34. Chapter 34
Chapter 34
Tessa
I peered out the window, awestruck by the white powder falling from the sky. When Finn told me there was a snowstorm forecasted for today, I thought he was joking. He explained that while it was uncommon, June snowstorms in the mountains were not as abnormal as people thought.
Raising my palm, I pressed it to the window and watched the snowflakes tumble to the ground. My hand cooled, but just as I was about to pull away, movement in the distance caught my eye. A deer emerged from the tree line, followed closely by several more until almost a dozen filled the clearing between the house and the forest. One of the fawns charged its playmate, the pair chasing one another across the yard. The scene was like something out of a fairytale, the way the others joined in on their game, leaping and playing.
Childhood awe filled my chest. Watching the frolicking animals was pure magic.
How was this my reality?
“They’re beautiful, aren’t they?” Finn’s soft words came from behind me. I was so entranced by the deer I hadn’t heard him approach.
“Yes, but I don’t think beautiful is a sufficient word to describe this place.” I paused. “What you’ve built here, Finn, it’s… paradise ,” I uttered on a whispered exhale. “I didn’t even know places like this existed in the world.”
“I don’t think many places like this exist anymore,” he admitted. “But they do in my world.” His arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me back against his solid frame while we watched the scene before us.
I sank against him, completely at ease in his embrace. “You know, I didn’t understand it at first when you told me you rarely went anywhere,” I confessed. “But after spending the last few months here, I get why you wouldn’t want to leave.”
Finn exhaled deeply, his breath ruffling my loose curls when he leaned forward and rested his head against my own. “It didn’t always feel like this.” His voice grew somber. “When I first got back from the military, God, I was so broken , Tessa. I still am, and in all honesty, I don’t think I’ll ever be whole again after the things I’ve seen. The things people will do to another human being all in the name of money or power never ceases to surprise me, and I don’t think a person can ever look at the world the same way after knowing that kind of horror exists in real life.”
He went silent, his arm tightening around me slightly, and I imagined he was reliving that time. “When I came back here, I didn’t know what I was going to do. But this land…it saved me in a way I didn’t think anything could.” His other arm wrapped around my middle, cocooning me in his embrace before I rested my hands above them. The heat from his body soaked into my own, soothing away the chill that came from standing next to a frozen window.
“At that point, I was spending so much time working on the house I only ever went into town when I needed supplies. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t prefer to be on my own, and eventually it just became easier to stay up here,” he admitted.
“That first winter, Luka and I were snowed in for a solid week. I didn’t notice at the time, but aside from missing Sunday dinner at my parent’s, it didn’t change my schedule. I spent time in my woodshop, worked on stuff for the business, and kept myself fed, but I didn’t have any plans to cancel. There was no one to call and reschedule anything with, and the longer I stayed up here, the easier it was to keep it that way.” I absorbed Finn’s confession and thought about how natural it felt to be locked away from the world for those first several days here.
“I can understand that. I’ve only been here for a few months and already the thought of not experiencing this view every day seems unimaginable.”
Finn’s throat bobbed against the side of my head, swallowing several times before he spoke. “This could be your reality…if you wanted it to be.” His words were gruff while he slowly turned me in his arms. My eyes met his. “I know your original plan was to leave once you saved enough for the repairs on your car, but you could stay, Tessa.” He paused. “This could be your place to heal, too.”
Movement caught my eye as I contemplated his suggestion. I turned my head to find the deer disappearing one by one back into the forest. Could we really make it work in the long run? The thought was beyond appealing.
While I imagined a permanent life here, visions of Daniel infiltrated my thoughts. Would he ever find me here? With someone like Finn at my side, would it even matter if he did?
When I agreed to stay, Finn offered to help untangle me from my previous life, but he didn’t know Daniel the way I did. He didn’t know how vengeful he became when someone wronged him, or his tenacity in recovering something he considered his property – something like me .
It was so easy to fall into whatever this was with Finn, and I allowed myself to bask in his safety because for the first time in years I was happy, but I knew my mere presence risked everything he worked so hard for.
Knowing I couldn’t accept his offer, but unable to find the strength to tell him no, I wound my arms around his neck, lifting on my tiptoes and kissing the man who showed me what it meant to be cherished. “That is a really incredible offer, Finn,” I whispered against his lips before pulling his head down toward me.
His tongue swept across the seam of my lips, and I opened for him, desperate to experience everything while I could still call him mine. He pressed me against the glass, the cold from the windowpane seeping through the thin fabric of my shirt and causing me to gasp. Finn inhaled my surprise, devouring my mouth like I was his only source of oxygen.
