Chapter 12- revelations
"speak whenever you're ready." my voice was clear enough, yet it was full of disappointment.
we are surrounded by silence. we are at the roof top of my hotel. Dito ko s'ya dinala para mag usap.
we're both standing at the balcony of this rooftop, silent. Andami kong tanong, pero gusto kong s'ya mismo ang magsalita at mag explain saakin.
She's been crying since we left Iris's workplace. I know I should comfort her, pero parang may pumipigil saakin.
and that's what I want to know.
"I'm sorry." The only words that came out of her mouth.
I stared at her in dismay. Is that all she wants to say? after all that I've witnessed?
She's been sobbing in tears, to the point na parang hindi na n'ya alam saan s'ya magsisimula.
"If I ask you everything." I glanced at her, hoping that she's all ears. "would you answer me honestly?" I asked. I had to make sure.
"I have nothing to hide anymore, Zar." She said, lifting her head.
"when did you guys met?." I started. My tone was just...normal. Emotionless.
Took her a moment to answer. "A long time ago." She simply answered.
"how long?"
" a day before you came back." She's slowly calming down.
But her answer shocked me. Meaning to say, they already know each other before I knew Xylla?
I look at her, confused. "Did I heard that right? magkakilala na kayo, dati pa??"
She just nodded, biting her upper lips to prevent her tears from falling again.
"she approached me sa hospital." her tears kept on falling.
But I didn't care at all, nakinig na lang ako sa paliwanag n'ya.
"That day, I was devastated. 'yon yung araw na nakulong ang dad ko." Tears slowly streaming down to her cheeks. "She's my dad's lawyer."
I got even more confused.
First, she met Iris before I came back. Second, her dad went in prison nung araw na nagkita sila, a whole different story she told me noong nasa Italy kami?. And she is her dad's lawyer, how??!
Just, how!?
" My dad just got out of prison, a couple of weeks ago. That's why I refused when you asked me if you could visit him."
Now I know. She's been saying no everytime I asked her. She said she's busy, and she can't come. I even insisted to visit alone, she made an excuse that the department doesn't allow a visitor without relatives.
I see.
"All thanks to Attorney Valenti. I don't know how she won the case, but my dad was proven not guilty."
I just listened to her. She came calmer as she talks deeper.
Mas okay na din, para mas mag ka intindihan kami.
To be honest, I felt like I got fooled. But partly, I want to hear everything.
"Okay, gets ko. Magkakilala na kayo before dahil sa case ng dad mo." I nodded. Telling myself to understand her side. kahit parang mahirap paniwalaan, sinusubukan ko parin.
She stared at me, as if she's asking a different question.
and there, I got it. I know that stare.
"Okay, sige. Iintindihin ko 'yong part where you lied about your father's situation."
she didn't smiled, nor showed any emotions. but I saw the relief in her eyes.
"last thing I want to know." I composed myself before asking her.
"what is it?" She responded, that response wasn't confusion.
"I heard my name." I told her. Yet, she didn't seem to be surprised.
"Chiara and I had a deal. She would help me, but she asked for something in return." she paused for a moment. as if she was about to say something... surprising. "to protect you."
Protect me?
What? I.. I'm confused. Why??
"don't ask me why, she never told me." she added when she noticed the look of confusion carved in my face.
"wa...what do you mean?" I asked, confused.
I didn't feel like Xylla's protecting me.
hindi ko ba talaga naramdaman? or hindi ko lang nahalata because I thought that's what friends are for?
"The day we went to el nido, that night when you guys met.
After your conversation, she called me. Wala kang malay when I got there, I was the one who send you back to your room.
It wasn't your sister, it was me. Remember I was in Italy during your business trip with Ryan?
It was never a coincidence. She asked me to do it, to protect you. "
So all this time. I was a fool.
I am slowly connecting the dots, and I realized something.
does this mean???
"did we just became friends because you have to?" I confronted her calmly.
The whole conversation was calm, yet heavy. Hindi ko ma explain, para bang wala na kaming energy para maglabas ng emosyon.
