Chapter 60 Is Blood Really Thicker Than Love?
Iris's Point Of View
Whoever stands between us, would never stand for too long. Hinding hindi ko na siya hahayaan ulit na mag isa.
I decided to go to the address Xylla gave me, so I went out to book a car. I quickly wiped my tears first and composed myself bago lumabas sa café at iwan si Xylla dito.
The ride to Villa Celestia felt like it was taking forever, and hindi ko rin mapigilang umiyak the whole time. I kept wiping my tears away with the back of my hand, but they just kept falling, faster and faster.
All I could think about was Zarya. The Zarya I know...
she's the strongest person I've ever met.
She never backed down from anything, never let anyone see her break, always had the answer and the courage to stand up no matter what.
I never, in my whole life, thought I'd see her end up in a place like that.
A psychiatric residence like this. I know this is where people go when they really need help, when they're hurting so bad they can't hold themselves up anymore.
But Zarya? She could handle anything. Or at least I thought she could.
I never realized how much she was carrying all this time. Hindi ko alam na sobrang nahirapan na siya to the point na sumuko na siya, that she'd surrender herself like this. The Zarya I knew would never let it come to this.
And the guilt was eating me alive.
I wasn't there...
When she needed someone the most, I pushed her away. I left her alone with all that pain. While she was always being there for me. Siya ang nagpa-aral saakin, with her hard earned money. Constantly protecting me without even telling me.
And what did I do? Wala....I just walked away.
How could I do that to her? How could I leave the person who never once left me?
I kept staring out the window, my chest hurting so bad I could barely breathe. I don't even know what to say to her kapag dumating na ako doon.
I don't know how to start fixing all the things I broke. All I know is I need to see her. I need to be there. I need to help her, just like she helped me so many times before. I won't run away this time. Not again.
"Ma'am, siamo già arrivati" The driver turned to me.
(Ma'am, we're already here.).
Hindi ko gets ang sinabi niya, but I know we are here. I looked up, wiping my eyes fast with the back of my hand. My hands were shaking so bad I almost dropped my purse nung bumaba ako.
Outside the car, through the big iron gates, I saw it.
Villa Celestia...
It looked so quiet, so peaceful, surrounded by tall trees and green grass... but all I felt was nothing.
Just the urge to see Zarya, pero natatakot akong makita siya. I am afraid to see her breaking down, to see her and not gonna be able to recognize her.
But what scares me more is baka once I got in there, she would push me away just like I did to her.
I walked straight toward the big glass entrance doors, eyes fixed ahead. I didn't even notice the guard stepping in front of me until he spoke. All I could think about was getting inside, makita si Zarya and hugging her tight like I should have done months ago.
"Buonasera signora, mi scusi." he said gently, blocking my path.
(Ma'am, excuse me. Good evening.)
I couldn't understand what he's saying kaya nagkatitigan nalang kami pareho.
"I'm sorry, I don't speak Italian." I said directly.
He quickly cleared his throat and spoke. "Oh...I'm sorry. Who are you visiting? Can I have your name, and who is the patient you want to see?"
"I'm here to see Zarya Deluca. I'm her friend..." I said but I quickly realized it. No, I came here to claim her back. "Uhm, sorry. I am her girlfriend."
The guard nodded slowly, but I can see his confused face.
But he cannot say a word about it, I would argue if he wven tried to object.
"I see. But Miss Deluca had a very bad breakdown earlier. I don't think she's accepting visitors right now. You can go inside though, ask at the nursing station or the front desk, check if she's allowed to see anyone."
My chest felt heavy all over again. She probably broke down dahil sa mga nalaman niya tungkol sa kapatid niya. That was the only thing that could hurt her this much.
I nodded at the guard without saying anything else, pushed the door open, and stepped inside.
The place was quiet, too quiet, with soft lights and plain white walls. I walked fast toward the long desk sa dulo ng hallway, where a staff member was sitting and writing something down.
I walked straight up to the front desk. The woman there was wearing the usual uniform ng mga psychiatric nurses, with a name tag clipped to her chest. She looked like one of the senior nurses or staff who handled all the records.
Agad naman siyang tumingin when she noticed me. But damn it, she spoke Italian so fast. "Buonasera signora. Chi sta venendo a trovare stasera?"
I shook my head quickly. "I'm sorry...can we speak in English, please?"
"Oh, of course, my apologies," she said right away, switching smoothly. "Good evening. Who are we visiting tonight? And may I have your full name, please?"
