Chapter 42 Wesley
WESLEY
Ispent my week covered in mud and dirt. City council members got annoyed when they were told about the water testing and requirements that would be needed for the parcel they were trying to purchase out of city limits.
Every time my phone pinged, I was dropping everything to see who it was.
I accidentally dropped one of our heavy-duty tape measures on my coworker, Cliff’s, foot. I had to buy him lunch.
Needless to say, it had been a long and quiet week.
I instantly wondered if calling Rosie out had been the wrong move, but I was in—all in.
I was vaguely aware of how hypocritical it might seem, but I felt like my skin was being flayed alive at the thought of her going on other dates.
The thought of other men touching her… In those feelings, my panic started to build.
How on earth does she love me, but has watched me date for years?
A very small and dreadful part of me kept wondering if she just thought she did.
Or, even worse, what if she really does, and she is just done?
Bile tended to build up when I thought about the fact that I had been with other women—which seemed unfair to the women I had been with—but anyone other than Rosie gave me heartburn, and not in a good way.
Thinking of the fact that I was with Caitlin almost brought me to my knees—also not in a good way.
I was spiraling. I knew that. I just didn’t know how to fix it.
“You alright, man?” Cliff asked over the walkie talkies. He was too far ahead of me in the parcel we were currently walking to just ask.
I unclicked the walkie talkie from the utility belt I wore. “Fine,” I responded.
A low line of static rang out. “You look like shit,” he told me.
“You should say that to my face.”
A few moments of peaceful silence came around as I went back to doing my job before Cliff appeared next to me and out of the line of trees. “All timber back there?” I asked as he approached.
“Yeah. Good timber. You know what that means.”
“More pissed off city council members.”
“I don’t envy the fact that you’re in charge here.
” It was going to make the last half of my day absolute hell, but thankfully, it was a Friday.
I could sit there while they ranted on and on about how they needed that land, but they would never get it.
And eventually, by Monday, they would have another location for me to check out.
“You wanna talk about it?” Cliff asked as he took a bite of a breakfast burrito.
“Did you keep that in your pocket?”
He just chewed while looking at me, not paying one bit of attention to my attempt at a subject change.
“Women problems.”
“Oh, count me out. I’m not good at giving advice.”
“Why do you think I haven’t asked you for any?” His laugh reminded me of a hyena cackling, and it echoed through the timber we were in.
“You’re a good guy, Wes. It’ll all work out.
” He smacked me on the back and continued to trudge out of the wooded area and back to where the truck was parked, we were done, we knew it, now just to pass on the bad news.
Cliff’s easy words rang out over and over again, but I couldn’t shake the low trickling of anxiety I felt. What if it doesn’t?
With that thought, I drove us back to the office, to start my official report on what we had found. I must have completely lost myself in it, because before I knew it, Cliff was knocking on my office door again.
“It’s 4 p.m. Are you staying late today?”
“I’m just finishing this up. I figure if I can drop it off as close to the end of the work day, the less time I have for them to pester me about it before the weekend.”
“Smart man. You want to go fishing tomorrow? Should be warm enough.”
Cliff was a good guy who sat firmly between a good coworker and a coworker I spent some time with.
But the book club was the next day. I considered not going, but I wanted to know how Evelyn’s pottery class was going.
Maggie was worried about one of her granddaughters, and I also wanted to know how that was.
Not to mention, I hadn’t seen Rosie in what felt like a lifetime.
I wanted her to be all in—no, needed her to be all in—but I also yearned to see her. I shook my head at Cliff’s offer.
“I can’t. Plans already.”
He just nodded in understanding and tapped my desk with his knuckles. “See you next week. Shoot me a text if your plans clear up.”
I waved goodbye and threw myself back into work for the remaining hour.
? ? ? ?
Saturday morning showed up in warm weather.
Cliff had been right; it would have been a perfect day for fishing.
I still hadn’t heard from Rosie, and I was second-guessing if I should go at all.
I’d laid my cards out on the table, and still, nothing.
I told myself I wasn’t going to give up.
Not then, not ever. Then I had to have a real conversation with myself.
Well, when do you give up? When she’s married with three kids?
My spiral continued, and there wasn’t much I could do about it, so I just lived in a constant state of fuck. That was the best way I could describe it.
“Are you coming in, dear, or are you sitting out here for the entire morning?” Maggie appeared at my side.
“I’m not sure,” I told her honestly.
“I’ve been watching you these last few weeks.”
“I had no idea,” I said, arching an eyebrow at her words.
“You love her. You’re stupid, but you love her,” she said, no judgment in her undertone, only simple facts.
“I do.”
“Always?” The way her eyes roamed over me let me know that she would be able to tell fact from fiction
“In ways, I always have. I’ve always loved her. Her heart, her warmth, who she is down to her core. But I think I started to fall in love with her smile, her humor, the way she looks at Lionel. I don’t know exactly when it happened. Just that it did.”