Bending down, his large hands grasped the backs of my thighs before hauling my legs up and around his waist. My entire body locked, my breath catching as he held me up.
Finn pulled back from our kiss, his eyebrows furrowed while he scoured my expression for the source of my sudden change in demeanor. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Put me down,” I ordered.
His eyes narrowed, continuing to study me before slowly unwinding my legs from his body and dropping my feet back to the floor. The soles of my feet met the smooth hardwood, and the tension in my muscles began to ease when he pulled us away from the chilled window.
“Tessa,” he murmured. “Why did that freak you out, Mo Chridhe ?” The nickname enveloped me in warmth, followed closely by the humiliation of having to answer his question. Proving the man had the memory of an elephant he said, “You had a similar reaction when I mentioned that I carried you back here from your car, and you’ve protested every time I’ve picked you up since.”
I remained silent, trying to come up with something, anything , that would convince him to drop this subject.
Finn’s nose dropped to my neck, inhaling as he began pressing soft kisses along the crease between my neck and shoulder. “Tessa, I need you to talk to me, baby,” he prodded. “Why don’t you want me to pick you up?”
Irritation filled me. Pulling my neck away from his mouth, I demanded, “Seriously, Finn? Isn’t it obvious?”
A look of utter bewilderment crossed his face. “No. What on earth are you talking about?”
“Finn, come on,” I implored. He stared at me in confusion. Shame that I was going to have to say the words aloud snaked through me. “I’m not…” I broke off, huffing out a breath. “I’m not like other girls, alright?”
His voice took on a hard edge. “What the hell does that mean?”
“I’m heavy, okay?” I exclaimed. “I’m not thin and athletic like other women. Hell, I’d bet money I’m the largest woman you’ve ever been with.”
Finn backed me up against the window. I dropped my eyes to his chest as my declaration filled the space between us.
“Look at me,” he demanded.
My stare remained focused on his chest.
“Tessa. Look. At. Me. ”
My bottom lip trembled, and I cursed my inability to hide my emotions. Other kids in the foster system were masters at masking their feelings, but it was a skill I failed to acquire.
His thumb and forefinger clasped my chin as he gently lifted it until I was forced to meet his gaze. “Why do you think you’re heavy?” His voice softened when he spoke again.
Indignation at how dense he was being overwhelmed me. “Seriously? How can you even ask me that with a straight face?” I bit out.
“I’m asking you because you are the most stunning woman I have ever seen in my life, Tessa. I have never met a woman who affected me the way you do, and the feel of your curves beneath me does things to my body I didn’t know it was capable of,” he confessed. “When I look at you, I finally understand why I made it out of those hellholes I was deployed to. When I look at you, I get why I survived when so many others didn’t. So, yes, I want to know exactly why you believe your body isn’t every bit as spectacular as it is.”
Without waiting for a response, Finn reached down and hauled me into his arms again. His hands held onto the back of my thighs, holding me against his body like I weighed nothing. Ignoring my protests, he strode toward the couch. “Tessa, I bench press twice your weight on a daily basis. You’re not heavy, so you need to erase the idea that you’re too big for me to pick up from your head.”
He sat down in the middle of the couch, my knees resting on either side of his hips while I straddled him. Strong hands stroked my cellulite-riddled thighs. “I honestly want to know why you believe this about yourself, Tessa.” He pressed a kiss directly above my heart, the stupid organ thumping hard against my sternum in response. “Can you explain it to me?”
I tried to wrap my mind around the enormity of his question as I thought back to the first time I felt different from other girls. Sure, mainstream media didn’t help matters, but it was my daily interactions that originally made me self-conscious.
“It’s okay, baby. Take your time. You know you can tell me anything,” Finn encouraged.
Emboldened by his support, I started at the beginning. “I was teased about my size as far back as I can remember,” I admitted. “Even in kindergarten kids would make fun of me because I was so much bigger than them. In reality, I wasn’t overweight back then, I was just taller than the other kids. But when you’re taller than the boys in your grade, they can get… mean .” My eyes drifted to the collar of his shirt, my finger hooking inside it while I played with the fabric.
Finn’s jaw clenched, but I knew if I didn’t get this out now, I’d lose my nerve. “When I hit puberty, my body started developing. All of a sudden, the same boys who made fun of my body started noticing it, but in a different way. I was in foster care by that point and was dealing with a ton of emotional baggage, so I never reciprocated or encouraged their interest, but the other girls didn’t appreciate the attention I received.” Tears pricked the back of my eyes when I recalled how merciless the other girls were when it came to how I looked. “They criticized everything about me. My body, what I wore, how I did my hair, anything they could latch onto was fair game.”
