36. Chapter 36
Chapter 36
Tessa
S hopping bags weighed down my arms while I fished out my house keys. Reagan knocked on the door bright and early this morning, stealing me away for a day of pampering, shopping, and ‘girl time’ as she called it.
Having spent most of my teens in foster care, girl time was something I was unfamiliar with, but after she learned today was my birthday, she insisted. Finn agreed with her wholeheartedly and promptly ushered us out the door.
“That’s so weird,” I muttered to myself when I stepped into the darkened entryway. “Finn never leaves all the lights off.”
I tapped my hand along the wall, searching for the light switch. Locating it, I flipped it, flooding the room with light before jumping backward and colliding with the wall when close to a dozen people leapt out from the living room and yelled, “Surprise!”
Dropping the bags from my grip, my hands pressed against my sternum where my heart hammered inside my chest. As the adrenaline faded, I scanned the room around me. Blue and silver ballon bouquets were scattered throughout, while a large ballon arch adorned the oversized door leading to the kitchen. Above the arch, a banner read, “Happy Birthday Tessa!”
I blinked several times, finally figuring out what was happening at the same time Finn stepped in front of me and hauled me into his arms. Inhaling the sandalwood cologne mixed with his unique scent, I instinctively relaxed. One hand pressed me tight to his body while his other rubbed along my back to soothe my shock.
Once my pulse slowed, I pulled back and looked up at Finn. His brows were creased, his eyes worried as they darted across my face. The tension in his body eased slightly when I managed a small smile.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I told them a surprise party was a bad idea, but nobody would listen.” He shook his head, glaring over his shoulder at everyone behind him.
His irritation on my behalf pulled a quiet laugh from my chest, making his head whip back to mine. “I’m fine, Finn.” The dubious look he gave told me he didn’t believe me, so I dug deep to convince him. “Really, I am. It just caught me off guard.”
I peeked around my gentle giant and took in the scene behind him. Jake stood in the corner, his arm around Audrey’s shoulder while they talked with Roman. Off to the side, Knox, Beau, and a man I’d never met before, but who looked oddly familiar, were engaged in an animated conversation. Theo stood next to the couch, casually talking with Jenna and Sasha.
My eyes watered at the amount of planning and effort that must have gone into making this happen.
Reagan stood across the room, watching me with worried eyes while she chewed on her thumbnail. Giving her my best reassuring smile, I walked toward her and drew her into a hug. “So, this is the real reason we needed to be out of the house all day?” I teased.
Reagan’s expression turned sheepish. “Well, when Finn approached me about wanting to do something special for your birthday, I suggested an all-expenses paid shopping spree, but for some reason he insisted you would appreciate a day at the spa and small party with friends and family more.” She let out a small huff. “Although I had to practically threaten his manhood to get him to agree to the surprise part of the celebration.”
A watery laugh escaped me as I looked at the man I was completely and irrevocably in love with. The man who I swore knew me better than I knew myself most of the time. The man who went out of his way to give me something he knew I’d lacked since the loss of my parents.
I hugged her before turning and settling beneath Finn’s arm. The stranger talking with Beau and Knox approached Reagan, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and squeezing. Reagan dug her elbow into his side at the same time his arm wrapped around to put her into a headlock. Ducking out of his hold, she rolled her eyes before meeting my wide-eyed stare.
“Tessa, this is my brother, Jackson. Jackson, this is Tessa,” Reagan said.
Jackson reached his hand out to introduce himself. “Happy Birthday, Tessa. I hope you don’t mind I crashed your party. Reagan’s been talking about you for months, but I’ve been out of town for work, so we haven’t had a chance to meet. When she asked me to pick up the decorations and drop them off, I decided to take the opportunity to meet her new BFF.”
“Jackson, you’re such a pain in the ass,” Reagan mock complained, her eyes full of affection.
Jenna came over, Beau trailing close behind. Beau’s attention never left Jenna, even when she moved in for a hug. “Happy Birthday, Tessa,” she said.
Beau briefly glanced at me, giving me a quick smile before his focus returned to Jenna as he said, “Yeah, Happy Birthday.”
Reagan tugged on Jackson’s arm. “We should really let you say hello to everyone,” she said, attempting to extract her brother from the group. Jackson’s stare locked on Jenna when she joined us, but now focused on Beau. Beau, who I had never seen behave as anything more than a goof, glared at Jackson.
Hmmmm. What the hell was that about? Jenna never mentioned she was dating anyone, but the way both men were ready to pee in a circle around her said they were both interested. I made a mental note to ask Finn about their situation when we were alone.
For the next hour, we visited with everyone. Audrey was waving her arms in the air while she retold a story about the town council and one of the residents who requested a permit to keep an exotic cat as a pet, when movement in the kitchen caught my attention. Reagan slowly walked into the room, carrying a cake containing so many lit candles it appeared to have a second layer made entirely of fire.
