34. Evie
Evie
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How much heartache can the average person handle?
Matteo’s words jab a knife through my chest. My fingers itch, the knee-jerk reaction to slap him so overwhelmingly out of character it has me blinking at myself in shock.
I would never hurt him like he did me that night.
Licking my lips, I try to conjure up a sentence, even so much as a coherent word, but all that comes out of me is a measly, “What?”
Matteo’s chest rises and falls in quick succession. “I lied.”
The ping of the elevator arriving at the twentieth floor rings out, the doors sliding open, yet neither one of us breaks eye contact or goes to move.
They close again, but it isn’t enough to break me out of the trance I seem to have fallen into.
Nothing could as I’m suddenly thrown back to that night.
I was a wreck after that.
After Matteo all but ripped my heart out and stomped on it, I had locked away my feelings for him. Began avoiding him at family events, muted him on all social media platforms because of the never-ending sense of betrayal that would bombard me every time I saw his profile update.
Along with the truth that couldn’t be ignored—unrequited love.
Because that’s what it was—is.
Love.
My heart has only ever skipped a beat for him. Everyone else was lackluster. But I thought he wasn’t an option after that. I thought he had chosen Caleb.
“You’re lying.”
“The only lie I have ever told you was that night, and it has haunted me ever since.”
The tears that were pooling in my eyes begin to drop. “Why?”
“It never would have worked when we were that young, Evie. You have to see that now. All I could picture while you were looking at me was that you’d end up resenting me.
I’ve had to move around the country for years.
It wasn’t until the past three that Caleb and I were even on the same team, let alone in the same city again. ”
And by then you were with Carter, is what he doesn’t have to add.
Shaking my head, I slowly back away from him, and with every step I can see the devastation grow in his eyes. Or perhaps that was always there and his wall is just now lowering.
“You ripped out my heart,” I whisper brokenly.
His lips part but no words come out. He knows I’m right.
My sadness is quickly replaced with anger, the tide within me flipping swift and sudden.
“You had no right to make that call. You’re not a fortune teller, Matteo, you would’ve had no idea if I would’ve resented you.” Huffing out a derisive laugh, I throw my hands in the air. “But I’m feeling pretty resentful right now, and it’s because of the decision you made.”
“Don’t say that. Please don’t say that. I wanted you to live.”
“It wasn’t your decision to make!”
Clutching his chest as if he’s in physical pain, he whispers, “You were sixteen, Evie.”
“And what about now? What’s your excuse now, Matteo?”
“Nothing,” he breathes, his chest rising and falling.
The tension grows to a new height. I didn’t think it was possible, and yet, here we are.
“Tell me, Evie,” he begs. “Tell me that in the car you wanted me to kiss you because it’s more than physical for you.” He points between us before clutching his chest again as he pleads, “Tell me that what I feel for you isn’t one-sided. Tell me that your feelings never left.”
“Of course they never left,” I whisper. Matteo swims before me, my vision blurring with my tears.
Swallowing thickly, I croak out, “But you chose him once before. Don’t put me in a position where you will choose him again, because I can’t handle that, Matteo.
I can’t handle you ripping my heart out again. I barely survived the first time.”
The elevator doors open on the deserted lobby and I hold my breath, neither one of us moving an inch. The doors slowly close again and I finally let out all the air.
“Ask me again.”
I shake my head, my lower lip wobbling. “No.”
“Fine, then. I’ll tell you.” He approaches me slowly, so slowly that as he takes one step forward, I take one back, until I’m pressed against the elevator wall as it climbs once more.
“I’ll tell you how much pain I was in that night watching you walk away.
I’ll tell you how I didn’t sleep for nearly six months when I found out you started dating Carter.
I’ll tell you how I’ve never dated anyone because the only woman I have ever wanted to be with is standing in front of me now.
I’ll tell you how I have only ever cared about you, how my heart quite literally beats for you, and I’ll tell you how I will forever and always choose you a million times over. ”
“What about Caleb?”
“Fuck the consequences.” We’re toe to toe now, and as he lifts his hands and cups my cheeks, he declares, “I will always choose you, Evie. In every situation, in every room, and in every lifetime. I will always choose you.” Right as he brings his lips down on mine.