Chapter 24 debts of consequences-facing the truths
Zarya's POV
The sun was already up when I opened my eyes.
It was bright, clear, and another beautiful day outside.
But as I stared at the ceiling, I didn't feel anything.
No excitement, no motivation, no happiness.
Just... silence. Isa na namang araw. Another day to wake up, put on a mask, and be the Zarya DeLuca everyone expected me to be.
.successful, powerful, composed, and perfect in every way.
I stood up, took a shower, and dressed in my usual attire: crisp white shirt, tailored coat, and black slacks.
I fixed my hair neatly, put on a little makeup to hide the dark circles under my eyes, and stood in front of the mirror.
I looked sharp. I looked elegant. I looked like I had everything under control.
But if you looked closely... you would see the emptiness in my eyes.
Since I got busy and drowned with work, doon ko lang din na realize na kaya ko pala pagsabayin lahat. Nakatulong na din ako sa hospital, patients, and sa mga operations. After months of not being a doctor, I found myself missing the one thing I love...being a doctor.
"Okay," I whispered to myself, taking a deep breath. "Let's get this over with."
I went straight to the hospital as soon as I stepped out of my car and walked through the main entrance, the staff immediately greeted me.
"Good morning, Doc Zarya!" one of the nurses said cheerfully, holding a stack of patient files. "Magandang umaga po. All rooms are ready, and the reports are on your desk already."
"Good morning," I replied with a polite, professional smile. "Thank you po."
For the next few hours, I was fully immersed in work. I checked every patient, reviewed every record, gave instructions to the residents, and handled every complication with precision. Everything was smooth. Everything was aligned. Walang mali. Walang kulang.
I was talking to a patient's family, explaining their treatment plan clearly and calmly, when the head doctor approached me.
"Doc Zarya," he said, looking impressed.
"You handled that case perfectly again. You really are amazing.
Kahit anong ibigay sa'yo, alam kong kaya mong ayusin.
I never thought you'd be this dedicated na nakaya mo pang mag handle ng mga patients.
Everything is always so organized when you are here. "
I just nodded slightly. "Thank you, Doc. I just make sure everything is in place."
"You know," he continued, smiling, "I always tell people... Zarya DeLuca has it all. Intelligence, wealth, talent, power... everything. You are so lucky."
Lucky.
That word... I heard it almost every day. You are lucky. You have everything. You are perfect.
But as I walked away from them, heading towards the exit, I felt that familiar heavy feeling in my chest again. Kung nasa akin na ang lahat... bakit pakiramdam ko ay walang wala ako? If I have everything, why do I feel so incomplete? Why do I feel so bad about everything?
From the hospital, I went straight to the corporate office. The meeting regarding the expansion and the finalization of the big DeLuca project was waiting for me.
I sat at the head of the long conference table, opening my laptop and spreading out the files I had prepared. The executives and department heads were already there, waiting for me.
"Alright," I said, my voice clear and firm. "Let's begin. I have reviewed all the proposals and budgets you sent. I made some adjustments to align everything with our timeline, and I want to go through every detail now."
For three hours, we discussed everything. Numbers, contracts, strategies, risks, profits... I led the discussion with sharpness and intelligence. I questioned every expense, negotiated terms, and ensured that every peso was accounted for.
When I finished explaining the final plan, one of the senior partners clapped his hands lightly, looking at me with genuine respect.
"Zarya, you never cease to amaze me," he said. "You handle millions and millions like it's nothing. Everything you touch turns into success. Your father must be so proud. You really have everything, everything anyone could ever want."
"Thank you, Mr. perez I answered softly. "I just do what I need to do."
I left the meeting room and went to my private office. I closed the door and sat behind my big desk, surrounded by awards, diplomas, and organized files. Everything here was perfect. Everything was successful. Everything was aligned.
But as I sat there alone, looking at the city view from my window... tears suddenly fell from my eyes.
Ilang araw ko nang naririnig ang mga salitang "swerte", "perfect", and "Has everything"
Nakakaumay na pakinggan lalo na at hindi ko naman nararamdaman lahat ng sinasabi nila.
