35. Chapter 35
Chapter 35
Finn
M y temple rested against Tessa’s back while my lungs struggled to get enough oxygen. As my pulse began to slow, I lifted my head, and took in our reflection in the mirror. Tessa’s cheek pressed against the countertop, her own lungs working overtime, the pink hue that blossomed across her skin when she came hard still present.
Fuck, that was the most intense sex of my life.
I placed a small kiss on her spine, trailing several more up each vertebra. Tessa shivered beneath me, a small smirk curling my lips at her involuntary reaction. As much as I hated the way she felt about her body, I sure as fuck loved the way it responded to me. It seemed only fair given the way mine responded to her mere presence.
Dropping my hands to her hips, I began to pull my spent cock from her still quivering pussy. A small groan escaped me when my oversensitive dick slipped from her heat. I leaned back from her body and looked down, realizing why the sensation was stronger than normal.
“Fuck,” I muttered. My semi-hard cock was coated in the product of our mutual pleasure. Dropping my forehead against her back again, I mentally berated myself for allowing this to happen. While I should have noticed something was different, sex with Tessa was always unmatched, and given how emotionally charged the moment was, I didn’t think twice about why everything was more intense than usual. I was so lost in the moment, so determined to show Tessa exactly what her body did to me, that I completely forgot the condom.
We never had the birth control talk. It hadn’t been necessary. I’d been using condoms since I started having sex in high school. When I made the comment about her carrying my children, I didn’t mean for it to happen right now . I never fucked bare, and while I hadn’t intended to start now, my mind refused to stop thinking about what this could mean.
Visions of a little girl, an exact replica of her mother with my laugh spilling from her rosy mouth were followed closely by the image of a small boy with my eyes and his mother’s smile.
Hearing the tension in my voice, Tessa raised her head and looked at me in the mirror. “What’s wrong?”
Fuck, this was not the conversation I wanted to have right now. All I wanted to do was bask in the afterglow of the best sex of my life, but it looked like that was no longer an option. Hating the worry I caused her, I gently shook my head. “Nothing’s wrong, baby. I just realized there’s something we need to talk about, that’s all.”
Her eyebrows furrowed at my ambiguous statement, her eyes asking the question her mouth did not. Not wanting her to freak out, I shook my head again and gave her a small smile. “Let’s clean up.” My reassurance failed to erase the questions from her face, but I was grateful she trusted me enough to not force the conversation while I figured out what to say.
I pressed one final kiss to her spine before backing away and turning on the shower. Grabbing two fresh towels from the cabinet, I turned toward Tessa and froze. Her stare was locked on the inside of her thigh. The evidence that she was filled with my seed leaked from her body, causing something primal to swell in my chest.
Her hand dipped between her legs, swiping through the creamy white liquid before bringing it back toward her face. She stared at the evidence of my orgasm on her fingertips.
Huh. Not the reaction I was expecting. Why wasn’t she freaking out? Was she on birth control? My thoughts jerked to a halt when Tessa raised her fingers to her mouth, slipping them between her pink lips and licking them clean one by one.
My jaw dropped, and my eyelids drooped while I watched her. The cock that was completely spent only a moment ago began to thicken at the sight of the woman I loved tasting my climax on her skin.
Every muscle in my body locked when I heard my own thought.
I was in love with Tessa.
From the beginning, I recognized my feelings for Tessa were different from anything I’d felt for another woman. Her outlook on life, despite the shit she survived, amazed me. She was stronger than anyone I’d ever met. I started falling for her the moment she woke up on my couch, but I failed to acknowledge the true extent of my feelings – until now.
Looking back over the past several months, I really should have seen it sooner. God, I’d been in love with her almost from the start and just didn’t realize it. Hell, I might have knocked her up, and instead of freaking out, my mind started conjuring images of our children. If this happened with any other woman, the idea of forgetting the condom would have sent me into a blind panic, but I already knew I wanted everything with Tessa, regardless of the timeline.
My mind trailed off only to realize Tessa’s watchful gaze was on me the whole time. Not quite ready to share my newfound epiphany, I walked toward her and pulled her into my arms. I briefly pressed my lips against hers before twining our fingers and walking backward toward the shower. Tessa followed without protest, and I pulled us both beneath the cascade of warm water.
I held her close before working shampoo and conditioner through her hair. Grabbing the loofah that migrated from her shower to mine, I slowly lathered her body, marveling at how perfect she was for me.
Reaching the apex of her thighs, our eyes met when my free hand dipped between her legs. Her folds were slippery with my cum, and the idea a part of me was still inside her made my cock thicken. Gliding my fingers through the product of our mutual arousal, I massaged her swollen pussy, briefly slipping inside and feeling her walls quiver at my touch. My erection pressed against her hip, making its renewed desire for her known.
Before either of us could get carried away again, we needed to have a conversation. “Tessa, I forgot to put on a condom,” I admitted, knowing full well she was already aware. She nodded but said nothing. “I’ve never gone bare with anyone before, and my last checkup was shortly before you got here. Everything came back clean, so you have nothing to worry about.” She nodded again, and I began to worry my fuckup bothered her more than she was letting on.