"I'm Chiara Valenti," I said, medyo hesitant pa. I took a small breath before finishing, hesitating for just a second before I said it clearly. "I'm here to visit Miss Zarya Deluca. She's my friend...." Damn it, Iris. You're here to claim her back. "uh, girlfriend."
The nurse froze for a second, eyes widening a little like she didn't expect to hear that at all. She blinked, and nakita ko talagang nagtataka siya. "Oh—uh, I'm sorry... did I hear right? You are Miss Zarya's... friend?"
"No," I said firmly, not backing down. "You heard it wrong. She's my girlfriend."
"Ah...right, okay. My mistake. Let me check first if your name is on her approved visitor list." The nurse let out a short, awkward laugh and shifted in her seat.
She turned to her computer and inopen ang isang folder sa table.
I stood there waiting, my hands clasped tight together.
I looked around the place, lahat dito parang sobrang oriented.
It looked peaceful but somehow parang nakaka depress dito.
There are lots of doors that led to different rooms, and I wondered which one of them Zarya was behind right now.
After a minute, the nurse looked back at me with a sorry look on her face. "I'm really sorry, Miss Valenti. But Miss De Luca does not have any name added to her visitor list for today. She isn't expecting anyone right now."
"It's supposed to be a surprise visit." I said quickly. "Please, can I see her now?"
"I'm sorry, but that's not how it works here," she explained gently but firmly. "If you are not on her list, we cannot just let you in. And on top of that... she is in a very unstable state right now. I really don't think it's possible for you to see her tonight."
"No, you don't understand," I said, nagpa-panic na ang boses ko. I can't bear not to see her tonight, kailangan ko siyang makita. "I need to see Zarya right now."
"I am truly sorry," she repeated softly. "You can come back tomorrow instead. We can inform Miss De Luca that you stopped by to see her. But right now... she really isn't doing well at all."
"PUTANG INA! WHAT DID I DO? WHY DO I HAVE TO FUCKING SUFFER?!"
Agad akong napatingin sa paligid when I heard that sound, it was a very loud scream na halos nag echo sa hallway.
It was followed by crying, broken sound like someone was tearing apart from the inside. My feet froze. My whole world stopped turning.
I knew that voice. I would know it anywhere, even if I heard it in my sleep.
That was Zarya....
Without thinking, I ran straight toward the door where the noise was coming from.
"Miss! Stop! Wait!" the nurse shouted behind me, running after me. Nahabol niya ako and she grabbed my arms. "I'm sorry! This is too much, you really cannot go in there."
"Let go of me!" I yelled, trying to pull my arm back.
She held on tighter, and the pen she was holding in her other hand scraped hard across my skin. Agad akong napatingin sa kamay ko when I felt something stinging.There was a long cut on my arm, and there was blood.
The nurse stepped back, prang nagulat din siya. "I...I'm sorry. That was an accident, But you are not allowed here. Get out or I will call security right now."
I lifted my bleeding hand up, voice sharp and steady, using every lawyer trick I knew. "You are supposed to take care of your patients, and you are supposed to keep visitors safe. I came here peacefully, and I got hurt on your watch. I can sue you for physical assault right now. Tonight."
I am not sure if it's gonna work, pero ilang beses ko nang nagamit ang ganitong tactics sa mga tao whenever I can't have my ways.
I stepped closer, looking her straight in the eye. "You don't know who I am, do you? Let me tell you, I am Chiara Valenti. I am a lawyer. And I can drag this whole facility and every single one of you to court for this."
I saw her face go pale. She took another step back. It's just a scratch from a pen, hindi naman talaga big deal 'to. It's nothing serious at all. But I had to do this. I had to use whatever I could just to get to her.
When I saw she was too scared to stop me anymore, I didn't waste another second. I turned and ran the last few steps, pushed the door open hard, and stepped inside.
And the moment I saw what was in that room...
Everything around me vanished. Halos matumba ako sa nakita ko, at sa mga naririnig ko.
_______
Zarya is sitting on a cold floor, magulo ang paligid.
Ther are lots of papers scattered, things na nabasag, and even the beddings ay parang ginulo ng sampong tao.
Her hair was messy, sticking to her damp face, sobrang putla na nita tignan like she hadn't seen the sun in months.
Dark circles hung heavy under her eyes...
eyes that used to be so sharp and bright, now looked hollow and dead.
Two nurses knelt behind her, trying to hold her back, their hands gentle but firm as they stopped her sa pagwawala.
For a few seconds, nobody moved.