She immediately stared at me, surprised by what I've just said.
"No, nev—" she didn't finished her words. There, I knew it.
"At first, yes. But Zarya, believe me. I've been real to you, lahat 'yon Zar, it was all pure and genuine." She explained.
Hindi na ako nag react, alam ko naman na as soon as the dots were connected.
She approached me, earned my trust, fooled me, I was a fool for believing her.
"Zar, please. Say something" She became concerned. She held my hand, with a teary eye.
"sa ilang buwan natin magkakilala, Xy I thought I already know the whole truth about you. Akala ko alam ko na lahat, maliban sa family background mo." My voice almost cracked, but I managed to speak up.
"Zarya, please. Intindihin mo ako, if you were in my situation you wou—"
"If I was in your situation, I would never do the same thing!" Hindi ko na kinaya. I raised my voice, and I hated it.
I always hated raising my voice, 'cause I was the one who ends up crying.
"Zar, you would never understand. and what's the big deal, hm?" She asked, as if she knows nothing.
Aaminin ko, natrigger ako sa sinabi n'ya. What does she mean what's the big deal?
"hindi mo ba alam kung ano ang parte niya sa buhay ko, Xylla?" I asked sarcastically, alam kong alam n'ya. Sa tagal na pala nilang magkakilala, I doubt that she never told her.
She tilted her head, and slowly shakes it.
Is she pulling some shits out of me
"I...I don't—"
"you don't know??" I chuckled. "Well, let me tell you then. Iris is my girlfriend back then, and I left for 8 whole fucking years! I thought she never cared about me since then, as much as I thought you really cared about me." I shouted at her, she didn't flinch.
She didn't flinch, pero nakita ko ang gulat sa mukha n'ya.
"Zar, I'm—"
"That's all I want to know, Xylla. thank you." Tumayo na ako, at pinunasan ang mga luha ko. I never thought of this moment to happen, not a single thought.
Thank God, she didn't chase me.
the revelations, it's awfully painful that it is.
"grabe, almost 2 weeks ko ng hindi nakikita si Doc Zarya sa office n'ya ah." Kiro started the quiet lunch.
Everybody stopped eating for a moment, and the look of dismay carved in their faces.
"does anyone knows how she's doing, right now?" Ralph asked everyone, but no one answered.
"Ikaw, Xylla. Mas close kayo non eh." Aisle pointed her fingers at me who's been so quiet throughout the lunch break.
sino ba naman ang hindi mananahimik kapag alam mo yung dahilan pero bawal sabihin e.
"I..I don't know, maybe she's busy with her business life." I was hesitant to speak, natatakot ako baka ma spill ko nalang bigla.
"If I were a daughter of a multi billionaire man, I would never have time for some friends." Mica speaks up, sharing her thoughts to everyone.
"Yeah, sabagay." kiro agreed.
since the last day we talked, I haven't seen her anywhere. Not even in their house when I drive home. Yes, it was also attorney Chiara's idea.
But honestly. I miss her.
I'm missing those days where I had to wake up early than usual para may kasabay s'yang mag breakfast. Those days where I look out for her when I had a chance. Those random texts to check if she's okay, those moments where we just sat at the garden, and stared at the stars.
I don't know why I'm missing those moments.
maybe I'm afraid it won't happen again?
"Huy Xylla! pagkain mo" nagulat ako kay Kiro, he snapped his finger right in front of my face.
But thankful somehow, dahil masyadong napalalim ang iniisip ko.
"nakaraan pa 'yan, laging tulala. Ewan ko d'yan." Aisle added, pinagtulungan na ako.
"Sorry, may iniisip lang." I made an excuse.
Gusto kong kausapin si Zarya, pero hindi ko alam ano ang gagawin ko para makabawi sa kanya.
I guess I'll just miss her, day and night.
I planned to visit Zarya to her house, para makapag usap kami ng maayos. Makapag sorry man lang ako, at magkaayos kami.
These past few weeks, kinukulit ako ni Iris ng updates kay Zarya. Ano namang update ang mabibigay ko, ayaw nga magpakita?
