CHAPTER 20
Asher
S omething is definitely off with Olivia. I can sense it. I could feel it in the kitchen after dinner. An uneasy emotion runs through me as I say goodnight and thank-you to the Ashbys for having me.
“Hey, Olivia,” Hunter calls now. “If you’re looking for a fun night, hit me up. I’ll get you and some friends good seats at the Buckshaw.”
He’s talking about the rodeo outside Lexington coming up, and the idea of her sitting in the stands, cheering for him with a cowboy hat on, sends an unexpected rage through me that I’m having a hard time swallowing down. Get it together.
“Thank you,” she answers politely, giving him a friendly hug goodbye. “Summer is so busy for me and my shop, but maybe another time.”
“Sure you guys can’t stay?” Cole asks, excited to put on his fireworks display. “Mabes should be back any second, and I’ve got the whole show set up.”
Fucking guy is wearing a red, white, and blue hat that says, Fireworks director, I duck, you duck.
“I’m tired, and I have some … kitchen stuff to go over with Asher,” Olivia offers. I look down at her.
Huh?
“And I’ve got an early start tomorrow,” I say. “I’ll just walk Liv home then head out.”
I shake Cole’s hand and wave to everyone else, a feeling of dread settling deep in my stomach.
As we leave the big house, I follow close behind Olivia down the steps and along the Silver Pines gravel walkway that leads past the main barns to the cabins.
The night is quiet, and the sky is a deep, velvet navy, lit up with a thousand stars.
My mind drifts as we walk. There’s really no place like this ranch.
It’s the farthest cry from the place I grew up.
Not just because of the breathtaking scenery but because of the peace it affords.
I watch Olivia pull the scarf from her hair.
As she prattles on nervously—about the food Jo put on, the Black brothers, the next day at her shop and how busy she’s expecting it to be—I realize a world like the one I came from is one she could never even imagine.
The whole walk, she never stops talking. And by the time we reach the cabins, I’ve had enough. I stop dead in the middle of the road and she follows suit, turning to face me.
“What’s wrong, Liv?”
“How do you know something is wrong?”
“You have a tell.” My eyes lock to her baby blues. “You talk. ”
“Nothing’s wrong. I mean something is going on, but I just don’t know whether you’ll think it’s a bad thing or a good thing—”
“ Olivia, ” I say firmly in an attempt to stop her spinning in circles.
Her eyes flutter closed as she sucks in a breath. What the fuck is going—
“I’m pregnant,” she says so quickly the words are barely audible. “I haven’t, I mean, there’s been no one else since you, or long before you …”
Olivia is rambling but her words fade as the first firework ignites in the sky with a loud crackle and two or three more follow close behind.
Though I don’t properly register them as my heart stutters out.
Hell, it feels like it stops dead with a heavy iron thud in my chest. I try to focus on Liv and what she’s saying, but my mind is working to process the situation.
It was supposed to be one night. No strings.
No chance of exposing her to any part of my past life that could fuck with her future.
The screams that haunt me, the screams of my mother as she died at the hands of my father, fill my head. They normally only creep in when it’s silent, but they invade my brain as I consider what this all means. Those screams get louder when men in my family get close to a woman.
“You’re … pregnant ?” I repeat her words, making sure I’m not fucking losing it.
She nods, clutching her hands in front of her as worry fills her eyes. I’m always careful and I’m sure she is too, but we weren’t with each other. Suddenly, everything I’ve done up until this moment in my life feels pointless. I let the word replay in my head over and over. Pregnant.
Another firework goes off, and Olivia gestures to her door as pink and blue sparkles light up the sky.
“Maybe, um … we should go inside to talk?” She turns to walk up the steps, barely getting the words out before the next set of fireworks explode.
I snap out of my momentary lapse of shock and force myself to move, following close behind her into her cabin. She sets her purse down on the bench in the doorway and heads to the kitchen to fill a glass with water, but my feet are cemented to the floor.
“There is no pressure here,” she continues. “I just thought you should know. I hope you believe me when I say I had no idea this would happen. I was on the birth control shot and I was faithful with it.”
“Olivia …” I finally manage to get out, though it’s like she doesn’t hear me.