After my parent’s deaths, I spent most of my birthdays in group homes. On the rare occasion I had a foster family when the day rolled around, no one ever remembered, let alone bothered to celebrate. Years later, when I met Daniel, I had just celebrated my birthday, and by the time it rolled around the next year, things had already devolved in our relationship. To patch things up between us, he brought home a fancy lemon cake from the bakery next to his office. At the time, I pretended to love it, claiming I was watching what I ate when I could only stomach a couple bites. My excuse appeased him, and I tossed the rest in the trash. Even then, I was too afraid to tell him I hated anything lemon flavored. In the years that followed, he didn’t even remember my birthday.
Reagan made her way toward me while everyone in the room began to sing. My chest hitched when Reagan set down the first real birthday cake I had since my parents died. Everyone circled around me, engulfing me in an overwhelming mixture of gratitude for the people around me and longing for my parents.
When I fled L.A., my only goal was to escape Daniel. I knew the likelihood of success was low, but I recognized I needed to try if I wanted to live. My only focus when I crashed into Finn’s ditch was survival.
As I looked around the room and the people in it, I realized I had found so much more than just survival. These people were the family I’d been without since my own was taken from me. But when I looked at the life Finn had given me, I couldn’t help but wonder – what did I bring to the table? I had no family of my own, no friends outside of this room. I was a college dropout, and while I had a job that allowed me to save for the repairs on my car, it didn’t bring me any kind of fulfillment or make the world a better place.
I swallowed hard when it hit me. Finn brought everything to this relationship while I… I brought nothing . Even if I wanted to do something more with my life, I had no real skills, and I already knew going back to school wasn’t in the cards for me. Hell, I couldn’t even put my real name down on a job application without risking Daniel finding me. A chill shuddered down my spine at the thought of what he would do to everyone in this room if he discovered they helped me stay off his radar.
My eyes filled with tears when I thought about how those I loved could wind up hurt. The song ended, and everyone clapped. Strong arms wrapped around my waist. Finn leaned in and whispered, “Make a wish, Mo Chridhe .”
A sharp inhale from Audrey grabbed my attention. She momentarily gaped at Finn and I before recovering her composure. A tear traveled down her cheek as she studied her son, delight spreading across her face while she beamed at us.
Closing my eyes, I thought about the only thing I truly wanted, leaned forward and blew. It took three tries before small wisps of smoke wafted from all twenty-eight candles. My smile was sheepish when everyone in the room cheered.
Audrey took the cake back to the kitchen where she and Jake cut it and handed out pieces. Jake walked toward Finn and I. My mouth watered when I saw it was carrot cake. At the same time he reached us, Reagan’s voice rang out across the room. “Time for presents!” Snagging my hand, she dragged me away from the sugary confection that was just out of reach.
Goddamnit. Before I could dwell on the temporary loss of my dessert, Reagan forced me into one of the leather chairs. Several brightly colored presents were dropped on the coffee table in front of me.
“Here, open this one first,” Reagan said, shoving a gift bag into my lap. “It’s from me.”
I balked at her words. “From you ? I thought you said the spa day was your gift to me.”
When Reagan pulled into the parking lot of the spa and confessed what she had planned for the day, I began to panic. While I did alright working as a waitress, I knew I couldn’t pay for everything Reagan had planned, especially not if I wanted to cover my car repairs in a couple weeks like I intended.
Seeing my panic, she rushed to reassure me the day was her gift to me. When I insisted it was too expensive, she waved away my concern, explaining that she knew the owner and was given a steep discount. While my trepidation eased, I continued to protest until she told me she already paid for everything, and it was non-refundable.
For the next several hours, we were pampered with manicures, pedicures, facials, and massages, followed by a quick trip to the lingerie store down the street. I felt thoroughly spoiled by the time we exited the spa, so why the hell did she get me another present?
I dug my hand into the bag before latching onto a rectangular shaped object. Hauling it out, I discovered a book of photography for beginners. I leaned back in the chair, completely floored that she remembered our conversation the week before. Granted, I didn’t have a camera yet, but once I paid off my car, I could save up for a second-hand one.
Thanking Reagan, I hugged her tight before she shoved a gift bag with mounds of tissue paper sticking out of the top at me.
“That’s from Jacob and I, dear,” Audrey said when I began pulling tissue paper from the bag. I pulled out another book, my smile growing when I saw they gifted me my own hardcopy of the first Outlander book.
“Open it to the third page,” Audrey said. Unsure why that was important, I did as she said. My jaw dropped when I saw that not only was the book signed by the author, it was inscribed with my name.
Reagan discreetly handed me a tissue as the dam I successfully held back all evening finally broke. Pulling myself together, I opened the rest of the gifts while everyone ate their cake.
