Chasing Dreams, Losing Her.

Chapter 23 what success cannot fill

It has been a few days since that night... the arguments, the heavy silence that followed, and those long hours I spent standing by my window staring into the dark while everything finally became clear to me, kahit na sobrang sakit tanggapin.

Kaninang umaga, nung idinilat ko ang mga mata ko, iba yung pakiramdam. Not exactly lighter... but settled. Parang tinanggap ko na sa wakas yung reality na matagal kong iniiwasan.

Dahan-dahan akong umupo sa kama, letting the morning sunlight filter through the curtains and touch my face.

For the first time in days, hindi agad napuno ang isip ko ng mga bagay tungkol sa kanya—kay Iris, nag iisip kung nasaan ba siya o kung iniisip niya rin ba ako.

Neither was I consumed by guilt and longing for Xylla, wondering how to fix what was broken between us or why things had to get so complicated and painful.

I took a deep breath, filling my lungs with fresh air, and told myself firmly:

"Tama na muna."

Enough of chasing someone who was still unsure about me. Enough of hurting the person who was sure about me with her whole heart. Enough of crying over things I couldn't control and situations that only drained me emotionally.

There were other important things now. Things that actually needed me. Responsibilities that wouldn't leave me guessing or confused.

Bumangon ako mula sa kama with a new kind of determination.

I moved faster, with purpose and direction.

I took a shower and dressed in my crispest, professional attire ready for anything.

Tinitigan ko nang matagal ang sarili ko sa salamin.

The woman staring back at me... looked strong.

Walang halong pag-aalinlangan. No trace of the confused, crying girl from the other night.

"Focus," I whispered to my reflection. "Focus on what matters."

Una kong pinuntahan ang ospital, as usual.

But this time, iba yung atensyon ko. Dati, tuwing nandito ako, I would always glance around, secretly hoping to see her, hoping for a chance encounter with Iris, just to see her face or hear her voice.

Pero ngayon... I walked through the hallways with my head held high, checking charts, talking to nurses, doing some papers, purely doing my job. Walang ibang iniisip.

I went from room to room, checking every detail, making sure everything was in order. My staff noticed the change too. They were used to me being kind and soft, but today, I was more serious, more focused, stricter even in a good way.

"Everything is doing well po, Doc," one of the head nurses reported. "All schedules are followed, wala namang problema sa mga pasyente."

"Good," sagot ko simply, signing some documents. "Keep it that way. Inform me immediately kung may magbago, okay?"

"Yes po, Doc."

I nodded and walked away. As I passed the lobby, for a split second, my eyes almost automatically scanned the area old habit kasi. I caught myself and stopped. I shook my head slightly and straightened my posture. No. I'm not looking for her anymore. I have work to do. I have places to be.

I walked straight out of the hospital, got into my car, and drove off. My next destination was important an important meeting at one of the biggest hotels in the city regarding our family business expansion. This was a big project that I need to finish.

Pagdating ko sa hotel, it was grand and busy.

Maraming sasakyan sa labas, important people arriving one by one.

I took a deep breath, fixed my coat, and stepped out of the car confidently.

Ryan is going to be there too since his father officially handed everything to him, and his dad is one of our big investors.

Pagpasok ko sa loob, the atmosphere was formal and heavy.

Business partners, investors, and other key people were already there talking seriously.

Then I saw Ryan near the corner, looking a bit nervous and out of place.

He was adjusting his suit, checking his notes repeatedly, halatang kinakabahan.

Agad akong lumapit sa kanya.

"Ryan," I called softly, placing a hand gently on his shoulder.

He looked up, relief washing over his face when he saw me. "Zar, good morning."

I just gave him a quick smile and nodded.

When the meeting started, everyone went silent. It was serious, intense, and full of critical questions and negotiations. They were discussing big numbers, big risks, and big decisions.

Dati, baka natatakot ako sa ganitong klase ng pressure.

Or baka naiisip ko pa yung mga problema ko sa labas ng kwartong ito.

But today... I was fully present. I spoke clearly, answered every question directly, explained our strategies firmly, and defended our plans with so much confidence.

I guided Ryan through the discussion, letting him speak and present his ideas, stepping in only when necessary to support him or clarify things.

I could feel their respect growing as the meeting went on. They looked at me not just as an owner's daughter, but as someone capable, someone who knew exactly what she was doing.

And as I sat there, listening, talking, leading... for a moment, parang nawala lahat ng bigat sa puso ko.

This is where I need to be, I told myself. This is where I belong. Focus here. Focus on this.

The presentation and discussion for the Hotel DeLuca project finally concluded.

