Chapter Twenty-Five
Morgan
I sat in the kitchen staring at the coffee cup in my hands. I wasn’t as strong as Grace. I couldn’t give up coffee. I called and talked to Claudia; I trusted her completely. I told her about my last pregnancy and what happened, and about the ultrasound I’d already had.
She assured me coffee had nothing to do with it, and as long as I wasn’t hooking up an IV to the coffeepot, a cup or two a day was fine.
Only, I couldn’t bring myself to drink more than a few sips before the bitter taste felt like acid in my stomach. I still hadn’t told my father I was here, so Rian was wandering around the clubhouse. Jude had put him to work running the perimeter.
I hadn’t told my brother either.
I stared at my phone on the table and thought about calling him. But every time I chickened out. Zombie had told me what happened when my father showed up with Uncle Mac. I understood why he did it, but it still made me angry.
“That’s not good for the baby,” a woman’s voice said as she walked by the table. “If there is one,” she sneered.
My eyes locked on hers as I lifted the cup to my lips and took a drink.
“Lying bitch,” she muttered. “It won’t work, you know. I’m still in his bed every night.”
The entire clubhouse knew I wasn’t sharing a room with Jude, so it didn’t surprise me that this whore was trying to start shit. I knew she was lying, but I kept my mouth shut and smiled.
I’d learned enough watching the old ladies in Rosewood. Bailey had taught me to always let them swing first. So I kept my mouth shut and waited.
Another one of the whores walked in and her eyes went from Jenna to me. “Everything okay?” she asked.
“No. This bitch needs to know her place,” Jenna snarled.
The other woman, whose name I thought was Misty, shook her head. “She’s Chasm’s old lady, Jenna. You know the rules.”
“Where’s her cut then?”
My cut was in the closet in my room. I wasn’t sure why I’d packed it when I left Rosewood to go to New Orleans, but I had it with me.
“I don’t know, but you’re fucking stupid if you try anything with her.” Misty lowered her voice. “Don’t forget, she’s pregnant.”
“Maybe,” Jenna said, her eyes dropping to the coffee in my hand. I lifted the cup and took another drink, my eyes never leaving hers. My stomach protested the liquid, but I’d be damned if I let her see me vulnerable.
“You’re pushing your limit,” Misty said. “Prez has already threatened to throw your ass out. You pick a fight with his old lady and you’re gone for sure.”
“Interesting,” I said, ignoring the old lady comment. “I wouldn’t think the president would throw out the whore who’s in his bed every night.”
Misty turned my way, but my focus was on Jenna and calling her bluff.
“Prez doesn’t have anyone in his bed,” Misty said, confusion marring her brow.
“Misty, shut the fuck up. He doesn’t want anyone to know.”
“Know what?” she asked Jenna.
“About us. He said to keep it quiet.” Then she tipped her head in my direction. Misty looked at me, then back to Jenna, before she threw her head back and laughed.
“You’re such a fucking liar,” she told Jenna.
“Bitch!” she hissed at Misty before walking out of the room.
“Watch out for her; she’ll be coming for you next,” I said as I stood and dumped the rest of my coffee in the sink before I rinsed the cup and placed it in the dishwasher.
“What do you know about it?” she asked. “The rumor is, you were never a part of the club when you were married.”
“I wasn’t. But my friends are all old ladies in Virginia. I know how it works.”
“Is that why you didn’t engage with her?”
“No, I didn’t engage because Jude and I are not together. He’s free to sleep with whoever he wants.”
I left the room with those words in the air. I placed a hand on my stomach, trying to stem the nausea they caused as I said them out loud.
I went downstairs to my workroom. When I got there, my heart sank. Someone had smashed all my bowls along with the jars that held the herbs, which were now littered across the floor.
The few lotions I had made were smeared on the one wall that wasn’t lined with shelves. I knew the only reason they weren’t tipped over was because they had been bolted to the wall.
I couldn’t hold back the tears. I knew who had done it. I just didn’t know if it had been before or after she’d confronted me in the kitchen. She wanted my husband, despite the fact that he’d made it clear he didn’t want her.
That was the real reason I hadn’t engaged. Zombie had explained about Jenna. Assuring me Jude had never touched her, or any of the whores.
Deep down, I knew I should tell him about this, but I wouldn’t run to him. I was a big girl, and I was here until the baby was born. Jenna and the others would get the hint eventually, that Jude and I were done.
I stepped around the mess and grabbed the broom to start cleaning. I could have asked the prospects to do it, but they would tell Jude.
No, this was my mess to clean up.
That was exactly what I did as I started mentally making a list of everything that needed to be replaced.
I knocked on the doors to church and waited for Jude to answer. When he did, I opened the door and walked in. I still wasn’t sure I should be in here.
“Jude?”
His head popped up, and he smiled.
“Hi.” He got up from his desk and walked around it to meet me by the door. “Come in, babe.”