I'm so worried about her. I badly want to know her situation right now.
"Kuya Jun, Good morning po." I greeted kuya Jun na naka upo sa bench malapit sa gate.
"Doc Xylla?" Tumayo s'ya ang pinagbuksan ako ng gate. "Ano pong sadya n'yo dito?" He asked.
"can I talk to Zarya po?" I asked, for sure alam n'ya kung nasan si Zar.
He gave me a confused look. " dalawang linggo na po hindi nakakauwi dito si Zarya, ang bilin saakin ay dito daw muna ako mag stay sa bahay n'ya para may bantay." He said.
so where is she? how come she never got home? she never went to the hospital as well.
"alam n'yo po ba kung bakit?"
"nasa De Luca po ata s'ya nag s-stay, ang sabi n'ya kasi sobrang busy ng hotel ngayon. Kailangan na kailangan daw s'ya." Kuya Jun explained.
"oh, okay po. Thank you po Kuya." I thanked him before leaving.
Busy lang ba talaga s'ya? hays
"Good morning." I greeted the lady in the front desk.
I'm now at De Luca, I'm not even sure if she's here. Pero 'yon ang sabi ni kuya Jun e.
"Good morning Doc Rusco." she greeted be back with a sweet smile.
"Can I talk to Doctor Zarya?"
"Unfortunately, she's not around po. She's been very busy lately, she rarely visit here."
Rarely???
Akala ko ba? ano ba talaga?
"oh, thank you." I leave with disappointment.
Where are you, Zarya?
If she's not in her house, not in the hospital, not in her hotel. Where is she?
"Good afternoon, miss." I greeted the lady in the front desk.
And she greeted me back.
"Is Doctor De Luca in her office right now?" I asked her directly.
"I don't think so, I've been here the whole day, and I never saw her po." She said, professionally.
"are you sure about that?" I asked again to make sure, baka naman kasi hindi n'ya lang namalayan?
"Yes po, all the administrator needs to inform us before going to their offices, para aware po kami in case may mga unexpected visitors like you. And so far, four admins pa lang po ang nag inform saamin today." She explained further, and convincing naman talaga.
Where on earth is she???
I decided to head back home after a long day. Galing lang ako sa hospital to check if she was there. pero wala daw talaga.
Nag aalala na ako sa kanya. Hindi ko inakala na aabot sa ganito.
Hindi ako sanay sa ganito.
I sat on my couch, thinking about nothing but her.
hindi naman siguro s'ya umuwi sa Italy diba?
After a long long day, my throat has been craving for some alcohol. Gusto kong mag spice shot ngayon.
wait.
Alcohol....bar? fuck.
I hurriedly get my keys. This is the last place na alam kong p'wede n'yang pag stayan.
That Bar.
While driving, I called the manager to check if she's in there.
"Good evening, is she in there?" I asked.
"Yes, ma'am. She's been here for—"
I didn't let her finish, I dropped the call.
I was the one who introduced that place to Zarya. I did that intentionally, para mas madali saakin na mabantayan s'ya.
I own that place, she doesn't know.
That's why nakapasok ako that night when she kissed a girl.
I specifically ordered all the staff to take care of her, that's why I already know her favorite drink.
"Is she in her room?" I asked the janitor who's been monitoring her, para alam ko kung may pinapa pasok ba s'ya sa kwarto n'ya.
"Opo, nakaraang linggo pa s'ya nandito. Aalis lang kapag kai—"
"give me the spare keys of her room." I interrupted her.
she immediately handed me the keys, and move aside.
I unlocked her door. And I think she's asleep, I couldn't hear anything from inside.
I slowly opened the door, and there.
I saw her sleeping peacefully. She's sleeping naked, bottles of drinks, and ashes of cigarettes are everywhere.
She loves sleeping naked, I get it. Pero hindi ko ineexpect na kaya n'ya ang ganito ka gulong room. She's a tidy person, hindi nakakatulog kapag madumi ang paligid, I'm surprised.
I checked the janitor is she's still outside, and yes, nandon parin s'ya.