Pero bakit nga ba? Why did success feel so empty? Why did I feel like I was dying inside even though I looked so alive on the outside?
"Ang gulo ko na," I whispered, wiping my tears quickly. "Everything is fine... but nothing is fine."
It was just a typical day. A day where I succeeded in everything, yet felt absolutely nothing. A day where I was perfect for everyone else, but completely broken for myself.
I was still sitting at my desk, staring blankly at the documents in front of me, when my phone rang. The screen lit up with "Ate Yana".
I hesitated for a second before answering. I knew her. She was the only one who could really see through me, no matter how much I tried to hide it.
"Hello, Ate," I said softly, trying to make my voice sound normal.
"Zarya," her voice came through clear and warm from Italy. "I was waiting for you to call, but since you didn't, I decided to call you myself. How was your day?."
I let out a long, heavy sigh. I felt something inside me that I never felt with the words I've received from everyone else.
Everyone says I did a good job, all of them flooded me with flattering words. But none of them checked how am I doing... I took a deep breath before I finally responded. "Yes. Everything went well. Everything is done. Everything is... perfect."
There was a short pause on the line before she spoke again, her tone changing to something softer, something wiser.
"Zarya... I know that even though you won everything today, you feel like you lost everything inside."
I bit my lip, holding back the tears that were threatening to fall again.
"It doesn't help, Ate," I admitted, my voice trembling slightly.
"Success, money, praise... none of it fills the space that's missing.
Parang kulang pa rin ako kahit anong gawin ko.
I work hard all day, I align everything, I make sure everything is okay.
.. but at the end of the day, I still feel empty. I still feel bad."
"I know," she said gently. "And I know exactly why. It's because you are not being honest, Zarya. Not with them... and not with yourself. Last night you didn't talk to me ng maayos, now please talk to me honestly. Kahit saakin nalang, maging totoo ka."
"What do you mean?" I asked, even though deep down I already knew.
"I mean... I know what you really want. I know that despite everything, despite all this success... your heart is still running after Iris. You want to fix things with her. You want to go back to her. You want to make it right. Diba?"
I stayed silent. There was no point in lying to her.
"Yes" I just replied coldly.
"Then what's stopping you?" She askd in a soft and comfortable voice.
"A lot, ate. Dad, myself, doubts, and...xylla."
"Xylla? That friend of yours na may gusto sa'yo?" she said confidently na para bang alam niya ang lahat.
"How did you..."
"Zar, I may be useless... but I'm not as naive as you are.
Matagal ko nang nahalata yan. But here is the problem, little sister," Ate Yana continued seriously.
"Right now... you are still holding onto yourself, dad, and especially xylla.
You keep her close. You let her hope. You let her think there is a chance.
.. while your heart is somewhere else entirely.
You are trying to get back with Iris... but you are leaving Xylla in the dark.
And that is not fair. Not to her, and definitely not to you. "
"It's complicated, Ate," I whispered. "Xy has been so good to me. She's always been there. She cares so much... I don't want to lose her. I don't want to hurt her."
"And that is exactly why you need to talk to her," she said firmly but kindly.
"If you really don't want to lose her, if you really value her and want to keep her in your life, even just as a friend.
..then you need to clear things up. You need to tell her exactly what is happening in your heart.
You need to tell her where you stand. You cannot keep playing safe with her while you are risking everything for Iris.
It's destroying you, Zarya. You are trying to carry both burdens at the same time, and that is why you feel so heavy and incomplete. "
"But what if... what if I make things worse?" I asked, fear creeping into my voice.
"It will only get worse if you stay silent," she answered. "Think about it well, Zarya. Decide what you really want, decide what you really need to do... then face it. Be honest with her, and be honest with yourself. That is the only way to stop feeling this empty."
"Okay," I said quietly, wiping my face. "You're right. You are always right. I need to talk to her. I need to clear everything up."
"Good," Ate Yana said softly. "I love you, little sister. Take your time to think it through, but do it soon. You cannot keep living like this."
