Chapter 61 The Choice Was Made.
Iris's Point Of View
"Now tell me...are you willing to go and fight againts your own father?"
Those words kept playing inside my head.
I couldn't say a single word. Gusto kong magsalita, but nothing came out. I just stared at her, frozen, while my mind was screaming and tearing itself apart inside.
My silence was long enough, and Zarya probably thinking it was already a 'no'.
But it wasn't that. It wasn't that I didn't want to. I want to protect her more than anything. I want to stand beside her and fight for her.
But my brain just couldn't wrap around the truth, or maybe ako lang talaga ang ayaw maniwala?
that the man who raised me, the man I called my own father...
was capable of doing something this horrible.
I didn't even know how to start fighting against him.
It wasn't just a choice, it was tearing me in half.
Zarya let out a long, shaky breath, like she already expected this. I noticed her nodded slowly, tears still falling.
"Okay. I get it, Iris. It's okay. Alam ko naman na hindi magiging madali sayo.
And I know that for sure, hindi ka papayag.
That is why I never wanted to tell you this.
But okay lang. It's okay if you don't wanna fight against him.
Basta wag ka lang kumampi sa kanya. 'Cause that would be the end of us.
And mark my words." Her voice was so quiet, so final, like she was already preparing herself to lose me.
That was when I finally found my voice. I pushed myself to speak, even if it hurt so bad. Bahala na, she matters to me more than anything else.
"Zarya... when you left... sobrang nasaktan ako. I was deeply hurt that I started thinking things, that maybe I'm not worth fighting for. Or maybe I'm not that important to you."
I wiped my eyes roughly with the back of my hand, my shoulders shaking.
"But then you came back after eight years. You proved me wrong. And then you ran away again. I thought this time... baka hindi ka na talaga babalik. But then you came back again."
I looked at her, begging her to understand.
"Pero tinulak kita palayo kasi... I was afraid. Takot akong masaktan ulit. So I pushed you away. I needed to find... I don't know... some kind of courage? But hindi ko talaga kaya. I looked for you everywhere. And when I found out you're in this kind of place... natakot ako ulit."
I paused, swallowing hard. "Cause how am I gonna fight for you if nandito ka? How can I bring you out? I don't know if I can save you from here."
I wiped my tears again, my voice breaking completely.
"Kasi how can I fight for you... if you already gave up on yourself? Paano pa kita panghahawakan kung una mo ng binitawan ang sarili mo, Zar?"
I took a deep breath, looked straight at her, and continued.
"But then I remembered... how much you sacrificed for me.
Sabi ko sa sarili ko, sobrang lakas mo nga eh.
'Cause I can never imagine myself being in your shoes.
You lived years of your life in exile, and yet ngayon ka lang sumuko.
You've always fought for everyone else, for your sister, for me, for the people you love...
and ngayon mo lang binitawan ang sarili mo.
Isang beses mo lang sinukuan ang sarili mo.
So who am I? Who am I to give up on you?"
Habang nagsasalita ako, I saw her shoulders shaking harder. Tears poured down her face nonstop, like dam breaking. And then something I didn't expect...she moved.
Kanina halos nakapako lang siya diyan, hugging herself and let tears ran through her face, but now she dragged herself across the floor, closing the little distance between us until she was right in front of me.
Dahan dahan niyang inabot ang mukha ko, she reached up and cupped my face. Her palms were cold, but her touch was so soft, like she was scared I'd disappear if she pressed too hard. We were both crying so hard na pareho kaming nanginginig na, painful, broken sobs that we couldn't hold back anymore.
"Zarya..." I whispered.
"I'm sorry, Iris." she said, her voice cracking badly.
"Sorry... hindi ko na kinaya eh. If I didn't surrender myself here... baka mas malala pa ang inabot ko. I had to take a break. I had to stop for a while... because alam ko marami pa akong dapat ipaglaban. I still have so many things to face. I need to redeem myself... because I still need to fight,
and I still need to get you back."
I covered her hands with mine, leaning into her touch.
"No... don't say sorry. I am proud of you, Zarya. I am so proud of you na natutunan mo rin unahin ang sarili mo."
I gently wiped the tears off her cheeks with my thumbs, but fresh ones just kept flowing right after.
"So yes, Zarya. I am willing to fight beside you. Sasamahan kita, okay? Whatever happens... kasama mo ako."
She didn't say anything, not that she couldn't. But because of her sobs, halos hindi na siya makapagsalita sa kakaiyak.
She just pulled me in and hugged me so tight, so desperate, like she was trying to merge her whole self with mine. I wrapped my arms around her too, burying my face on her shoulder, and held her just as tight.
