29. Jenna
JENNA
M iles and I fall into a steady rhythm that feels unbelievably natural, considering I have only known him a little over a month.
Trauma Bangs Jenna would be suspicious, but this new Jenna feels too comfortable to be anything but blissfully naive.
The weeks slip by almost without me noticing.
Mornings blend into evenings, sun-warmed afternoons giving way to cooler nights.
I don’t have work until Wednesday this week, so on Monday, when Miles leaves for work, I take Pete for a long walk along the beach. I throw his ball for him, and he zooms back to me, happy as a lark. He is probably as thrilled to have the company as I am.
On Tuesday morning, we sip coffee in the kitchen before he leaves.
“I used to bring Pete to the office with me, but when I left for meetings, he started getting into trouble. So, I had to start leaving him home again. I’m sure he’s enjoying all the attention you’re giving him,” Miles says, pouring coffee into a travel mug.
“Well, it turns out I am enjoying his company too,” I say, leaning on the counter and smiling up at Miles. I’m not just talking about Pete.
“Want to come see me for lunch?” Miles asks hopefully.
The past two nights we’ve eaten dinner on his couch in front of Friends reruns that he swears he puts on just for me, even though we’re both cackling.
Then, once we wash the dishes and Miles takes Pete for a walk, we fall into bed and make love before drifting off, our limbs intertwined.
We stay that way most of the night, and each morning, I wake up to his breath on my neck.
It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, and I am fully aware I could end up with a broken heart.
“Maybe…” I drag out the word, playing coy. “I was going to stop by the house and see if Danny has made any progress.”
“I’ll meet you there around noon?” Miles suggests.
The way he’s looking at me is so comfortably familiar that I almost think I’m imagining it.
You always hear those stories about people who say they just knew the person was the one.
I don’t know what that feels like—hell, I haven’t been in a relationship since the last guy cheated on me.
But I am kind of wondering if that’s what this is?
A comfort, a stillness, that envelops you when you’re with the right person.
Nothing else in the world matters—not a caved-in roof, a ruined foundation, a lost job—because you have this person by your side to help get you through the hard stuff.
I bask in the feeling until rationality takes over, reminding me that I don’t really know Miles that well yet, as much as it feels that way.
“Jenna?” Miles breaks my thoughts. “You good? I lost you for a minute.”
I smile, shaking my head. “Sorry. I was daydreaming, I guess. What did you say?”
“I said, how about I meet you around noon at your house?” He raises an eyebrow.
“Sure. That sounds good,” I breathe, standing on my tiptoes to plant a kiss on his lips.
“I’ll see you then,” Miles murmurs against my lips, and the chill it sends through me makes me want to pull him back to the bedroom and convince him to stay home. He pulls back though and points at Pete. “Be good, boy.”
And then he’s gone, and I miss him already.
After walking Pete, I come back to the condo and bundle up.
The Jersey coast finally got the memo that autumn is in full swing.
I put on fleece-lined leggings and an oversized chunky sweater.
Then I settle next to Pete on the sofa that I’ve grown quite fond of.
It’s much softer than the scratchy vintage one in my house.
Pete joins me as I power up my laptop and log into my 401(k) account.
So far, Danny has been extremely accommodating and hasn’t billed me for a thing.
“I’ll put it on your tab,” he says every time I ask. I am growing tremendously uncomfortable with the idea of a tab, and I feel certain that the number is astronomical by now.
One plus is that I opened a 401(k) at twenty-two, when I got my first job after college, and I haven’t touched a dime of it in thirteen years.
Surely, I can take a minor tax hit rather than apply for a home equity loan.
After three failed password attempts, I finally log in.
That shows how often I’ve looked at it. Though I feel reassured that the number is in the mid-five figures.
Perhaps that’s enough to pay Danny what I owe him.
I call the account administrator, and after fifteen minutes on hold, I spend the next thirty learning how to make a hardship withdrawal.
I might actually be able to pay Danny without a massive tax hit.
Relief floods me, making me realize just how much stress I was carrying over this house.
I still don’t know if I’ll stay in Cape May, but it’s seeming more and more like a possibility.
Miles could get tired of me in another week and break things off, especially since I’m all but moved into his space.
But at least I won’t be leaving town owing Danny anything.
And if Miles doesn’t break things off? I’m starting to imagine myself here, with him.
Maybe I’ll start my own business in the place my parents loved.
It’s a lovely thought that I’m not letting go of yet.
I close my laptop and exhale. Pete lifts his big block head at the sound and puts it back down in my lap.
I ruffle his ears. “Oh, Pete,” I sigh. “What does my future hold?” To be honest, I haven’t been able to envision it much past these next few weeks.
I have been floundering without the responsibility of my mom to care for and a nine-to-five to go to every day.
I’ve been floating around. I think it’s time I put some thought into where I’d like to land. I think it’s here, but I’m scared.
Pete whines and licks my hand, prompting me to look at my watch. Shit! It’s noon. I’m going to be late meeting Miles.
“Sorry, Pete! I have to go meet your da—owner.” I scowl at myself. “I guess he’s your dog dad,” I admit with a smirk.