It was a massive deal, one of the biggest investments our family has handled in years, connected closely to the merger and Ryan's upcoming arranged marriage.

Every detail, every design plan, every single financial projection was scrutinized down to the last peso.

And through it all, I was at the forefront: explaining, negotiating, correcting, and ensuring that every idea we presented was solid, feasible, and most importantly. .. profitable and balanced.

"Based on the current market rates and projected operational costs," I explained firmly while pointing at the charts, "our initial capital requirement is estimated at around 450 million pesos.

But we need to balance this carefully. If we allocate too much to the structural design, baka kulang tayo sa interior finishing or marketing budget.

We have to make sure that every peso spent returns value to the business. "

I went through the numbers repeatedly, checking the balance sheets, adjusting percentages, and recalculating risks.

For me, money was not just about spending; it was about allocation, control, and balance.

I made sure that the income projections matched the expenditure plans, that the return on investment was realistic, and that we wouldn't be bleeding cash in the first two years of operation.

Kailangan tama ang timbangan. Walang sobra, walang kulang.

When everyone finally stood up to shake hands and sign the preliminary papers, the relief in the room was evident.

But for me? I didn't feel the weight lift off my shoulders.

My mind was already moving forward, thinking about the next steps, the revisions needed, the schedules to adjust, and the reports I needed to finish before the day ended.

"You were exceptional in there, Zarya," one of the senior partners said as we walked out of the conference hall.

"You handled the Hotel DeLuca plans with such precision, especially regarding the finances.

Napakaganda ng pagbalanse mo sa gastos at kita.

Your family is very lucky to have you leading this. "

"Thank you," I replied with a polite, professional nod.

"We just want to ensure that every resource is used wisely.

Money is easy to spend, but hard to earn back.

Kailangan nating siguraduhin na tama ang bawat galaw natin para hindi masayang ang puhunan.

There is still a lot of work to be done, but we are committed to making this project successful and financially stable. "

I didn't stay long for small talk. I excused myself immediately. Time was too valuable to waste on pleasantries. I had my bag slung over my shoulder, files in one hand, and my phone in the other, already replying to messages from the office regarding other accounts and payables.

But honestly... even though my mind was sharp and active, my body was starting to feel the exhaustion.

I had been up since 4:00 AM reviewing documents, and I hadn't even had a proper break or meal yet.

I needed a place to sit, to refresh my mind, and to finish the remaining tasks on my laptop before heading back to the main office.

I still needed to check the cash flow summary and balance the remaining budget allocations.

I spotted a familiar coffee shop just across the street. quiet, cozy, and perfect for working.

I walked fast towards it, my steps purposeful and steady. I was so focused on checking the figures on my tablet while walking. adding, subtracting, making sure the totals were correct that I didn't notice someone coming out of the glass door at the same time.

damn it.

We almost collided, and I quickly stepped back to create distance, my reflexes sharp. But the moment I looked up to apologize... my breath hitched.

My world literally stopped spinning for a second.

Standing right in front of me, only inches away, was Iris.

Time seemed to slow down. Everything around me.

..the noise of the street, the passing cars, the wind suddenly faded into the background, parang biglang nawala ang lahat ng ingay sa paligid.

There she was, looking as calm and composed as always, wearing her usual simple but neat attire, holding a small cup in her hand.

I almost forgot that I needed to stay away for the mean time, I needed to focus, that I needed to protect myself and everyone else from this messy situation.

I took a small, quiet breath, steadied my expression, and built that wall up again high, thick, and unbreakable.

I looked at her eyes, but this time, there was no longing, no question, no softness. Just blankness and professionalism.

"Good morning," I said simply, my voice calm, flat, and polite exactly how I would speak to any acquaintance or colleague.

I gave her a small, quick smile, cold, distant, nothing like the warm smiles I used to give her and then I stepped past her, entering the shop without waiting for her reply or lingering even a second longer.

Good morning. That is all. Nothing more.

I told myself firmly. "Focus, Zarya. You have work to do. You have numbers to balance."

I went straight to the counter and ordered a strong iced coffee to keep me awake, and a slice of bread just to have something in my stomach. I chose a table near the corner, farthest from the door, where it was quiet and less crowded. Perfect for concentrating.

I placed my bag on the empty chair, opened my laptop immediately, and laid out the printed financial statements and budget plans for Hotel DeLuca on the table. As soon as the screen lit up, I dove right in.

Typing, editing, computing, highlighting details.

.. lubog na lubog ako sa trabaho. I immersed myself completely in what I was doing.