I inhaled a shaky breath. “I mentioned before I didn’t last long in college. But when I went to orientation, I met this guy.” Finn’s hands hand continued massaging my thighs while I spoke, but momentarily froze at my last statement before resuming their motion. “We’d never met, but he sat down next to me in the auditorium anyway and started talking to me. Since I had no experience with men, I didn’t think much of it, but he continued to talk to me during the presentation.”
“I never thought I’d see him again, but a couple of nights later, I went to a mixer the school put on for all of the freshmen. I was standing next to my roommate when I saw him. I tried to dismiss it, told myself I was imagining it, but I couldn’t help noticing the way his eyes lit up when he saw me. He hung around for a while, but never asked for my number and didn’t try to find me later, so I told myself I must have misread the situation.”
A dull ache spread throughout my throat as I recalled how stupid I felt thinking he was interested. I tried my best to forget the encounter, but something about the way he looked at me refused to let go. It felt like someone saw me for the first time, and not just the freakishly tall girl with huge boobs.
“My first semester of college was hard. I was completely overwhelmed with my coursework. Classes I thought I would love turned out to be the bane of my existence, and I struggled to keep it together emotionally. My anxiety went through the roof, and I turned to food to cope.” I swallowed past the lump in my throat, shame threatening to eat me alive me while I bared everything.
“I gained thirty-five pounds in one semester. I knew I needed to stop, but I was so stressed out, focusing on dropping the weight wasn’t realistic. However, I curbed my eating and the scale leveled out.” I inhaled a deep breath and prepared to share one of the most humiliating moments of my life.
“The following semester, I sat down for the first day of my biology class. I was pulling out my notebook when a few guys walked down the row in front of mine. When I looked up, I recognized the guy from orientation. I started to look away when our eyes met. His eyes widened in recognition, and I saw the same spark from before.”
My voice turned shaky. “But then his stare drifted down my body and took in the weight I gained.” I closed my eyes, remembering what happened next. “When his eyes met mine again, the spark was gone, and all I could see was cool indifference. He turned to his friend and continued their conversation, completely ignoring me.”
Finn’s hand cupped my face, his thumb stroking away the tear I didn’t realize had fallen.
“He spent the entire semester sitting one row in front of me and never spoke to me or looked my way again. That was when I knew my weight changed the way he felt about me.”
Finn’s arms wrapped around my back and held me close while I confessed the true extent of my humiliation.
“The whole situation changed how I looked at myself. It validated the idea I was only worth what I looked like. I always knew I was bigger than other girls, but I became incredibly self-conscious after that. For a long time, I wore clothes that were too big. After I left college and my stress levels evened out a bit, I was able to drop a few sizes, but I never felt confident in my own skin.”
Unsure how he was going to take my next confession, I gnawed on my lip. “My weight was a spot of contention with Daniel, too.” Finn’s entire body tensed beneath me. “He made a lot of comments about my size. Of course, he tried to frame it like he was worried about my health, but I knew it was more than that.”
I inhaled deeply and pulled back from his embrace. “So, when you told me you carried me all the way here from my car, the only thing I could think about was how heavy I must have felt.” I tucked my chin to my chest before whispering, “I was embarrassed by what you must have thought about my body.”
The room descended into silence, the embers of my humiliation flaring to life in the wake of my admission. Inadequacy and shame pulled me further into the abyss.
“You really have no goddamned idea, do you?” Finn’s voice was hoarse and gravelly.
Confused, I lifted my eyes to his, momentarily taken aback by the intensity I saw there. “Your size is one of the things I find most attractive about you. I love knowing I can take your body and not have to worry about breaking you.” My lungs squeezed tight when he spoke. “Every time I grab your curvy hips to force you down on my cock, I’m grateful there’s something for me to grab on to.”
Dampness pooled between my legs at his words. How did I never know dirty talk turned me on before I met Finn?
“And when I fill my hand with your breast, I love how it overflows in my palm.” He demonstrated, his large hand cupping the entirety of my breast. My pulse increased, and I began to pant when his fingers pinched my nipple through my clothing.
“I think it’s time you see exactly what I see.” His voice darkened, his threat looming between us.
“Wha…what do you mean?” I asked breathlessly.