I called her with a low voice, para hindi magising si Zarya.
"when was the last time na nalinis ang room n'ya?" I asked her, dahil parang isang taon hindi nalinis ito.
when she took a glance of her room, she wasn't surprised of what she saw. At ako pa ang nagulat sa reaction n'ya.
"Araw araw ko po nalilinis ang room n'ya, and sometimes it's worst that this." She explained.
Does that mean??? all these mess are just in a day?? a whole fucking day?
I locked the door, and slowly approached her.
I saw a wipes on top of her drawer. Iyon ang ginamit ko para punasan ang mukha n'ya.
She's not wearing any make up, pero ang ganda n'ya.
I cleaned her body, from face down to her legs.
It's been casual for me before, I don't know why this feels so awkward ngayon.
I went to her closet, to get her some clothes.
Halos lahat ng laman dito puro sexy dress, either backless, tube, or slits. May mga tees naman, pero sobrang kaunti.
Should I get her some tees or just hoodie? it's cold here.
I think I'll go with the—
"why are you here?" damn it.
She interrupted my thoughts, nagising s'ya tangina.
I slowly turned around.
I saw her full body again, this time it feels so weird dahil gising s'ya.
"I.....uh." I took a deep breath, hindi ko kaya kausapin s'ya ng nakangiti saakin ang dalawang buwan.
"what?" she said.
"Can you cover yourself up first?" jusko naman, hindi ba n'ya gets na nakahubad s'ya?
"like it's not your first time seeing my body." She said sarcastically, and covered herself up with her blanket.
I think she's still wasted, her voice sounds so drunk. Her eyes are red, na para bang umiyak s'ya bago matulog. It's also so obvious that she's high on nicotine, base on her behavior.
"I came here to check on you." I started the conversation.
I went to her bed, and sat beside her.
"check on me?" She chuckled, almost laughing. "Why do you care? are we friends or something?"
"zar—"
"and how did you get in here? I'ma rate this fucking Bar a zero. fuck it, no privacy at all?" she sounds so irritated.
"zarya, almost 2 weeks ka ng hindi pumapasok sa office mo. I'm so worried about you."
"why are you so worried." She cupped my face with her soft hands. "hmm?" damn.
"Because I.... I—"
"what, hm?" She gentle rubbed my cheeks, fuck.
"I care about you." there, I said it.
"no you don't. you care about yourself. you're afraid of Iris, that's why you had to care about me, aren't you?" there you go. Alam kong ganito ang sasabihin n'ya, but it just hurt still.
I know to myself that I did care about her, truly. I was not forced to care about her, everything was real. Hindi ba n'ya naramdaman 'yon?
"Zarya, please." If I had to beg her just so she could forgive me, I would.
"what?" She said sarcastically.
"I'm sorry, please. Forgive me, Zar." with almost teary eye, I said sorry again for the nth time.
She smiled, but I was not happy with that smile. Alam ko 'yon, it was meant to be horrifying.
"give me a valid reason why you want me to forgive you."
"Zarya, I can't lose you. I don't want to, that's all I know." wala akong maisip na rason, 'yon lang ang alam kong totoo.
"Do you know how much it hurts?" she's about to cry, pero pinipigilan n'ya.
"Xylla I've been drowned by my thoughts, do you that?
you made me feel so scared to trust again, I felt like I needed to be valuable to be loved.
And it's a torture, alam mo ba 'yon?" She bit her lower lips, preventing her eyes to cry out.
While my tears are slowly flowing down. Hindi ko kayang makita s'yang ganito, lalo nat ako ang dahilan.
I was just quiet, alam kong wala namang silbe ang sasabihin ko.
Hindi dahil alam kong hindi n'ya ako iintindihin, kundi dahil alam kong masyado ng mabigat ang dinadala n'ya para dagdagan ko pa.
"I still love Iris, and I've been trying to get her back." she said. and it didn't surprised me, alam ko naman 'yon, base on how she reacted that day.