Afterward, I scanned the unwrapped presents sitting before me. Everyone went to great lengths to get me things they knew I would enjoy. Even Roman, who I’d never actually spoken to before tonight, gifted me a cashmere bathrobe. These people who didn’t know I existed until a few months ago went out of their way to make me feel loved and appreciated. And yet, despite all the love I was showered with, that voice in the back of my head began whispering one single thought to me – I didn’t deserve any of this.
My shoulders curled forward while I looked at everyone gathered around. “Thank you for everything you all did for me,” I said choking back tears. “This is the best birthday I’ve ever had, and I am incredibly grateful for each and every one of you.”
Knowing I was a heartbeat away from breaking down, my eyes lasered in on the piece of cake Jake left for me on the end table. As my hand reached out to grab the plate of sugary deliciousness that would ward off my emotions, a calloused hand weaved its fingers between mine.
I looked to where Finn stood, a soft smile lining his face before he leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to my lips. “There’s one more present for you to open.”
Glancing back at the tower of wrapping and tissue paper, I was unsure how anything could have gone unopened with a dictator like Reagan in charge. Before I could voice the thought, Finn tugged me toward the doors leading to the back patio. The laughter of our friends and family dissipated as the door shut behind us.
Finn pulled me away from the wall of windows and over toward the couch that played such an important role during our second date. My cheeks flushed when I recalled the things he did to me that night. Finn’s eyes lasered in on my heated cheeks, a deep chuckle proving he guessed where my thoughts drifted. Leaning back against the chaise end of the couch, Finn nestled me beneath his arm before reaching behind us and returning with the largest gift bag yet.
I turned toward him. “Finn, this party was more than enough. You didn’t have to get me anything else.” Refusing to listen to my protests, he jerked his chin toward the bag before leaning down and pressing a kiss to my hair. “Just open it, Mo Chridhe .”
Knowing there was no way out of this, I pulled tissue paper from the bag, revealing a large blue canvas tote. Reaching down to grab the handle, I was taken aback by how heavy it was. I looked back at Finn, who watched me with a mischievous smile but offered no further explanation.
Setting the canvas bag on my lap, I unzipped the top and flipped it open. Shaking fingers pressed against my mouth while my other hand removed the contents.
I stared down at the top-of-the-line camera, unable to find any words that seemed sufficient for the true meaning behind this gift.
After taking several deep breaths to get my emotions under control, I looked at Finn. His brow was furrowed, the worry evident in his face. I resisted the urge to laugh at his expression. Was he seriously worried I didn’t like the gift?
Reaching for him, I smoothed out the furrow in his brow. If he wasn’t careful, he was going to develop a permanent wrinkle there. But knowing Finn, the crease would somehow make him more attractive than he already was.
“My mother was a photographer.” Finn’s only response was to nod his head in confirmation while I thought out loud. “I told you that months ago.” The worried expression remained as he nodded again.
I looked down at the shiny new camera resting in my lap before looking back to him. How many times did I tell Daniel something important, only for him to later claim I never said a word? How many personal things did I share, only for him to forget the next day?
But this man, the one who saved me in more ways than I could count remembered something I told him months ago. This man who was loyal, kind, and honorable repeatedly showed me what love was supposed to look like.
I already knew I was hopelessly in love with Finn, but how the hell could I ever be an equal, a partner , with someone like him? The only thing I could offer was myself, and that seemed wholly inadequate when I tallied up everything he brought to this relationship.
My thoughts from earlier reemerged, and the negative voices that grew quieter over the last several months returned with a vengeance.
Finn allowed me time to process my emotions, squeezing me gently against his body. He pressed another kiss against my head. “There’s a variety of memory cards, straps, and other accessories the lady at the store assured me a real photographer would need.” He chuckled lightly. “She was probably taking me for a ride, but if there’s anything you don’t want, we can take it back and get whatever else you think you’ll need.”
I gingerly set the camera back in its bag before zipping it shut and setting it to the side. Once it was out of harm’s way, I spun around and straddled Finn’s lap. A look of surprise spread across his face right before I captured his mouth with my own. Finn returned my kiss with enthusiasm, claiming any last pieces of me he didn’t already own.
Weaving my fingers through his hair, I tugged lightly on the silky strands, kissing him until my need for oxygen overruled my need for Finn. His lust-filled gaze met mine. I panted in his lap before he leaned forward and pressed one final kiss to my lips. “As much as I would love to stay out here and continue to give our closest family and friends a show, I think it’s probably time we head inside.”
My head whipped toward the house at his statement, confirming that every single one of our guests were pressed up against the wall of windows and had indeed witnessed our display of affection. Recognizing they were busted, they all darted away while I buried my head against Finn’s neck and groaned.
Finn’s rich chuckle filled my ears, his chest shaking beneath me as he held me against his body.
“I don’t think I can ever face any of them again,” I mumbled, causing him to laugh harder.