My woman.... My beautiful, brave Zarya... you've been through hell and back, carried everything alone for so long... and now you're finally here, finally in my arms again.
But even as I held her, even as my heart felt a little lighter... I knew this was just the start. This wasn't the end.
This was just the beginning of the hardest battle we will ever have to fight. And hindi ito magiging madali, especially when the person standing against us... is my own father.
But I won't let go. Not this time. Never again.
______
I am sitting on my bed, at kaharap ko ngayon si Doctor Brown. She is my fav doctor dito kasi aside sa sobrang gaan niya kausap, she is also an american native speaker kaya mas comfortable ang communication namin.
She heard I finally calmed down after all the noise earlier, so she came to check on me personally. Kanina pa talaga kami dito, talking about what had happened pero of course hindi ko sinabi lahat ng detalye.
I feel a lot calmer now kasi kakatapos ko lang maligo. Hindi na masyadong magulo ang isip ko, but there was still this big, heavy weight sitting right in my chest...hindi pa rin nawawala kahit sandali.
I glanced at the door, nakasara naman ito pero I can still feel her presence. Sa labas kasi, nandoon si Iris, waiting patiently para makapag-usap kami nang maayos.
"Are you sure you're okay?" the doctor asked softly, looking closely at me.
"Yes Doc." I nodded firmly, but my hands were still shaking a little.
"Okay. You can leave tomorrow." she said. "You've been really good lately. It's just tonight... I don't know for what reason, but I hope you'll be good in the days to come."
"Sì, Doc." I answered. "It's just that something triggered me tonight."
Triggered? It wasn't just some simple trigger. It was different. It shattered every broken part of me all over again. Kung alam niyo lang gaano pa rin ako nasasaktan ngayon, you would understand everything.
She nodded slowly. "Yes it's normal. So you're just gonna have your constant check-up every three to five days. You will come back here and we will have our therapy session, okay? And tomorrow you can leave."
A small, genuine smile touched my lips, yung ngiting matagal ko nang hindi nararamdaman. "Yes Doc. Thank you."
"Okay. I'm gonna leave you here now," she said as she stood up. "And tomorrow morning we can process everything you need so you can leave this place okay?"
"Doc...wait. Can we let her stay here for a night?" She was about to turn and walk out when I called out fast.
The doctor paused and looked at me, then glanced toward the door. "That woman outside?"
"Yes Doc," I said quickly. "Please."
She smiled softly. "Normally we can't do that. But since you are cleared to go home tomorrow... and I can see how much lighter you are now that she's here... it's fine."
"Thank you, Doc." Doctor Brown just smiled and turned her back.
She walked and opened the door, and right there standing outside was Iris. I couldn't help but smile nang makita ko siya.
She bowed her head a little and gave the doctor a soft smile, then they talked quietly for a few seconds, maikli lang, parang nagpapaalam lang or nag-uusap tungkol sa rules. I found myself wondering what they were saying, pero hindi ko na tinanong agad.
When the doctor finally walked away, Iris stepped inside the room. She walked slowly towards me, with that gentle smile I missed so much. She leaned closer at dahan dahan hinalikan ang noo ko, like she was being careful not to break me.
"Sabi ni Doc, I could stay here." she said quietly, but she couldn't hide her smile.
"Really? I don't think you're allowed to." I raised an eyebrow and teased her,
"I'm gonna go home then." She pouted right away, so cute na parang bata.
She turned like she was really about to leave, pero agad ko siyang hinila palapit. I pulled her down to me and kissed her lips. It was quick at first, light, but it hit me hard, parang biglang gumaan lalo ang pakiramdam ko.
Parang nawala lahat ng bigat at ingay na naramdaman ko kanina noong nagwala ako. This is it. Kahit gaano pa ako kasira, kahit gaano pa ako ka miserable... she is all I needed.
She didn't pull away. Instead, she leaned in closer, hinalikan niya ako ulit, and this time our kiss went deeper.
I could feel her warm breath against my skin, soft and steady. My heart beat fast, but in a good way, yung tipong hindi na takot, all I feel now is safety and assurance.
Halos maihiga na niya ako sa kama dahil sa diin ng halik niya, but I pulled away and stopped her. "Turn off the lights," I said.
She smiled softly. "You're such a cliffhanger."
Hindi naman na siya nagreklamo, she stood up and walked over to the switch, clicked it off, at dahan dahan na lumapit pabalik saakin.
The room went dim, only the faint warm glow from the lampshade ang natitirang ilaw sa paligid. I can already feel the tension, and...heat.
I pulled her back in before she could even pull away, kissing her deeper this time, fuck I missed her lips.