Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
Bennett
The scent of coffee clings to the cab of the truck.
Thankfully, it masks whatever perfume Delaney might be wearing.
I can’t afford to be thinking about her that way, but she’s sitting beside me, and every damn thing about her is impossible to ignore.
Her fingers wrap around the travel mug, the same fingers I used to trace with my own.
She moans softly after every sip, like it’s the best thing she’s ever tasted.
As if she doesn’t know her sounds are slowly driving me insane.
I was late getting Wren to school this morning, distracted by too many what-ifs about what today would bring. It frustrated me that just Delaney’s presence in my life again was messing with my usual punctuality, my usual control over my thoughts.
It’d be just the two of us for most of the day, traveling to the golf course then deciding what we’re keeping and what we’re tearing out and planting new. I should be focused on the job, but the tension humming in the cab is all I’m consumed by.
Twenty minutes until I can flee this truck and the suffocation I feel inside it.
“You still drive aggressively,” she says after a car honks behind us.
“Why don’t you get in the back seat?” I shoot back.
She shrugs. “I’m just saying, we’re not late.” She holds up her hand before I can respond. “I know, if you’re not early, you’re late.”
I lift a shoulder. “It’s the truth.”
“In your lifetime, how many times have you actually been late?”
I shake my head, not wanting to get into this.
She was always on my anal habits, wanting to calm me, relax me so I wasn’t strung so tightly.
And now my mind terrorizes me with the memory of her giving me a blow job, like a game to see how much self-control I had.
Turns out none, since her mouth on my dick made all clocks disappear.
“Truth?” I ask.
“Always.”
“You’re always the one with me when I’m late.”
Her cheeks flush, and she hides behind her coffee cup.
“Payback for making fun of my driving,” I mutter.
“At least they were good reasons,” she says with a smirk.
I stop at a red light, and for a moment, our eyes lock. Something familiar and way too dangerous crackles between us.
“Definitely.”
The light turns green. I focus on the stretch of soybean fields outside the window, but she shifts in her seat, adjusting the mug in her hands.
“You looking forward to today?” I’m desperate to direct us away from the memories of when we were so entwined in each other’s worlds.
“I’m a little scared actually. Stayed up late researching Nebraska land, zooming in on pictures of the golf course.” She cringes.
“You’ve got nothing to be nervous about. You’re killing it at the shop. Everyone’s raving about your arrangements. Romy said two women almost fought over one of your centerpieces at a luncheon the other day.”
Romy… I need to nail her down and ask why she’s been disappearing every few days recently. I know she’s dating someone, but it’s not someone from around here, that’s for sure, or I would’ve already caught wind of it.
She presses her hand to her heart. “Really? That makes me so happy. Thank you for telling me.”
It makes me happy too. But I don’t say it. Just watching her light up like this is thanks enough.
“I—I forgot what it feels like.”
“What?”
“Working with flowers, on a design project,” she says, quieter this time.
Her fingers tighten around the mug. “Sean liked me at home with Leia. Which was great. I’m grateful I was able to be home with her.
And I had my own garden, but that’s not the same as earning someone else’s praise. I know it should be. But it’s not.”
Something hot curls low in my chest. “Did you want to work?”
She shrugs. “Yes and no. I was happy to stay with Leia until she went to school. I helped friends with their yards, went to floral markets with them, but most of the women I hung around hired other people to do that stuff. When Leia started school, I asked Sean about getting back into work. He said we should redo our own landscaping for starters and then maybe look at finding me a job. I was halfway through the project when it all fell apart.”
She doesn’t say more, and I don’t push. She’ll tell me what she wants when she’s ready.
“He didn’t treat me badly, not in the way people usually think. I just… I didn’t feel like I was being controlled until I was out of it and looking back.”
“And now?” My hand tightens on the steering wheel, the other on my thigh.
She exhales and turns away from the fields rolling by us. I feel her gaze on me, and I wish I could look at her. Tell her she can trust me. I’m on her side. I’m always on her side.
“I wonder if I saw what I wanted to see. Missed the signs that there was something more going on. After he was arrested, I saw some of the evidence… there was a transcript of a phone call he had with one of his associates.” She swallows hard, seeming to gain the courage to say whatever she’s going to next.
