worth as she continued to degrade me.
My head whipped up when Sasha threw the rag she was holding on the counter. “That’s enough of that,” she said, glowering at the pair.
Before she could take a step, I gave a small shake of my head. “Please don’t,” I begged. “I don’t want to make a scene. I was leaving, anyway.”
Sasha looked like she wanted to argue, but after several long moments of silently begging her to let it go, she sighed and gestured toward the front of the store with her head.
I scurried toward the exit, desperate to get away from my tormentors without further insult or injury. Just when I thought I was in the clear, Jessica stepped directly in front of me.
“Well, well, well. Speak of the lard ass, and she shall appear,” she sneered. I stared at her, struggling to reconcile how Finn could be attracted to both of us, even with decades separating our relationships. Straight, glossy hair complemented the shape of her face, her perfect makeup and impeccably selected designer clothes giving her the appearance of a fashion model. Was this really Finn’s type at one point, or was she simply convenient? By society’s standards, she was perfect, and I was just… not .
After a lifetime of battling one insecurity after another about my myself, I was exhausted. I fought hard over the years to try and learn to love my body, particularly since Finn came into my life. Some days I succeeded, while others I fell short. But when Jessica was around, she had a way of reducing me to the insecure ten-year old everyone picked on instead of inviting to play.
Jessica’s features contorted into an ugly sneer while she gave me a once over before shaking her head. “What are you still doing here, Tessa?” She narrowed her perfectly lined eyes at me. “Finn always did like playing the hero, but I imagine holding your hand is starting to get old for him right about now.”
She’s right you know , the voice inside my head whispered. It’s only a matter of time before he gets sick and tired of you and all your baggage. Never mind the fact that Daniel will likely kill both of you when he ultimately tracks you down.
I inhaled deep, her words reaffirming the insecurities eating away at me since my birthday.
Jessica slowly advanced on me. “It really shouldn’t come as a surprise to you. Finn is way out of your league.” She tossed her hair over her shoulder. “I mean sure, you’ve got decent tits, and I guess your face is kind of pretty.” She leaned in close. “But I bet he’s terrified you’ll crush him when you’re in bed together.” Her voice dropped to a whisper only the two of us could hear. “Let me guess, he makes sure you’re never on top, right?”
The coffees in my hand trembled at her accusation. Taking my reaction and lack of denial for confirmation, her smile turned evil while she basked in her victory. The woman Finn spent the last several months building up screamed at me to defend myself, but the self-doubt woven into the fabric of my being refused to let me. Knowing one more word from her would lead to my inevitable breakdown, I darted past and rushed out the door.
I stumbled from the coffee shop, willing the tears not to fall until I reached the safety of my car. Turning to head to the parking lot, I crashed into a body. The coffees I was holding fell to the ground, their lids popping off and spilling the contents across the sidewalk.
“I-I’m so sorry,” I stammered, reaching out to steady both myself and the person I never saw coming.
“Tessa?” Reagan’s concerned voice pulled me back from my imminent meltdown. “Tessa? What’s wrong?” she demanded.
Not wanting to relive what happened inside, I stuffed the hurt and anger down like I had so many times before and focused on my breathing to hold the tears at bay.
Awareness of what I needed to do washed over me. The pain slicing through my chest at the idea of following through with it was almost unbearable as it tore through newly-formed scar tissue.
Knowing I had a limited amount of time to execute my plan, I looked at the woman who befriended me simply because she was a good person. She showed up that first day without any incentive other than knowing someone needed her help. A sour taste filled my mouth at the thought of leaving, but I didn’t have time to dwell on my emotions.
“Nothing,” I lied, mustering the most genuine smile I could. “I’m fine. I’m just running late.” I bent down and tossed the ruined coffees in the trash. When I straightened, I did my best to keep it together. “I have to go, but I wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done for me, Reagan. You’ve been far more of a friend to me than I deserve, and I am beyond grateful you came into my life.” I paused, knowing how unlikely what I said next was. “I hope we’ll always be friends.”
Not allowing her time to respond, I pulled her to me for a quick hug before hurrying toward my car. Conscious of how small my window of opportunity was, I left Reagan and the town I’d grown to love behind.
As the wheels turned, I started making a mental list of all the things I needed to do before Finn got home. I managed to hold the tears back until I hit the edge of town. The first drop fell as I turned onto the road leading to Finn’s mountain hideaway, followed closely by a cascade of pain and regrets.