I was checking the total expenses versus the available capital, adjusting the amounts here and there para siguraduhing balanse ang lahat.

If I add 5 million here, kailangan bawasan ko naman doon.

If this department needs more funding, may ibang area na kailangang magbawas.

Every peso mattered. Every decision directly affected the bottom line.

I didn't let my eyes wander. I didn't let my mind drift kahit saglit. Every number, every word, every calculation was my priority now.

A few minutes later, I heard the glass door open again, followed by the soft chime of the bell. Hindi man lang ako tumingala. I was busy crossreferencing the projected monthly income with the breakeven analysis.

But then, I caught a familiar scent. That subtle, fresh scent that I knew so well yung amoy na makikilala ko kahit saan man.

My fingers stopped moving on the keyboard for just a fraction of a second, but I forced myself to keep typing. Hindi ako tumingin. Hindi ako gumalaw. Wala akong ipinakitang reaksyon.

From Here's the full text, smoothly mixed English and Tagalog, keeping every detail and flow exactly as you wanted:

Typing, editing, computing, highlighting details.

.. lubog na lubog ako sa trabaho. I immersed myself completely in what I was doing.

I was checking the total expenses versus the available capital, adjusting the amounts here and there para siguraduhing balanse ang lahat.

If I add 5 million here, kailangan bawasan ko naman doon.

If this department needs more funding, may ibang area na kailangang magbawas.

Every peso mattered. Every decision directly affected the bottom line.

I didn't let my eyes wander. I didn't let my mind drift kahit saglit. Every number, every word, every calculation was my priority now.

A few minutes later, I heard the glass door open again, followed by the soft chime of the bell. Hindi man lang ako tumingala. I was busy cross referencing the projected monthly income with the break-even analysis.

But then, I caught a familiar scent. That subtle, fresh scent that I knew so well yung amoy na makikilala ko kahit saan man.

My fingers stopped moving on the keyboard for just a fraction of a second, but I forced myself to keep typing. Hindi ako tumingin. Hindi ako gumalaw. Wala akong ipinakitang reaksyon.

And from the corner of my eye, I saw Xylla. She walked towards the counter, ordered her food, and then looked around the shop. Alam ko agad kung saan unang dumako ang tingin niya.

Sa akin.

I felt her gaze. It was heavy, lingering, searching. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang titig niya sa gilid ng mukha ko, but I refused to meet it. I kept my head down, eyes fixed on the screen, pen in hand as I marked a discrepancy in the figures.

She chose a table not too far from mine, just across the aisle, facing slightly towards where I was sitting. She sat down, placed her things, and settled in.

Even though I was facing my work, napapansin ko mula sa gilid ng mata ko na panay ang sulyap niya sa akin.

Every few minutes, every time she took a sip of her drink, every time she turned a page of her book or checked her phone.

.. bumabalik pa rin sa akin ang tingin niya.

I could sense the curiosity, the confusion, and maybe even the sadness radiating from her table.

She was probably wondering why I became this cold serious cause I usually try everything to make things up.

Why I acted like she was just another stranger.

She was probably wondering why I looked so different now so serious, so sharp, so unreachable, nakabaon nang malalim sa mga spreadsheet at kwenta.

But I didn't think much about it. Or rather... refuse kong isipin pa.

Whatever she was feeling, whatever she was thinking, whatever glances she was throwing my way... it didn't matter anymore. Or at least, I told myself it didn't matter.

My reality right now was the Hotel DeLuca project. My reality was the numbers on my screen. My reality was the duty I had sworn to fulfill.

I stayed there for almost an hour, completely immersed in my world.

I typed fast, I read fast, I corrected errors, I made notes.

Kailangan sakto ang lahat. Walang mali sa kwenta.

I finished the summary report, updated the presentation slides, and organized the files to be sent to the construction team later.

I was efficient, I was productive, and I was focused.

Not once did I look back at her.

Not once did I acknowledge her presence beyond that single greeting at the door.

Not once did I let her see that deep inside... sa bawat sulyap niya, unti-unting humihina ang pader na itinayo ko.

When I finally finished everything I needed to do, I saved my work, packed my laptop, gathered my papers, and stood up. I threw my trash away, slung my bag over my shoulder, and walked towards the exit.

As I passed her table, I didn't even slow down. I didn't look at her. I just walked straight out, back to my car, back to the office, back to the life I had chosen the life where work was everything, and feelings had no place.

Behind me, I knew she was still watching me leave, marahil ay puno ng mga tanong na hindi naitanong. But I kept walking, step by step, reminding myself again and again.

You are doing the right thing, Zarya. Focus on what matters.