“Sean was talking about how I had no idea what was going on right under my nose, how Leia and I were the perfect cover for him. It makes me feel angry, of course, but now I’m just—embarrassed.
” She shakes her head. “Oh, we’re here.” Her fingers brush under her eyes, and she straightens in her seat.
“Look at me, pouring all my problems onto you.”
My hands clutch the steering wheel. What a piece of shit. I park and turn toward her, catching her wrist before she can reach for the door handle. Instinctively, my thumb runs the infinity symbol along her soft skin. “Pour them on me. I want to know.”
She sighs, glancing down at her wrist before looking at the crew unloading behind us. “Even without knowing that Sean was running a high-level drug dealing ring, I just woke up one morning and didn’t know the woman staring back at me.”
I glance at her, taking in the profile I once knew better than my own. She’s carrying something heavy on her shoulders. I thought I understood it, but I realize now that it’s different than what I thought.
“He didn’t see you,” I say before I can stop myself.
She gives me a sad smile. “Maybe not. I didn’t see him for who he was either, though. I probably morphed myself into what I thought he needed me to be. He wanted me perceived a certain way, and I walked right into his trap happily, as if he was my savior.”
She climbs out of the truck before I can say anything more. I watch her walk to the tailgate, pulling on gloves, then she changes into her work boots.
There’s a distance between us, and I realize that I don’t know what to say to make her feel better. I think it’s something she has to find within herself. But maybe I can be here to support her while she does, even if I shouldn’t be.
“You ever think,” she says softly, “how different things could’ve been?”
“All the time.” I meet her eyes. “Every night.”
Silence extends over us.
“He was good to us. Never hit me. Never raised his voice at Leia or me.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“I just want you to know. I might’ve gotten lost in the smoke and mirrors, but he gave us security and a life I never imagined I’d have.
Too bad it was all fake, but I thought we were happy.
I thought I’d made the right decision. You have to know that.
” Her eyes are imploring me, willing me to understand, but I don’t know why.
She hops off the tailgate and heads toward the workers, our conversation over.
I’m pissed I didn’t say anything back, but what would I say? I’m pissed off that you were happy with someone else. That I should be the only one who makes you happy? So I let my anger simmer inside me. I was the reason she fell in love with someone who wasn’t me. The decision was in my hands.
Delaney walks ahead, boots squelching in the wet grass, her back straight, shoulders tight.
I head after her, carrying the tools, frustration gnawing at me. I should’ve said something.
I catch up, falling into step beside her. “You know,” I say carefully, “there’s still time to become who you want to be.”
She stops and turns. “I don’t think she exists anymore.”
“Then don’t try to find her. Discover who you are now without any restrictions on you.”
Her gaze searches mine. “It feels good to do this. I didn’t realize how much I missed using my hands for something other than folding laundry and braiding Leia’s hair.”
“It’s not like I had a choice. Rosie was adamant.” I smile to soften my words.
“I want to make her proud.”
I step closer, drawn to her as always. “You will. Your talent is going to shine through, and I can’t wait to witness it.”
She smiles, and I tighten my hands around the tools I’m holding to keep from reaching for her.
The sprinkler system hisses and comes alive. A jet of cold water slams square into her side.
“Shit!” she shrieks and spins, hands on my hips, shoving me in front of the blast.
“Come on!” I move the tools to one hand and grab her wrist, running toward the golf cart shelter, both of us soaked and laughing.
By the time we duck under the overhang, we’re drenched.
“I thought you told them to turn it off,” she says between breaths.
“I did! Obviously, they didn’t do it.”
She shakes water off her arms. “Well, great day one.”
I look at her, soaking and shining with wet hair and flushed cheeks. “We always make good memories, don’t we?”
She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, her gaze lingering. “Thanks, Bennett. Not just for the protection. For what you said.”
“You don’t have to thank me for telling the truth.”
We stand there a beat longer, water dripping off us, and for the first time since she came back, I’m not thinking about what we lost but wondering if we could find our way back to one another.