He didn’t bother replying, and wrapped his hands around my thighs. Holding me to him, he stood from the couch. I marveled at how effortlessly he did so while carrying me.
His gate was steady and determined as he marched down the hallway. Several doorways passed in my peripheral until I knew there was only one place left he could be taking me.
We crossed the threshold of his bedroom, but instead of placing me on the bed, he took a left and entered the master bathroom. Strolling over to the sink, he deposited me on the edge of the counter. Our eyes met, the heat in his making my core clench.
“You are going to see what I see if it’s the last thing I do,” he growled. Before I could unravel his statement, his mouth claimed mine. A groan escaped me when his tongue tasted my lips and demanded entry.
Finn’s rough hands slipped beneath the hem of my shirt, his strong fingers gripping the flesh he found there. I did my best to hide my instinctual cringe. His tongue continued to devour my mouth, pulling soft mewling sounds from my body.
His hands skimmed along my sides, igniting every nerve as he went. Leaning back, he pulled my shirt over my head, his eyes landing on the satin bra I chose today. Testing the weight of both breasts in his palms, he licked his lips before reaching around and unhooking my bra. My breasts fell at the loss of support, but while I normally fought the urge to hide my unsupported chest, the desire I saw in Finn’s eyes made me feel like a goddess.
He slid the straps of my bra down my arms until my torso was completely bare to him. Dropping to his knees, so his face was level with my breasts, he pressed a kiss to the underside of each swell. His mouth continued exploring my ample chest, his touch setting my entire body on fire.
“Finn,” I groaned, snaking my hands through his hair. His mouth continued its assault while his hand kneaded my other breast. Full lips closed around my nipple, gently applying pressure with his teeth to my pebbled nub. I closed my eyes, jolts of pleasure radiating throughout my body at the contact.
“ Mo Chridhe .” Finn’s voice cut through the fog taking over my brain, and I looked down at him. His eyes churned with molten desire. “These breasts right here,” he emphasized when his hands grasped my chest before tweaking my nipples. “These are the most perfect breasts I’ve ever seen in my life,” he declared. “The way they turn pink when my stubble rubs against the sensitive skin, the way your areola contracts, and your nipples pebble when I use my mouth on them – I’m fucking obsessed.”
I stared down at him, looking for any indication he was just telling me what he thought I wanted to hear.
“Your body gets my cock so fucking hard, Tessa.” Finn’s hand dipped beneath the hem of his sweats, pushing the fabric down. His erection sprang free, and the wetness between my legs grew. He gripped his shaft, slowly stroking up and down the pulsating length.
My breathing was ragged by the time Finn rose to his feet, his sweats falling to the floor while his free hand grasped the back of his shirt and pulled it over his head. As he stood before me in all his naked glory, the only thing I could think about was how much I wanted him.
Finn stepped forward, his velvety shaft pressing between my thighs. The only thing preventing him from slipping inside me were the thin leggings I still wore. His cock ground against my pussy, stealing a moan from my lips as my core throbbed with need.
Finn’s mouth descended on my neck, his lips and teeth nipping and sucking my skin while his left hand plucked at my nipple. His right hand gripped my ass hard, pulling me flush against him and continuing to drive me higher.
Incoherent noises escaped me, and my thighs squeezed his hips for dear life.
His lips moved closer to my ear before he growled, “You think you’re not Aphrodite incarnate?” His teeth nipped the shell of my ear. “Do you have any idea how hard just the thought of this pretty little cunt gets me anytime I think about it?” My muscles clenched low when he spoke. “The way it flushes for me, how wet it gets for me, the way your clit swells for me when I stroke it.” He groaned against my skin. “God, Tessa. The things your body does to me.” The gravelly tone of his voice caused the hair on my arms to stand on end.
His free hand dropped to my ass, holding me to him as he pulled me from the counter and set me on my feet. He dragged my leggings over my hips before shoving them down my legs and tossing them across the room.
Before I could understand what was happening, Finn spun me around. The image of us together reflected back at me through the massive mirror. My hips flared out past his, my breasts hitching while I fought to catch my breath. Finn’s right hand gently grasped my throat, pulling my body back against his. The gesture should have terrified me, but the possession in his touch set my soul on fire.
His chin rested on my shoulder before he growled, “You are going to watch the way our bodies move together while I remind you that you’re mine. You will watch every ripple, every bounce that I see when I fuck you. You are going to watch me thrust into this pussy until it drains me dry.” My breathing stuttered at his declaration, but he wasn’t done. “Perhaps after you witness exactly what this body of yours does to me, you will understand the power and beauty you possess.” My chest flushed at his words, a whimper escaping as I bit my lower lip.