We ended the call, and I put my phone down on the desk. I leaned back on my chair and closed my eyes. I thought about everything she said. I thought about Xylla her kindness, her patience, her love. And I thought about Iris...what we had, what I broke, what I wanted to fix.
I sat there for hours, deep in thought, weighing everything in my heart. And finally... I realized Ate Yana was right. I couldn't keep living in confusion. I had to be honest. I had to face Xylla and tell her the truth about us, and the truth about Iris.
Because maybe I was wrong, and ate was right.
Maybe I don't need to sacrifice a pawn to save the queen.
I looked at my phone, scrolled down to my contacts. I saw her name, I hesitated at first. But I know I have to do this.
Xylla
6:05 pm
When I arrived, she was already there. Nakaupo siya sa bench tahimik na nakatingin sa mga bulaklak sa labas.
She looked beautiful, just like always, but there was a quiet sadness in her eyes that broke my heart just seeing it.
When she saw me coming, she stood up and gave me a small, sad smile the kind of smile that says I already know everything, but I am still here.
"Zarya," she greeted softly, her is voice gentle, just how she always used to speak. "Umupo ka."
"Thank you, for showing up." I said quietly, sitting down across from her. I looked at her, and for a moment, I didn't know where to start. My heart was beating fast, heavy with everything I needed to say.
"You don't have to be nervous," she said softly, reaching out to touch my hand gently on the table. "Inasahan ko nang mangyayari to. Alam kong darating ang panahon na kailangan nating pag-usapan ang lahat. Lalo na nitong mga nakaraang linggo... na may malaking pagbabago."
Napabuntong-hininga ako at tumango. I looked at her straight in the eye, no masks, no pretenses, just pure honesty.
"Xy... alam kong naging hindi makatarungan ako sa'yo. Alam kong masakit 'yun. Alam kong mali 'yun. Especially those days where I even used you para makuha ko siya." Nakita ko ang pagkinang ng luha sa mga mata niya, pero nanatili siyang kalmado.
"Zarya... huwag mong isiping galit ako sa'yo dahil doon.
Huwag mong isiping masama ang loob ko dahil hindi mo ako nagustuhan pabalik.
Matagal ko nang tinanggap 'yun. Matagal ko nang alam kung saan nakapwesto ang puso mo.
" She paused for a moment, swallowing hard before she continued, her voice becoming softer, deeper, and full of emotion.
"At alam ko rin... alam ko na babalik siya.
Noong bumalik si Iris sa buhay mo...noong unti unti na kayong napaglalapit ulit ng tadhana.
Alam ko na agad. Alam ko na sa oras na 'yun.
.. talo na ako. Talo na ako kahit hindi pa nagsasalita kahit isa sa atin.
Dahil nakita ko Zar eh, I saw how happy you look kahit tinitignan mo lang siya.
I saw the smile and the way your eyes lit up, the one I never thought you'd have.
" Tears started falling from my eyes hearing her say that.
She understood everything more than I thought.
"Xy....gusto ko siyang balikan," I admitted, my voice trembling. "Gusto kong ayusin ang lahat ng sira ko noon. Gusto kong subukan ulit. Alam kong masakit 'to pakinggan... pero kailangan kong maging tapat sa'yo."
I waited for her to get angry, to shout, or to walk away. But she didn't. Instead, she squeezed my hand gently and looked at me with so much love and understanding that it hurt.
"Zarya... mahal na mahal kita. Alam mo 'yan.
Handa akong gawin ang lahat para sa'yo. Pero pakinggan mo 'to nang mabuti.
.. hindi ako galit na pinili mo siya. Hindi ako galit na mahal mo siya.
" She stopped, and tears finally rolled down her cheeks.
Her voice cracked as she spoke the words that were truly breaking her heart.
"Never... never in my life... naging masama ang loob ko sa'yo dahil sa pagmamahal mo kay Iris. Kailanman hindi ko naging problema yun. Kasi alam ko... alam kong siya talaga ang nakatakda para sa'yo. Alam kong ako lang 'yung dumaan while you were healing, while you were lost."