“And this Caitlin girl?”
“I’d be wrong of me to call her a mistake, and it’s terrible of me to call her a revelation, but that’s what she was.”
“Sometimes, we take an unpaved path to get home. It’s not always pretty. In fact, it’s messy, but we still get home all the same, you know?”
“I do now.”
“And that’s what matters.” She looped her arm through mine and started walking toward the front, and I had no choice but to follow. “Everyone else should be here already. We’re late.”
“I didn’t know if I should go in.” I tried to stop walking, but for someone so small, she sure was strong.
“Please. We both know you guys are just delaying the inevitable…Besides, I have a proposition for you.” She pulled me close and started detailing her plan; how she did the leg work, how she watched the way Rosie spoke about her dates, how she spoke about me. And then she let me in on her secret.
“It is rude to be late and then stand outside while we are all waiting for you, no?” Jeanie flung open the door with gusto, causing us to create a wide birth from where we had just been whispering. “What is going on here?”
“Mind your business, Jeanie. I’m sure there’s something in that bag of yours for you.”
“I’m sure I have something in there for you, too, to lighten you up. Such an American.” In typical Jeanie fashion, she slammed the door in our faces. Maggie mumbled curses under her breath.
Walking in, I heard the sounds of book club before I could see everyone, and I was struck with how light the atmosphere was, how much I liked being there, with all of them. I saw Evelyn first, and I approached her. “How are the classes?”
“Oh, Wes! I was just telling Rosie how much fun it was to see you guys there last week. And I hope that you healed quickly…” Her eyes darted toward my crotch, and I felt the heat as it spread through my cheeks.
“Stop being a perv, Evelyn,” Orla said, and I looked next to her. All air left my lungs at Rosie, who was biting her lip, looking a little unsure of herself.
“Hey, Rosie.” I zeroed in on her and her alone, and the incessant chatter and bickering around us faded away. She was all I saw.
“Hi, Wesley.”
Orla started to fan herself. “Is it hot in here, or is it just you two?”
“Orla!” Meredith scolded.
“What? We aren’t in the library.” She threw her hands up, and I felt a nudge to my leg. I was immediately on guard, waiting for the inevitable pain of Lional catching skin, but shockingly, there was none.
I looked down, and he just rolled up next to me, craning his neck and head like he was waiting for treats.
“Well, I’ll be damned,” Maggie said.
“Language!” Meredith scolded again.
“We aren’t in the library,” Orla said once again, like we needed the reminder, but I was stuck on Lionel and the fact that he wasn’t trying to chomp on me.
“Oh my gosh. He is tearing up over a tortoise. This is too American for me.” A French accent rang out, and unfortunately, she wasn’t wrong. I was tearing up, and I was about to start panicking because I had forgotten Lionel's grapes in my car—I usually put them in my pocket before I came in.
A small hand slid in mine, and in it were carrots. Rosie was next to me. “Not his favorite, but that’s okay.”
What does this mean? Does this mean she is all in?
I held my hand out for Lionel to take the treats. After what I could only assume was mild annoyance at not getting a sweet treat this time, he started munching on my offering.
“Can we please go back to discussing Rosie’s last date, as well as her upcoming one?”
Upcoming one?
I froze at the words, and I felt the way Rosie’s body stiffened next to me. Maybe the carrots were exactly what they were: carrots. Maybe that was why she was looking at me out of the corner of her eye—because she didn’t know how to tell me.
“Date?” I choked out
“Yes! An adult prom. How cute is that?” Evelyn answered my question. Most of the women in the room kept silent as if assessing my reaction.
“When?” I barely managed to say.
“Next Saturday! He asked her last night, and said he thought it would be fun. Not to toot my own horn, but I think my guy’s the winner.” Orla boasted. There wasn’t enough air there for all of us.
“You don’t even know who my guy is yet…” Maggie pointed out.
“I forgot something at work…I need to, uh…go.” The room was about to start spinning, and I needed to get out of there.
I had laid my cards on the table, and Rosie had made the choice to move on.
I didn’t blame her—couldn’t blame her—but I needed to get out of there before I threw her over my shoulder, pinned her down, and made her realize why I was the right choice.
But it wasn’t about me and what I wanted; it was about what Rosie wanted, and it wasn’t me.
“The stud finders!” I heard from behind me as I started to stumble toward the front door, barely missing stepping on Lionel.
“Ew.”
Get out, get out, get out now.
“Wesley?” I heard Rosie behind me, but I was already halfway out the door, not wanting her to see me fall apart. Not wanting her to feel guilty for doing what she wanted. And that was to go to prom, with someone else.
And it was fine, even if I felt like my world was imploding.