“You think you’re not a goddess?” he asked again, his lips ghosting over the top of my collarbone. His foot slid between mine before widening my stance. Guiding his cock between my slick folds, he coated it in my arousal. The head of his dick hit my clit with each glide, sending waves of pleasure through my body.
“You think you’re not the most stunning woman on the planet?” His left hand palmed my breast and pinched my nipple when I failed to reply. “Answer me, Mo Chridhe .”
His hand on my throat continued to hold me in place, and I fought the urge to bend over and rest my palms on the counter. “What do you see when you look in the mirror?” he asked.
My eyes traveled over our reflection once more. Large breasts heaved while my lungs attempted to keep up with the desire coursing through my blood. My pupils were blown wide with need, my legs spread wide as the head of Finn’s cock peeked through my folds with each thrust.
“I see the way you want me,” I answered with complete honesty. “I see the way you make me feel like the only woman on the planet when we’re together.” I swallowed hard and confessed, “I don’t see what you see when you look at me, Finn. But I pray to God one day I will.”
His gaze locked on mine in the mirror. “You are mine,” he declared. “And I will remind you every day what this body does to me until you finally see yourself the way I do.” With that final statement, he pulled back, lined his cock up with my entrance, and sheathed himself inside me.
In the week since we became intimate, he’d been inside me over a dozen times, and every time, I relished the slight burn still present when I stretched around his girth. Stilling for a moment to allow me to adjust to his size, Finn released his hold on my throat, dropping his hand to my hip. He gripped my flesh, holding me in place while he pulled out and thrust back inside.
Shocks of electricity radiated throughout me as he grasped my breast, his entire palm clutching the mound and holding me flush against his hard body.
I moaned, his cock continuing to stretch me with each stroke. It never ceased to amaze me the way my body molded around him. If I hadn’t stopped believing in fairytales when I was a child, I would have thought we were made for each other.
“Oh God,” I whimpered, my head falling forward at the pleasure coursing through me. His hand released my breast, instead twining itself in my hair and forcing me to watch him take me in the mirror.
“Eyes on me, Mo Chridhe ,” he commanded. I forced my eyes to stay open and locked on his. “You see the way your body shakes when I fuck you?” he asked. “The way you ripple as I thrust my cock inside your slick little pussy?” He lessened his hold on my hair enough to allow me to nod. “That’s the way a woman is supposed to look, Mo Chridhe . A real woman is soft and has curves to cushion the primal fucking her man gives her.”
A desperate and wonton moan left my lips while I watched our bodies move together, trying to view myself the way Finn did. His hand released my hair, trailing down to my midriff. My breath hitched when he grasped the part of my body I hated most. “And this soft belly, this is where my children will grow one day. They’ll be safe and tucked away from the world until they’re ready to make our family complete.”
My eyes pricked with tears. I loved the way his mind worked and the things he said to me. It didn’t matter that we’d only known each other for a few months or that my sociopathic ex would destroy us if he tracked me down. I wanted everything with Finn, but as much as I wanted to believe the things he was saying, I knew the last one was unlikely for more reasons than he was aware of.
I shoved away thoughts of the future and concentrated on the sensations careening through my body. Heavy breathing and the sound of our bodies repeatedly crashing together echoed off the bathroom tile. Finn’s hips began to lose their tempo, and I knew he was close.
His hand dropped from where he held my belly to where his cock claimed me. Gathering my arousal, his fingers moved back to the small bundle of nerves beneath my mound, alternating strokes of direct pressure with small circles of my clit.
My walls fluttered around his thick shaft right before my orgasm ignited. Finn’s mouth moved back to my ear and growled, “Watch, Mo Chridhe . Watch while we come together. See how spectacular you look when you come on my cock and scream my name.”
I fought valiantly to keep my eyes open as ecstasy overtook my body. My lips parted, Finn’s name echoing around the bathroom. His grip on my hip tightened, his features twisted in pleasure, but his hips never ceased their assault on my body. I felt his cock throb inside me, jerking as my pussy drained the release from his balls.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Finn’s chant reverberated in the air around us, followed closely by an agonized groan while he continued to spend himself within me.
Falling forward, my arms rested on the counter, the smooth marble cooling my heated skin. I closed my eyes when Finn’s arms wrapped around my belly, his forehead resting on my back as he recovered, and allowed myself to bask in the afterglow of the moment.