"And I've been rejected many times. I always wonder why. I thought she doesn't care about me anymore." she looked at me straight in the eye, and there. I saw the pain of longing. "and because of you, I even got more confused. She asked you to protect me, does it mean she cares about me?."
"she does." I said, assuring her. Hindi ko alam bakit ako nasaktan, pero alam ko na 'yon naman talaga ang totoo e.
"if so, why is she dating Ryan? why my best friend? why does she keeps on pushing me away from her world? no.. it wasn't pushing. She's been deliberately trying to erase me from her life." tears slowly streaming down to her cheeks, but her composure remained tough.
Ryan is her best friend???
"You made me even more confused, Xylla. You drowned me deeper that she did." I know, I'm aware. But honestly, I didn't know this would be a big deal. Chiara never told me these informations, and I never cared anyway.
"I don't even know if I could forgive you." she said, smiling in pain. "you used me for your own gain, and you did a good job."
"Use me then." I said, without hesitation.
"I'm willing to be a toy for you to use.
Gamitin mo ako, para makabawi ka kay Chiara.
" almost begging, I said those words. "I'll do anything it takes for you to forgive me, Zar.
" it's the truth. Anything, for her. Handa akong maging tanga, para lang mapatawad n'ya ako.
"Anything?" She asked.
"anythi—"
"I don't even know if I could forgive you." Zarya said, smiling in pain. "you used me for your own gain, and you did a good job."
"Use me then." Xylla said, without hesitation. "I'm willing to be a toy for you to use. Gamitin mo ako, para makabawi ka kay Chiara." almost begging, she said those words. "I'll do anything it takes for you to forgive me, Zar." those desperate words came out of Xylla's mouth.
"Anything?" Zarya asked.
"anythi—"
Xylla didn't finished her words.
Zarya kissed her. Seductively. It was passionate, hungry kiss.
"Zarya." Xylla pushed her gently, parting their lips.
"You said anything, you fucker—" Zarya kissed her again.
"But—"
"fuck you. Make me forget about her, just once. Just tonight, xylla." Zarya almost out of breath, kissed xylla again.
This time, Xylla responded with a soft kiss.
Zarya flipped xylla to her bed, and crawled on top of her.
She gave her a gentle kiss, yet full of lust.
"ughhhmm...." Xylla moaned as zarya keeps on kissing her neck, gently.
"louder." Zarya whispered.
"are you sure about this?" Xylla asked as Zarya were removing her clothes.
"AAAHH! Fuck!" She screamed when Zarya gently squished her boobs
....
.....
..........
Zarya's pov
"Xy?" I was awakened by a loud moan, and it was Xylla.
"Xyllaa!"
"are you okay?" I gently rubbed her face dahil basang basa s'ya ng pawis.
Seems like she got a nightmare.
"Zarya?? why are y—" What happened to her? she looks so confused. "what happened?" She asked.
Sabi na naparami to eh.
"Go take a shower, you little low on alcohol tolerance." Hang over ata talaga to.
I just asked her last night for a couple bottle of Vodka just so I could forget everything, even for just one night.
And guess what, It didn't work on me. Mas nag work ata sa kanya.
She still looks so confused, and dumbfounded. Ano ba nangyare sa babaeng 'to?
"I...uh.. I have to go." She hurriedly got up from bed, and wore her clothes.
What is wrong with that woman??
"Anything?" She asked.
"anythi—"
"get me some vodka" I ordered her.
"Zar, you've had enough–"
I stared at her in disbelief. "You said anything, didn't you?"
Wala na din syang nagawa kundi sundin ang utos ko, she went out to get some drinks.
"Open another bottle!" I excitedly said after namin maubos ang dalawang bottle.
I can say that the alcohol is kicking in, my vision is getting blurry and im about to throw up.
"Zar-enough na pls" Xylla is wasted as hell. Mi hindi na nga makabigkas ng maayos.
Since she can no longer open the bottle, I'll do it myself.
I opened the bottle and gave myself a full glass of shot! I also poured another shot for xylla, but...
She's dead drunk and unconscious. weak shit talaga, nakatulog na.