“I’m totally capable of having this baby on my own, and I’m not telling you this to force you to be involved, but I’m thinking—” She tucks a piece of her wavy hair behind her ear then brings her eyes back to mine. Christ, she’s so beautiful.
“I want to keep the baby, Asher,” she finally says, her brows pinched in determination.
My spine tingles and my heart thunders in my chest. I never saw myself with a child. My father was a fucking terrible parent, and my childhood was a total shit show. I have no idea how to be an example for another human, but somehow, in this moment, I know that I want Olivia to have my baby.
A few seconds pass, but it feels like hours as Olivia rambles on. “I hope you can understand, I’m the only home this baby has. I’m being pulled … toward the all-consuming light.”
“The light?” My eyes snap to hers. “Of being a mom.”
She smiles softly with a shrug as a thousand images run through my head.
Olivia’s face in the early hours of the morning as she rocks in the soft overstuffed chair that sits in the corner of my bedroom, her belly swelling with our baby.
Her soft copper hair tied back in a long braid, flying out behind her as she chases our child through the grass.
They make me feel as though the air is being stolen from my lungs.
“Anyhow.” She straightens up now, setting her glass down on the coffee table. “I know this is a lot to take in, and I only found out yesterday. There are still a million things I have to do.”
She places a hand on her curvy hip and all I can think about is how soft they felt under my fingers.
“I have to go back to the doctor next week, and I need to tell my parents. But I’ve got lots of support, and you don’t need to worry. I don’t want anything from you … for me. ”
“Olivia—”
“I want to keep this totally uncomplicated. Make the baby our priority.”
It’s as though she doesn’t even register that I am here.
The few feet of space between us feels too vast, and I fight the urge to close it.
All I want to do is take her into my arms for one minute, to give in and breathe in the sugary scent of her hair.
And fuck it, she’s carrying my baby. So I do.
And this action finally has her falling quiet as I press my lips to the top of her head and find my center and allow myself to listen to the steady staccato of our heartbeats.
“You’re not doing anything alone,” I reassure her, holding her tighter. “Understand?”
A whole host of emotions, ones that I try my hardest to always keep at bay, run through me and I can’t get close to getting a handle on them.
Shock. Because this is the last fucking thing I expected her to tell me tonight.
Fear. Because, holy fuck, I have no idea how I’m going to keep her and our child safe from the darkness of my family’s shadow.
And strength. Because no matter what it takes, I will keep them safe. I have to.
Fuck, if I’m this much of a mess, I can’t imagine how she feels.
I kiss her head through her hair again, lingering this time as I hear a tiny sob escape her throat. Animal instinct to take all that fear away kicks in.
“It’s gonna be okay, Liv. This is …” I push her hair from her face.
“Unexpected?” She laughs, staring up at me.
“Fuck yeah, it is,” I admit. “But we’ve got this. You and me.”
Her fists tighten against my T-shirt and then she’s pushing back, swiping at her tears. I give her some space.
“I don’t want us to be a burden to you,” she says with sad, pleading eyes.
Burden? The fuck?
“And I’m not asking for any kind of commitment to me, ” she continues. “But if you want to be involved with the baby, I need a dad who will show up every damn time.”
It hits me square in the chest that Olivia thinks I could actually leave her high and dry.
I lift her chin to meet her gaze pointedly.
“So that we’re clear, you could never be a burden. And if this is what you want, I’m in. All in,” I tell her honestly. “From the get-go. The doctor, your parents. All of it. I have no idea how to be a … father—” I stop. The word feels foreign in my mouth.
“I have no idea how to be a mother,” Olivia offers as tears spill over onto her cheeks. I can’t help but reach out and wipe them away for her.
“Aye, that’s why we’re given months to prepare, to learn.”
I take her hand. I can’t help myself. This woman is carrying my child, so fuck it. I bring her wrist up to my lips to kiss it.
“What do we do now?” she asks helplessly.
I let my thumb trace her cheek, and stare deep into her pretty blue eyes.
“I don’t have a fucking clue,” I say bluntly, and she laughs. “But I promise, I won’t let you down, Livi girl.”
She drinks me in, and the way I want to kiss her right now is almost crushing.
That heavy line between us, the one I keep between me and everyone, has faded just a little, overshadowed by the tether between us.