“All they want is for us to be happy, Tessa,” he said while running his fingers through my hair. “That’s all any of them have ever wanted.”
My pulse calmed, and I accepted he was right. These people never asked for anything except how they could help.
Finn leaned forward and stood, my body sliding down his before my feet landed on the patio floor. I pulled back and looked up as he tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.
“Come on, Mo Chridhe . Let’s go try out your new camera.”
Despite my lingering embarrassment at the show we just gave everyone, I couldn’t help the smile spreading across my face at his statement.
We entered the house to the sound of whistles and catcalls, and my blush returned with a vengeance. Determined to finally eat my birthday cake, I headed to kitchen, only to stop when I crossed the threshold.
Reagan and Knox stood at the other end of the hallway, where they were in the middle of a very heated conversation from the looks of it. Reagan started to walk away with Knox hot on her heels and a murderous look on her face. He grabbed her arm, pulling her back while they continued to whisper-shout at one another. After a few moments, Reagan yanked her arm away before cutting through the hall to the living room.
Knowing neither were likely to appreciate having a witness, I did my best to hide behind the door jam. Peeking around the frame, I saw Knox’s chest heave, a similar look on his face to the one Reagan wore.
What the hell was going on tonight? First Beau and Jackson and now this.
Knox stalked down the hallway toward the kitchen, and I abandoned my quest for cake to avoid being discovered eavesdropping.
I spent the rest of the night testing out my new camera, capturing a memory I would cherish for the rest of my life.
Eventually people started to trickle out, and when I walked Reagan to the door, she pulled me in for a tight hug. “You better go get that little number we picked up today and put it on,” she whispered.
My cheeks flushed at the reminder of the black teddy Reagan insisted I purchase this afternoon.
“I mean, after sending you for a day of pampering, pulling off a surprise party in a town that isn’t known for keeping its mouth shut, and fulfilling a lifelong dream of yours, I’d say he’s earned a reward, don’t you think?” Reagan added as she smirked at me.
“W-what?” I stuttered. “I thought you said the spa day was from you…”
Reagan winked at me before disappearing.
As I shut the door behind the last guest and armed the security system, my mind spun. I wandered back into the living room, picking up the discarded wrapping paper while Finn put away the leftovers in the kitchen.
Staring at the kitchen table laden with gifts from my friends, and the slice of cake I’d yet to eat, I was hit with a sense of melancholy. Tonight was perfect, but if there was one thing life had taught me, it was that good things never lasted.
Sensing Finn behind me, I picked up the dessert I was repeatedly denied. Turning to face him, I brought a forkful to my lips. The carrot cake and cream cheese flavors danced along my taste buds, only to freeze mid-chew when something dawned on me.
I swallowed the cake, dropping my head to stare at it. “This is my mother’s recipe,” I said, looking back up at Finn.
For the second time tonight, Finn looked uncomfortable.
“How could you possibly have made my mother’s carrot cake recipe? I have it memorized, but I’ve never written it down anywhere.”
Finn cleared his throat before closing the distance between us. “Do you remember when I helped you make carrot cake for Jenna’s birthday a few weeks ago?” I nodded. “Well, I paid attention to what quantities you added of each ingredient, and then I wrote it down for my mother. She’s the one who made the cake.”
My heart thrashed in my chest. He found a way to give me the same carrot cake my mom made for every one of my birthdays until her death. The family tradition was yet another thing I mentioned in passing weeks ago…but something he remembered nonetheless.
I processed the enormity of everything Finn had done, and decided there was only one thing left to do.
Swiping my finger through the frosting, I sealed my lips around it. Finn’s stare heated with desire when I licked my skin clean before I rested my hand above his heart. The organ beat strong and sure beneath my palm while Finn reached behind me, swiping his own fingers through the frosting and smearing the icing across my collarbone.
His mouth descended to my flesh, his tongue swirling and licking across my chest as the space between my thighs that always seemed to ache for him grew damp. He backed me up against the table, gently pushing my presents out of the way with his arm. His lips trailed their way up my neck, sucking and licking the spot behind my ear we recently discovered made my knees weak.
“You know,” he murmured against me. “I was so busy hosting tonight that I never got my dessert.” His hands dropped down to my jeans where he popped the button, and a zipping sound filled the space between us. “I think it’s time we rectified that, don’t you?” he asked dropping to his knees in front of me. He shimmied my jeans and panties off before trailing kisses back up my thighs.
His hand landed on my belly, gently pressing me backward onto the table. My ass hit the top. Panting heavily, I rested my hands behind me and held myself up, needing to see Finn between my legs while he went down on me. His arms hooked around my legs before he smothered his face in my pussy. Moans of intense pleasure filled the air. Finn devoured me like I was his only source of sustenance, and I found myself praying that one day I would be deserving of Absolution.