"Then... what is it, Xy?" I whispered, crying now. "If you understand... if you accept... why do you look so hurt?"
She looked at me, deep into my soul, and that was when I saw the real pain in her eyes. The pain that had nothing to do with her losing me, and everything to do with me.
"Dahil... dahil nakikita kita, Zarya," she said, her voice shaking, barely a whisper. "Nakikita kita... at 'yun ang pinakamasakit sa lahat." She wiped her tears roughly and continued, her words hitting me one by one like arrows.
"Masakit makita kang ganyan. Masakit makita kang desperada. Masakit makita kang nagpapakababa. Ikaw si Zarya De luca...successful, powerful, hinahangad ng lahat, kayang hawakan ang buong kumpanya, kayang iligtas ang buhay ng ibang tao... pero pagdating sa kanya... para kang wala."
"Xy...." I tried to speak, but she continued, pouring out everything she had been keeping inside.
"Nakikita kong humahabol ka. Nakikita kong nagmamakaawa ka para lang mapansin ka niya.
Nakikita kong binabaliwala mo ang sarili mo, binababa mo ang halaga mo, parang may utang ka sa kanya, parang kailangan mong patunayan ang sarili mo para lang mahalin ka niya ulit.
Ayaw kong nakikita kitang ganyan." She gripped my hand tighter, looking at me with so much pain and frustration.
"Hindi ako galit na mahal mo siya," she repeated, emphasizing every word, her voice breaking completely now.
"But damn it, Zar... I am hurt, sobrang nasasaktan ako dahil ang tingin mo sa sarili mo ay parang wala lang pagdating sa kanya.
You look so desperate, Zarya. You look so broken.
.. and I hate it. I hate seeing you beg for love when you deserve to be worshipped.
I hate seeing you run after someone who makes you cry.
.. when I am right here, willing to make you smile every single day. "
She took a deep, shaky breath and looked away for a second before looking back at me, her eyes full of pure, heartbreaking love.
"Kaya kung kailangan mong umalis... then go.
Kung kailangan mong balikan siya... balikan mo siya.
Hahayaan kita. I will step aside. I will free the way for her.
Tatanggapin ko kung ano man ang matitira para sa akin.
.. kahit pagkakaibigan na lang. As long as I can still be part of your life.
.. ayos lang sa akin 'yun." She wiped my tears with her thumb, her touch so gentle it hurt even more.
"Pero sana... sana lang... huwag mong hayaang tuluyang masira ang sarili mo habang hinahabol mo siya. Huwag mong hayaang mawala ka nang tuluyan. Kasi kahit anong mangyari... mahal na kita. At ang makita kang nawawala... mas masakit pa 'yun kaysa sa mawala ka mismo."
I wiped my tears and slowly pulled my hand away, looking at her with a calm but heavy resolve.
My heart was breaking for her, hearing how much pain she was in just watching me.
.. but I needed her to understand. She saw me as desperate, she saw me as lowering myself.
.. but she didn't know the truth behind it all.
"Xy... salamat," I whispered, my voice raw from crying. "For everything you've said, for understanding, and everything you did for me. Pero... hayaan mong ipaliwanag ko sa'yo kung bakit ako ganito. Hayaan mong malaman mo kung bakit kahit ganito kasakit... ginagawa ko pa rin 'to."
I took a deep breath, looking her straight in the eye.
"Akala mo ba ay nagpapakababa lang ako? everyone sees me as a desperate woman. Pero hindi, xylla...I owe her more than what you think." Her eyes widened slightly, listening intently as I continued.
"I owe her the time, days, and years na iniwan ko siya, I owe her the love I refuse to give. I owe her thousands of apologies, explanations she never gotten from me. I owe her 8 years, xy. 8 fucking years."
My voice broke, but I had to say it all.
"And what I want you to understand is, if Iris is acting like this, acting all tough, and hard towards me... it is okay. She's not obligated to be kind and nice to me, kasi ako yung nang iwan Xy eh. Iniwan ko siya." I paused, letting that sink in.
