CHAPTER 28
Olivia
“ T his may feel a little cold, Olivia,” Dr. Allen says as the chilly gel hits my abdomen. “We’ll try the ultrasound like this. Sometimes, at this stage, we need to do them transvaginal. But let’s see.”
I’ve already been here for almost an hour and have had a full physical while Asher’s waited in the other room.
They’ve drawn blood and asked me a million questions about my preferences and whether I’d like to take advantage of the midwifery program this clinic has.
It offers a more natural approach during labor and delivery.
Asher knocks as he enters the room with a nurse just as Dr. Allen is spreading the gel.
“You must be the dad?” she says to him with a friendly smile.
I watch Asher’s throat work into a hard swallow. He nods as I try to place the look he’s wearing. If I had to guess, I would say it’s a mix of protectiveness and pride.
“Well, come on over then. You’re just in time for the show.”
I wince as Dr. Allen presses the wand with more pressure into my abdomen.
“Ugh … that doesn’t help me forget how much I have to pee.” I squeeze my eyes shut and Dr. Allen laughs as I feel Asher slide his hand over mine. It’s big and warm and instantly settles my nerves.
“Oh, here we are,” Dr. Allen says as I squint at the screen. Smack in the center of what looks like a big black hole is a little peanut-shaped being.
“Is … that him?” Emotion creeps up my throat faster than I could have ever prepared for.
“Possibly.” She chuckles as she continues the slide of the wand. “Or her.”
Asher squeezes my hand as he side-eyes me and everything hits all at once. My throat feels thick, like I just ate something really sweet, and I’m having a hard time swallowing as tears flood my eyes.
“And there, that little fluttering right in the center?” She points to the screen. “That’s your baby’s heartbeat. Looks strong too, measuring …” She takes a second. “About one hundred and sixty-four beats per minute.”
I watch in sheer fascination as four little nubs move when the peanut does.
“ Fuuuck, ” Asher breathes out, his eyes glued to the image.
I start to laugh, turning to face him. “You took the words right outta my mouth.”
I’ve never seen him look like this. He’s beaming as he leans down to brush a tear from my cheek.
“Look what we made, Livi girl,” he rasps. “Look what we made.” His words are almost a whisper as he kisses my forehead.
“You’re measuring nine weeks and one day, which means your due date will stay the same at February seventh. If you’re a little late, maybe a Valentine’s baby.” Dr. Allen grins as she clicks away on her computer.
“Is that normal? To go past your due date?” I ask.
“Very. Especially with your first baby.” She’s still moving the wand over my abdomen, but I don’t feel the immense way I need to pee, or the fear that should be creeping up my throat at the thought of growing a whole person inside me. Because I’m utterly high in a fog of baby bliss.
“Everything looks great. Let me get you a picture and we’ll schedule you another appointment once you’ve had some time to consider if you’d like to utilize our midwifery services.”
I turn my eyes back to the screen for one more look before Dr. Allen swipes the wand off my belly and hands me a paper towel to soak up the gel.
“I can give you some of their pamphlets, and if you do want to use them, I’ll work hand in hand with the service. Ours is a unique clinic here, so you’re in good hands.”
It’s a lot of information to take in at once, so I just nod and hope Asher is listening.
My mind is on the human inside me, and maybe I’m also a little lost to the man tucking his photo into his shirt pocket like it’s his most prized possession, still firmly holding my hand and looking down at me like the proudest dad ever.
The rest of the day passes in a blur. Asher brings me back to my cabin before he heads down to the police station to discuss an accident he was present at this morning.
Once inside, I pin my ultrasound to the fridge; Dr. Allen printed one for each of us, and as I make myself a grilled cheese sandwich and heat up some of Glenda’s homemade minestrone soup, I get lost in the little black-and-white peanut stuck to the stainless steel, in the hundreds of visions of our future, allowing myself to imagine who he or she will be.
I’m still in my bliss when a text comes through from my mother, reminding me of our planned dinner.
The one where I’m supposed to tell them I’m pregnant.
I think about Asher’s words, that he wanted to come with me. I know he’s off tomorrow, and the idea of him being there makes me feel a little stronger.
ME
Did you mean what you said? About coming with me to tell my parents?
A
Of course.
ME
What if I told you that they want us to go out for dinner tomorrow and that they will ask you a hundred questions, probably stare at you and make you entirely uncomfortable, and it’s highly likely my dad will ask if you’re planning to marry me.
A
Stop spiraling, Liv. I can almost feel your nervous energy through the phone.
ME
They want to go to Dolcetto’s.
A
I love Italian.
He’s not even slightly nervous, but I am here sweating with the thought of telling them.
ME
They won’t be expecting you is all.
A
A man?
ME
No you. The mysterious and rather intimidating town fire chief.
A
It will be fine, Liv.
A
Just tell me what time and I’ll be there.
I close out his chat and pull up my mom’s, chewing my bottom lip as I type. Once I send this text, there is no going back.
ME
Dolcetto’s it is.
ME
Also don’t freak out or make a big deal. But I’m bringing someone.
“ Fuckity, fuck fuck! ” I bite out after I send the message and stare at the ultrasound photo.
There’s no going back now. It’s time to tell my parents they’re about to level up to grandparents.