Pete sits up on his hind legs, looking at me over the couch as I slip into my Ugg ankle boots and jacket. He’s practically begging to come with me.
“Okay,” I relent. “Come on.”
Pete jumps excitedly off the couch and follows me to the front door. I slip his harness over his head, and he pulls me out the door and down the steps to the parking lot.
I laugh. “You riding shotgun?”
When we pull up to my house on Monarch Street, Danny, Miles, and Liam are standing in the front yard. From a distance, they seem to be just shooting the breeze, but as I get closer, I catch Miles's furrowed brow and the way all three men huddle over a notebook in Danny’s hands.
I hop out of the car and Pete follows me out the driver’s side, pulling me around the car to the front yard.
“I was getting worried about you,” Miles says, taking a step toward me and grabbing my hands. He moves closer, ignoring the guys, with a smoldering gaze that looks like he wants to carry me upstairs.
“Sorry,” I say, pecking his lips. “I was on the phone with my investment bank,” I murmur.
“Why?” Miles pulls back, studying my face.
I sigh and gesture toward Danny. “Because this place is a money pit, and I have to be able to pay for it.”
Danny and Liam look up from the notebook. “Hey, Jenna,” Danny says.
“Jenna.” Liam nods in my direction. Man of few words, that one.
“Hi, guys.” I step away from Miles and walk toward Danny. We all stand in a cluster. “Danny, I am ready for you to give me a bill,” I say definitively.
“Well, hold that thought,” Danny says cautiously. “We’ve got to go over some things.”
Fear envelops me just as quickly as relief did earlier. I should have known it was too good to last. “What’s wrong?”
Miles steps closer and puts his hand on my shoulder. “Nothing that we can’t work out, right guys?” Miles raises his eyebrows at his friends optimistically.
Danny clears his throat and licks his lips.
“The thing is, Jenna, when the ceiling caved in, it caused a ton of damage to the kitchen cabinets. Water got under the linoleum, so now the subfloor needs to be replaced. I have to take a more thorough look at the ceiling in the dining room and just outside the kitchen—it appears to be sagging in spots.” He hesitates, and I cut in.
“So, what you’re saying is…this is going to cost way more than I was expecting?” I wince.
“Well, you have a few options,” Miles interjects. “We could just list the house as is. You might get a decent price if we market the land and sell it to flippers or developers. A developer will come in, knock it down, and build two in its place.”
“Knock it down?” I repeat. I am unprepared for the sting of tears at the back of my eyes. I shake my head vigorously. “No. I don’t want that. I don’t want someone to come in here and tear it down.”
Miles groans, rubbing his palm down his face, his jaw ticks in frustration. But then he puts an arm around me, pulling me close and grounding me with the contact—reminding me that we’re in this together. “Okay. What else you got, Danny?”
Danny runs a hand through his hair then hands the notebook to Liam.
“The other thing is…and I don’t usually do this, but Miles really cares about you.
” He pauses when Miles elbows him and heat floods my cheeks, my eyes brimming with stubborn tears.
“You can finance through me. We’ll come up with a payment plan and finance what you can’t cover. ”
I take a breath, and then I can’t fight the tears anymore. I angrily bat at the one rolling down my face and sniffle. “I don’t know what to say,” I whisper. “This isn’t exactly what I signed up for when I came back here.”
“It’s okay,” Danny says soothingly.
Miles says nothing, and panic rises in my chest again. What seemed doable only an hour ago now seems insurmountable. I pass Pete’s leash to Miles. “I need a minute,” I say, rushing past the three dumbfounded men.
I think I hear Liam tell Miles to come after me, but he doesn’t. I retreat upstairs to my room and pace.
What am I going to do? I never planned on staying here.
I didn’t ask for this house. I suck in rapid, shallow breaths, panic rising like bile, burning my throat.
My chest is constricting, suffocation creeping in.
I walk over to the dresser and pick up a photograph in a tarnished gold frame.
It’s me with my parents at the Washington Street Mall.
We’re all holding swirled ice cream cones, grinning at the camera.
We took this photo right after we bought the house.
“What do I do, Daddy?” I whisper to the picture.
My dad’s memory comes and goes in my mind, after all, I was only nine when I lost him.
But what I remember most about him is that he always knew what to do. Much like Miles.
Miles is another problem. I wasn’t planning on staying, but in just a matter of weeks, he feels like my partner.
And yet I’m up here, freaking the hell out, and he didn’t come after me.
I let out an involuntary wail and crouch down on the floor against the dresser.
Burying my face in my arms, I succumb to big, heaving sobs.
A moment later, the construction noise stops, distracting me from my meltdown.
I hear a few voices and then footsteps up the wooden staircase.
My door creaks, and when I look up, there he is.
Leaning in the doorway, Miles meets my gaze and his expression clouds with compassion and concern.
He doesn’t wait for me to invite him in.
He rushes to me, sits down next to me, and folds me in his arms. He brushes my hair off my damp face and kisses the crown of my head.
“Shh,” he whispers. “I’m right here.”