It’s clouding my judgment and logic, but although it’s unnatural, there’s a peace in letting someone in, even if it’s only temporary.
“I’m here. In any way you need me.” I sound a lot more confident than I feel, but I’m running on adrenaline right now and Olivia needs me to be the strong one.
She smiles up at me and the look softens the knot in my chest. “Well, um, I should probably tell you the next appoint ment is an ultrasound. They’ll measure the baby and confirm my due date, which is currently February seventh.”
We look at each other for a beat, letting this … twist of fate settle between us.
Olivia’s eyes are glass, and I think of what she’s been through over the last few days, having to deal with this alone.
I can’t help myself; I say nothing as I pull her to my chest again and she hums a little sigh.
It’s been too long since I last held her in my arms, but those weeks evaporate between us now.
“How are you feeling … physically?” I ask, realizing maybe I should’ve asked that first.
Olivia shrugs as she tilts her head to me. “Nauseous, a little lightheaded. Been living on Sour Patch Kids to curb the nausea.”
“Lightheaded? Christ …” It hits me how much more clumsy pregnancy could make her. “We’re gonna have to get you some bubble wrap to wear. For the baby’s safety.”
The baby. My heart thuds against my rib cage and I’m instantly hot.
Olivia swats at me, backing up. “Screw you …” She thinks for a beat, then smiles “Maybe you’re right.”
We both laugh. And then our eyes lock.
“So maybe we should, um … spend some time together? Get to know each other?” she asks hesitantly. It’s fucking adorable how timid she gets when she’s nervous.
“Yes. We should,” I agree because I’m fucking hopeless when it comes to saying no to her. If that’s part of the deal, I want it.
Fuck do I want it.
I watch as she heads over to take a seat on the sofa. I sit beside her, leaning back and running a hand through my hair. This is all so overwhelming, and I need a second before I go off half-cocked and ask her to move in with me. Which actually doesn’t sound like such a bad idea …
“I have no misconceptions about what this is, just so you know,” she says, extending a hand out for shaking. “No casual sex in bathroom stalls. Just friends.”
The formality of her offer is almost funny given she came all over my cock mere weeks ago and is now growing my child.
Yet, I take her small hand in mine and nod.
I need to be her partner, and she needs to feel in control when this situation feels so out of control.
I don’t want to do anything to fuck this up.
But that doesn’t mean I can forget the way we feel together.
Her blue eyes start to heat as they trace my face.
I set her hand down in her lap. Friends.
I do my best to drill that word into my head, though I can still feel the heat from her skin burning into mine. The sound of both my radio and my cell vibrating in my pocket makes us both flinch.
“There’s that firework catastrophe,” she says with a shy smile. “Hopefully it’s not Cole.”
I pull my phone out of my pocket and read the message there. “Not Cole, but fuck, I have to go.”
Everything begs me to stay as she nods, though I don’t make to move.
“I’m fine,” she tells me. I pull her close again before glancing down to her stomach, where my son or daughter lives inside of her.
My hand hovers over the area but she nods, so I press it against her, almost covering her lower belly with my palm, and I swear to Christ I feel the life in her.
My eyes meet hers and the corners of her mouth tug up. Fucking beautiful.
“Um … so, I’ll text you tomorrow?” She tucks her hair behind her ear and it takes everything in me to turn and head for the door, the pull between my job and her is unimaginable in this moment.
“Yup. Night then, you two.” I test the waters. Her mouth falls slack before pulling up into a small smile as she puts her hands in her dress pockets.
“Night, Asher. Thanks for being so great about this.”
I nod in response as I force myself to walk through that door.
Making it to my truck at the main house, I climb inside, start up the engine, then lean my forehead against the wheel to take a breath as the guys at the station radio to say they’re already almost at the scene. Good men.
When I pulled up here tonight I was a single man with no family, a past I try my hardest to forget, and the only person I had to keep safe was myself.
Everything in my life was tightly controlled and I at least had a fighting chance of keeping my distance from the woman I can’t and never have been able to stop thinking about.
My heart gallops in my chest as I start to drive to the scene of the fire.
Now we’re tied and bonded forever, and I have no fucking clue how to navigate that because I am not the man she wanted for the father of her child.
And the biggest, most glaring question is how the fuck am I supposed to stop myself from wanting to keep her now?