Nang makabalik ako sa opisina, hindi pa rin ako tumigil.

Kahit pagod na ang katawan ko, pinilit kong manatiling gising at matalas ang isip.

I reviewed every single figure again, just to be sure.

I checked the allocations, the expenses, the projected income, and the capital.

Everything balanced. Walang kulang, walang sobra, sakto lahat.

The Hotel DeLuca budget was perfect now. Not a single centavo out of place.

Then out of nowhere, Ryan called me. thanking me again for the guidance and confirming that the legal papers regarding his upcoming arrangement were all settled and approved.

"Zarya, everything went smoothly because of you. Thank you. Alam kong marami kang inasikaso ngayong araw, pero naitawid mo lahat. You really are the best at this." He said proudly.

My parents also called, expressing how proud they were of how I handled the project and how I managed everything with such discipline and intelligence.

"You really are the best person for this role, Zarya," my mother said over the phone. "We are so relieved and happy that you have finally set your priorities straight. You handle everything so well. Keep it up."

"Thank you, Mom." I answered calmly, my voice steady and composed. "I am just doing what I need to do. Everything is under control."

And it was. Everything was under control.

By late afternoon, I had accomplished more than what most people do in three days.

I organized schedules, solved minor problems in other branches, balanced the books, and even prepared the preliminary plans for the next phase of the project.

Every task was crossed off my list. Every responsibility was fulfilled.

I sat back on my chair, looking around my tidy desk, looking at the organized files, looking at the screen showing the "Balanced" status in big green letters.

I did it.

I succeeded in everything today.

I succeeded in the big presentation.

I succeeded in guiding Ryan perfectly.

I succeeded in balancing millions and millions of pesos without a single mistake.

I succeeded in making my family proud.

I succeeded in being the perfect daughter, the perfect businesswoman, the perfect guide.

I won every challenge. I met every expectation.

I was everything they wanted me to be.

But as the sun went down and the office lights were the only ones left glowing in the building, the silence started to creep in.

Dahan-dahan kong isinara ang laptop ko. The noise of typing, of calls, of discussions... everything faded away. And when there was nothing left to distract me... that was when the truth hit me the hardest.

I rested my head on my hand, staring blankly at the dark window beside me.

Succeeded in everything... but why do I feel so incomplete?

Kahit gaano ko pa kaperpekto ang mga numero, kahit gaano pa kabalanse ang pera, kahit gaano pa kaganda ang mga plano... may kulang. Sobrang kulang.

Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko. It felt heavy, empty, and hollow. Parang may malaking butas sa loob ko na kahit anong gawin ko, kahit anong tagumpay ang makuha ko, hindi mapupuno.

I balanced the budget perfectly. I balanced my time perfectly. I balanced my duties and my family's expectations perfectly.

But I completely lost myself in the process.

I thought that if I did everything right, if I became perfect in every way, the emptiness would go away. I thought that if I filled every second of my day with work and responsibilities, I would feel whole again.

But here I am now... sitting alone in a quiet office, having succeeded in every single thing I set out to do today... yet feeling sadder and more incomplete than I have ever felt before.

I have everything anyone could ask for. money, success, respect, trust, capability, freedom to do what I want, the ability to make things happen.

But none of it matters. None of it makes me happy. None of it fills the silence inside me.

Tumayo ako at kinuha ang bag ko. It was time to go home.

Before leaving, I stood in front of my mirror.

There she was....Zarya. Sharp, composed, professional, successful. The woman who handled millions with ease, the woman everyone relies on, the woman who never makes a mistake.

But behind those eyes... was a girl who had everything, yet felt like she had nothing at all. A girl who won the whole world, but lost the only thing that could have made her truly happy.

"You succeeded, Zarya" I told myself silently. "You won every battle today."

But deep down, as I walked out into the cold night air, I whispered the painful truth only I could hear:

"But somehow, winning everything still feels like nothing..."

I was about to turn off the lights and leave when my phone rang. The screen lit up, showing the name that always felt like home

Ate Yana.

Medyo madalang kaming makapag-usap lately dahil sa oras at trabaho, but whenever she called, I knew it mattered.

I took a deep breath, wiped the stray tear on my cheek, and answered. I put it on speaker, trying to sound as composed as I had been all day.

"Hello?"

"Zarya! Finally, nakatawag din ako!" Her voice came through clear and bright, cheerful as always. "How is my little sister doing? It's already late, bakit gising ka pa at nasa opisina ka pa?"

"I'm fine, Ate. Just finishing up some reports. It's nothing new," I replied softly, leaning back and staring blankly at the ceiling. "How are you there? Kamusta ang Italy?"