“I’m fine.” I tried to wave him away, but he grabbed my hand and pulled me further into the room. “I really shouldn’t be in here.”
“Nonsense. When we aren’t having church, this is my office.”
“You don’t have a separate office?” I asked, looking at all the papers on his desk. “How do you keep things private?”
“The only people allowed in here are brothers.”
“That’s what I thought.” I turned to go, but he held onto my hand.
“And my old lady.”
My eyes snapped to his. “I’m not your old lady.”
“You are,” he corrected.
“We aren’t married anymore, Jude.”
He leaned against the table and pulled me closer until I was standing between his legs.
And I let him.
God help me, I let him hold my hand and pull me closer until I was pressed against him.
“We might not be married in the eyes of the law anymore, but as far as the MC is concerned, you are still my old lady.” His hands went to my hips, and mine had a mind of their own and went to his chest. I felt the puckered skin beneath his shirt and frowned.
“Does it still hurt?” I asked as I stared at his chest, knowing I’d seen him rubbing the scars through his shirt.
“Phantom pain,” he said quietly. “When I let my emotions get the better of me, my mind remembers the pain.”
I looked up into his eyes before dropping my gaze to his mouth. I had no control when it came to Jude. It was why I tried to stay away from him.
“What did you need, babe?”
“Huh?” I asked, looking into his eyes again.
“You knocked on the door; I assume you needed something.”
“Oh, yeah,” I said, backing out of his embrace. I couldn’t think straight with his hands on me. “I have a doctor’s appointment today. I wanted to let you know. I can have Rian take me—”
“The fuck he will,” Jude growled as he stood and walked toward me. “I’ll take you. And I’m coming in with you too.”
“That isn’t neces—”
“Morgan,” he said, placing a finger over my lips. “I want to be there. For everything.”
“Okay,” I whispered. “It’s in an hour.”
“Go get ready, and we’ll stop and get lunch afterwards.” He slapped my butt as he walked by, heading back to his desk.
I was so caught off guard that I didn’t say anything about lunch. I turned and left the room, my head dazed by the way he touched me. The way he looked at me. The way he said everything. Like I was the everything he wanted.
But I knew better. He’d left me in Rosewood. As soon as he knew my father and brother were coming, he ran like a coward. It wasn’t the first time, and I knew it wouldn’t be the last.
The ride to the doctor’s office was quiet as I stared out the window of Jude’s truck. Everything looked the same, and memories from the four years I lived here flashed through my head.
The day I met Jude.
Our first date.
My first ride on his motorcycle, pressed against his back.
The day he died.
The day our son died.
He reached over and took my hand. He didn’t say a word, and I knew he was feeling what I was.
Fear, but also hope.
We were in new territory here. The last time I was pregnant, we hadn’t even made it to the first appointment. I knew what to expect because of the appointment I had in New Orleans.
Jude was going in blind.
That was why I let him hold my hand. Why I held his a little tighter than I should have.
That was what I told myself, anyway.
It wasn’t because I was afraid the doctor was wrong. Or that something had happened between then and now. I was three months pregnant and, aside from the coffee tasting bitter no matter how much sugar I added, I hadn’t had any morning sickness.
We pulled up in front of the brick building, and Jude turned off the vehicle.
“You ready?” he asked.
I looked over at him. “Are you?”
“No. I’m fucking terrified.”
I gave him a sad smile. “Me too.”
I waited for him to open my door, knowing if I didn’t, he’d chastise me, and right now I needed us to be united. There was no death, no loss, no history between us right now.
It was just today.
This appointment.
This baby.
He held my hand as we walked inside. I gave my name to the woman at the desk, and then we sat down and waited for my name to be called.
After few minutes of silence, the nurse called my name. Jude stood with me and I looked at him.
“Um, I need you to wait here.”
“Why?”
“Because there are aspects to this appointment that you don’t need to be a part of.”
“I want to be a part of everything, Morgan. I told you.”
“Jude, you can’t come in yet. I’ll have the nurse come get you after the exam before we hear the heartbeat.”
“No. I’m coming with you.”
I stared at the set of his jaw, the hardness in his eyes that said he wouldn’t give in. I could have had the nurse tell him. Could have made sure he stayed out here.
But I didn’t.
“Promise me you won’t freak out.”
“Why? What’s wrong?” His panicked voice raised my heart rate.
“Nothing is wrong. But if you are coming in there with me, you need to promise me that you will sit quietly in the corner and not say a word.”
“I promise.”
“I mean it, Jude.”
“Baby, I promise.”
“Miss Delany?”
I expelled the breath I was holding and nodded. “Okay, let’s go.”
We followed the nurse to the exam room, and she handed me the gown.
“Take everything off and put this on please. The doctor will be in to see you in just a few minutes.”
When she left the room, Jude asked, “Why do you have to get naked?”
Closing my eyes, I sighed. I knew this was a bad idea.