Finally, she broke her silence. “I’m clean too. Dr. Kelly tested me after the snowstorm.”
Knowing we still hadn’t addressed the other elephant in the room, I decided to lay it all out there for her. “Tessa, if you’re pregnant, I want you to know I’m all in, and I’m not going anywhere.”
My confusion grew when her eyes filled with tears. I thought my reassurances would make her feel better, not worse. “ Mo Chridhe , tell me what’s wrong.” I paused as something occurred to me. “Do you…not want children, Tessa?”
At my question the tears she held back fell one after another before she buried her face against my chest. Her sob broke free, and I wrapped my arms around her trembling body.
Shit, it didn’t even occur to me that she might not want to be a mother. I swallowed the lump suddenly lodged in my throat. Nausea churned in my gut at the idea she might not want this, but I’d respect whatever decision she made.
Pulling her close, I held her while she broke. After several minutes, her tears slowed, and a quiet sniffling overtook the sound of falling water. When she lifted her head, her watery eyes met mine.
“I would like children someday, Finn. But,” her voice wobbled, the struggle to speak evident. “But it’s unlikely I can have them.”
Confusion about what she meant mixed with relief that she wasn’t opposed to the idea, the potent combination causing a momentary light-headed feeling.
“I went to the doctor a few years ago for a checkup,” she volunteered. “When I told them how irregular and sometimes nonexistent my period was, they did some bloodwork.”
My heart began to pound when I realized where she was going with this. “The doctor told me that based on my bloodwork and the symptoms I was experiencing, I have PCOS.” She blinked several times to stave off the tears still filling her sweet brown eyes. “It’s a hormone imbalance that affects my ability to ovulate. The doctor said…” She broke off as the tears began to fall again. “She said the odds of me ever conceiving naturally were basically nonexistent, and that for me to have children of my own, I would have to use IVF. But not even that is a guarantee if they can’t get my hormones under control to produce enough viable eggs.”
Her lip trembled, devastation and anguish spreading across her features. “I’ll most likely never be able to give you children, Finn.” Her voice broke, and she began to sob again.
I held her tight against my body, rubbing my hand soothingly along her back and giving her as much time as she needed to purge the pain. Once she stopped shaking, I looked down at her. Holding her chin, I tilted her face toward mine, needing her to see the truth in my eyes.
“Tessa,” I murmured. “I don’t care if you ever carry children.” Her mouth opened to protest, but I cut her off. “I know. I know what I said while we were in front of the mirror, but Tessa,” I paused to make sure she really heard what I said next. “I don’t care if we have children.”
Her eyebrows furrowed, so I rushed to clarify. “Until you came into my life, I never saw kids in my future. Hell, I never saw happiness in my future, so when I tell you this is not a dealbreaker for me, I need you to hear it.”
Tessa searched my expression. “And if you ever decide you want to try for a baby – fertility drugs, IVF, or even adoption – I’m completely on board. But if you decide that’s not something you want to put yourself through, that’s fine too. Because Tessa, the only thing I can’t live without is you ,” I added, desperate to make sure she understood how I felt about her without saying the four-letter word I feared would scare her away.
She continued to study me. When she finally spoke, her voice cracked. “You’re sure, Finn? Because you need to be one hundred percent positive about this. Being with me could mean giving up any chance of being a dad.”
I bent slightly, pressing my forehead to hers. “I’m positive, Tessa. The only thing I require in this world is you . Anything after that is a bonus.”
At my reassurance, Tessa threw herself against me, our lips crashing together. I backed her against the shower wall, a loud gasp escaping her as the cold from the tiles hit her skin. Her gasp quickly turned to a moan when I hooked her thigh over my hip, grinding my hardened cock against her slick pussy.
Tessa’s head pressed against the wall, her hips tilting forward while she sought more friction.
Well, if my woman wanted more, she was damn well going to get it.
Reaching down, I positioned the tip of my cock at her entrance before grasping Tessa’s other thigh, effectively lifting her in the air. A high-pitched squeak escaped Tessa when her feet left the ground, and I narrowed my eyes at her, daring her to say a word about being picked up. Luckily, the sensation of my cock pressing into her slick heat as her body dropped down and sheathed my entire cock distracted her. A low moan escaped her. My dick nestled deep within her, her legs pressing tight against my torso while I pinned her to the wall with my hips.
Staring down at this woman who continued to give herself to me, wholly and without reserve despite everything life threw at her, I was filled with gratitude for her presence in my life. I knew I didn’t deserve her, nor would I ever, but for as long as the universe saw fit to let me keep her, I would do everything in my power to treat her like the goddess she was.
I hovered my lips above hers. “Now,” I murmured, my lips brushing hers while I spoke. Tessa’s chest heaved, her soft breasts pressing against the hard muscle of my body. “Seeing as how this pussy of yours responded so well to it the first time, and given that the visual of my cum trickling down your thigh was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen, I’m going to fuck you bare again,” I said before I fucked us both to a climax that heard our shouts reverberating off the shower walls.