"Italy is still the same, yes... but nothing compared to hearing about you," she laughed, then her tone shifted full of pride and excitement.

"But hey... Mom called me earlier, and she was literally bragging about you!

Zarya, she told me everything about today.

The Hotel DeLuca project, the big meeting, the negotiations.

.. sabi niya, hawak mo lahat mag-isa. You didn't just help Ryan, you led the whole team.

You balanced everything perfectly, down to the very last peso.

Walang mali, walang kulang. Flawless daw lahat. "

She paused for a moment, letting the news sink in, then continued warmly.

"I am so incredibly proud of you, Zarya.

Alam mo ba 'yan? Everyone says you are the best one among us when it comes to business.

You handled four hundred fifty million pesos like it was nothing.

You made everyone trust you, everyone respect you.

You did something huge today, little sister.

You proved that you can stand on your own, that you are capable of running everything.

You are doing so amazing... everything you touch turns into success. You really are the best of us."

She kept talking, showering me with praises and congratulations, telling me how happy she was, how proud Mama and Papa were, how everyone was saying I was the most capable one in the family now.

But as she spoke... I didn't answer. Not a single word.

I bit my lip hard, trying to hold it all in.

Her words were supposed to make me happy.

They were supposed to make me feel accomplished.

But instead... every praise felt heavier and heavier on my chest. The walls I built all day were starting to crack, and before I knew it.

.. tears started falling silently down my cheeks.

My throat tightened, and I just stayed quiet, letting her voice fill the silence while I cried without making a sound.

"...Zarya?" Ate Yana stopped talking when she realized I hadn't responded at all. Her voice softened instantly. "Zarya... why are you quiet? Nandiyan ka pa ba? Did I say something wrong?"

Still... no answer. I couldn't speak. I was crying too hard now, trying to muffle the sound with my hand, shoulders shaking slightly.

"Zarya... something is wrong. I can feel it," she said, her tone turning serious and worried. "You don't react like this when you succeed. Usually, you would say thank you or laugh... but you are silent. You are crying, aren't you? Bakit ka umiiyak? May problema ba?"

I still didn't reply. I just let the tears fall, overwhelmed by everything I had kept inside since morning.

There was a short pause on the line, then I heard her sigh deeply—like she finally understood everything. Her voice became gentle but firm, knowing and perceptive.

"You know... I have been watching you, Zarya. Even from here, I see everything. And now... I realize something. Am I right? You are doing all of this... all these big projects, all this work, all this perfection... just to escape, aren't you?"

My breath hitched.

"You are burying yourself in numbers, in money, in duties, in success.

.. because you want to run away from what truly hurts you.

You think that if you become busy enough, if you win enough, if you make everyone proud enough.

.. you can forget what you really want. You think that if you succeed in everything else, your heart will stop aching.

But Zarya... running away never solves anything. "

Her words hit me straight to the core, exactly what I had been doing all along.

"You succeeded in everything today, yes," she continued softly but firmly.

"You balanced millions, you impressed everyone, you proved your worth to the whole world.

But look at you now, crying alone in your office, feeling empty and broken.

Why? Because you succeeded in everything except your own life. "

She paused, then spoke with so much warmth and encouragement, exactly like the older sister who knows you better than anyone.

"Zarya... stop escaping. Stop hiding behind work and responsibilities.

Yes, our duties are important. Yes, our family matters.

But you matter too. Your heart matters. Do what you think you should do.

.. but never run away from what your heart truly desires.

Don't make success your prison, Zarya. Don't let being perfect make you lonely forever. "

Her voice softened even more, filled with love and understanding.

"Chase what you really want. Fight for what truly makes you happy.

Because at the end of the day... all the money, all the deals, all the respect.

.. they won't be the ones holding you when you are alone.

They won't be the ones filling that emptiness inside you.

Only the things and the people you truly love can do that. "

I finally found my voice, though it came out broken and trembling between sobs.

"Ate..." I whispered, clutching my chest. "I... I don't know how anymore. I tried to do everything right... but it only made me lose everything."

"Then stop doing what is right for everyone else.

.. and start doing what is right for you," she said clearly.

"You are strong, Zarya. You can handle millions, you can handle big pressure.

.. so I know you are strong enough to chase what your heart wants too.

Don't be afraid to want more than just success.

You deserve happiness too, little sister.

You deserve to be full, not just successful. "

Her words wrapped around me, comforting me in a way nothing else could. For the first time in days... I didn't feel like I had to be perfect. I just felt like I had someone who understood exactly why winning everything still felt like nothing at all.