"Iniwan ko siya, xy. Iniwan ko siya nang walang paalam.
Iniwan ko siya nang walang kahit isang salita.
Sa loob ng walong taon... wala akong ipinarating sa kanya.
Hindi man lang niya alam kung buhay pa ba ako, kung kamusta ako, o kung anong nangyari sa akin.
I left her hanging. I broke her into pieces, and now I am ready to pick those pieces and put them back in place.
So please, let me do that." Tears fell again as I remembered the pain I caused her years ago.
"Kaya ngayon... kung masama ang loob niya sa akin. Kung may galit siya o hinanakit. Kung pinapahirapan niya ako. Kung ginagawa niyang mahirap ang lahat para lang mapalapit ako ulit sa kanya... karapatan niyang gawin 'yun."
"Karapatan niya?" Xylla asked softly, her voice trembling.
"Oo. Karapatan niya. Walang dapat sisihin sa kanya.
She has every right to be angry. She has every right to hold grudges.
She has every right to keep her distance and make me work hard just to earn a spot in her life again.
Kasalanan ko 'to lahat. I was the one who hurt her first. I was the one who abandoned her first."
I shook my head slowly, speaking with absolute certainty.
"Hindi ako desperada, xy. I'm just paying the debts of my consequences. Lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon, lahat ng hirap na pinagdadaanan ko para lang mapalapit sa kanya... karapat-dapat lang sa akin yan. Deserve ko yan. Dahil ako ang unang nakasakit. Dahil ako ang unang umalis."
Xylla was silent for a long time. She looked at me, and slowly, the pain in her eyes changed into understanding. She finally realized... it wasn't just love that made me chase her, it was accountability. It was guilt. It was knowing I owed her everything.
"Okay," she finally said, her voice soft and accepting. "Okay, Zarya. Naiintindihan ko na. Hindi ko man lubos na gusto na makita kang nasasaktan... naiintindihan ko na kung bakit mo ginagawa 'to. At kung ito ang magpapatahimik sa puso mo... hahayaan na kita."
"Magkaibigan pa rin ba tayo?" I asked softly, scared to lose her completely.
She smiled, a sad but genuine smile and reached out to hold my hand one last time.
"Oo naman. Magkaibigan pa rin tayo. Ayos na tayo. I will do exactly what I said...I'll set my distance for a while, pero nandito pa rin ako. Kahit kailan, Zarya... nandito lang ako."
We hugged each other tightly before leaving. It felt heavy, but also light. We cleared everything up. She knew I was going back to Iris, she accepted it, she wasn't upset about that... and I knew that the only pain I caused her was seeing me hurt myself in the process.
I went back to my office, eyes still wet. ready to continue my duties. But what's important is that everything was clear with Xylla now. We were okay.
But regarding Iris... I decided to keep my distance.
As I drove home, I thought about everything that happened between us lately.
It felt like everything was moving way too fast. Parang kailan lang last week, everything was almost good between us.
We were talking, okay, civil, parang unti-unting maayos ang lahat.
We were laughing, sharing stories, it felt like we were getting back to normal.
But then... the next week came. We argued. We misunderstood each other. Words were said that shouldn't have been said. We hurt each other again. We went from almost good to completely distant in just a matter of days.
Ang bilis ng lahat. It was happening too fast. I felt like I didn't have time to breathe. I didn't have time to process anything. One moment everything was okay, the next moment everything was broken again. It was exhausting. It was confusing.
So even though I wanted to run to her, even though I wanted to fix everything immediately... I decided not just yet.
I needed time. She needed time. Everything moved too fast, and I realized that if I forced it again, if I rushed things again... we would just end up hurting each other all over again.
So for now... I stay away. I wait. I let things settle. I let myself breathe.
Maybe when the time is right... maybe when things are slower... I will try again. But for now, this is all I can do...keep my distance, continue my life, and carry this heavy heart that belongs to her, even if she doesn't want it yet.